Advicd on Non-Christian Friendships

[anothergirl2222]

I'm a YA, and recently have found myself trying to get closer to God. I noticed I can easily be influenced by certain friendships, specially with non-christians (compared to the past).

Away from home (abroad), it's easy to get carried away. But I have been feeling empty whenever I am with these friends, who only talk about sex, party, and so on. Being with my church friends makes me feel more light in a way. And some non-Christian friends too, but not these ones in particular. Also, one is my roommate, so I am always in contact, until my contract ends.

I don't want to be disrespectful, and I want to be used by God. Yet, should I maintain these friendships or let them go and leave it to God without me being there? It'll hurt to let go, but it's hurting me to stay, right?

 

[Magenta]

Welcome!

 

[andy700700]

Philippians 4:6-7
New International Version
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Proverbs 12:26
New International Version
26 The righteous choose their friends carefully,
but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

Proverbs 13:20
New International Version
20 Walk with the wise and become wise,
for a companion of fools suffers harm.

 

[Suze]

I'm a YA, and recently have found myself trying to get closer to God. I noticed I can easily be influenced by certain friendships, specially with non-christians (compared to the past).

Away from home (abroad), it's easy to get carried away. But I have been feeling empty whenever I am with these friends, who only talk about sex, party, and so on. Being with my church friends makes me feel more light in a way. And some non-Christian friends too, but not these ones in particular. Also, one is my roommate, so I am always in contact, until my contract ends.

I don't want to be disrespectful, and I want to be used by God. Yet, should I maintain these friendships or let them go and leave it to God without me being there? It'll hurt to let go, but it's hurting me to stay, right?

I don't know what a YA is I'm so sorry . Most of my friends and family r not Christians . I love them but , there is always that barrier between us . I can't talk about the things that really matter to me with them and they talk a lot about things that don't matter to me . Remember that where u r now is only temporary , also remember that u r to b polite and kind to everyone , not judgemental or aloof . Just b your honest and true Christian self , they will realise that u r different to them and if it bothers them they will move away from u , or they might ask u about your faith or , they might just accept u for who u r , which is what u have to do with them. Sometimes in life we r thrown together with unbelievers , that's the way of the world and we can't always avoid it . Stay true to your God but don't push people away , u may b having a good influence on them and u don't even realise it . Let God's love shine through u and touch them , if they don't like it , they will drift away from u . This kind of thing is going to happen to u throughout all the days of your life so u have to learn to navigate it . Remember that u r in a much better position in life , u r able to talk to the God of all creation . Take pity upon them because they r in this world , without any faith or comfort . Were u always a Christian ? I wasn't until my mid / late twenties so , I remember how hard this life was when I was in the world without any knowledge of God . That's how they r now . They don't have the comfort and strength that u get from knowing how much God loves u . B kind and generous and merciful to them . One day they may know the Truth just as u do . Jesus died for them also , they just don't know it yet .

 

[anothergirl2222]

I don't know what a YA is I'm so sorry . Most of my friends and family r not Christians . I love them but , there is always that barrier between us . I can't talk about the things that really matter to me with them and they talk a lot about things that don't matter to me . Remember that where u r now is only temporary , also remember that u r to b polite and kind to everyone , not judgemental or aloof . Just b your honest and true Christian self , they will realise that u r different to them and if it bothers them they will move away from u , or they might ask u about your faith or , they might just accept u for who u r , which is what u have to do with them. Sometimes in life we r thrown together with unbelievers , that's the way of the world and we can't always avoid it . Stay true to your God but don't push people away , u may b having a good influence on them and u don't even realise it . Let God's love shine through u and touch them , if they don't like it , they will drift away from u . This kind of thing is going to happen to u throughout all the days of your life so u have to learn to navigate it . Remember that u r in a much better position in life , u r able to talk to the God of all creation . Take pity upon them because they r in this world , without any faith or comfort . Were u always a Christian ? I wasn't until my mid / late twenties so , I remember how hard this life was when I was in the world without any knowledge of God . That's how they r now . They don't have the comfort and strength that u get from knowing how much God loves u . B kind and generous and merciful to them . One day they may know the Truth just as u do . Jesus died for them also , they just don't know it yet .

Thank you so much for your kind advice!

YA means Young Adult.

Yes, I've always been Christian. But I used to live in a more conservative country in their manner of living and sharing things than my own home country. So, meeting people from my country abroad, sometimes I get cultural shock about how explicit their lives is, and despite growing upa Christian, I still don't know how to not come across as judgemental. Or if I should let them drift away, if that's what God wants.

I've neen praying about it a lot, and will see how it plays out. In the meantime, I'll avoid going to these parties or hang outs that are not glorifying God. I think, I get more affected by their influence than they do with mine these days.

 

[andy700700]

Matthew 12:46-50
New International Version
46 While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. 47 Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.”
48 He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” 49 Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. 50 For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

Matthew 5:16
New International Version
16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

Matthew 13:24-30
New International Version
24 Jesus told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. 25 But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. 26 When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared.
27 “The owner’s servants came to him and said, ‘Sir, didn’t you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?’
28 “‘An enemy did this,’ he replied.
“The servants asked him, ‘Do you want us to go and pull them up?’
29 “‘No,’ he answered, ‘because while you are pulling the weeds, you may uproot the wheat with them. 30 Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn.’”

 

[andy700700]

Proverbs 17:28
New International Version
28 Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent,
and discerning if they hold their tongues.

Proverbs 18:21
New International Version
21 The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Matthew 7:1-3
New International Version
7 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?

 

[passion84god]

I've neen praying about it a lot, and will see how it plays out. In the meantime, I'll avoid going to these parties or hang outs that are not glorifying God. I think, I get more affected by their influence than they do with mine these days.

This portion of scripture came to mind when I read your comments:

1 Peter 4:1-5
​

1 Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin;

2 That he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh to the lusts of men, but to the will of God.

3 For the time past of our life may suffice us to have wrought the will of the Gentiles, when we walked in lasciviousness, lusts, excess of wine, revellings, banquetings, and abominable idolatries:

4 Wherein they think it strange that ye run not with them to the same excess of riot, speaking evil of you:

5 Who shall give account to him that is ready to judge the quick and the dead.

Verse 2 pretty much sums up the challenge that we all face in this life. Will we live for the lusts or desires of men, or will we live according to the will of God? Choosing to live for God will pretty much always lead to some sort of suffering in the flesh, but this is the mind of Christ that we all need to embrace. Like it says in verse 4, the people you are now associating with will initially think it strange that you are not joining them in their carnal lusts or excessive riotings, but your separation from those types of things may help to lead them out of that darkness and into the light.​

 

[Maestro]

Very difficult being young in this day and age but I was involved with a chapter of hells angels in my youth and most of them ended up in prison.
A few years later I by the grace of God became a born again Christian and my bad friends I distanced myself from them but never gave up on them.
My family started to call me preacher and kept my normal friends otherwise how can they hear the Gospel and believe me they see the change in you and that’s a good thing.
Many Christians only meet other Christians and go to Church or Christian events and feel safe but never grow.
Christians should be a whiteness to the unbeliever scary but God gives you the strength and you have the Holy Spirit inside you and will guide you throughout your life as salvation to unbelievers is the most important thing as there is no second chance if you are dead.
My father was saved but non of my relatives are, my best non Christian friend and my manager of a music shop I ran had his breakfast drove to town and jumped off a very high road bridge for no apparent reason as I spoke to him two days earlier and he was fine.
I have known a lot of suicides and for very little reason so every non believer needs the saving grace of Jesus but if nobody tells them we are doing something wrong.
Today when people don’t actually meet each other in person but are always on their phones or iPads ( and I am one of them) so much communication instant access to false information it is hard but all prophesy has been fulfilled up to the rapture so time is short.

 

[Tall_Timbers]

Welcome, anothergirl2222!

 

[Kainos]

I'm a YA, and recently have found myself trying to get closer to God. I noticed I can easily be influenced by certain friendships, specially with non-christians (compared to the past).

Away from home (abroad), it's easy to get carried away. But I have been feeling empty whenever I am with these friends, who only talk about sex, party, and so on. Being with my church friends makes me feel more light in a way. And some non-Christian friends too, but not these ones in particular. Also, one is my roommate, so I am always in contact, until my contract ends.

I don't want to be disrespectful, and I want to be used by God. Yet, should I maintain these friendships or let them go and leave it to God without me being there? It'll hurt to let go, but it's hurting me to stay, right?

Friendships are sustained by alignment of values and shared interests. They're mutually gratifying, rooted in affection, trust, and shared experiences.

Friendships which leave you feeling empty are hollow, lacking any real substance. These are friends for the sake of proximity. Your diverging interests will soon cause you to lose touch when you're no longer sharing the exact same surroundings.

Might sound harsh, but I say this from experience, don't bother to keep watering something that's being left to dry up. When they're gone from your presence, leave them in your absence.

Welcome to the forums, and God bless!

 

[kellas]

I'm a YA, and recently have found myself trying to get closer to God. I noticed I can easily be influenced by certain friendships, specially with non-christians (compared to the past).

Away from home (abroad), it's easy to get carried away. But I have been feeling empty whenever I am with these friends, who only talk about sex, party, and so on. Being with my church friends makes me feel more light in a way. And some non-Christian friends too, but not these ones in particular. Also, one is my roommate, so I am always in contact, until my contract ends.

I don't want to be disrespectful, and I want to be used by God. Yet should I maintain these friendships or let them go and leave it to God without me being there? It'll hurt to let go, but it's hurting me to stay, right?

I went through the same thing when I fully turned my life over to Christ. The stronger my relationship got with Christ the more I found myself alone or (away from my old so-called friends). As a Christian it is our job to plant the seed and share the word, but if the people around us are not willing or wanting to hear it at that time I think it is best to step away. You dont have to do it in a mean way. I found that what worked for me was, I always talked in a Christian manner, and I always let them know I was praying for them. There were a few that liked the idea and started asking questions and the rest were just really uncomfortable and you could tell. Well, those were the friends that just stopped calling or coming around.

Stay strong in your faith and always ask the Lord to bring the right people in your life.... He is the one that brought me to this web site. As I am disabled and unable to get out of the house much at the present time but needed to talk with other likeminded followers of Christ.

I will keep you in my prayers as your relationship grows stronger with the Lord may your other relationships be formed around Him as well.

 

[Suze]

I went through the same thing when I fully turned my life over to Christ. The stronger my relationship got with Christ the more I found myself alone or (away from my old so-called friends). As a Christian it is our job to plant the seed and share the word, but if the people around us are not willing or wanting to hear it at that time I think it is best to step away. You dont have to do it in a mean way. I found that what worked for me was, I always talked in a Christian manner, and I always let them know I was praying for them. There were a few that liked the idea and started asking questions and the rest were just really uncomfortable and you could tell. Well, those were the friends that just stopped calling or coming around.

Stay strong in your faith and always ask the Lord to bring the right people in your life.... He is the one that brought me to this web site. As I am disabled and unable to get out of the house much at the present time but needed to talk with other likeminded followers of Christ.

I will keep you in my prayers as your relationship grows stronger with the Lord may your other relationships be formed around Him as well.

Welcome Kellas and thanks for that excellent post .

 

[anothergirl2222]

This portion of scripture came to mind when I read your comments:

1 Peter 4:1-5​

​

1 Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin;

2 That he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh to the lusts of men, but to the will of God.

3 For the time past of our life may suffice us to have wrought the will of the Gentiles, when we walked in lasciviousness, lusts, excess of wine, revellings, banquetings, and abominable idolatries:

4 Wherein they think it strange that ye run not with them to the same excess of riot, speaking evil of you:

5 Who shall give account to him that is ready to judge the quick and the dead.

Verse 2 pretty much sums up the challenge that we all face in this life. Will we live for the lusts or desires of men, or will we live according to the will of God? Choosing to live for God will pretty much always lead to some sort of suffering in the flesh, but this is the mind of Christ that we all need to embrace. Like it says in verse 4, the people you are now associating with will initially think it strange that you are not joining them in their carnal lusts or excessive riotings, but your separation from those types of things may help to lead them out of that darkness and into the light.​

You are right, when we get closer to God, the world rejects us even more. I pray these friends eventually come to Christ ♡

Thank you!

 

[anothergirl2222]

Friendships are sustained by alignment of values and shared interests. They're mutually gratifying, rooted in affection, trust, and shared experiences.

Friendships which leave you feeling empty are hollow, lacking any real substance. These are friends for the sake of proximity. Your diverging interests will soon cause you to lose touch when you're no longer sharing the exact same surroundings.

Might sound harsh, but I say this from experience, don't bother to keep watering something that's being left to dry up. When they're gone from your presence, leave them in your absence.

Welcome to the forums, and God bless!

I like your analogy, about watering something that is dry. I think, I am getting to that point, and being with them is making me dry as well.

I prayed to God to remove these friendships if they are not gloryfing to Him and if they will weaken me instead.

Thank you for your words

 

[anothergirl2222]

Amen! Thank you for sharing your experience, I really resonate with it. I stopped going to parties and going along with whatever they say and do. And, in turn, felt a shift in our friendship. On the other hand, God is giving more Christian friends in this new country I am in, and it's been a blessing.

He knows the reason for everhthing, and all we can do is pray for those who leave, right?

 

[andy700700]

Luke 15:11-32
New International Version
11 Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. 12 The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.
13 “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14 After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16 He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
17 “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ 20 So he got up and went to his father.
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
21 “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.
25 “Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26 So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 27 ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’
28 “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. 29 But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30 But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’
31 “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

 

[Kainos]

I like your analogy, about watering something that is dry. I think, I am getting to that point, and being with them is making me dry as well.

I prayed to God to remove these friendships if they are not gloryfing to Him and if they will weaken me instead.

Thank you for your words

Know this. I come from a place where faith was absent and rejected.

Some of the most painful branches God has selectively cut away in my own life were once my friends. When my loyalty was misplaced, the Lord took sharp action, because He knew I wasn't always the best at walking away from people I wanted to fight for. I was susceptible to giving place to human compromise to conserve an emotional connection, and some of those friendships I sought to retain were not to His glory.

You don't necessarily have to abandon them, and of course you should pray for them, just never meet these friends halfway if they seek to involve you in their pursuit of habitual distractions which don't honour or reflect the character of God.

 

[rewriter]

Welcome anothergirl2222. How to deal with non-Christian friends can be difficult. There will be some who you can help lead to God and others who will tend to lead you away, and knowing which is which, is difficult to say the least. My suggestion is to listen to your instincts at present and try to avoid those who feel unsettling to you but retain those who give you a good feeling. This is hardly a perfect approach and might well end up making mistakes, but until you have a better sense of who and where you should be in God's eyes it provides some slight guidelines.

 

[faithlife]

Hi anothergirl2222 welcome to CC glad you are joining us! What I will add is to pray that the Holy Ghost guide you in sticking with each unbelieving friend or not. Then wait you'll feel a yea or nay. God bless you and guide your endeavors