Advice regarding parent wanting internet bride

[kbmom]

Hi all, I'm new to the chatting scene. I never do it but feel that I have a situation in which I need to get input from a bigger spectrum. I am a christian married mom of two and have parents that are driving me crazy. I will only discuss one at a time. I would like to know if anyone out there knows anyone that has had dealings with these websites that try to connect people with potential "brides" in other countries. My father has been on ChinaLove.net for the last couple of months and is planning a trip to China to "pick out" a bride! Any testimonials related to this type of thing could be helpful for me.
Thank You for your help!

 

[grace]

first off, I am assuming your parents are no longer married to each other..? (felt it was important to establish that...cause if they were that would be a totally different issue!)

I have not had any personal experience with what your talking about...or have known anyone personally that has...but if I am perfectly honest, (no disrespect to your dad), but the idea is a bit disturbing to me.
I do not have a problem with dating someone that you may have met online....God can use whatever facet He wants to connect two people...BUT...to go to a website that is just soliciting *foreign brides for sale*..?? Eeek!

I feel for you and the position you are in. Is your dad normally a rash person or known to one of good decision making..? Basically I am asking are you surprised that he is doing this..?

Take care

 

[kbmom]

Hi there,

Sorry for the vagueness of the first post--again, I'm new at this. Thank you for your input. You are correct--my parents divorced 25 years ago and my dad has only dated a handful of ladies since and not in several years. He is 61 and on the liver transplant list and has decided now he wants an asian lady as a companion. The problem is--well, there are several problems: 1: yes, he is normally a sane and rash person and this is very extreme for him 2: The women (yes, there are 4 of them that my dad can't choose between) don't even speak english--there is an online interpreter. 3: the biggest issue for me is that he is a christian and I have always admired his morals and faith in God but now he has decided that it is ok to choose a woman to marry that isn't a christian--most of the women profess a belief: buddhism, atheism, agnostic, christian or they don't have one--the one he is leaning toward is a buddhist. He seems to believe that he can bring her around to his belief system. He also seems to think that God won't let him make a mistake if he prays in sincerity asking that he not allow him to make a mistake. I could go on and on!

I'm not real sure the best way to handle the situation. I have tried (along with my siblings and several others in the family) to let him know how I feel while still letting him know that I love him and will continue to no matter what. Atleast that is the advice I am hearing from other christians I know.

 

[Leilaii425]

If it were me, i would go to transylvania.

 

[ChristopherMichael]

If it were me, i would go to transylvania.

Bad idea. Romanian guys traditionally don't treat their women super well. If you're guy though, it's a great place to go! Lots of fit young single women with no weight problems and great attitudes.

- Topher

 

[Leilaii425]

Bad idea. Romanian guys traditionally don't treat their women super well. If you're guy though, it's a great place to go! Lots of fit young single women with no weight problems and great attitudes.

- Topher

Your right. Who would want a woman that would ever have a weight problem!

 

[grace]

Hi there,

Sorry for the vagueness of the first post--again, I'm new at this. Thank you for your input. You are correct--my parents divorced 25 years ago and my dad has only dated a handful of ladies since and not in several years. He is 61 and on the liver transplant list and has decided now he wants an asian lady as a companion. The problem is--well, there are several problems: 1: yes, he is normally a sane and rash person and this is very extreme for him 2: The women (yes, there are 4 of them that my dad can't choose between) don't even speak english--there is an online interpreter. 3: the biggest issue for me is that he is a christian and I have always admired his morals and faith in God but now he has decided that it is ok to choose a woman to marry that isn't a christian--most of the women profess a belief: buddhism, atheism, agnostic, christian or they don't have one--the one he is leaning toward is a buddhist. He seems to believe that he can bring her around to his belief system. He also seems to think that God won't let him make a mistake if he prays in sincerity asking that he not allow him to make a mistake. I could go on and on!

I'm not real sure the best way to handle the situation. I have tried (along with my siblings and several others in the family) to let him know how I feel while still letting him know that I love him and will continue to no matter what. Atleast that is the advice I am hearing from other christians I know.

Oh wow! Honestly, I am praying for you on this!! I really want you to keep me updated.

I would not know where to begin either. You said he is on the liver transplant list..? (sorry to hear about his health) So I assume he is on dssability..? How can he afford such a thing..? (not that I know what the going rate is for buying a human being!)

The only think I can think of is that maybe he is facing his mortality upon dealing with these health issues. Maybe thinking that having someone completly dependant on him will help smooth out the rough road a bit..?

I will pray for his health as well.
Take care

 

[Dread_Zeppelin]

Your right. Who would want a woman that would ever have a weight problem!

I've been to Romania twice, once for two weeks another for a month. And yes, there are NO fat people there. But they are prejudice against gypsies though.

 

[kbmom]

!

Hi again--

Thank you for your prayers. They are much appreciated and needed right now. Actually, I feel that the only one who can do anything about this is God Almighty! You are right, my dad is on disability but he has a small medical retirement from his job and some veterans benefits which help him to live fairly comfortably right now. Also, this website that he is on doesn't really advertise brides for sale per se but the insinuation is there. Also, he knows this is going to cost him $$ because one of the women lives with her mother and daughter and he said he couldn't "afford" for them all to come! That statement was very disturbing to me! Well, so much about this is disturbing. I think that your thoughts about my dad's mortality may be correct as well. I know when he was in vietnam, he had relationships with several women and he says they made him feel really good about himself--a big strong marine he was. Now, he is 61 and I think he is hoping for a little more of that with the time he has left.

Again, thank you for your prayers. When I get time, maybe we could chat about my other parent. I'm starting to really cling to the cliche' " Its hard to raise your parents "!

 

[Leilaii425]

I've been to Romania twice, once for two weeks another for a month. And yes, there are NO fat people there. But they are prejudice against gypsies though.

just so you know i was being toooootally sarcastic when i said your right who would want a woman with a weight problem, mainly because i couldnt believe mr sensitive over there chrsitopher whatever making his comment about women and weight.

 

[grace]

Re: !

Hi again--

Thank you for your prayers. They are much appreciated and needed right now. Actually, I feel that the only one who can do anything about this is God Almighty! You are right, my dad is on disability but he has a small medical retirement from his job and some veterans benefits which help him to live fairly comfortably right now. Also, this website that he is on doesn't really advertise brides for sale per se but the insinuation is there. Also, he knows this is going to cost him $$ because one of the women lives with her mother and daughter and he said he couldn't "afford" for them all to come! That statement was very disturbing to me! Well, so much about this is disturbing. I think that your thoughts about my dad's mortality may be correct as well. I know when he was in vietnam, he had relationships with several women and he says they made him feel really good about himself--a big strong marine he was. Now, he is 61 and I think he is hoping for a little more of that with the time he has left.

Again, thank you for your prayers. When I get time, maybe we could chat about my other parent. I'm starting to really cling to the cliche' " Its hard to raise your parents "!

Would love that anytime!

 

[1still_waters]

Re: !

Hi again--

I know when he was in vietnam, he had relationships with several women and he says they made him feel really good about himself--a big strong marine he was. Now, he is 61 and I think he is hoping for a little more of that with the time he has left.

This seems like a legit perception. Currently he's an older man with health problems and possibly near death. He probably wishes he were that young marine again full of health, chasing after the women.

Sounds like he's trying to recapture his 'youth' because those memories are much better than what he's going through now.

He's obviously in a very desperate and troubled place emotionally, so appealing to reason may not work. Are you in a place relationally where you can kinda put your foot down? You know, kinda like how kids do once their parents are too old and blind to drive a car?

 

[Dread_Zeppelin]

just so you know i was being toooootally sarcastic when i said your right who would want a woman with a weight problem, mainly because i couldnt believe mr sensitive over there chrsitopher whatever making his comment about women and weight.

Haha i know, I was just stating a fun fact

 

[ChristopherMichael]

Your right. Who would want a woman that would ever have a weight problem!

Don't mean to derail the conversation here. Just saying that the fewer problems the people in a relationship have, the better it goes.

I've been to Romania twice, once for two weeks another for a month. And yes, there are NO fat people there. But they are prejudice against gypsies though.

I did not know that!

- Topher

 

[kbmom]

Re: !

Thank you for your insight. I do believe you are right. We (my brother, sister, His brother, His sister and our great aunt) have all tried in a way to "put our foot down"--to no avail. My brother has even told him that he will "disown" him in a matter of speaking and that didn't even dissuade him. He just last week made a spur of the moment trip to Chicago to the embassy so that he could make sure his visa request went through. At this point, I am just praying that God will intervene if this is not his will for my Dad. Thanks to those of you who really did seem interested in the problem.

 

[Chico_Zimbabwe]

1: yes, he is normally a sane and rash person and this is very extreme for him

Have you considered talking to his doctor? My dad has health problems too and if he started acting like this, I would wonder if one of his medications was to blame.

 

[oopsies]

Hi all, I'm new to the chatting scene. I never do it but feel that I have a situation in which I need to get input from a bigger spectrum. I am a christian married mom of two and have parents that are driving me crazy. I will only discuss one at a time. I would like to know if anyone out there knows anyone that has had dealings with these websites that try to connect people with potential "brides" in other countries. My father has been on ChinaLove.net for the last couple of months and is planning a trip to China to "pick out" a bride! Any testimonials related to this type of thing could be helpful for me.
Thank You for your help!

From China, huh? Let me guess, they come from some village? I personally know a family friend who did that. He's extremely wealthy, non-Christian, and picked out his bride from a small village in China. His reasoning? That a proper dainty Chinese woman would be best as opposed to marrying one of the greedy ones available here. I can understand - when you're wealthy, you probably don't want a wife who marries you because of money. She knew nothing about his wealth until they got married. Only then did he find out that she's an alcoholic, loves his money, and now wants a divorce to get a significant portion. Oh, by the way, they had children (I don't think it's much of an issue at 61, did you say?) and she basically didn't help with the child-rearing. The kids don't like him nor do they like her and they have attitude problems. His way of resolving this issue? Send them far away to a boarding school. So that's a secular example. But for a Christian, would it be something right to do? Personally, I don't think so.

 

[songster]

It may be of some comfort to you to know that the process your father is preparing to undergo is quite a lengthy one. Not only will he be required to visit his prospective fiance', but many questions will be asked by the consellate in her home country. Typically, her questions will not be provided in her native tongue. He will apply to one of several USCIS offices. Once they receive his application for a K1 visa, also known as a fiance' visa, his application will be reviewed for completeness and additional evidence of their relationship may be required. A thorough background check is conducted and Homeland Security must also be satisfied.

The purchase of another human being is actually illegal, but there are many websites providing introductions for a fee, and limited assistance with the I129f, g325 and I130 forms. Your father will eventually also have to prove his own financial stability. Photos, letters, passport size photos of both him and her, as well as birth records and personal information from both of them will also be submitted. Anything that is missing will cause the case to reject and the application fee will be refunded.

The application alone is $485.00 and on average the approval/rejection process takes approx. 4 to 6 months. They will be given a window of 90 days to marry, once she arrives in the U.S. and if it hasn't happened, she must return. None of this will occur unless proof of an established relationship has been provided to the satisfaction of the USCIS dept. (Immigration). Approx. 40% of all applications submitted are rejected. The reasons are usually because there was not enough evidence proving that an actual relationship existed or the petitioner filed the application without actually meeting the fiance'. This is no overnight process and all of the requirments must be met.

I lived in Japan for 5 years, visited Korea and then the Philippine Islands in 2007 and 2008. I am familiar with the application process and If all goes well I will soon have an answer to my own application, filed in August of 2009. My fiance and I met through an online christian dating site and became friends. I encourage you to continue to pray. God is faithful and if your father is sincerely asking God not to allow him to make a mistake, I believe your prayers will help to ensure that he doesn't.

I've given you this information so that you will know that your father, should he decide to pursue this, is entering a very lengthy process. He will have plenty of time to think and God will have plenty of time to touch his heart.