advice...?

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FillieRaven

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So this is kinda a long story but hear me out so that you understand whats going on. i need advice and prayer never hurts :). i've been having a huge problem with my biological mom lately. when i was 21 i moved in with her for about a year and we became instant best friends. i forgave her for her past and the things my little brother and i went thru and witnessed growing up. she was clean and sober and had been for years, she was so happy to see me and be around me for the first time in idk maybe ever, i felt loved and wanted. it was nice. i got pregnant and gave my son up for adoption. (that is another story i will maybe tell some other time... too much emotion involved and too off subject.) after making that choice i needed to get away. away from judgement, away from my small town where everyone knew me, and away from the memories. i moved across the country and stayed for almost two years. i noticed it starting about 6 months back. my mom also moved away from the small town and back to her old stompin grounds in sacramento. she never seemed to have time to talk to me... even when she would call me she would make some phoney excuse to get off the phone the moment i tried to tell her anything that was going on in my life. this might not have bothered me too bad but i really needed her not just as a friend to listen but as a mom to care and give advice. i had got myself in a pretty sticky situation. i was involved in an extremely controlling and abusive relationship. it wasn't somthing i liked to talk about with anyone really. but i kept trying to tell her and she turned around and stop talking to me. i thought maybe it was because i was so far from home and had been gone so long, i understood that we were just probably growing apart because of the distance. so two months ago i broke free and came home. i hung out with my mom for two days and things seemed to be as great as they ever were. then its suddenly the same again. she wants pretty much nothing to do with me. if i beg her to come see me i have to pay her gas money for the trip. if i try to talk about my day she shuts down and has to go, if i ask her about her life she complains about the most insignificant things, she is doing the same thing to my little brother and its hurting him just as much as it is me. so i tried talking to her about it. told her that i was hurt and i felt like she really wanted nothing to do with being my mom or even my friend.... she hung up on me and hasn't talked to me since. i really dont know what to do. i just want her to be a person i can see and talk to everyonce in a while... i don't wanna feel like im intruding on her life. any advice??
 
I'm really sorry you're going through this :(

Much as it hurts (and I know it does because my biological father is very nearly the same way), you have to realize that

1. It's not anything that's wrong with you or your brother that is causing her to be this way.
2. You can't MAKE people behave decently to you, whether it's a stranger on the street or your own family.

It seems like for now the best thing you could do would be to step back, give it some time, and spend that time praying for her. Also, keep in mind that God does not abandon His children, even when their biological parents do. The WORST thing you could do right now would be to let this all continue to eat at you, blame yourself, and try harder with your mother. Just let it be for now, and don't depend on her for anything- rely on God.
 
The best advice I can give you is pray to God about this,(well, pray to God is always the best advice) If you've tried to talk to her about this and she doesn't want to talk you,then Pray for her.

God bless.
 
alex1987 said:
yeah thats asd and messed up though
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Unfortunately, there are many "messed up" people in this world, and most of us encounter at least a few of them in our own lives along the way. This is why Scripture tells us to, "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." (Colossians 3:13)

The less bitterness and anger that we carry with us, the better off we are. This is also true of guilt. God does not intend for us to carry a lot of guilt. It is a burden we are told to lay on Christ.

If I had to guess, I might surmise that your mother has started slipping back into her old ways and doesn't want you (or anyone else, for that matter) to know it. I would suggest that you treat your mother with kindness, from afar, and try to "be there" for her. Continue to try to establish contact, but accept the fact that she may reject you. Do not react to that rejection; rather try to be as understanding and gentle as you can. If she does not feel threatened by you, she may eventually open up to you and let you back into her life.

And, by all means, pray for her and for your relationship. And take comfort that God has a plan for you and her, and He is in control of every situation.

God be with you in your struggle.
 
Secret: I have a gun, we could get your mum to do anything you want :D

I'm not fooling around..lol.. Just want to lighten up the mood around :)
 
Not sure if you have ever read the book Hosea is short and might help you. Hosea 2:14 HCSB "Therefore I am going to persuade her, lead her to the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her."
 
I will pray for you and your family. Ask God for wisdom.

James 1:5
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.
 
Fillieraven I will give you the perfect solution because God is getting into the relationship.

Go to your Mother, sit down with her, just you two. Then tell her... "Mom. I love you, do you mind we pray first..."
And then you pray that God will enter your hearts and ask Hm to bless both of you with TOTAL forgiveness of the past. And then you forgives eachother and start a NEW LIFE IN GOD."

Remember this... God says one who looks back at the past when walking with Him, is not worthy of His Kingdom.... So both of you throw the past in the past and walk forward with God in love...

My prayer for you... "Lord Jesus set them free of all guilt and past sin, and walk with them in YOUR LOVE, to love and respect You and themselves and each other. Amen!
 
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thank you guys thats all good advice. update. talked to her twice in the last couple days and she seems to really be making an effort :)
@tobby- hahahahaha
@fencepost- its really interesting you bring that up. thats the story my pastor brought up in church this sunday. i hadn't been to church in about 4 months and woke up this last sunday with a strong need to go. he had started talking about the need for fasting when he suddenly changed his mind about what we were going to talk about and we went to hosea.... i think it helped in a couple areas of my life. :)
 
first off I'd like to say I am very happy to hear that all seems to be going well. If Jesus is involved in her heart than all things are possible and a renewing can occur.

With that being said, I'd like to try and explain to you what I believe is going on because I have seen this in the world. When people live in their fleshly lusts, they become so self centered that anyone elses problems (aren't their own) become a waste of time. Because it doesn't revolve around them.

Every little thing annoys them, because anything that doesn't fit in (all about my pleasure) is nothing more than a hinderance that has been provided by "morons" and "idiots." The most basic truths that we feel should come completely natural to us, such as love for our children, can become twisted by blindness.

-See scripture.
(Ephesians 4:17-19)
17This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that you henceforth walk not as other Gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind,

18Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart: 19Who being past feeling have given themselves over unto lasciviousness, to work all uncleanness with greediness.

As you have said. All of the advice here has been really good. I just wanted to try and show you a picture of what I believe you are dealing with.
Be safe, and God bless
 
FillieRaven said:
thank you guys thats all good advice. update. talked to her twice in the last couple days and she seems to really be making an effort :)
@tobby- hahahahaha
@fencepost- its really interesting you bring that up. thats the story my pastor brought up in church this sunday. i hadn't been to church in about 4 months and woke up this last sunday with a strong need to go. he had started talking about the need for fasting when he suddenly changed his mind about what we were going to talk about and we went to hosea.... i think it helped in a couple areas of my life. :)
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Thank you for update.
 
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