M
MissCris
Guest
I'm not big on announcing to the general public that my husband and I are having problems, or that we fight, or what we fight about. It bothers me when I see/hear people doing this; telling others how bad their marriage is doesn't fix the problems in the marriage. Arguments or yelling matches between a married couple ought to remain between that couple, and nobody else. Why? Because when you share these private things with strangers, or even just friends or family, it begins to drain the intimacy (no, I'm not just talking about sex, either) out of said marriage.
It's just a bad idea.
However, today, I am going to go so far as to admit that my husband and I have been struggling recently, and it all blew up last night. Without going into particulars, without saying what the problem is/has been, I just feel...I need to release emotions. They feel like poison running through my veins.
I hate fighting. I really, really hate it. It feels bad, and it gets people nowhere. My husband and I both tend to be yellers, too. It doesn't matter who is at fault for what, we just both end up yelling. Honestly, it doesn't happen very often, but when it finally does...it's hideous, and we say things we don't mean, and even though we eventually get around to apologizing to each other for being so awful, words that are shouted can't just be taken back.
Marriage is hard. I love my husband, I love my little babies, I love being a wife, and I love being a mother. I love that I can stay at home to raise our little ones while my husband works to provide for us. I love taking care of our house, and...I hate cooking. That's neither here nor there, but it was floating around in my head, so...there it is.
Sometimes, though, it gets to be far too much. Too much time here alone with two kids who need me for everything, too much stress about getting bills paid, too much day-to-day drudgery.
Not enough of what really matters most. To either of us.
If something is so important, how does it get forgotten so easily? I can't figure out how it happens. I don't know the exact point at which things started going down hill, who did what or why, which one of us started the cycle of selfishness. I don't know.
We were awake late into the night, sometimes not saying a word, sometimes talking softly, sometimes yelling. I can't function today. I feel like I've been steamrolled and left on the pavement all smooshed and deflated, cartoon-style. The physical and emotional toll of a verbal fist-fight.
Today can be a turning point. We can go forward from here, being more careful to love one another the way we need to be loved. We can grow, change, apologize, and take more care to prevent this happening again.
But the wounds are still fresh, and they'll still be tender for a while.
There will be scars.
It's just a bad idea.
However, today, I am going to go so far as to admit that my husband and I have been struggling recently, and it all blew up last night. Without going into particulars, without saying what the problem is/has been, I just feel...I need to release emotions. They feel like poison running through my veins.
I hate fighting. I really, really hate it. It feels bad, and it gets people nowhere. My husband and I both tend to be yellers, too. It doesn't matter who is at fault for what, we just both end up yelling. Honestly, it doesn't happen very often, but when it finally does...it's hideous, and we say things we don't mean, and even though we eventually get around to apologizing to each other for being so awful, words that are shouted can't just be taken back.
Marriage is hard. I love my husband, I love my little babies, I love being a wife, and I love being a mother. I love that I can stay at home to raise our little ones while my husband works to provide for us. I love taking care of our house, and...I hate cooking. That's neither here nor there, but it was floating around in my head, so...there it is.
Sometimes, though, it gets to be far too much. Too much time here alone with two kids who need me for everything, too much stress about getting bills paid, too much day-to-day drudgery.
Not enough of what really matters most. To either of us.
If something is so important, how does it get forgotten so easily? I can't figure out how it happens. I don't know the exact point at which things started going down hill, who did what or why, which one of us started the cycle of selfishness. I don't know.
We were awake late into the night, sometimes not saying a word, sometimes talking softly, sometimes yelling. I can't function today. I feel like I've been steamrolled and left on the pavement all smooshed and deflated, cartoon-style. The physical and emotional toll of a verbal fist-fight.
Today can be a turning point. We can go forward from here, being more careful to love one another the way we need to be loved. We can grow, change, apologize, and take more care to prevent this happening again.
But the wounds are still fresh, and they'll still be tender for a while.
There will be scars.