Always Hopes

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LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#1
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
16
38
#1
I have been told by a few people in my life that I need to let go of those who I love. I have been told that it isn't healthy to keep holding on. I'm not talking only about girlfriends(although there are one or two who were) but also people in general who I have really connected with; people who i would sacrifice much for.

What does "[Love] always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres" mean to everyone else? How could I not spend the rest of my life hoping that the person heal, or grow, or accept me back in their life?

I certainly am not a creepy stalker, constantly following them around like a sick puppy.There are at least 5 people who I love who hurt me deeply, by leaving, and are not currently in my life right now. I pray for them often and would willingly welcome them back into my life.

I have seen many people talking about "time to move on." I don't understand.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#2
#2
Time and life change us all. People constantly come and go. We lose touch with some, but stay in contact with others. And then there are those precious gems we may not see for years at a time; but when we do see them again, it is as if no time has passed, and they are there for us through whatever life brings. I hope I'm that for them as well.

When a romantic relationship ends, I always like it to end well, but it doesn't always. Many people can't handle continuing the relationship as friends. If it's too difficult for them, we have to let them be, at least until they heal a bit. The "friends" thing might work a little better down the road when emotions are not as raw.

I try to live in the now and look to the future, but learn from and cherish the past and those in it.

Maybe it just means that we continue to love them whether reciprocated or not, want the best for them and be there for them if they need us in the future.
 
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PopClick

PopClick

Senior Member
#3
Aug 12, 2011
4,056
136
63
#3
If you have a burden to pray for somebody, by all means pray for them. Prayer burdens are holy and wonderful, although they can be painful at times.

But if your own feelings and emotions are causing you to dwell on these people, to the point where you don't have peace about the situation, that's not a great thing. In that case, don't stop loving them, just stop thinking about them. :D
 
K

keep_on_smiling

Guest
#4
#4
It's not wrong to still love those that have moved out of your life. It takes a forgiving heart to be able to let someone back into your life after they have hurt you and that is truly what the Lord would want. In saying that, it doesn't mean your relationship would be the same with this person. Relationships end for a reason and it's in the ending that I think the Lord would have us reflect on why it has come to that. I think people suggest to move on because everything happens for a reason. Most of the time it's best and most healthy for us to move on and take what we have learned from each relationship to grown and enter new relationships that the Lord has for us.

Keep in mind that the Lord can have us wait for that special someone, but in the same regard make sure you are waiting because you are directed to do so not because you desire it in your flesh. You wouldn't want to be closed off to something wonderful the Lord has for you.
 
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LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#5
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
16
38
#5
keep_on_smiling said:
It's not wrong to still love those that have moved out of your life. It takes a forgiving heart to be able to let someone back into your life after they have hurt you and that is truly what the Lord would want. In saying that, it doesn't mean your relationship would be the same with this person. Relationships end for a reason and it's in the ending that I think the Lord would have us reflect on why it has come to that. I think people suggest to move on because everything happens for a reason. Most of the time it's best and most healthy for us to move on and take what we have learned from each relationship to grown and enter new relationships that the Lord has for us.

Keep in mind that the Lord can have us wait for that special someone, but in the same regard make sure you are waiting because you are directed to do so not because you desire it in your flesh. You wouldn't want to be closed off to something wonderful the Lord has for you.
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I'm not sure that I understand this response. God's desire has never been for love to end.
 
K

keep_on_smiling

Guest
#6
#6
LightningClap0002 said:
I'm not sure that I understand this response. God's desire has never been for love to end.
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Sorry, sometimes I ramble and my point becomes unclear. You are right, God doesn't desire for love to end. I was just saying that you don't have to be in a relationship to love someone or show love towards them. Sometimes you show your love for someone by letting go, but that doesn't mean you have to lose hope that they will return into your life. God allows people in and out of our lives for a reason.
 
LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#7
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
16
38
#7
keep_on_smiling said:
Sorry, sometimes I ramble and my point becomes unclear. You are right, God doesn't desire for love to end. I was just saying that you don't have to be in a relationship to love someone or show love towards them. Sometimes you show your love for someone by letting go, but that doesn't mean you have to lose hope that they will return into your life. God allows people in and out of our lives for a reason.
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Ah! Gotchya. :)

Yeah, I'm not putting my life on hold for these people. I just send them a note here or there, hopefully not creeping them out! The rest of the time it's just between me and God, so I'm going to assume the few minutes a day (at most) I spend thinking/praying about them isn't time lost from meeting someone new God has for me.
 
S

somer12

Guest
#8
#8
Sometimes i love too much and hold on too tight and i cant understand why others don't do that or feel that way to me. I don't understand where this comes from and i'm confused by it. i'm in a constant state of heartache because of the people i have lost in my life whether to death or whatever reason so the past few years i've avoided new relationships and only hold onto to my close family members like my sister and her family. i guess i don't know what healthy love is. i'm totally confused by love.
 
I

iraasuup

Guest
#9
#9
Sometimes letting go and moving on is the most painful experience ever, but doing so will bring about healing and freedom.

I'm experiencing this now with the breakdown of my marriage. I have had to come to terms with the fact it's over. I had to 'let him go' so to speak (since he has already moved on and made it clear he no longer wants me), there is no point in me sitting around putting my life on hold for something that has clearly run it's course. Yes it hurts. The pain is indescribable. There is anger, bitterness, resentment, even hostility. When someone hurts you, it's very hard to be gracious when you are the victim. I'm sure every emotion that exists, I have experienced recently.

Now I am experiencing peace, joy and freedom. I chose to willingly give control of everything to God, because I couldnt do it myself without falling to pieces. I have peace in knowing now that God is in control. That I dont have to be responsible for how that person who hurt me lives their life or treats me. I have chosen to forgive and even asked him for forgiveness (which wasnt easy, believe me), and by doing so the weight has lifted off my shoudlers.

Im not saying its going to be easy. You never forget someone you loved, you never stop loving them, they will always be a part of who you are today, but with time the pain and the heartbreak will ease. I know God is in control of my future and by surrending to Him, I have all the peace I need to make it through each day. I hope that helps.
 
PopClick

PopClick

Senior Member
#10
Aug 12, 2011
4,056
136
63
#10
iraasuup said:
Sometimes letting go and moving on is the most painful experience ever, but doing so will bring about healing and freedom.

I'm experiencing this now with the breakdown of my marriage. I have had to come to terms with the fact it's over. I had to 'let him go' so to speak (since he has already moved on and made it clear he no longer wants me), there is no point in me sitting around putting my life on hold for something that has clearly run it's course. Yes it hurts. The pain is indescribable. There is anger, bitterness, resentment, even hostility. When someone hurts you, it's very hard to be gracious when you are the victim. I'm sure every emotion that exists, I have experienced recently.

Now I am experiencing peace, joy and freedom. I chose to willingly give control of everything to God, because I couldnt do it myself without falling to pieces. I have peace in knowing now that God is in control. That I dont have to be responsible for how that person who hurt me lives their life or treats me. I have chosen to forgive and even asked him for forgiveness (which wasnt easy, believe me), and by doing so the weight has lifted off my shoudlers.

Im not saying its going to be easy. You never forget someone you loved, you never stop loving them, they will always be a part of who you are today, but with time the pain and the heartbreak will ease. I know God is in control of my future and by surrending to Him, I have all the peace I need to make it through each day. I hope that helps.
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I wish I could "like" this twice. :)
 
G

GreenNnice

Guest
#11
#11
God has many names , lightnin' .

The Great Healer.
The Great Hope
The Great Comforter

Pray to God for great comfort, great healing, and, great hope, regarding all things of needing His help and He will assist your every need that be for your best being blessed with understanding His grace and mercy and Love :)
God bless your heart, Christ bro, for wanting others to know your forgiveness. But tell God alll this, He will supply your every need that is asked in accord for His great will to be carried out in your life :)
 
LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#12
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
16
38
#12
To sort of expand this thread... What are your thoughts on "teaching" someone else? To put it more delicately, if someone repeatedly self-destructs and leaves, is it our place to "cut them out" of our lives? I've seen many people of the opinion that if someone is doing something bad, then isolating them will help them realize that it is bad. Operant conditioning seemed like an oversimplified, and largely unloving way to treat our fellow humans.

All I see biblically is to love them. God never said it would be easy, but if we love them, and forgive them, and always accept them back, might we just be enabling them? On the flip side, maybe it is God's place to correct them, and our place to forgive and love and encourage, not isolate them in hopes that they will realize the error in their ways.

Thoughts?
 
B

BrittanyJones

Guest
#13
#13
I have the same EXACT issues and thoughts. Lots of people have their opinions but I keep looking to God for guidance, though I don't have the answers. I just don't know, but I love and seek after God just the same. We don't have to have the answers always, when God is leading, cause He knows all,and IS All.
 
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J

Jullianna

Guest
#14
#14
I have closed the door on a couple of people in my life, but would be willing to open it again if they were to change their ways, as the things they were doing were criminal in nature. I can't have that in my life, but it doesn't mean that I don't care about them.

There is no one with whom I've had a romantic relationship who I don't wish the very best and would have no problem befriending them if they were comfortable with that.

I think the key to being able to do that is to be very picky about the people we enter into relationships with in the first place. If we take our time and take it slow rather than jumping into relationship after relationship, we're less likely to become involved with those who freak/creep us out to the point that we no longer want anything at all to do with them.

Is that what you're talking about?
 
LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#15
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
16
38
#15
Jullianna said:
I have closed the door on a couple of people in my life, but would be willing to open it again if they were to change their ways, as the things they were doing were criminal in nature. I can't have that in my life, but it doesn't mean that I don't care about them.

There is no one with whom I've had a romantic relationship who I don't wish the very best and would have no problem befriending them if they were comfortable with that.

I think the key to being able to do that is to be very picky about the people we enter into relationships with in the first place. If we take our time and take it slow rather than jumping into relationship after relationship, we're less likely to become involved with those who freak/creep us out to the point that we no longer want anything at all to do with them.

Is that what you're talking about?
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That's definitely part of what I'm talking about. I'm also thinking about friends in general who you think have behaved badly, or need to learn a lesson. Its so easy to take your friendship away from someone as a punishment for doing something you don't approve of. I realize that people's motives are complex, and I'm not trying to imply differently, but in the end the result is still the same.

Is reducing the amount of time you spend with someone a viable and biblical means of correcting a friend's, or brother/sister's destructive or unloving/unchristian behavior?
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#16
#16
I know that such things are to be done in the Church by the elders for teaching/correction/to protect the flock, but I don't know that it's my place to "punish" anyone, you know? When I walk away from a friendship, it's not to punish. It's because there are some things I just don't want in my life or want to be around. I think we've all been there, especially when we first became christians and had to separate ourselves from things our friends were doing that we could have no part of.
 
genipher_elizabeth

genipher_elizabeth

Banned
#17
Dec 6, 2011
22
0
0
#17
I believe that at times, the only thing to do to protect yourself and enable yourself to grow is to let go of the ones you love. Not that that's an easy thing to do. You're always going to care for these people in a way, but I do think it's smart to distance yourself from them and eventually you will "fall out of love" for them while still being able to care for them and pray for them. They will hold a different place in your heart as part of your past and no longer your present/future. Cherish them there, but let them remain there, in the past.

As far as the "teaching" someone else goes, I know it can be done, but I don't have answers on how to go about doing it. I've tried every approach, and it seems that constant communication of your feelings are the best way to go about this. I've also been one to give "threats"... in that, "I love you, but I can't be around you if you continue on this path. I don't want that to happen, but you need to make your choice." I make it clear that I'll pray for them/be there for them at a distance, but I can't be involved in things. If they continue their ways I alert them that I'm disconnecting before I do so (a one last shot, so to speak), but I do it. People won't learn if you're constantly enabling them to participate in their undesirable ways and empty threats never work. Make a decision on the friendship/relationship and follow through. I believe with lots of prayer and "distant encouragement" (setting examples, being friendly but slightly distant, and letting them know your feelings haven't changed), one day their eyes will be opened and they will change. God has to make the big change and you have to remember to look out for yourself so that you're not brought down in the process. It's complicated. And my head hurts (caffeine headache! Haha), so I hope I made some sort of sense... maybe.
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#18
Jan 15, 2011
6,031
3,267
113
#18
I think for many people there comes a point in some relationships where it is wisdom to part ways. For a recovering alcoholic to continue hanging around someone who insists on drinking in front of them would be foolhardy. For someone to continue to associate with a person who is in some way abusive of them is likewise unwise.

Sometimes there just comes a time to move on. I have occasionally decided to let a friendship go by the wayside and die a natural death because of more subtle issues that I realized were problematic to me and it was best to move on.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#19
#19
perzactly, Oncefallen......

And if we have lovingly shared the truth of Christ with them, we have done what He asks of us.
 
L

Lucy68

Senior Member
#20
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#20
LightningClap0002 said:
I have been told by a few people in my life that I need to let go of those who I love. I have been told that it isn't healthy to keep holding on. I'm not talking only about girlfriends(although there are one or two who were) but also people in general who I have really connected with; people who i would sacrifice much for.

What does "[Love] always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres" mean to everyone else? How could I not spend the rest of my life hoping that the person heal, or grow, or accept me back in their life?

I certainly am not a creepy stalker, constantly following them around like a sick puppy.There are at least 5 people who I love who hurt me deeply, by leaving, and are not currently in my life right now. I pray for them often and would willingly welcome them back into my life.

I have seen many people talking about "time to move on." I don't understand.
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They may think of you as a 'stalker' simply because they cannot understand why you want to stay in communication with them. Especially 'old' girlfriends. They may not understand that you sincerely care about them in a platonic sort of way and think you're trying to start the relationship up again.

Looking back on how few friends I've kept in touch with.... I deeply regret losing those friendships. Good for you for being willing to put forth the effort to maintain your relationships! I think that's wonderful. But if someone is clear that they don't want that relationship anymore, I guess we have to respect that decision :)
 
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