are you up for a challenge?

[Jullianna]

People complain so often about boring relationships. They complain about dating seemingly shallow people. Are you challenging the person you are with (in an ENCOURAGING sort of way, not a complaining or controlling kinda way)? Are they challenging you in some way?

I so often hear guys complain about women wanting the picket fence, kids, etc. Not that there is anything wrong with that (for some folks it's enough), but I think that many guys don't seem to realize that this is the stereotype women grow up with. This is what they are programmed to be so often. Not all women have someone around to encourage them and show them that there are other options and opportunities.

I have to say that when a guy challenges me to be a better person, it takes my respect for him to the max.

Challenging and encouraging one another to learn and grow is an amazing gift that is so vital in a relationship. And it's never too late to start.

Just something to think about...

 

[AsifinPassing]

True that, Jewels. I try to give and take that graciously. Honestly, though, it depends on the person. We are all who we choose to be, and do what we choose to do. I just pray we make Christ the King of our lives, over and in every desicion. In that way, we'll make better choices, and hopefully come to be who God made us to be.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I want a woman who has the picket fence dream. I want a woman who wants to settle down, raise two beautiful kids, loves to cook, loves poetry, art, photography or painting/drawing, loves to cuddle and watch old movies, etc.. It may be a common dream but I like that dream and it is by no means an easy dream to achieve.

This old song is what I want life with my wife to be like..

Crosby Stills Nash & Young - Our House (w lyrics) Original studio version - YouTube

 

[1still_waters]

I'll challenge a woman. I'll challenge her to bake me a chocolate cake. Maybe I can time her, to see if she gets quicker bringing a can of pop/soda/coke to me.

Jk!

I think....

Anyways you raise a valid point.

I don't know if I've ever intentionally challenged a woman to do/be/whatever this or that. Of course I'm kinda a bland person as far as activity goes anyways. I've always been one to kinda let my thing be my thing, and her thing be her thing.

I'll have to think on this further.

 

[Jullianna]

REECE: Living for God, to me, is the area in which those in a relationship should encourage and challenge one another more than any other. It's awesome to have someone to pray with, read/discuss scripture with, compare notes with after a sermon...practical application and the deep stuff, bounce thoughts/ideas/service off of one another. This is even more important when both of you are involved in ministry. It can help you stay on track and help you deal with those times when you come under attack.


GABE: Even a woman who likes the Martha Stewart thing needs encouragement. Taking care of a home and kids is a TOUGH job. Knowing that your husband appreciates the thought and care you put into those things is very important. Having frequent communication with people over the age of 12 is very important too.


I've known a lot of women who thought this was what they wanted. Close relatives. More than one. You can only clean so much. Your kids eventually spent hours at school. You can only shop so much. You can only do so much laundry. Sooner or later the tv soaps and romance novels make them begin to wonder what they are missing. They become discontent and the whining, complaining and arguing starts.


STILLY: Don't be surprised if your cake is frosted with melted Exlax and your coke has been thoroughly shaken when it gets to ya


I absolutely agree that separate interests are good, but can be overdone. There need to be SOME interests you share. You have to have SOMETHING to talk about. Having FUN together is important too. All too often the fun stops after the I DOs. That can be fatal to a marriage.


If she loves to cook or sew, encourage her to take classes. Does she want to learn a language? Does she love to read? Would she enjoy a book club to discuss her latest read? She wants to exercise, but it's boring. Would a dance class make fitness more fun? How about taking up biking or swimming? Does she take great care in taking care of your home, wanting it to be comfortable and look just right for her family? Tell her how awesome it looks and how much you appreciate her efforts. Women need this.

 

[GreenNnice]

The woman (or man) that, ultimately, challenges you more than anyone else, this is a SIGN from God, the Lord leads, but I say this: you should marry that person.

Throw fear FAR out the window and just see it as God's good timing for you to, very soon, very soon, be challenged to a new level in your life, I am a FIRM believer in the opposite sex completing a guy and I am NOT completely with Paul on saying a woman's place is behind the seats. In fact, I am TOTALLY against it, I should do a thread on this, eh, hmm, anyway, yeah, a woman that challenges me to the ultimate doings of my capabilities, and, of course, does so so that Christ is glorified. Then I am going to marry that girl.

This reminds me of one of my favorite movies, I should try and find a video clip, hmmm..anyway, after this 8 year old kid, in a pinch, helps deliver the kid's dads sisters kid (everyone elses hands are too big to do it, or , something like that reason kid has to do it, i forget), and, the dad and this kid are leaving the house and he gets a big smile on his face and says right after his dad says, 'What did you think of the new baby, joey?'

kid: I'm going to marry her.

 

[Liz01]

I usually encourage others (in a relationship and in a friendship) and to me the changes are easy by my kind of personality but in a relationship i would like to be encouraged too to go further or in things that i didnt imagined before.

But what i like the most when someone encourage me is that no matter if i can do it or i have an hability in something special or not, what its beautiful is that someone see me as a winner just because they love me.

 

[PopClick]

STILLY: Don't be surprised if your cake is frosted with melted Exlax

A woman who challenges him to go farther than he ever thought he could... okay, that's gross. But I'm laughing.

 

[eugenius]

I don't know if I could ever marry someone who is worse than me. Honestly most guys want a woman who is better than them. And yet I seem to attract "bad girls", because I give this impression that I'm a nice guy, and they dont want to be bad and are looking for someone to make them better....

I don't know. This is what Jesus said we should do. Love the sinner, not just the saint. Where is the reward in loving a saint? But I'm so cynical and afraid of betrayal that I don't know if I could ever marry someone who I know is openly immoral.

Its a dilemma. If you really think for even a minute about half the things Jesus said, none of them are easy to do. We need to stop pretending they are.

 

[keep_on_smiling]

I completely agree that people who challenge you in relationships actually help you grow. I love it when a friend, family member, or someone even closer makes me think about certain topics. Even if I disagree with what they have to say or do, it still reaffirms what I know and believe or opens up new things to think about.

I think it's dangerous for people to get in a habit of doing the same old things and not have someone questioning them and challenging them. You can't really grow if you aren't being active beyond daily routines. *I'm not saying that routines are bad, it's just easy to get caught up in staying in your comfort zone and not growing even more.

I couldn't be with someone who didn't challenge me or that didn't want to be challenged. I love to get people to look at things from a different perspective , it certainly keeps things interesting, but not everyone likes that.

 

[Jullianna]

eugenius, you lost me me on the bad girl/worse than me/immoral thing...

 

[Jullianna]

All day I talk with clients who say these things:

He never spends time with me
She never listens to me
He complains all the time
She got bored, met some guy online and cheated on me
We don't have anything in common
He never wants to do anything fun

I don't ever want to hear that. I don't ever want to say that.

 

[AsifinPassing]

I don't know if I could ever marry someone who is worse than me. Honestly most guys want a woman who is better than them. And yet I seem to attract "bad girls", because I give this impression that I'm a nice guy, and they dont want to be bad and are looking for someone to make them better....

I don't know. This is what Jesus said we should do. Love the sinner, not just the saint. Where is the reward in loving a saint? But I'm so cynical and afraid of betrayal that I don't know if I could ever marry someone who I know is openly immoral.

Its a dilemma. If you really think for even a minute about half the things Jesus said, none of them are easy to do. We need to stop pretending they are.

I hear what you're sayin, man. I'd agree that many guys want women who are better people than they are. You want a woman who helps you do the right thing, be the right man, and challenges/grows you. I'd like to think we also want women who will love, support, cherish, comfort, and affirm us. Just like womn thrive off that, so do guys.

Now, that said, we know the things Jesus said aren't easy, but many believe they are more than just possible. In this light, we treat it not as trying to touch the moon, but climbing a monntain. It's long, rocky, and dangerous, but totally attainable with, in, and through Christ.

I also know, however, that some men feel afraid or intimidated by women who are better than they are. I believe the answer to any of these is to fully seek God, fully be yourself, and fully accept others as they are. Love God back, love others the way He loves them, and love/see yourself the way God does. As best you can, do the best you can, and let God make that best better.

 

[eugenius]

eugenius, you lost me me on the bad girl/worse than me/immoral thing...

Please see AsifinPassing post above

 

[Ritter]

By what metric do we decide someone is better or worse than we are in a relationship? I always thought two imperfect human beings should sharpen each other in different ways.

My girlfriend is smart, but less classically intellectual than me (bests my GPA). I'm simply too complicated for my own good.

We are the same, but different. I've seen over the past few months that we've changed a bit. She has become more like me and I am becoming more like her (this process began before we began dating).

At the end of the day it is a good thing. We both are more well-rounded/covering more bases.

 

[LightningClap0002]

Anyone who we spend a lot of time with will absolutely change us. In marriage, I would expect(sadly no expierence) that those changes would become even more true. As you spend more time with someone, you change together. If you spend time apart, it's amazing how quickly you can grow differently. Sharing experiences is a powerful way to develop a relationship and change together. Off topic, I think this is a lot of the reason that long distance relationships are so difficult and often don't work.

Back on topic, I think it is good for someone to intentionally challenge their partner just as many challenge themselves.

 

[nw2u]

I don't know if I could ever marry someone who is worse than me. Honestly most guys want a woman who is better than them. And yet I seem to attract "bad girls", because I give this impression that I'm a nice guy, and they dont want to be bad and are looking for someone to make them better....

I don't know. This is what Jesus said we should do. Love the sinner, not just the saint. Where is the reward in loving a saint? But I'm so cynical and afraid of betrayal that I don't know if I could ever marry someone who I know is openly immoral.

Its a dilemma. If you really think for even a minute about half the things Jesus said, none of them are easy to do. We need to stop pretending they are.

Did Jesus say we must marry the person or love them? I can love someone without wanting to marry them. I can show love without needing them in my life.

 

[nw2u]

All day I talk with clients who say these things:

He never spends time with me
She never listens to me
He complains all the time
She got bored, met some guy online and cheated on me
We don't have anything in common
He never wants to do anything fun

I don't ever want to hear that. I don't ever want to say that.

Am I correct in thinking that if I love my God first, then myself, I will have less chance of this happening? Maybe a new thread? If it does happen anyway, I will be more ready and able to accept it?

 

[zeroturbulence]

REECE: Living for God, to me, is the area in which those in a relationship should encourage and challenge one another more than any other. It's awesome to have someone to pray with, read/discuss scripture with, compare notes with after a sermon...practical application and the deep stuff, bounce thoughts/ideas/service off of one another. This is even more important when both of you are involved in ministry. It can help you stay on track and help you deal with those times when you come under attack.


GABE: Even a woman who likes the Martha Stewart thing needs encouragement. Taking care of a home and kids is a TOUGH job. Knowing that your husband appreciates the thought and care you put into those things is very important. Having frequent communication with people over the age of 12 is very important too.


I've known a lot of women who thought this was what they wanted. Close relatives. More than one. You can only clean so much. Your kids eventually spent hours at school. You can only shop so much. You can only do so much laundry. Sooner or later the tv soaps and romance novels make them begin to wonder what they are missing. They become discontent and the whining, complaining and arguing starts.


STILLY: Don't be surprised if your cake is frosted with melted Exlax and your coke has been thoroughly shaken when it gets to ya


I absolutely agree that separate interests are good, but can be overdone. There need to be SOME interests you share. You have to have SOMETHING to talk about. Having FUN together is important too. All too often the fun stops after the I DOs. That can be fatal to a marriage.


If she loves to cook or sew, encourage her to take classes. Does she want to learn a language? Does she love to read? Would she enjoy a book club to discuss her latest read? She wants to exercise, but it's boring. Would a dance class make fitness more fun? How about taking up biking or swimming? Does she take great care in taking care of your home, wanting it to be comfortable and look just right for her family? Tell her how awesome it looks and how much you appreciate her efforts. Women need this.

The bible says that a woman's place is in the home.

Titus 2:4-5 NLT
These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.

But... I would like my wife to have a carreer also. I didn't actually mean a stay-at-home mom. I just meant a wife who doesn't always need to satisfy a sense of challenge or adventure, one who would be happy living a simpler family life. Basically a woman I'd be happy to retire with. And she also would have to love working out, surfing and air shows...and maybe working on cars too.

 

[AsifinPassing]

By what metric do we decide someone is better or worse than we are in a relationship? I always thought two imperfect human beings should sharpen each other in different ways.

My girlfriend is smart, but less classically intellectual than me (bests my GPA). I'm simply too complicated for my own good.

We are the same, but different. I've seen over the past few months that we've changed a bit. She has become more like me and I am becoming more like her (this process began before we began dating).

At the end of the day it is a good thing. We both are more well-rounded/covering more bases.

While I completely agree with you, and see the other posters after, I'll try to answer your question.

Though there is not a set 'measure' (apart from Christ), people base their 'level' from what can be (externally) seen. As an example, I know several people who are better (more like Christ, more experienced, wiser, in a better place in life, ext) than I am.

In short, you want someone who challenges you, even just by the way they live their life, to be the best or a better version of yourself. A partner who, when with, makes you more like Christ, and not less.

Many people, when measured against heroes of the faith (say Mother Theresa for example), would say she was a better person (all around thoughts, actions, words, faith, ext...) than they are.

In this way, and many others, we measure the 'standing' of an individual. Usually this boils down to someone who seems to emulate Christ to a greater extent than you, and who handles the things of life in a generally more gracious and admirable manner.

In short, someone whose presence makes you more like Christ, and not more worldly.