As a wife, which comes first, house holding or seeking God?..

[Anamaria1]

So, keeping husband happy or keeping God happy, which comes first... I am a wife in such a situation, that many times I feel, as a mother of three challenging boys, that I don't have time for both, especially before my husband comes from work and wants everything to be ready.

Anyway, which one of these two comes first to a house wife, opinions?

 

[TheIndianGirl]

If its between keeping husband happy or keeping God happy, then keeping God happy.

Your question sounds like it is a choice between husband happy or children happy. I think both parents should focus on the children, that's the sacrifice of being a parent. Each spouse cannot expect unlimited time from one another, because there are children in the picture.

 

[Billyd]

God will not be happy as long as there is strife in your family. He expects every couple to become one in him. Work towards that end, and God will be happy.

 

[Scribe]

32I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 33But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. 35I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

So, we can conclude from this that there will always be this tension between seeking God and taking care of your marital responsibilities. That is what you signed up for when you got married.

There is no easy solution. You will at times need to take care of your family responsibilities even though you know you need to spend more time in prayer and the Word, the family will demand an immediate attention and you cannot refuse to deal with it, because you made that choice when you married.

You WILL need to please your husband and your family and you WILL need to be concerned with worldly things because you SIGNED UP FOR IT in covenant. It should have been made clear to you in premarital counseling.

Pastors do couples a disservice if they don't carefully read the scriptures above when conducting premarital counseling.

Obviously you can do all that you can to schedule a time for yourself to seek God but no matter what you do there will be times when responsibility calls and you have to address the immediate issue because YOU ARE MARRIED.

If you wanted undistracted devotion to the Lord and his work you should have stayed single. It is too late for that, now you must deal with your responsibilities as a service to the Lord because it is required of you and you are not allowed to vacate those responsibilities and still be pleasing to God.

It is like when the husband must work to provide for the family even if it means he can't go on the mission field like he wanted to because abandoning the families needs would make him worse than an infidel. If he wanted undivided devotion to the mission field he should not have gotten married. But he did, so it is too late to not work. He must work his tail end off even if it requires two jobs, in order to provide for that family. If he thinks he does not have enough time to seek God he must make time in the middle of the night but not going to work is not an option. He could have stayed single and he would not have that pressure but he got married so suck it up and be a man.

Now I know that I have painted a bleak picture of married life but I was just answering the question in way that would bring understanding to what Paul was talking about in 1 Cor 7. There is no getting around dealing with worldly temporal affairs when you get married. It will take time away from your desire to seek God.

 

[Roughsoul1991]

So, keeping husband happy or keeping God happy, which comes first... I am a wife in such a situation, that many times I feel, as a mother of three challenging boys, that I don't have time for both, especially before my husband comes from work and wants everything to be ready.

Anyway, which one of these two comes first to a house wife, opinions?

If you follow God then the love, peace, joy, kindness, patience, slow to anger, etc the characteristics of God and the attributes of the Spirit will permeate into your marriage.

You will find that the time you spend with God will make you a better wife. And happy wife equals happy life.

 

[Lisamn]

So, keeping husband happy or keeping God happy, which comes first... I am a wife in such a situation, that many times I feel, as a mother of three challenging boys, that I don't have time for both, especially before my husband comes from work and wants everything to be ready.

Anyway, which one of these two comes first to a house wife, opinions?

Seek God in prayer on this.

 

[Godsgirl83]

as a mother of three challenging boys, that I don't have time for both, especially before my husband comes from work and wants everything to be ready.

HUGS!!!!!!
I hear you LOUD and CLEAR
So, the obvious answer is God first, before anyone or anything else..........
NOW, how does one do this without neglecting all her responsabilities?
That is the underlying question I am hearing you ask.

I'm taking a guess that

especially before my husband comes from work and wants everything to be ready

translates to house cleaned, and dinner on the table.
(sorry if this doesn't answer your question yet. I'm somewhat thinking aloud......... I get what you are asking, have been there not to long ago myself. I'm trying to pull from my heart and head just what to say in a coherant way without rambling on, while my autistic homeschooler is in the room yapping a mile a minute...)

How old are the "challenging boys"? It sounds like they are either home or virtual schooled OR not yet old enough to be enrolled.

One word of advice, be cautious of apps and blogs that are geared around being a better wife/better marriage/better homemaker etc.... etc... etc......
they eat up A LOT of precious time

If you want to talk about anything in more detail privately, I'd be more than happy to pm you if you let me know.

 

[Lanolin]

is your husband a believer? Just wondering.

 

[Angela53510]

I spent a lot of time focusing on my husband and 4 children when the kids were growing up. The kids were in sports, music and busy. Sometimes they would miss a Sunday evening service for hockey, because they were the best players on the team. My husband would scream the kids were going to lose their faith in God because of hockey. In front of them!

He was partially right! They did lose their faith in God, because of his joyless legalism. They never missed a Sunday morning service, or kid's club or youth group.

So I bent over backwards to make my husband happy. It didn't work! He turned out to have severe depression with psychosis. (He's on meds, does quite well, our marriage is good now).

I did everything around the house, except change the oil on the cars. He pushed me to go from part time teaching to full time. Between working full time, and doing everything in the house, fighting for my kids to be active in church, school and sports, I just physically broke. I got very sick, and never truly got better.

I had always read my Bible nightly, and prayed regularly. But I didn't have time to make God my priority. So when God called me to go to seminary, I fought my husband and went. And got close to God again. And stopped doing a lot of things. Hubby still doesn't cook, but he does his own laundry and now does the shopping since COVID. And he is retired, so he can't use work as an excuse anymore. The thing is, when I put God first, our relationship improved so much. And he stopped being so legalistic.

The fact is, your husband may die tomorrow. You've spent all this time putting him first, instead of God. God is who we need to know best. He is the One who will always be with us.

Tell your husband to put you first. If he is a Christian, read him Eph 5. There is this patriarchal cult out there, who will tell you you are out of God's will, if you don't put your husband first. If he is not helping you, doing things for you, sharing in chores and duties, he is the one at enmity with God.

"and submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, [submit] to your husbands as to the Lord, 23 because the husband is the head of the wife as also Christ is the head of the church (he himself being the savior of the body). 24 But as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her." Eph 5:21-25

As you can see in verse 21 we are supposed to submit one to another. The real big issue is that in verse 22, the verb "submit" (ὑποτασσόμενοι) is NOT found in the earliest and best manuscript witnesses. Many scholars also believe verse 21 should start this passage, because it is about submission!

Then there is verse 25! Is your husband loving you as Christ loves the church? If not, he is out of order. Marriage is not one person doing everything. Mostly husbands do that, but women too can be selfish and make their husband wait on them, hand and foot.

That was my long answer. My short answer is obey God, rather than men! That means putting God first. But don't neglect your children and husband, either. And don't neglect yourself, by putting everyone else first. That is the road to burnout and sickness!

 

[Scribe]

I spent a lot of time focusing on my husband and 4 children when the kids were growing up. The kids were in sports, music and busy. Sometimes they would miss a Sunday evening service for hockey, because they were the best players on the team. My husband would scream the kids were going to lose their faith in God because of hockey. In front of them!

He was partially right! They did lose their faith in God, because of his joyless legalism. They never missed a Sunday morning service, or kid's club or youth group.

So I bent over backwards to make my husband happy. It didn't work! He turned out to have severe depression with psychosis. (He's on meds, does quite well, our marriage is good now).

I did everything around the house, except change the oil on the cars. He pushed me to go from part time teaching to full time. Between working full time, and doing everything in the house, fighting for my kids to be active in church, school and sports, I just physically broke. I got very sick, and never truly got better.

I had always read my Bible nightly, and prayed regularly. But I didn't have time to make God my priority. So when God called me to go to seminary, I fought my husband and went. And got close to God again. And stopped doing a lot of things. Hubby still doesn't cook, but he does his own laundry and now does the shopping since COVID. And he is retired, so he can't use work as an excuse anymore. The thing is, when I put God first, our relationship improved so much. And he stopped being so legalistic.

The fact is, your husband may die tomorrow. You've spent all this time putting him first, instead of God. God is who we need to know best. He is the One who will always be with us.

Tell your husband to put you first. If he is a Christian, read him Eph 5. There is this patriarchal cult out there, who will tell you you are out of God's will, if you don't put your husband first. If he is not helping you, doing things for you, sharing in chores and duties, he is the one at enmity with God.

"and submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, [submit] to your husbands as to the Lord, 23 because the husband is the head of the wife as also Christ is the head of the church (he himself being the savior of the body). 24 But as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her." Eph 5:21-25

As you can see in verse 21 we are supposed to submit one to another. The real big issue is that in verse 22, the verb "submit" (ὑποτασσόμενοι) is NOT found in the earliest and best manuscript witnesses. Many scholars also believe verse 21 should start this passage, because it is about submission!

Then there is verse 25! Is your husband loving you as Christ loves the church? If not, he is out of order. Marriage is not one person doing everything. Mostly husbands do that, but women too can be selfish and make their husband wait on them, hand and foot.

That was my long answer. My short answer is obey God, rather than men! That means putting God first. But don't neglect your children and husband, either. And don't neglect yourself, by putting everyone else first. That is the road to burnout and sickness!

 

[Tararose]

It’s really hard. It seems that you want to serve your husband and children as unto the Lord and it’s hard to do that and spend time in the Lord’s presence, studying the word etc. Good replies from all different perspectives so far, it’s hard to know what I could bring to the table.

Noone is in your shoes, and no scripture prescribes a set time and practice we need to make of when and how to commune with God, though there are many suggestions and examples of other people’s “routines” as it were, such as David meditations in the night and so on.

For me I think I came to a point where I realised that anything I did that was hindering the fruit of the spirit in my life, was me overstepping the mark. I found simpler ways round things, prepped easier meals, took things out of the schedule and worked out ways to keep the kids Preoccupied - if only for ten mins at various times in the day. I had a devotional book with short readings that didn’t take me long to get through but that I could dwell on in the quieter moments. I would listen to worship songs round the house if I was cleaning or cooking etc. Even engaging with the children in prayer times or reading kids bibles and devotions with them became part of my time with God.

He understands your responsibilities and your desire to be with Him too. He knows He is with you every moment of the day and loves to be your focus, but He knows full well He does not need your attention like young kids and a (Possibly) demanding spouse.

Please be kind to yourself, 😁try to make and take the moments you can to enjoy God in your situation if you can’t escape it. And - as others have mentioned - pray about it, even briefly each day.

Just keep asking for guidance in ways you can feel and stay close in your thoughts to the Lord. He is more than willing. Don’t worry about what you cannot do, but look for what you can do Just snatching a few mins every hour is a great start He knows you love Him and you want more time with Him.

Praying for peace and guidance to come from heaven, to encourage you and to show you ways to spend time with the Lord without it being stressful or a guilt trip He loves you so much.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

This is a loaded question. Which means you know what you want to hear.
You seem to be rather unenthused in dealing with your husband.
Many times women put their children ahead of their marriage and think they are doing right by their children. But ultimately that's false. Parents should be working together and showing an example of marriage. By taking that away it's actually a disservice to the children.
Parents need to put one another first so they can work together to create a stable and happy atmosphere for the children.

If your husband is being abusive, leave, staying, in that case, is bad for the children.
If he's being too demanding try sitting down and discussing things calmly. If that's ineffective then perhaps some marriage counseling is in order.

Whatever the case I have a strong feeling there is a lot more to this story that would change the direction of advice as it is now.
You've left room for only speculation and people to fill in the gaps with their own subjective interpretation, making genuine advice impossible.
What you're calling "making God or husband happy" is designed to get only one answer, which isn't you actually seeking advice, but merely justification for how you feel and possibly choices you've already made.
That will not end well.

 

[Anamaria1]

Oh man 😅 I really believe my questions was clear enough. And I don't have any certain answer in my mind, why would I be asking here anything otherwise? Actually I'm happy if Bible reading is not so important to me in this situation of my life, because that really would save time and energy.

I see there are angry people here...

 

[Anamaria1]

Sure also many nice answers were there, thank you for them My husband was a christian for some time but unfortunately not anymore. He can be really nice when he wants, but I actually meant my question more on general level... I believe many mothers think about this I make my opinions myself but I am also interested to here other people's opinions

To this moment I have been choosing to put seeking God first because my mental health needs it, but I am thinking If I should try it another way now...

 

[Tararose]

Oh man 😅 I really believe my questions was clear enough. And I don't have any certain answer in my mind, why would I be asking here anything otherwise? Actually I'm happy if Bible reading is not so important to me in this situation of my life, because that really would save time and energy.

I see there are angry people here...

Please don’t take it to heart. I find people do get the wrong end of the stick - myself included - with written messages. We tend to go on our own experience and those can be limited sometimes.

I really glad you put your question out there. It does us good to think on practical application Of scripture in everyday real life situations.

Hoping you can find it possible to put God first but in a way that works for you and your personal situation

 

[Goldensparrow]

Sure also many nice answers were there, thank you for them My husband was a christian for some time but unfortunately not anymore. He can be really nice when he wants, but I actually meant my question more on general level... I believe many mothers think about this I make my opinions myself but I am also interested to here other people's opinions

To this moment I have been choosing to put seeking God first because my mental health needs it, but I am thinking If I should try it another way now...

I am not angry with you Anamaria. I am rather new here and I have noticed that there does appear to be some rather angry looking responses on some of the threads I have read. I have not had much of a chance to look over the threads of recent due to things happening off line for me right now. However, I did want to share this with you.


Luke 14:26

New American Standard Bible



26 “If anyone comes to Me and does not [a]hate his own father, mother, wife, children, brothers, sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple.

You have to put what G*d wants first before all others always. Christ is the head (husband) and the Church is the (wife). You entered into a divine covenant with G*d first when you accept Christ as your Savior before you married your husband. This marriage you have with your husband will only exist until one of you has died. The divine covenant you have made with G*d is eternal.


>"My husband was a Christian for some time but unfortunately not anymore. "

A Christian is not something you can just stop being by choice. You can choose to accept Christ as your personal savior. Once Christ becomes your redeemer then you become a new creation in Christ. If your husband is trying to tell you that he was a Christian at one time but he is no longer a Christian then it is possible that he may have told you that he was a Christian in order to get you to marry him.


2 Corinthians 5:17

New American Standard Bible



17 Therefore if anyone is in Christ, this person is a new [a]creation; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.
Read full chapter
Footnotes

1. 2 Corinthians 5:17 Or creature

Part of becoming this new creation or creature is that we receive the permanent indwelling of the Holy Spirit, which is a little different than the filling of the Holy Spirit. No created being, including ourselves, can separate us from G*d once we have accepted the Messiah as our Savior.


Romans 8:38-39

New American Standard Bible



38 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.


However, this does mean that someone cannot grieve the Holy Spirit by the way that they choose to live their life if their choices continue to be outside of the will of G*d. G*d will, in turn, discipline the Christian who chooses to grieve the Holy Spirit and if the Christian continues to grieve the Holy Spirit then the Christian may fail to return to fellowship with G*d before they physically die and they will not grow spiritually as a result.

1 Corinthians 7:12-16 instructs a spouse not to leave an 'unsaved' spouse to whom you are already married. I would infer that the same would apply to a believing spouse who was simply being disobedient to the Lord.


1 Peter 3:1-6

New American Standard Bible



Godly Living
3 In the same way, you wives, be subject to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won over without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your pure [a]and respectful behavior. 3 Your adornment must not be merely the external—braiding the hair, wearing gold jewelry, or putting on apparel; 4 but it should be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this way the holy women of former times, who hoped in God, also used to adorn themselves, being subject to their own husbands, 6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord; and you have proved to be her children if you do what is right [b]without being frightened by any fear.
Read full chapter
Footnotes

1. 1 Peter 3:2 Lit with respect
2. 1 Peter 3:6 Lit and are not

When this verse says to obey your husband even if they are disobedient to the word, this does not mean you participate if they tell you to help them commit crimes, conceal crimes they committed, blaspheme against the Holy Spirit (example: selling land, then claiming to give all money from the sale to the church, while only giving part) or do anything else that would be outside the will of G*d. Remember that your husband is supposed to be subject to G*d and G*d is the head of all creation. If your husband is trying to usurp G*d's place in your life, then he is not acting like Christ, he is acting like Satan. We are in the middle of a spiritual battlefield. If your husband is a Christian, then he is compromised right now. If he told you a story about being a Christian because he wanted to marry you, then he still needs salvation.

 

[Lanolin]

OP

Have you seen the movie or read the book 'The case for Christ'
the movie is about a believing wife and an agnostic/doubting husband, they also had children, so in your situation I think it would be good to watch and get encouragement from it.

I dont think its easy having essential four people to look after and please. But since God knows these and sends you a helper, just because you are a wife doesnt mean that youre IT in terms of help. (make use of grandparents, godparents, aunties, uncles)

In terms of read the bible how about listening to audio bible while you do housework. If you seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness everything will be added unto you.

 

[Goldensparrow]

OP

Have you seen the movie or read the book 'The case for Christ'
the movie is about a believing wife and an agnostic/doubting husband, they also had children, so in your situation I think it would be good to watch and get encouragement from it.

With all due respect, Lanolin, Anamaria1 claimed that her husband 'was a Christian for some time but unfortunately not anymore.. 'This would not suggest that her husband is someone who is an agnostic. Anamaria1 stated, 'He can be really nice when he wants,' means that part of the time he is not nice at all. The fact that she had shared with us that she is fearful and has mental health needs suggests that he is not 'doubting' either. She may be dealing with an apostate who does not really tolerate her faith and becomes abusive or a Christian in a state of reversionism.

Anamaria1, it is very important that you are safe and that you trust your intuition. Intuition is not just your 'feelings' that something is wrong. G*d created you to pick up on real, small details about when something is not right. The difference between fear and anxiety is that anxiety is usually based on something that you are remembering from your past which is not present in the moment. However, fear is a response based off real-world evidence in the present.

Psalm 56:3

New American Standard Bible



3 [a]When I am afraid,
[b]I will put my trust in You.
Read full chapter
Footnotes

1. Psalm 56:3 Lit The day
2. Psalm 56:3 Or I am one who puts

People who are willing to get verbally abusive with you will eventually get physically abusive with you and you need to be safe. You need to have a safety plan; somewhere you can go and someone with whom you can stay if you need to do so in the future. I am sorry that I was slow to notice your earlier comment. If he ever does anything to make you and the children feel unsafe, then you need to take the children to that safe place and possibly contact the law. You might need to separate (not to be confused with divorce) and no longer contact him. That would all depend on the details of the circumstances which you have not shared.

Go ahead and give this podcast a listen, 'The Art of Charm Gavin de Becker| The Gift of Fear':

and

 

[Lanolin]

oh ok
well....if you know better than she does, after all you dont live with her husband but you seem to know what you are talking about.

I thought she just meant he was like raised christian but wasnt really a believer and had doubts. Thats not actually the same thing as being a born again believer.

we all need God for our mental health, married or unmarried. I didnt think she meant he was abusive, men in general are often nice when they want to be when they arent christians.

Christians though while we have repuations for being 'nice' its more important to be faithful - to God.

 

[Anamaria1]

Thank you for your replies... 🙂

Maybe most of all I would like to hear other little kids' mothers' experiences; how have you dealt with seeking God and everything you have to do with your house and children, especially when you have a baby, so that you maybe can not even sleep good in nights. 🙂

Or anyone else living a very busy life with little sleeping. My husband is an immigrant and doesn't speak my mother language very good and that leads to that that I must also deal with all our bills and other paper work... Calling officers day time etc etc... I really can not concentrate in only one thing.