Asking out a shy girl

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rkmonkey

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Hello everyone. This is my first post here. I was wondering what everyone thought about what the best way to ask out a shy girl would be. I get pretty shy/doofy when I'm around a girl I like. At the moment, I'm very interested in a girl who attends the same college as I do. Thankfully, we live in the same city so we keep trying to arrange to hang out (along with her twin sister and a few of her other siblings). Things keep failing to work out though, mostly because I can't get around because I didn't have my drivers license until last week.

Oddly enough, even though I keep having to say no (which has been driving me insane) she keeps trying to hang out. In fact, shes the only one who has been actually putting any effort into that. She's also been texting me quite regularly, which has been pretty cool. I'll actually be able to see her saturday, which I'm excited about.

I'm not very good at these things, but for the first time in a while I actually am getting a sense that she might actually be interested in me. I'm not in any rush, and I'd rather hang out a few times since I haven't seen her in a month and a half, but how do you all think it would be a good idea to approach a shy girl that you know decently well? I'm partially concerned that she's just being herself; an extremely friendly girl who is nice to everyone she meets. Because of that, I'm a little worried about trying anything because I think there is a lot of potential for a great friendship here if things never went into the direction of a relationship.
 
Well, you could always ask her if she wants to go out to lunch some day. Then, at lunch, you could tell her that you're not really sure what she's thinking, but if she's interested in dating, you'd like to date her. But, if she's not interested, you're happy just being friends. Honesty is best. And, if she's shy, she's probably not going to come right out and ask you herself, lol. I definitely prefer guys to give clear signals, because I'm also very shy, and would have a hard time getting up the nerve to tell a guy that I was interested in dating.
 
You see, the idea of asking someone to lunch already sounds like asking them on a date already. Maybe it just has something to do with the culture in the area I live or something. Or maybe I'm just weird. I know I wouldn't interpret it that way if a girl were to ask me to lunch. Then again, any girl I know that would do that (or has done so) I've know so long that intentions are clear to begin with.
 
I agree with Jennifleur. And yeah asking her to lunch does kind of come off as a date, a little bit. But if you like her thats ok, you do got to remember though its not an offical date. But it is a good starting point, and its something friends do, as you said if your friends asked you you wouldnt think aything of it. It's the same here, she may wonder if you like her if you ask her, but tahts not necessarily a bad thing since your interested.

You could also plan a group thing yourself, but honestly the best thing to do is to just talk to her about how you feel, however you do it. It really stinks to be the girl wondering if you are indeed interested! Thats whats happening to me right now, I invite him out to stuff, and he invites me to stuff to, but still nothings a guarentee. So talking about it is always the best way.
 
rkmonkey said:
Hello everyone. This is my first post here. I was wondering what everyone thought about what the best way to ask out a shy girl would be. I get pretty shy/doofy when I'm around a girl I like. At the moment, I'm very interested in a girl who attends the same college as I do. Thankfully, we live in the same city so we keep trying to arrange to hang out (along with her twin sister and a few of her other siblings). Things keep failing to work out though, mostly because I can't get around because I didn't have my drivers license until last week.

Oddly enough, even though I keep having to say no (which has been driving me insane) she keeps trying to hang out. In fact, shes the only one who has been actually putting any effort into that. She's also been texting me quite regularly, which has been pretty cool. I'll actually be able to see her saturday, which I'm excited about.

I'm not very good at these things, but for the first time in a while I actually am getting a sense that she might actually be interested in me. I'm not in any rush, and I'd rather hang out a few times since I haven't seen her in a month and a half, but how do you all think it would be a good idea to approach a shy girl that you know decently well? I'm partially concerned that she's just being herself; an extremely friendly girl who is nice to everyone she meets. Because of that, I'm a little worried about trying anything because I think there is a lot of potential for a great friendship here if things never went into the direction of a relationship.
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Monkey,

You are a man, and if you had lived many many many years ago, you would have been a caveman, and you think caveman went around writing in caves, "I'm a little worried about rejection, I'd rather just be friends, even though I do like her and I want something more"??? Of course not! They took that club of theirs, walked up to the female and ! one over the head. Next thing you know, the caveman is dragging the female back to his cave, and they lived happily ever after.

Havent you ever heard some women say that they dont want to do the chasing? that they want to be chased? I think that's how most women feel, so just be yourself, a man, and step up. Sure it might be awkward if you have never done it, and you might get rejected...BIG TIME! But would you rather live worrying about whether she likes you? or know whether she likes you as more than a friend? Cause if you know whether she likes you or not would set you free, since you'd know whether to pursue a relationship or go for the next girl that catches your eye.

And just because you're a man doesn't mean you can go up and hit her with a club called, what some would say, " direct honesty" or "no hairs in your tounge" or "sincerity". Most women have something called "pride" and they might be head over heels for you but if you directly say, "HEY YOU, I LIKE YOU. YOU WANT TO START DATING?" in your manly voice, their pride takes over them and they will say no, even if they are dying for you. They are like labyrinths with many many many many doors you have to open to get further ahead and those doors open with things like flowers and such

But then again, you dont want to overdo it, maybe if you just wear something nice, take her a nice orange gerbera with a cute little note saying...........You see this? People could just ramble on and on and on and give you very good advice about the hows and the what to dos and the what not to dos and the what to says and the what to thinks, but at the end you have two options, you either go for it, or you dont and you spend many nights thinking what if?

So all these words and advice that I tried to make sound as good advice comes down to this: Go for it, man! It doesnt matter how really (well, yes, it does, but it doesnt matter THAT much) just go for it.
 
Haha, that actually makes a lot of sense when I think about it. Obviously if part of my point is to try asking her out, then there really is no sense in me trying to hide my intentions until the last second. That'd be much worse, I think, because it might catch her off guard completely and then that would be bad. Though I'm told that I'm so painfully obvious around girls she probably was starting to wonder towards the end of last semester. I was acting pretty weird. haha. I hung out with her several times during finals week and it was fun. Honestly, I think that if she wasn't interested she'd probably try distancing herself from me rather than trying to hang out. Or she is just as oblivious as I am about such things (she might be, it kind of fits what I know about her personality already).
 
rkmonkey said:
Haha, that actually makes a lot of sense when I think about it. Obviously if part of my point is to try asking her out, then there really is no sense in me trying to hide my intentions until the last second. That'd be much worse, I think, because it might catch her off guard completely and then that would be bad. Though I'm told that I'm so painfully obvious around girls she probably was starting to wonder towards the end of last semester. I was acting pretty weird. haha. I hung out with her several times during finals week and it was fun. Honestly, I think that if she wasn't interested she'd probably try distancing herself from me rather than trying to hang out. Or she is just as oblivious as I am about such things (she might be, it kind of fits what I know about her personality already).
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I got an older sister, and she's a woman, so I'm sure in general most women share some behavior patterns. You know what she does when a guy that she totally doesnt like is getting closer and closer, like asking her out on casual dates, and coming around, calling, and stuff like that? She distances herself, she gives him the cold shoulder, subtly, but she does, so this girl not giving you bad obvious signals is a very good sign. Once I bluntly and directly asked a good friend whom I thought could be more if she wanted to start dating, she told me I was not romantic at all and that we wouldnt get along as more than friends, that's why I tell you that being blunt and spilling exactly how you feel with WORDS might not work. Actions speak better than words, so if you SHOW her that you are interested in her, that might work better and she might get the hint and give you a big hint back. As to how you can show her, well, that's up to your creative genius. What are you studying by the way?
 
HI said:
[/u]

Monkey,

You are a man, and if you had lived many many many years ago, you would have been a caveman, and you think caveman went around writing in caves, "I'm a little worried about rejection, I'd rather just be friends, even though I do like her and I want something more"??? Of course not! They took that club of theirs, walked up to the female and ! one over the head. Next thing you know, the caveman is dragging the female back to his cave, and they lived happily ever after.

Havent you ever heard some women say that they dont want to do the chasing? that they want to be chased? I think that's how most women feel, so just be yourself, a man, and step up. Sure it might be awkward if you have never done it, and you might get rejected...BIG TIME! But would you rather live worrying about whether she likes you? or know whether she likes you as more than a friend? Cause if you know whether she likes you or not would set you free, since you'd know whether to pursue a relationship or go for the next girl that catches your eye.

And just because you're a man doesn't mean you can go up and hit her with a club called, what some would say, " direct honesty" or "no hairs in your tounge" or "sincerity". Most women have something called "pride" and they might be head over heels for you but if you directly say, "HEY YOU, I LIKE YOU. YOU WANT TO START DATING?" in your manly voice, their pride takes over them and they will say no, even if they are dying for you. They are like labyrinths with many many many many doors you have to open to get further ahead and those doors open with things like flowers and such

But then again, you dont want to overdo it, maybe if you just wear something nice, take her a nice orange gerbera with a cute little note saying...........You see this? People could just ramble on and on and on and give you very good advice about the hows and the what to dos and the what not to dos and the what to says and the what to thinks, but at the end you have two options, you either go for it, or you dont and you spend many nights thinking what if?

So all these words and advice that I tried to make sound as good advice comes down to this: Go for it, man! It doesnt matter how really (well, yes, it does, but it doesnt matter THAT much) just go for it.
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I've heard the "man up" talk quite a bit over the past few months. As a shy guy that can be a bit tough for me at times. I have asked two girls out in the past, and both said yes. However, I already knew both of them liked me (they said so themselves when I asked them) so that made things a lot easier, but I still found it rather difficult.

I have reasons for taking a little bit of time before trying to initiate anything. I haven't seen her in a month and a half and I don't want to find myself feeling really awkward when I am around her next. Hopefully I can hang out with her a few times over the next few weeks and then I can try from there.

I'd already made up my mind about trying something prior to making this topic, however seeing as I lack a big club, I don't really know how to go about this. Which is why I made this topic :p.
 
HI said:
I got an older sister, and she's a woman, so I'm sure in general most women share some behavior patterns. You know what she does when a guy that she totally doesnt like is getting closer and closer, like asking her out on casual dates, and coming around, calling, and stuff like that? She distances herself, she gives him the cold shoulder, subtly, but she does, so this girl not giving you bad obvious signals is a very good sign. Once I bluntly and directly asked a good friend whom I thought could be more if she wanted to start dating, she told me I was not romantic at all and that we wouldnt get along as more than friends, that's why I tell you that being blunt and spilling exactly how you feel with WORDS might not work. Actions speak better than words, so if you SHOW her that you are interested in her, that might work better and she might get the hint and give you a big hint back. As to how you can show her, well, that's up to your creative genius. What are you studying by the way?
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Dont have much luck with the girls do you...
 
HI said:
What are you studying by the way?
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Umm I just graduated actually and got a degree in Religion/Philosophy. But I'm going to get a Masters (at the same college) in Social Work. She an elementary education major.
 
rkmonkey said:
Umm I just graduated actually and got a degree in Religion/Philosophy. But I'm going to get a Masters (at the same college) in Social Work. She an elementary education major.
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Well, there's a nice couple. And I have also received the man up talks alot, most of them didnt really change me much. They were the same "be a man, she's just a girl, if she says no forget about her, plenty of fish in the sea, etc., be a man, etc." but last man up talk I had came from a friend whom happened to be a girl, so hearing a girl talk about how they wanted man to step up, well, that did it for me. Now I'm manning up everyday...and getting rejected every day, but that's life, no?
 
rkmonkey said:
Haha, I'd be interested in what you have to say about it.
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Nice is good, but to nice. No so good. To nice is boring. No woman wants to be bored to death

Its not good to always be so reachable. It gets dull and boring once again. When your ALWAYS there.

Women generally want men that will come after them like hector said, but not in a stalkerish way.

Do NOT talk about other women while trying to date one...

Make sure and NEVER look at other women while you are out with the girl your dating. That is a BIG no no


dont be pushy!

last but not least. do NOT try to kiss a girl if your breath stinks!
 
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
Nice is good, but to nice. No so good. To nice is boring. No woman wants to be bored to death

Its not good to always be so reachable. It gets dull and boring once again. When your ALWAYS there.

Women generally want men that will come after them like hector said, but not in a stalkerish way.

Do NOT talk about other women while trying to date one...

Make sure and NEVER look at other women while you are out with the girl your dating. That is a BIG no no


dont be pushy!

last but not least. do NOT try to kiss a girl if your breath stinks!
Click to expand...

Labyrinths after all
 
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
Nice is good, but to nice. No so good. To nice is boring. No woman wants to be bored to death

Its not good to always be so reachable. It gets dull and boring once again. When your ALWAYS there.

Women generally want men that will come after them like hector said, but not in a stalkerish way.

Do NOT talk about other women while trying to date one...

Make sure and NEVER look at other women while you are out with the girl your dating. That is a BIG no no


dont be pushy!

last but not least. do NOT try to kiss a girl if your breath stinks!
Click to expand...

Huh. Define "too nice"?
 
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