At a loss with unbelieving husband...

[Sheri30]

Hey all! This is only my second post on the site but I feel so heavy with burden, even after praying that I know I just need to unload a bit. I have been married to my husband 6 yrs. In the beginning of our relationship we cared nothing about whether the other was saved or not. We were just young in love and enjoying life. After having our son though I knew it was time to buckle down because I grew up in a Christian home and wanted my son to have the opportunity to build a relationship with Christ as well. I have been on my journey to better my realtionship and teach our son for the past 3 yrs. My husband however, though he was onced saved as a teenager says he no longer belives. He has no faith the one and only God or anything really. To his credit he wants our son at least to be able to make his own choices and allows me to/ and even helps me encourage our young one to learn more. I know the bible says that even if one in the realtinship is unbelieve we stick together unless the other truly ants to leave. We love each other and are seeing things thru to the end but, it gets hard trying to explain to him why.. how I have so much faith in Christ. I consider myself so new and young in my own journies that I am unsure how to answer him. I dont want to push ihm further away but its as if he is waiting for ME to convince him that God is real and is who He says He is. Its quite frightening. I guess my question is how do you answer someone when they are searching for why your faith is so strong? I have tried to give him examples in my life but they dont seem "enough" for him, not what he is looking for.. How do you witness to a stubborn unbeliever?! One you care about with your whole heart.. onew you desperatley don't want to perish forever.. It's been even harder because he has been having serious health issues. Please help. Any advice?!?! Even just prayers would help. I surely pray that God will allow me more time to find my voice and truly be able to witness to my husband in a meaningful way.

 

[Stephen]

I am pleased to hear your love for your husband and your acknowledgement of remaining commited even if he isn't a believer. I have wtnessed to people many times and have found that we need to witness to them in their language. For example, f his reason for not believing revolves around the sciences then give him scientific reasons for God's existance.

Also, your growing faith may not sway him today...but tomorrow? I will pray for you my sister and your husband.

 

[Sheri30]

I am pleased to hear your love for your husband and your acknowledgement of remaining commited even if he isn't a believer. I have wtnessed to people many times and have found that we need to witness to them in their language. For example, f his reason for not believing revolves around the sciences then give him scientific reasons for God's existance.

Also, your growing faith may not sway him today...but tomorrow? I will pray for you my sister and your husband.

Thank you for your kind words. And yes he is the scientific/technical type and very stubborn. It still amazes me that he can be so kind and loving and giving yet lack in faith. I know he has been left broken by life experiences and maybe that is the source but I am not sure how to get him out. I would have thought the miracle in itself of our son would trigger something but... I just don't know. He goes to church, he volunteers, he helps teach our son to pray etc... and for 2 reasons only. 1. to allow our son the opportunity to grow up with that childlike faith he never grew up with and 2. he hopes someday he'll hear something that will convince him.. all of that.. and still nothing... ahhhhh... *sigh* your prayers are definately appreciated...

 

[Stephen]

Stay strong in the faith and walk in the spirit. There are some excellent books out there that use science to make the case for God. Maybe that would be a good read for you to pick up for him? I don't have any of the titles to give but have read a few of these books many years ago. I too am looking at the world through a scientific lens and came to faith in part because of what I see as a "designer" being involved in all things.

 

[Ugly]

I'd also say, don't try so hard. Just be yourself, let your faith come through you. Answer his questions to the best of your ability, but don't take it as a form of failure that it doesn't 'sway' him. These things often take some time. And if you're somewhat newer in your faith you're already limited in knowledge & experience, so don't feel as though you should have all the answers. You alone are not going to be the basis for his belief, or lack of belief. Just do what you can to be a positive influence.
Also it seems as though he may be closer than you think. If he's willing to go to church, allow you to raise your son Christian, prays with him, etc, well, that's not typical of a non-believer. Especially the praying with your son. I would take all of that as a good sign. Just keep praying, keep living it, & keep loving him. Those are the best witnesses above any 'answers'.

 

[LaylieCalmMind]

You're in a wonderful relationship, with a child, with someone you describe as kind, loving, and giving... You should be happy, for it seems as though you're with an excellent husband. He's obviously very respectful of your personal beliefs as a Christian, and is fine letting your child make his own choices regarding what to believe, even encouraging religious activity. He loves you just as you are, probably thinks the world of you...

So why do you call him broken? From everything you've said he seems like an outstanding person. I don't feel like you're showing him the same respect he's showing you regarding personal beliefs. He simply does not believe the way you do, he has strong reasons for this, and clearly is against converting. Calling him stubborn and broken is offensive, how would you feel if he said the same about you?

Also, loving, kindness, and generosity are completely different than faith, they're not the same thing. Faith is just believing without a solid logical foundation for the belief. His lack of faith doesn't mean there's something wrong with him, you yourself said he's loving, kind, and giving, he's great! I just wanted to explain why he's a good person without having faith.

You've got a great family, you're loved, and you love back, please just keep that in mind whenever this starts to bother you. If he ever does convert to your beliefs, it'll be on his own, no point for you to stress out over it. Be happy!

 

[tif]

Laylie, you really don't seem to understand what's going in a Christian woman's heart, when she's mourning over the disbelief of one she loves. Sheri used the word "broken" not as a description of his spiritual state, but as a metaphor for the havoc wreaked on him by past experience. It might not seem this way to you, but we believe that the timeline of this world is only a drop of sand in the ocean of eternity. And what woman wouldn't want to be with the man she loves for eternity?

Sheri, I am so glad that you love your husband so much. Stay strong! It's great that you're seeing out support for this, and even greater that you're seeking it from others who believe in the one true God who'll never leave or forsake you. I know there are tons of wonderful women who've been in this situation that can help out!

One thing that has helped me a LOT in my walk has been finding a sort of mentor, an older Christian woman with whom I can talk about things I'm confused about or unsure of. Do you have someone like that in your life, a woman who's been walking with God for a long while and can pray for you and offer advice?

 

[timothy10]

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14)

 

[LaylieCalmMind]

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14)

This is insensitive and not something she needs to hear right now, it provides no helpful input for her situation nor support. What we have here are two people who are committed to and love each other, and have a child together. Simply coming in here and making a post saying her marriage is wrong/sinful can do nothing but offend.

 

[timothy10]

This is insensitive and not something she needs to hear right now, it provides no helpful input for her situation nor support. What we have here are two people who are committed to and love each other, and have a child together. Simply coming in here and making a post saying her marriage is wrong/sinful can do nothing but offend.

if it does offend her than i apologize to her.and i also am sure she will tell me if it does or not you dont always need to say something you have your opinion but it aint always right.i know how to read but what it comes down to is a believer and unbeliever can cause issues as it says in the bible with that scripture. and also everyone has their opinion and it is up to them on if it is helpful or it is not.

 

[wolfywolfs]

if it does offend her than i apologize to her.and i also am sure she will tell me if it does or not you dont always need to say something you have your opinion but it aint always right.i know how to read but what it comes down to is a believer and unbeliever can cause issues as it says in the bible with that scripture. and also everyone has their opinion and it is up to them on if it is helpful or it is not.

yer and a beliver and a beliver relationship always has problems aswell as a non beliver with a non beliver. any relationship can work aslong as respect is maintained

 

[Thomas60]

2 Cor 6:14 doesn't apply to already married couples.
Try this
1 Cor 7:13 "And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him."
1 Peter 3:1-2 " Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives."

It still amazes me that he can be so kind and loving and giving yet lack in faith.

I'm surprised noone jumped on this being offensive, and b) Jesus isn't amazed Luke 10:25

 

[wolfywolfs]

2 Cor 6:14 doesn't apply to already married couples.
Try this
1 Cor 7:13 "And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him."
1 Peter 3:1-2 " Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives."


I'm surprised noone jumped on this being offensive, and b) Jesus isn't amazed Luke 10:25

o it did a little but i ignored it being the better man

 

[Lucy68]

That is a tough situation to be in but since your husband still goes to church and encourages your son to pray and learn about Jesus, I think his mind is changeable (and is even asking to be changed?).

It is hard for scientific people to come to faith. There are many Bible teachers that are very logical and scientific mind-Josh McDowell comes to mind (Evidence that Demands a Verdict). Also, Ravi Zacharias is extremely eloquent and very intellectual.

It would probably help if there were mature Christian men at church that he could relate to.

You're doing great. Keep doing what you're doing and don't be discouraged. It isn't up to you to save your husband. Your love for Christ will shine through all that other stuff. Yes, there are lots of arguments for the Christian faith but in reality, some people refuse to believe, even when dead bones come to life. But I think your husband will believe.

 

[tif]

I know everyone has a right to their own opinion, but can you guys without faith in the bible and our God just back down and leave this woman alone for a while? I know it isn't your faith. I know that (in your mind) it might not seem "fair" or "nice" or "good" to be concerned with where a person is going after he dies or to ask A COMMUNITY OF FELLOW BELIEVERS why he seems so sweet and nice, even if he isn't saved.

But Sheri didn't come in here bashing her husband. She didn't say he's a bad father or a bad husband or a bad person! She was completely, 100% honest with her thoughts. She described his good qualities and his bad qualities. But she didn't obsess over them, she just made a couple of statements that you guys are leeching onto. And she's sad, alright? She's worried. She wants to be a good wife to her husband, and she's terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing and pushing him away forever.

That's why she's here. Not to have her words analyzed. Not to be berated and belittled for ideas that don't match up with secular morality. She asked for support, answers to questions, and prayer. Unless you guys are giving any of those three things, your words don't belong here.

 

[timothy10]

2 Cor 6:14 doesn't apply to already married couples.
Try this
1 Cor 7:13 "And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him."
1 Peter 3:1-2 " Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives."


I'm surprised noone jumped on this being offensive, and b) Jesus isn't amazed Luke 10:25

( 1 Corinthians 7:10-16 ) yeah that is a good chapter and once again i wasnt trying to offend her if you can read.and once again if i did offend her i already apologized my intention was not to offend her.who do i need to offend ? i walk in peace and love,

 

[timothy10]

o it did a little but i ignored it being the better man

right right

 

[LaylieCalmMind]

( 1 Corinthians 7:10-16 ) yeah that is a good chapter and once again i wasnt trying to offend her if you can read.and once again if i did offend her i already apologized my intention was not to offend her.who do i need to offend ? i walk in peace and love,

I didn't mean to say you had malicious intent, I'm sure you don't want to hurt anyone, but just posting that scripture does nothing more than insult her marriage... And I think her marriage is pretty great, and I want her to feel better about it. I apologize if I was too intense in my defense of it.

 

[Thomas60]

@Timothy, ah I wasn't on about you
@Tif, I know emotionally my response isn't what was asked for in the thread. I value the honest and vocal opinions and thoughts of others like Sheri, but I also think the reactions of others such as myself help good people understand where bad feelings are arising to address them better, and to communicate that rarely feels sensitive... sometimes insensitivity really is the push needed.

I have already responded in the original prayer request thread with warmth, and am of course saddened this caused tension.

 

[Sheri30]

Thanks to everyone who has responded. I realized in coming to this website that people will have their own opinions. I certainly have not been offended by any of the posts I have seen. Though, I would like to shed some light on a few things. I truly do love my husband :0). I certainly did not write what I did to berate or bash my husband. Please refer back to tif's original comment because she really hit the nail on the head. I believe a "perfect life" in this world is meaningless if you have no relationship with Christ. YES YES YES I most certainly do want my husband to be able to be in the new kingdom with me (and our son) worshipping the ONE and Only God . I feel overwhelmingly blessed that the Lord has brought in my life such a wonderful man but what kind of Christian would I be if I were not concerned for his eternal well being? This is and should be true wehther he were my husband or a stranger on the street. Are we not called to witness and help "win" all the osuls we can? And I have read through 1 & 2 Corinthinans and 1 Peter and I know what it says about marriage and unbelivers. As I said in my original post neither me nor my husband were concerned about our faith when we got together. However times have changed for us. It is extremely important for me to have a realtionship with Jesus and of course I want the same for my husband and son. It is a frustrating ordeal because YES it does seem like he is soooooo very close sometimes... yet so far at the same time. All I ask is that if you comment please let it be about the topic. Maybe I should be more specific with my questions. LOL. --> Examples or testimonies in how to share the gospel with an unbelieving loved one. Maybe a prayer for our family would be nice? Thanks again though for all the responses. --> tif unfortunately I do not have a mentor yet. We recently moved and changed churches and I don't know very many people that well around here yet but getting a mentor is def a great idea!