Bad Jokes Thread

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did you know that baseball is very big in the bible??

after all the BIble begins with "in the big Inning..."
 
Have you heard of the man who went into the store to buy nails? When he came back outside it was snowing ....
 
how do you define "eternity?"

Four blonds who arrive at a 4-Way Stop at the exact same moment...........
 
Why are Jehovah's Witnesses safe during an earthquake? They're always in a doorway!
 
Medical Studies have revealed that 1 out of every 3 people in America suffer from a mental/emotional disorder........ ???

Hmmm, well, I'M OK...........and, uh, SO AM I............(but we got our doubts about those two over there..... :) )
 
[SUP]"11 [/SUP]And should not I spare Nineveh, that great city, wherein are more than sixscore thousand persons that cannot discern between their right hand and their left hand...

...and also much cattle?"
 
Four men went golfing together one day; three headed to the first tee and one went into the club house to take care of the bill. The three men started talking, bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder and he''s so successful that he gave a friend a new home - for free."

The second man said, "My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He''s so successful that he gave a friend two Cadillacs."

The third man, not wanting to be outdone bragged, "My son is a stock broker and he''s doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio."

The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?" The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay. I''m not totally thrilled about it, but he must be good. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, two cars, and a stock portfolio"
 
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There are two muffins in the oven. One says, "It's getting warm in here." The other says, "Holy Cow! A talking muffin!"
 
a photon walks into a hotel - the porter asks 'Can I take your Bags?' 'No' says the photon 'I'm travelling light'
 
Q: Why did the bunny eat the wedding ring?

A: because he heard it was 18 carrots! lol
 
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing. He ran even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer.

His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don't exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice. The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... brought both paws together...bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful...AMEN!"
 
She wondered why everyone was yelling duck.
Then it hit her.:p
 
Say Fort.

Spell it twice.

Say it two more times.

Now, what do you eat soup with???
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.
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If you said fork, think about it again.

It's such a dumb joke, but the sad thing is someone actually got me with it.
 
Yo momma so fat when she died she broke the stairway to heaven.
 
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of religious service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" [Turn from your sin]

The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. Then the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar,"Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture at you."

"Scripture?" replied the burglar, "She said she had an axe and two 38s!"
 
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