Being in a "loving relationship" without having sex?

[Isa]

So I was just wondering, is it possible to be in a "loving relationship" without having sex? Well I know it must be possible right? Since some people are able to do it. I will emphasize on" loving" relationship because there are ones that just aren't!
But here's the issue. I've been a Christian since I was little but backslidden some 4 years ago, but thanks God I'm now back to my feet.
I think I'm ready for a serious relationship, I'm still a little scared as the previous one, which was my first wasn't exactly a "relationship" . He was much older and there was some abuse involved...
Well anyway I think I'm now ready to meet my husband. (Just using this word amuses me lol)
But seriously I'm ready to love and be loved in return, hopefully he will be a Christian and maybe we won't have any sex issues before being married ???
So going back to my question, when you love someone is it possible not to have sex with the person? I know a relationship is definitely not all about sex but the way I see it, 2 people having sex in a "loving relationship" is just a mutual expression of their feeling. But of course it's not permitted by God before marriage.
What do you think then is the best way to avoid having sex before we marry? As a Christian that is just out of question for me to have sex before being married, but then I'm wondering if I'll be strong enough ... I guess he MUST have to be a Christian also. I really don't know..
Since my last relationship I really thought I'll be better off being alone but I just don't understand why I feel the need to be with someone. And it's seriously pissing me off. I really have other things in mind right now more important than to be with someone. But it's a feeling that's just too strong, too overwhelming to ignore ... "Sigh"

 

[rus_lady]

yes , i think its possible ! if man really loves u and respect u then its possible !

 

[AAAPlus]

Well what is love? According to the Bible, love is being patient and kind, and keeping no record of wrongs, and never fails, etc (it's all listed in 1 Corinthians 13). THAT is love, not whatever skewed definition the world has for it. Love is NOT a feeling, no matter what you may believe. It's an action or an attitude.

So yes, you can be in a loving relationship without having sex. My best friend and I are in a "loving relationship", that is, we love each other and our friendship constitutes a relationship. And we definitely don't have sex (we're both guys).

Now the Bible does add the provision that if you're married, you should love each other by having sex. But only if you're married.

 

[Liamson]

''Where your treasure is there your heart will be also.''

Perhaps I speak only for myself but, what you treasure about yourself, and what you want someone else to treasure about you, is what is going to draw someone to you.

If not being alone is what you are looking for, then you may not like what you will find. People will say anything and go to great lengths just to appear good enough to get under your defenses. But the person who truly sees your heart isn't concerned with the way things appear.

My deepest and most loving relationships had nothing to do with sex. Being in love with someone has more to do with knowing their character, understanding their heart and believing in their spirit. These are the things about them, whether for better or worse are hard to change and eventually will surface. A person who seeks a deep loving authentic relationship cannot abide in a shallow one. Also a person who does not care for anything but the way things appear with have little in common with the person who sees and cares beyond appearances.

Either a person is good inside and does well to promote the goodness of himself or others or he is dark inside and eventually no matter how hard he tries to mask what he is it will show up and he will be seen. A person's duplicity will eventually betray them. A good man's conscience is more of an asset to him than a worldly man's wealth.

Everyone has a motivation for doing whatever it is that they do. Some people only go to church to meet women. Some people only go to church for the music or the food. When a person's heart is in the right place, it never leaves church, no matter where else they go.

If a man is what you want, I would suggest pouring your heart into the things God cares about. For He knows what you want before you ever ask him. Volunteer, go on a missions trip or sell yourself out for God. The right man will see your heart and be made defenseless to resist it.

 

[rus_lady]

well said liamson

 

[Relena7]

So I was just wondering, is it possible to be in a "loving relationship" without having sex? Well I know it must be possible right? Since some people are able to do it. I will emphasize on" loving" relationship because there are ones that just aren't!
But here's the issue. I've been a Christian since I was little but backslidden some 4 years ago, but thanks God I'm now back to my feet.
I think I'm ready for a serious relationship, I'm still a little scared as the previous one, which was my first wasn't exactly a "relationship" . He was much older and there was some abuse involved...
Well anyway I think I'm now ready to meet my husband. (Just using this word amuses me lol)
But seriously I'm ready to love and be loved in return, hopefully he will be a Christian and maybe we won't have any sex issues before being married ???
So going back to my question, when you love someone is it possible not to have sex with the person? I know a relationship is definitely not all about sex but the way I see it, 2 people having sex in a "loving relationship" is just a mutual expression of their feeling. But of course it's not permitted by God before marriage.
What do you think then is the best way to avoid having sex before we marry? As a Christian that is just out of question for me to have sex before being married, but then I'm wondering if I'll be strong enough ... I guess he MUST have to be a Christian also. I really don't know..
Since my last relationship I really thought I'll be better off being alone but I just don't understand why I feel the need to be with someone. And it's seriously pissing me off. I really have other things in mind right now more important than to be with someone. But it's a feeling that's just too strong, too overwhelming to ignore ... "Sigh"

Yes, it's entirely possible. I have been in a loving relationship with my boyfriend for over 3 years, and we are both still virgins, by choice (this is probably the only site I will admit that on...haha).
We connect deeply in other ways, through conversations, emotional bonding, affection, some kissing. It's not a big deal. We've never "lost control" in a fit of passion (even if we might have sometimes felt like it). He's very grounded, and I think some of that rubs off on me when I'm around him. I am not ready to get married right now, but I think only when I am will it really feel right to go all the way.

Also too I think sometimes the more we try NOT to think about wanting to do something, the more we want to do it, and the bigger deal it becomes in our minds. I just don't make "not having sex" seem like such a big deal to myself, and it doesn't become one. For now we are fine just snuggling, being there for the other, and enjoying getting to know each other a little more every day.

 

[Isa]

Relena, good for you! Like I said, one way to achieve this is to be with a Christian who thinks like me right? Otherwise it won't work.
Liamson, I agree that I should probably be more verse in the things of the Lord. I do try to get involved in my church, but with 3 jobs.. I can't do much.(it's really just 2, the other one I just do it for fun)
The one thing you didn't get right though is your comment about the fact that "I need" to be with someone. What I said is that there is this feeling that is there that I need to care for someone, and it isn't something that I like as it is kind of overwhelming sometimes. Unfortunately we don't always have control over our feelings and that's what is going on with me. If I could actually choose what and how I want to feel it'd be great!
I am a very busy and active person and I do not have time to care for someone right now as I have other things I'm trying to achieve at the moment. So this is definetely not by choice! If you were a girl maybe you'd understand.
But then knowing myself, if I care for someone I don't know if I'd be able to retain as for me this is just a natural feeling ( and I seem to be the only one feeling this way on this forum) Sex for me is a way of bonding, connecting on a different level with your partner that you love dearly. It isn't something that should be done just for fun..
That's also why I'd rather stay by myself for now, and not being tempted, unless of course I find the perfect guy that wouldn't even think of that befor mariage. Nowadays they all want to do it before mariage..

 

[zeroturbulence]

well said liamson

Why does your avatar say "The End"??

 

[rus_lady]

why ? hmm .... good q lol ... um , it means the end of one thing and begining of something new ....

 

[zeroturbulence]

why ? hmm .... good q lol ... um , it means the end of one thing and begining of something new ....

Oh good! I thought maybe it was something serious.

 

[Jullianna]

Relena, good for you! Like I said, one way to achieve this is to be with a Christian who thinks like me right? Otherwise it won't work.
Liamson, I agree that I should probably be more verse in the things of the Lord. I do try to get involved in my church, but with 3 jobs.. I can't do much.(it's really just 2, the other one I just do it for fun)
The one thing you didn't get right though is your comment about the fact that "I need" to be with someone. What I said is that there is this feeling that is there that I need to care for someone, and it isn't something that I like as it is kind of overwhelming sometimes. Unfortunately we don't always have control over our feelings and that's what is going on with me. If I could actually choose what and how I want to feel it'd be great!
I am a very busy and active person and I do not have time to care for someone right now as I have other things I'm trying to achieve at the moment. So this is definetely not by choice! If you were a girl maybe you'd understand.
But then knowing myself, if I care for someone I don't know if I'd be able to retain as for me this is just a natural feeling ( and I seem to be the only one feeling this way on this forum) Sex for me is a way of bonding, connecting on a different level with your partner that you love dearly. It isn't something that should be done just for fun..
That's also why I'd rather stay by myself for now, and not being tempted, unless of course I find the perfect guy that wouldn't even think of that befor mariage. Nowadays they all want to do it before mariage..

Isa, I totally get where you are coming from. Sex is so emotional for women (and HOPEFULLY for many men, though the world says they are more visual than emotion in this regard). Having been married for such a long time and having had sex/intimacy play such an automatic and amazing part in my everyday life, it is automatically tied to my feelings when I begin to care for someone. This is exactly why I am online so much right now and have made the decision not to date much until I get a better handle on it. A lot of guys know this is a temptation for some of us and are more than willing to use it to their advantage.

I am a christian and I KNOW that sex outside of the bonds of marriage is wrong, but doing the right thing is extremely difficult sometimes, no matter how badly we want to, huh? So, the easiest thing for me to do right now is remove myself from those situations and keep myself busy with other things while God works on me and guides my decisions regarding the person He means for me to be with.

I admire your honesty. Guys have issues they wrestle with (generally, but not exclusively) more than we do (such as porn, etc.), but we ladies need to fess up and admit that we have issues of our own to wrestle with God's help.

I absolutely DO think it's possible to be in a relationship with someone without having sex with them, as I did this BEFORE I married. Many of the singles on this site have done it and are doing it presently. It's just seemingly a little tougher and we need God's help if we are to accomplish it after that bridge has been traversed, especially over a long period of time.

 

[Nalu]

Yes it is possible. Look at senior couples that have been married for many years.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Yes it is possible. Look at senior couples that have been married for many years.

Actually, from what I've heard they are a lot more "active" than people think. Especially now that there's viagra. Oops I said the "V" word. Maybe I should have said sildenafil. (No, I don't have any! I studied pharmacy.)

 

[Isa]

Isa, I totally get where you are coming from. Sex is so emotional for women (and HOPEFULLY for many men, though the world says they are more visual than emotion in this regard). Having been married for such a long time and having had sex/intimacy play such an automatic and amazing part in my everyday life, it is automatically tied to my feelings when I begin to care for someone. This is exactly why I am online so much right now and have made the decision not to date much until I get a better handle on it. A lot of guys know this is a temptation for some of us and are more than willing to use it to their advantage.

I am a christian and I KNOW that sex outside of the bonds of marriage is wrong, but doing the right thing is extremely difficult sometimes, no matter how badly we want to, huh? So, the easiest thing for me to do right now is remove myself from those situations and keep myself busy with other things while God works on me and guides my decisions regarding the person He means for me to be with.

I admire your honesty. Guys have issues they wrestle with (generally, but not exclusively) more than we do (such as porn, etc.), but we ladies need to fess up and admit that we have issues of our own to wrestle with God's help.

I absolutely DO think it's possible to be in a relationship with someone without having sex with them, as I did this BEFORE I married. Many of the singles on this site have done it and are doing it presently. It's just seemingly a little tougher and we need God's help if we are to accomplish it after that bridge has been traversed, especially over a long period of time.

Thakns for understanding Julianna!
I might actually start thinking it is possible to do this, but my guess is, the guy will definitely have to respect my view on this issue and especially be a christian. I will certainly not find anyone that agrees with me on this one, in the places I frequent.
Oh well, I should just leave everything in the hands of God and worry about other things, (easier said than done)