M
My2girls
Guest
All of my life, I have felt like the outcast in my family. It has become easier to deal with as an adult, especially since I now have my own family. But, it still bothers me tremendously.
Here is my story in a nutshell:
Shortly after I was born, my parents divorced. My mother and her family took me to another state to live without my father's knowledge. My grandparents took me to raise me, and my mother remarried. They had my birth certificate and social sec number listed under their last name as a sort of alias. They had me refer to them as mom and dad, my real mom as "my sister", my uncles as "my brothers", etc. When I was about 7 or 8, my grandparents explained to me the details of this. They said that my mother couldn't raise me, and my father was abusive. I was basically the only child living with them since my mom and her brothers were grown. My mom went on to have 3 sons with my stepdad.
When I was 14, my grandmother (who i referred to as my mother) died of cancer. My grandfather remarried. My mom then wanted me to move in with her, my stepfather, and my 3 half-brothers (who up until this time I referred to as my nephews). So, I did. They then had me refer to them as mom and dad, and other family members as they actually were. My stepdad was extremely strict with me, and I was grounded throughout highschool most of the time. I was not a bad kid. My mom was very distant from me, and my 3 half brothers were always shown favoritism over me. When I turned 18 and graduated, I went into the military. Upon enlistment, somehow my alias name surfaced, and it was changed to my biological father's last name in order to enlist. I found my biological father a few years later and met him. We have talked a few times, but not much. He also remarried and had 3 children.
I married not long after to the first woman I fell for. I can now see how this probably filled a void from losing my grandmother at 14. It only lasted a year and a half, then I moved back in with my mom and stepdad. Being a well known businessman in our community, he offered me a job working for him. This ended up being a mistake. I was faced with the comparison to my half brothers every day. I eventually left there, followed Gods lead, and found a new job and a new wife. We have two beautiful girls and have been married 8 years.
However, we still live within 5 miles of my parents. We seldom see them, and now my wife and girls experience their outcasting. It seems as though this will haunt me for the rest of my life. My half brothers don't have children yet, but when they do I know my parents will be crazy over them. I don't want my girls experiencing this with their grandparents.
Here is my story in a nutshell:
Shortly after I was born, my parents divorced. My mother and her family took me to another state to live without my father's knowledge. My grandparents took me to raise me, and my mother remarried. They had my birth certificate and social sec number listed under their last name as a sort of alias. They had me refer to them as mom and dad, my real mom as "my sister", my uncles as "my brothers", etc. When I was about 7 or 8, my grandparents explained to me the details of this. They said that my mother couldn't raise me, and my father was abusive. I was basically the only child living with them since my mom and her brothers were grown. My mom went on to have 3 sons with my stepdad.
When I was 14, my grandmother (who i referred to as my mother) died of cancer. My grandfather remarried. My mom then wanted me to move in with her, my stepfather, and my 3 half-brothers (who up until this time I referred to as my nephews). So, I did. They then had me refer to them as mom and dad, and other family members as they actually were. My stepdad was extremely strict with me, and I was grounded throughout highschool most of the time. I was not a bad kid. My mom was very distant from me, and my 3 half brothers were always shown favoritism over me. When I turned 18 and graduated, I went into the military. Upon enlistment, somehow my alias name surfaced, and it was changed to my biological father's last name in order to enlist. I found my biological father a few years later and met him. We have talked a few times, but not much. He also remarried and had 3 children.
I married not long after to the first woman I fell for. I can now see how this probably filled a void from losing my grandmother at 14. It only lasted a year and a half, then I moved back in with my mom and stepdad. Being a well known businessman in our community, he offered me a job working for him. This ended up being a mistake. I was faced with the comparison to my half brothers every day. I eventually left there, followed Gods lead, and found a new job and a new wife. We have two beautiful girls and have been married 8 years.
However, we still live within 5 miles of my parents. We seldom see them, and now my wife and girls experience their outcasting. It seems as though this will haunt me for the rest of my life. My half brothers don't have children yet, but when they do I know my parents will be crazy over them. I don't want my girls experiencing this with their grandparents.
They are you're family, warts and all. Your example could be what initiates a closer bond between everybody. Try not to be resentful of your half-siblings. You can NOW form bonds of closeness that have been missing in the past. It's never too late to work on relationships. But you have to throw out the baggage 