big problem (please don't judge)
- Thread starter JFSurvivor
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tenderhearted
Guest
I'm sorry that you are struggling with this. Personally I struggle with fear and it's so frustrating that even though God is faithful, I still find it hard to fully trust. When I think I've overcome fear I am tested even further and it's frustrating because I am made aware of my deficiencies and where I need to grow. The reason I'm telling you is to encourage you because I understand how it feels to struggle with something.
I also want to encourage you and let you know that my own mother struggled with this for 18 yrs. I prayed for 18 years that my mother would be healed of this. The reason it took so long was because she strayed away from the LORD. But after years of praying God completely delivered her. She remarried when I went to college and is still happily married. Her walk with God is strong. She is studying to be a spiritual formation pastor. She's been free of this bondage for 15 years and has never looked back.
God will set you free from this. He is in the business of restoring. I am going to be praying for you, so walk in confidence that He who began a work in you is faithful to complete it.
Pray about this, but maybe a little Christian counseling could help in this area. Maybe you could find an accountability group. A group of people that can relate and pray with you. You don't have to walk this through alone.
I also want to encourage you and let you know that my own mother struggled with this for 18 yrs. I prayed for 18 years that my mother would be healed of this. The reason it took so long was because she strayed away from the LORD. But after years of praying God completely delivered her. She remarried when I went to college and is still happily married. Her walk with God is strong. She is studying to be a spiritual formation pastor. She's been free of this bondage for 15 years and has never looked back.
God will set you free from this. He is in the business of restoring. I am going to be praying for you, so walk in confidence that He who began a work in you is faithful to complete it.Pray about this, but maybe a little Christian counseling could help in this area. Maybe you could find an accountability group. A group of people that can relate and pray with you. You don't have to walk this through alone.
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lumberjack
Guest
No? By all means man, have fun. I just don't like it when MY kinda fun is judged as a result of a lack of social skills.
Lack of social skills?
Fun is found sorrounded with people, their own inviroment; and at your age (or place) thatt could be true, and you know your truth.
I'm sorry that you are struggling with this. Personally I struggle with fear and it's so frustrating that even though God is faithful, I still find it hard to fully trust. When I think I've overcome fear I am tested even further and it's frustrating because I am made aware of my deficiencies and where I need to grow. The reason I'm telling you is to encourage you because I understand how it feels to struggle with something.
I also want to encourage you and let you know that my own mother struggled with this for 18 yrs. I prayed for 18 years that my mother would be healed of this. The reason it took so long was because she strayed away from the LORD. But after years of praying God completely delivered her. She remarried when I went to college and is still happily married. Her walk with God is strong. She is studying to be a spiritual formation pastor. She's been free of this bondage for 15 years and has never looked back.
Pray about this, but maybe a little Christian counseling could help in this area. Maybe you could find an accountability group. A group of people that can relate and pray with you. You don't have to walk this through alone.
When you mentioned that of trusting I know (part of it what you possibly meant). Trusting is part of loving. It can be nurtured or betrayed; yet is part of our wills.
I think, the est part of trusting should be addressed to GOD 1st. He is somewhere out there but, it is better to start developing such trust, at His distance, than trusting too much any person we don´t surely know.
I grew sorrunded by prostitution, lust, etc. and my lasts talks with my mom gave me a complete picture of the things I was spared: The earth is not a paradise and if we don´t heal here, no checking in next life.
To survivor:
Have you asked your dad if he wanted a male instead of a girl?
I have heard there are some curses we might have inherit so, because you are so brave in fighting against this, I think it could be a family curse following you...
I beg you sister to ask for it to fight against it.
I´m sorry your BF doesn´t help you well or better (I´m not good in helping either) but I have seen people overcoming their problems and, believe me, that problem is not the worst people are fighting. I admire you for being so open on those topics and, if my prayers are heard, I hope God help you soon to bring JOY in your life.
Signs,
I hated sinner.
Have you asked your dad if he wanted a male instead of a girl?
I have heard there are some curses we might have inherit so, because you are so brave in fighting against this, I think it could be a family curse following you...
I beg you sister to ask for it to fight against it.
I´m sorry your BF doesn´t help you well or better (I´m not good in helping either) but I have seen people overcoming their problems and, believe me, that problem is not the worst people are fighting. I admire you for being so open on those topics and, if my prayers are heard, I hope God help you soon to bring JOY in your life.
Signs,
I hated sinner.
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lumberjack
Guest
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Sirk
Guest
well you haven't done anything wrong yet.
you might also want to ask yourself some hard questions like if you are just dating your BF in an attempt to mask your feelings. I have heard stories of christians that get married in an attempt to become "straight" and it just leads to a very unhappy marriage for both parties.
you might also want to ask yourself some hard questions like if you are just dating your BF in an attempt to mask your feelings. I have heard stories of christians that get married in an attempt to become "straight" and it just leads to a very unhappy marriage for both parties.
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twotwo
Guest
Every feeling we have is a question of perception! As Jesus said: “Your eye is the lamp of your body”. Hence, healthy eyes make us incorruptible.
The Spirit tells you this is disgusting! Be happy because those who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God.
As it is written: “Walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh”. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
I just attended a seminar on the topic of Christians being same sex attracted, and there were 3 people who gave their testimonies. One man had been happily married for 25 years with children, and had basically learned to control his attraction. Another man was young, but eager to follow and obey Christ. He learned he didn't have to act on his impulses. But something that the conference pointed out as that most people cannot be changed, although of course, Christ can change people in ways we cannot imagine. (As low as 30% of people who are same-sex attracted can overcome those desires - the key is to NOT act on them)
I think though, in your case, with the abuse you have suffered, you might be responding to that, rather than actual desire for a same sex relationship. My thought is to get some Christian counseling, with a person who is understanding, rather than judgmental. You are obviously concerned about your feelings, but as long as you don't act upon them, I think it will be easier to work on controlling these impulses.
God loves us, no matter what the temptation. He will not leave or forsake you. And we all do have some kind of area that God is working on us in. Don't give up, no matter how long it takes!
I think though, in your case, with the abuse you have suffered, you might be responding to that, rather than actual desire for a same sex relationship. My thought is to get some Christian counseling, with a person who is understanding, rather than judgmental. You are obviously concerned about your feelings, but as long as you don't act upon them, I think it will be easier to work on controlling these impulses.
God loves us, no matter what the temptation. He will not leave or forsake you. And we all do have some kind of area that God is working on us in. Don't give up, no matter how long it takes!
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tenderhearted
Guest
Angela what you said about abused people makes sense. My mother was sexually abused as a child by a family friend who was a male. I believe that's why she was attracted to people of the same sex. I suspect that she had trust issues with men. On top of the fact that her biological dad abandoned her and then committed suicide. My mother was honest with my father about her struggle before they married, but he married her anyway. Then my dad was neglectful and physical with her, which is why she divorced him. It's interesting because they are both saved and I think they would make a good couple now, however they are married to different people.
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tenderhearted
Guest
I get what you are saying and it's true. It took a few years to realize that the reason I struggled with trusting God is because I felt abandoned by my father. I wasn't a priority for him, so it became a challenge to receive the love of my heavenly father. I had to get the revelation that I was valuable and that God loves me unconditionally. It's taken a lot of prayer and bible reading on my part. In the process God showed me that I was rooted in fear. I feared that I would be abandoned again. Over the years I have been through so many things and believe or not I have experienced the love of the father and his faithfulness through my trials. Although, my initial reaction was to be scared, God carried me through. I'm much better now, but I can still use some work. 
Don't you just love those trials ha ha.
Don't you just love those trials ha ha.No offense, but if you're attracted to your friend and at the same time digusted [if that's even possible] you're clearly not gay. I mean, I've been attracted to friends myself and NEVER been disgusted. Can't give you any advice though, in a way I'm trying to making sense of my feelings in the light of scripture myself, but I'm not that learned. What can I say: there's so much going in my own life, so many emotions, but I've learnt that not everything should be taken as seriously, not everything is as important. Find out what matters most, and that's clearly the love for you bf, and accept that you can also have feelings for your friend. Don't hate yourself for it though, just let it go.
No, I think it's definitely possible to be attracted to some and be disgusted with yourself at the same time. It is possible to have some measure of disgust at your own desires and the object of those desires, because at some level your desires are beyond your control. People aren't robots where you push a button and you get to feel happiness, or sadness. Desires can be shaped and moulded, fanned into flame or muted, but they first arise spontaneously. It's possible for straight men to feel disgust when they look lustfully at a woman they're not attracted to. It's possible to feel disgust when attracted to someone of the same sex precisely because that desire, almost always, comes from a place you can't entirely control. The core of the feeling is not willful, if that makes sense.
But yeah, I agree, self-loathing is never the right way to go, regardless of whether you're talking about same sex attraction, lust for the opposite sex, addiction, whatever - you are washed and redeemed by the blood of Christ, who thought you (and all of rotten, unlovely mankind) were worth keeping, even in our unlovely state. When the creator of the Universe loves you and counts you as beautiful in him, despite our unworthiness, that leaves little room for self-disgust. Your feelings may pass, they may not. Either way, it doesn't impinge on your worth one little bit.
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Sirk
Guest
The reason I asked the question I did is because there is more than meets the eye. As an example, a man who is addicted to porn is really not addicted to the porn so much as he is addicted to the dopamine release that it provides him. In other words, he has a coping mechanism that is broken. He goes to an easy, albeit temporary respite from the underlying painful emotion that has caused him to go down the neural rut in his brain.
When a mechanism like that is broken in our lives we need to identify it and retrain our brains to use a healthy God honoring avenue to release the dopamine. It takes time and effort in right thinking to identify insecurities and painful feelings so that we get on a healthy path.
When a mechanism like that is broken in our lives we need to identify it and retrain our brains to use a healthy God honoring avenue to release the dopamine. It takes time and effort in right thinking to identify insecurities and painful feelings so that we get on a healthy path.
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Elisa
Guest
It may sound bad, but I would say, admire her for who she is and try to focus on what's beautiful inside her - it's normal to some degree for all of us to feel some kind of attraction for beautiful people, even of the same gender, but always keep this within the limits of normality, which is admiration for the way God made them and their inner beauty. But don't mess this up with sexual attraction.
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BibleReader
Guest
1 Corinthians 10:13
[SUP]13 [/SUP]No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.
God gives us the tools. Always remember that.
God loves you and I will pray for you and many of the other unspoken pleas from people who are going through similar experiences.
[SUP]13 [/SUP]No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.
God gives us the tools. Always remember that.
God loves you and I will pray for you and many of the other unspoken pleas from people who are going through similar experiences.