Boundaries

[Lanolin]

Otherwise the Kingdom of God/Heaven was like the old city of Jerusalem or the Temple with its walls and gates.

Then when the new Jerusalem appears apparently it is huge, like it says in Revelation exactly how big it is in terms of cubits.

God did set certain limits and boundaries for the original Promised Land though, as specified in the Bible, bound by the river Jordan on one side, and the Red sea on the other. And the distance Moses could see from Mt Sinai. Was it everything the sun touches?

 

[Lanolin]

The good Samaritan apparently crossed the boundary that the Levites and Pharisees were afraid to cross to help the robbed and assaulted man.

But I think having hospitality is good, though sometimes some guests can outstay their welcome. But even Egypt was good to the Hebrews when they had famine in their land.

Jesus did famously say to people who wanted so much of him, that His time had not yet come, meaning he couldn't do every miracle all the time or something like that. Also Lazarus had to wait until he was dead for the miracle. Jesus even delayed his arrival so that the glory of God would be greater. And he was about His Father's business when Mary noticed young Jesus was missing.

 

[Suze]

I'm not only an introvert, but I'm pretty recluse as well. A mutual respect of boundaries is necessary/critical for me.
I was in a relationship where the person often reminded me that boundaries are good (well, of course they are) and yet they often crossed, or attempted to cross, my boundaries. They even did so on this site. Sometimes getting angry is warranted. I don't mean violence, cussing, or yelling! I mean putting your foot down, being stern with them about their behavior (aka give them a piece of your mind), and walk away. I remember seeing a quote somewhere that said, "Let people feel the weight of who you are, and let them deal with it." I'm not saying any of this in a selfish manner, I'm saying that sometimes we must put our foot down with people. Some people love to cross your boundaries, but are vocal about reminding you to never cross theirs.

Also, I really like what seoulsearch says here (as well as the rest of what she said)...


I've found this to be true as well. I'm someone who watches secular movies and listens to secular music. I remember a lady at work judging another lady at work for listening to secular music. I thought this was bizarre, considering she often went to the casino on Sunday after church. I personally don't believe in gambling, but I never judged her for it. What if I had started judging her for going to the casino? People need to pay attention to what they say.

In the same relationship as the one I mentioned above, I was told that I needed to give up secular music and secular movies in order to remain in a relationship with them. I asked them if they would give me a reason for this. I was told, "It's what God wants." My reply, "No, it's what you want!"
Not long after this, they were posting on their social media about a upcoming secular movie and how they couldn't wait to go see it.
With some people, it's about control and it's definitely not about them wanting you to be more like Christ. They just want to control you.

Ugh, I can just imagine how miserable it would be if I had to go the rest of my life without any butt kicking movies or being able to have my fave songs playing while I'm working on projects or what-have-you! For me, work goes by faster if I'm singing along badly to my fave tunes!

Oh yes , I'm the same ! Mad about music and movies ! I believe that we can learn a lot about ourselves as humans and other people too through music and films . Music really helps to energise me , calm me , cheer me etc . Did u know , it's actually been proven that , people who like aggressive music and / or films , tend to b very gentle and calm ? This is because they have a harmless outlet for the natural aggression that is present in all humans .
People who prefer more gentle music and types of films , tend to b less in touch with reality and more manipulative and underhand ! Science says so , so it must b true .
I don't mind some Christian music but , not the slow dirges , gospel music is beautiful and I love the song Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen .
To me , loving someone means loving them for who they r , not for who u want them to b . The greatest gift we can give to someone is to love them as they r . For sure , we do all change to some extent when we become a Christian , and so we should but , I do know that music and films have helped me through some dark days and I thank God for that . I also read a lot and , I had a female friend who told me she loved to read . I asked her what she liked and she said Harold Robbins , she asked me to recommend a book to her so I recommended A Picture of Dorian Gray . She read it and never read another Harold Robbins after that . I wasn't judging her for her taste , just trying to let her know that there r some truly awesome books out there that can literally change the way u think about things , the same is true for movies and music also , I believe so any way .

 

[Lanolin]

Oh yes , I'm the same ! Mad about music and movies ! I believe that we can learn a lot about ourselves as humans and other people too through music and films . Music really helps to energise me , calm me , cheer me etc . Did u know , it's actually been proven that , people who like aggressive music and / or films , tend to b very gentle and calm ? This is because they have a harmless outlet for the natural aggression that is present in all humans .
People who prefer more gentle music and types of films , tend to b less in touch with reality and more manipulative and underhand ! Science says so , so it must b true .
I don't mind some Christian music but , not the slow dirges , gospel music is beautiful and I love the song Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen .
To me , loving someone means loving them for who they r , not for who u want them to b . The greatest gift we can give to someone is to love them as they r . For sure , we do all change to some extent when we become a Christian , and so we should but , I do know that music and films have helped me through some dark days and I thank God for that . I also read a lot and , I had a female friend who told me she loved to read . I asked her what she liked and she said Harold Robbins , she asked me to recommend a book to her so I recommended A Picture of Dorian Gray . She read it and never read another Harold Robbins after that . I wasn't judging her for her taste , just trying to let her know that there r some truly awesome books out there that can literally change the way u think about things , the same is true for movies and music also , I believe so any way .

I like Livin' on a Prayer by Bon Jovi

I also found rage music helps - Alanis Morrisette, Cranberries - Zombie etc. Just tell it like it is folks. Don't sugar coat it.

 

[Lanolin]

Picture of Dorian Gray is one of those books that stick in your mind, it's like explaining the Faustian pact for anyone who hasn't read Faust.
I haven't cos its in German.

 

[Suze]

I do think that a good rule is the ; do unto others one . I never turn up to someone's house uninvited , that's because I hate it when people do that to me . I never ask too many personal questions , even to my very close friends ( I hate being asked about myself ) if they want me to know about something they will tell me about it . I will always ask if they r ok but , not in an integratory kind of way . I once bumped into an acquaintance , I hadn't seen her for ages so , we were quite close to where I live and I was on my way home , I asked her if she wanted to come to mine for a coffee . This was about 11-30 am . She stayed at mine until about 7-45pm . I could have cried . Never do that again !

 

[Suze]

I like Livin' on a Prayer by Bon Jovi

I also found rage music helps - Alanis Morrisette, Cranberries - Zombie etc. Just tell it like it is folks. Don't sugar coat it.

Viagra Boys r my fave at the moment . I Ain't Nice .

 

[Billyd]

I'm learning about boundaries

I never really knew what they were growing up, so going through life without them, then finding out I DO need them, sometimes does my head in.

What about you? What do you know about boundaries, and how do you keep them in place without saying NO to everything and isolating yourself? How do they work in the context of families? In marriages?
Or in the workplace?
Or in just everyday life?

Is it just being firm with others? Or being decisive? What happens if people hop over your personal boundaries? Build bigger ones?
How much do you or have you bowed to peer pressure/people pleasing, or are you one of those people who don't really care what others think?

I've been thinking about your post for the past few days.

God wrote his rules on our hearts. When we break them, we know it.

Like you, I never really knew exactly what my limits were, but I knew they were there. I was never told "don't do this or don't do that." I learned the limit when I crossed it. When I violated them, I was corrected.

I was much stricter with my children. I made sure that they knew their boundaries and reiterated the often. I did not tolerate crossing the boundaries. I guess I would say that I was always in the prevent mode. I was always trying to make them perfect. In the long run, I made them more dependent on me. Somewhere between the last child and the first grandchild, I grew up. I let them find the boundaries and let them know when they did.

In the workplace, there were always rules, and I followed them. There was also respect others and self. My Christian upbringing taught me to always do my job to the best of my ability. It also taught me that there was a time to walk away. My dad and grandpa taught me to never stop learning.

If I had to sum up boundaries in one word, I would have to say respect. Make it the center of your lifestyle, and you will never go wrong.

 

[CarriePie]

Oh yes , I'm the same ! Mad about music and movies ! I believe that we can learn a lot about ourselves as humans and other people too through music and films . Music really helps to energise me , calm me , cheer me etc . Did u know , it's actually been proven that , people who like aggressive music and / or films , tend to b very gentle and calm ? This is because they have a harmless outlet for the natural aggression that is present in all humans .
People who prefer more gentle music and types of films , tend to b less in touch with reality and more manipulative and underhand ! Science says so , so it must b true .
I don't mind some Christian music but , not the slow dirges , gospel music is beautiful and I love the song Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen .
To me , loving someone means loving them for who they r , not for who u want them to b . The greatest gift we can give to someone is to love them as they r . For sure , we do all change to some extent when we become a Christian , and so we should but , I do know that music and films have helped me through some dark days and I thank God for that . I also read a lot and , I had a female friend who told me she loved to read . I asked her what she liked and she said Harold Robbins , she asked me to recommend a book to her so I recommended A Picture of Dorian Gray . She read it and never read another Harold Robbins after that . I wasn't judging her for her taste , just trying to let her know that there r some truly awesome books out there that can literally change the way u think about things , the same is true for movies and music also , I believe so any way .

Yes! I just don't understand why people try to be so controlling when it comes to what entertainment another person enjoys. I was reading a book about the Roswell incident/investigation at work one day during lunch break and a woman I worked with criticized me because I wasn't reading a romance book. She was very serious about this. Apparently, at least in her mind, since I'm a woman I'm supposed to read romance books I tried not to get into a discussion with her about it, because I just wanted to be left alone to read. For me personally, reading a romance book is like misery. I'm not keen on romance movies either. Mind you, I do quite enjoy real life romance when I'm in a relationship...just not the kind in romance books/movies.
I don't go up to people and give them a hard time because they are reading romance books or watching romance movies. I just let them be. Why do these people not let me be? This is what I get for being a woman lol But seriously, I think it's good that we each have our own unique interests. It'd be pretty dull if we were all alike.

 

[Karlon]

I'm learning about boundaries

I never really knew what they were growing up, so going through life without them, then finding out I DO need them, sometimes does my head in.

What about you? What do you know about boundaries, and how do you keep them in place without saying NO to everything and isolating yourself? How do they work in the context of families? In marriages?
Or in the workplace?
Or in just everyday life?

Is it just being firm with others? Or being decisive? What happens if people hop over your personal boundaries? Build bigger ones?
How much do you or have you bowed to peer pressure/people pleasing, or are you one of those people who don't really care what others think?

in business, you always must be firm, direct, decisive & to the point without extra words while maintaining a smile & a social attitude. that's how you gain respect in business. in the social life, pretty much the same but with more laughter & jokes. i bow or give in to customers, to the ones that will never change. people who are always irascible, unhappy, fractious, cantankerous, difficult, unmanageable & so on to keep the peace. i definitely care what people think of me. that's rare around here, nearly no one cares what people think of them.

 

[Lanolin]

in business, you always must be firm, direct, decisive & to the point without extra words while maintaining a smile & a social attitude. that's how you gain respect in business. in the social life, pretty much the same but with more laughter & jokes. i bow or give in to customers, to the ones that will never change. people who are always irascible, unhappy, fractious, cantankerous, difficult, unmanageable & so on to keep the peace. i definitely care what people think of me. that's rare around here, nearly no one cares what people think of them.

Business has at least some define rules in your contract.
Business also mostly done in good faith.
But you come into problems when the organisational structures always change, or merge, or get taken over. If you've been there long enough you tend to learn all this, but it's a complete culture shock for anyone not prepared to enter the workforce who doesn't know what it's like.

Plus some workplaces are toxic. If you your own boss you only have yourself to blame when things go wrong.
Many young people are not prepared and simply thrown to the wolves, esp if their parents never had such experience, or conversely shelter them too much.

 

[Lanolin]

Yes! I just don't understand why people try to be so controlling when it comes to what entertainment another person enjoys. I was reading a book about the Roswell incident/investigation at work one day during lunch break and a woman I worked with criticized me because I wasn't reading a romance book. She was very serious about this. Apparently, at least in her mind, since I'm a woman I'm supposed to read romance books I tried not to get into a discussion with her about it, because I just wanted to be left alone to read. For me personally, reading a romance book is like misery. I'm not keen on romance movies either. Mind you, I do quite enjoy real life romance when I'm in a relationship...just not the kind in romance books/movies.
I don't go up to people and give them a hard time because they are reading romance books or watching romance movies. I just let them be. Why do these people not let me be? This is what I get for being a woman lol But seriously, I think it's good that we each have our own unique interests. It'd be pretty dull if we were all alike.

You can just say 'everyone's different' as your answer to everything

The other one people use for judgemental nosy people is 'Nobody's perfect'

 

[Lynx]

Boundaries are like mortuaries. In the world God designed they should not be needed, but in a broken world they are a fact of life.

In a perfect world people would be considerate. They would think about what they are asking of others before considering what they can get from others. But as the Hallmark commercials keep reminding us, we don't live in that world. Yet.

Everything we need to get by in a broken world comes with use and abuse. We need it to get by, but we have to be careful to not abuse it. Boundaries are no different. We need boundaries to guard against selfish people, but we also need to be on guard against setting selfish boundaries for ourselves. (And as hard as that sounds, it's MUCH harder... We have to be able to discern when people really need help and when they're just being lazy and greedy.)

I am looking forward to finding out whether boundaries will maybe not be needed at all in Heaven. It would free up SOOOOOOO much of my mental processing ability.

 

[Lanolin]

Doctors without Borders seem not to need boundaries.
And we know when they do surgery, they really get under people's skins

I'm thinking in the spiritual kingdom, with heavenly bodies, boundaries won't be an issue, we will have all God/good with us and within us, and everything evil/sinful as far as east is from the west.

I know there's a Christian psychology books around called Boundaries where you end and I begin or something...Or maybe its learning to say no

But see people just don't respect boundaries you try to put up if you not consistent about defending them or guarding them. I think its very easy for psychologists to say well you need boundaries after all their clients have already been broken and violated. Despite having them already.
It's just people do not really know their limits until its been tested.

 

[Karlon]

Business has at least some define rules in your contract.
Business also mostly done in good faith.
But you come into problems when the organisational structures always change, or merge, or get taken over. If you've been there long enough you tend to learn all this, but it's a complete culture shock for anyone not prepared to enter the workforce who doesn't know what it's like.

Plus some workplaces are toxic. If you your own boss you only have yourself to blame when things go wrong.
Many young people are not prepared and simply thrown to the wolves, esp if their parents never had such experience, or conversely shelter them too much.

informative for novices. it is magnificently important to establish a "forever" business relationship with one's clientele. true, lot's of people quit at the 1st sign of a challenge. quite simply, if someone wants to initiate a business you need to contact a couple of people with great known experience. america is loaded with quitters, it's an epidemic. in the past, 2 people owed me money & wouldn't pay. i had it taken care of, they paid.

 

[Lanolin]

Well, failure is all part of starting up a business. You just have to keep trying and persisting until you find your niche.
A good, respectable business has to be sustainable for long term. If not it's just a get-rich-quick scheme.

 

[dkontner]

 

[Karlon]

Well, failure is all part of starting up a business. You just have to keep trying and persisting until you find your niche.
A good, respectable business has to be sustainable for long term. If not it's just a get-rich-quick scheme.

that is correct

 

[Lanolin]

View attachment 294755

An origami business start-up?

Do people still use paper?
How about wallpaper?

 

[CarriePie]

You can just say 'everyone's different' as your answer to everything

The other one people use for judgemental nosy people is 'Nobody's perfect'

In my experience these people don't like accepting that 'everyone is different', they want you to fit into their mold/idea of what a decent person looks and acts like. There something they can do with their ideas though