Boyfriend issues

[LoneGirl02]

I don’t know whether the “Singles Forum” is the correct place to put this but who cares really.

Okay, this is a bit of a tough one. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months now and slowly I’ve began noticing some few things about him.

Today, he was showing me a video of him and his friend arguing about who is the better looking. It was quite funny actually. Well, we were on face time while he was showing me the video and basically was explaining how they both were fighting about who is more leng than the other. Typical boy stuff.

Stupidly, I blurted out, “Aww, I think you are both equally handsome.” As a joke just to see how he’ll react since he was showing me this video. He became upset that I dare say that I thought he was equally handsome as his friend, so he hung up on me. I tried calling back and he didn’t pick up until after many tried later he did. And then told me he was very upset that I said that and that as his girlfriend I shouldn’t say that.

I feel absolutely terrible. Coz I should have just said “of course you’re more handsome.” Which is true coz he’s my boyfriend but I thought it was gonna be funny to see his reaction. Which proved to be a bad one.

This happened a in the afternoon and now it’s 10pm and he is still upset. I’ve apologised and done everything to make it better but he is still upset.

Was what I said really hurtful? As a man, would you be offended if your girlfriend/wife said that to you?

Would love to hear your thoughts on this.

 

[Magenta]

I think he may be feeling a little insecure. Rather than take it out on you, this would be a great
opportunity for him to allow himself to be honest and vulnerable with you. If he cannot do that?
If he cannot allow himself to do that, I cannot see there being much hope for this relationship.
But you are young yet. And so is he. Maybe he needs a little time to figure this all out.

 

[Artios1]

As a guy …well..... I think I am, I am not a biologist so…. I’m just guessing. But most of us guys have learned how to avoid the trap.

When you are walking down the street and there is a beautiful woman walking past you and your GF asks “do you think she’s pretty” or “can you believe what she’s wearing” or anything related…. the wise man will say……….. “what woman”

I am not saying it was a set up with your BF….. but you jumped in, and your comment hurt his ego…which boils down to…. disrespecting him. Of course, you didn’t do it intentionally …but that is where it hit him.

I can’t tell you how to rectify this….. and eventually he will get over it…. but I can tell what area to work on.

Respect is everything to a guy ….. for lack of a better explanation, respect is to a guy… as love is to a woman….and that is biblical…. that’s just the way we are.

So you work on building up his ego (within reason)….You have to be genuine…but work on complementing him, tell him or praise him for the things he does…. and how great he is, or what a great job he did etc….It will work, I know it sounds stupid …but we are simple creatures.

 

[JAPOV]

Ummmm... For what it's worth...
Where I come from, real men know their place, and it's not a man's job to be pretty!
Find other reasons to love and respect your man... and remind him what your job is.
Even the angels of heaven realize how beautiful the daughters of men are

 

[Subhumanoidal]

I don’t know whether the “Singles Forum” is the correct place to put this but who cares really.

Okay, this is a bit of a tough one. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months now and slowly I’ve began noticing some few things about him.

Today, he was showing me a video of him and his friend arguing about who is the better looking. It was quite funny actually. Well, we were on face time while he was showing me the video and basically was explaining how they both were fighting about who is more leng than the other. Typical boy stuff.

Stupidly, I blurted out, “Aww, I think you are both equally handsome.” As a joke just to see how he’ll react since he was showing me this video. He became upset that I dare say that I thought he was equally handsome as his friend, so he hung up on me. I tried calling back and he didn’t pick up until after many tried later he did. And then told me he was very upset that I said that and that as his girlfriend I shouldn’t say that.

I feel absolutely terrible. Coz I should have just said “of course you’re more handsome.” Which is true coz he’s my boyfriend but I thought it was gonna be funny to see his reaction. Which proved to be a bad one.

This happened a in the afternoon and now it’s 10pm and he is still upset. I’ve apologised and done everything to make it better but he is still upset.

Was what I said really hurtful? As a man, would you be offended if your girlfriend/wife said that to you?

Would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Granted it can hurt a males ego with such comments, but if he's That hurt then you have to see that for what it is. A red flag about his character.
Once you explain and apologize, it shouldn't take him long to get over it.
He's either egotistical and can't handle any comments where he's not viewed in the positive, even jokes. Or he's so insecure he's unable to handle even the Idea put forth.
If he'd gotten upset, then got over it when you apologized I'd say typical male ego. But hanging up on you, refusing your apology and explanation and all those hours later, that's a bad sign.
Don't be surprised to see this behavior pop up again later in your relationship. Or worse behavior.

 

[LoneGirl02]

I think he may be feeling a little insecure. Rather than take it out on you, this would be a great
opportunity for him to allow himself to be honest and vulnerable with you. If he cannot do that?
If he cannot allow himself to do that, I cannot see there being much hope for this relationship.
But you are young yet. And so is he. Maybe he needs a little time to figure this all out.

Honestly, I feel I may have hurt his ego. Coz he does think highly of himself. He compliments himself more than he does compliment me 😂 but yeah, thanks so much for saying this

 

[ChristianTonyB]

Not sure what your ages are, and exactly what you mean by 'being together', and if you are Christ's followers?

Anyway, the face off that your BF was having with his friend was very childish, and his reaction towards you and your comment was quite immature. Sounds like your male friends are gripped by vanity and sillyness, and have a bit of growing up to do. Sorry for being so blunt!

 

[LoneGirl02]

As a guy …well..... I think I am, I am not a biologist so…. I’m just guessing. But most of us guys have learned how to avoid the trap.

When you are walking down the street and there is a beautiful woman walking past you and your GF asks “do you think she’s pretty” or “can you believe what she’s wearing” or anything related…. the wise man will say……….. “what woman”

I am not saying it was a set up with your BF….. but you jumped in, and your comment hurt his ego…which boils down to…. disrespecting him. Of course, you didn’t do it intentionally …but that is where it hit him.

I can’t tell you how to rectify this….. and eventually he will get over it…. but I can tell what area to work on.

Respect is everything to a guy ….. for lack of a better explanation, respect is to a guy… as love is to a woman….and that is biblical…. that’s just the way we are.

So you work on building up his ego (within reason)….You have to be genuine…but work on complementing him, tell him or praise him for the things he does…. and how great he is, or what a great job he did etc….It will work, I know it sounds stupid …but we are simple creatures.

Oh wow. This is very true. And usually I find myself praising him all the time. As much as I can, because I know it means a lot to him.

It’s funny when I was trying to apologise, he did mention that thinks that maybe he wasn’t really my type or the ideal guy I’m looking for. Which isn’t true. I don’t have a defined type. I love him as he is and I do think he is very handsome. Just that stupid comment I made said otherwise.

Thanks so much for your advice. It means a lot

 

[LoneGirl02]

Not sure what your ages are, and exactly what you mean by 'being together', and if you are Christ's followers?

Anyway, the face off that your BF was having with his friend was very childish, and his reaction towards you and your comment was quite immature. Sounds like your male friends are gripped by vanity and sillyness, and have a bit of growing up to do. Sorry for being so blunt!

Im 19 and he is 20 😊

Tbh, I was up all night wondering how on earth we’re fighting over one silly comment.

Thank you for your honesty

 

[Lanolin]

huh

well

it sounds like they are playing the game of 'anything you can do, I can do better' (which is also a song)
But there needs to be more challenges than just who is better looking

like...who can bake the better pie
who can burp the loudest
who can remember Pi to the most decimal points
who can recite the alphabet backwards the fasted
who can get the winning streak on WORDLE
who can hold a note the longest
who can climb the highest tree
who can read the most books in a week
who can kill the most flies
who can keep a houseplant alive

etc etc etc.

 

[cinder]

Sounds like your BF is very full of himself. And if you can't disagree with him or say anything that indicates he's not the best at everything..... the only future in this relationship is an ugly and very unequal one.

 

[Lynx]

Well... he DID ask. You don't want the answer, don't ask the question.

He was asking the question to fish for a compliment, and he came up with something he didn't want on the hook.

*shrug

You fish for a compliment, you might get an old tire or a patch of seaweed. Let him fish again. Or wait for him to grow up and move on to something more productive.

 

[Gojira]

I don’t know whether the “Singles Forum” is the correct place to put this but who cares really.

Okay, this is a bit of a tough one. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months now and slowly I’ve began noticing some few things about him.

Today, he was showing me a video of him and his friend arguing about who is the better looking. It was quite funny actually. Well, we were on face time while he was showing me the video and basically was explaining how they both were fighting about who is more leng than the other. Typical boy stuff.

Stupidly, I blurted out, “Aww, I think you are both equally handsome.” As a joke just to see how he’ll react since he was showing me this video. He became upset that I dare say that I thought he was equally handsome as his friend, so he hung up on me. I tried calling back and he didn’t pick up until after many tried later he did. And then told me he was very upset that I said that and that as his girlfriend I shouldn’t say that.

I feel absolutely terrible. Coz I should have just said “of course you’re more handsome.” Which is true coz he’s my boyfriend but I thought it was gonna be funny to see his reaction. Which proved to be a bad one.

This happened a in the afternoon and now it’s 10pm and he is still upset. I’ve apologised and done everything to make it better but he is still upset.

Was what I said really hurtful? As a man, would you be offended if your girlfriend/wife said that to you?

Would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Eh... he's overreacting, IMO.

I KNOW my late wife found some men better-looking than me. Why? Because the world is filled with them. And, it was okay because, in the end, it was in my bed she was in each night.

He sounds profoundly insecure. Part of youth, no doubt. But, he really does need to grow up. Again, in my opinion.

 

[Gojira]

Oh wow. This is very true. And usually I find myself praising him all the time. As much as I can, because I know it means a lot to him.

It’s funny when I was trying to apologise, he did mention that thinks that maybe he wasn’t really my type or the ideal guy I’m looking for. Which isn’t true. I don’t have a defined type. I love him as he is and I do think he is very handsome. Just that stupid comment I made said otherwise.

Thanks so much for your advice. It means a lot

You know what, from that it sounds like he's awfully lucky to have you. He'd better grow up and not blow it. Then again, some of our best lessons are the ones that hurt the most.

 

[Mii]

I feel absolutely terrible. Coz I should have just said “of course you’re more handsome.” Which is true coz he’s my boyfriend but I thought it was gonna be funny to see his reaction. Which proved to be a bad one.
.

I used to do things just to get a reaction out of someone or "just to see what you'd say" and someone called me out on that once and told me it was witchcraft. They were totally serious and while I don't know if it's actually that, it did cause me to think that perhaps it was a bit more serious than I had previously thought.

you ARE trying to get a rise out of someone. you KNOW that it will get a rise and in a way you are manipulating them with a falsehood...for what purpose?

Like people that honk at people in order to scare them...why is it amusing exactly? Is it power-tripping on a small level? What is a prank? What is a joke? Am I being selfish? Where is the line?

If a person does not take kindly to those types of things, does that "really" say anything about their character?


Sometimes it helps me to up the ante and see what a worse scenario feels like and then maybe the minor ones are similar. More forgivable true, but still not something to play around with.



I did a troll just recently at work and it was amusing. The last time I did the same thing to another person with a similar reaction. There was no forethought, I just did it. I have it to analyze of what exactly stuff like that is which is good because I haven't thought about it in a while but still...idk. What's the spirit behind it? For me most of the time it wasn't good.


If you read this far, the actual thing that frustrated him may have been deeper and along the lines of what I said (whether he is aware of it or not) or it could have stemmed from insecurity or even pride. Either way, just something to consider as to why people don't like it. Figuring out your motivations behind doing stuff like that has been important for me.

 

[stilllearning]

I don’t know whether the “Singles Forum” is the correct place to put this but who cares really.

Okay, this is a bit of a tough one. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months now and slowly I’ve began noticing some few things about him.

Today, he was showing me a video of him and his friend arguing about who is the better looking. It was quite funny actually. Well, we were on face time while he was showing me the video and basically was explaining how they both were fighting about who is more leng than the other. Typical boy stuff.

Stupidly, I blurted out, “Aww, I think you are both equally handsome.” As a joke just to see how he’ll react since he was showing me this video. He became upset that I dare say that I thought he was equally handsome as his friend, so he hung up on me. I tried calling back and he didn’t pick up until after many tried later he did. And then told me he was very upset that I said that and that as his girlfriend I shouldn’t say that.

I feel absolutely terrible. Coz I should have just said “of course you’re more handsome.” Which is true coz he’s my boyfriend but I thought it was gonna be funny to see his reaction. Which proved to be a bad one.

This happened a in the afternoon and now it’s 10pm and he is still upset. I’ve apologised and done everything to make it better but he is still upset.

Was what I said really hurtful? As a man, would you be offended if your girlfriend/wife said that to you?

Would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Just rearrange the cast of characters. Put yourself in his place and it was you asking and he reply as you did. While in my honest opinion it seems a bit vain to me to do as he did. However, you have said he did not accept your apology so just change the cast and then go to him and honestly explain how you would have felt to hear such a reply.

I would think if he has any sense he would hear the sincerity of emotion in your voice and apology, and even appreciate you walked in his shoes. Anyhow good luck to ya cause relationships are oft a challenge to navigate the minefields.

 

[Lanolin]

yea
though I cant think of what drama it would cause if you and a girlfriend also had a 'who is better looking' contest and asked your boyfriend to judge that one too.

 

[JohnDB]

This is borderline behavior...

I know that you love him and think the world of him...

But he is getting his self worth from who he is with instead of from within himself.

It appears as if he is other people focused on the outside....but it's a front.

And your job is to explain to him why you like him beyond his physical aspects. The things he can do, the talents he has, his habits. These things are important for a long term relationship. Job skills, play skills, and social skills.

 

[EternalFire]

Would love to hear your thoughts on this.

It seems to me that all parties involved would benefit from meditating upon the truths of Proverbs.

Here’s one to get started: Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm (Proverbs 13:20).

 

[Willow]

I am too old for these games. Personally never put that out there asking if I am prettier or better looking than someone else.Maybe he is insecure or egotistical I am not sure. Either way would wonder if this would be a good relationship for me.
I am looking for substance in a mate. Because as you grow older looks and physic may fade. At least to others around you. But a Godly person will love you for who you are. Just my personal thought and what I have come to realize through years of being treated as an old shoe.