L
For about a year, I struggled with an intense longing to be married to my boyfriend. This longing took over my life and caused actual physical pain. To make matters worse, all my friends at college talked about marriage and how they think we're too young (18-19 then) to even be thinking about marriage.
Weddings were all around me in tv shows and movies--constant reminders of what I didn't have.
I would cry all the time and ask God why I couldn't get married. (I am old fashioned in this area and want to be proposed TO, so I didn't want to do the proposing.)
This took over my every thought so much that I was convinced my boyfriend was going to propose on our five-year anniversary. I saw clues where there were none. He didn't propose (and what he did was still really sweet), so I was devastated. I hid it, though, and moved on.
Finally after a year of this constant pain, I had my dorm room to myself and I thought, "Great--I'll do some prayer and worship". So, I got out my guitar and worshipped and read my Bible. Then I just started talking to God about everything.
When I told God about how much I wanted to be married, it all came pourring out in a rush that surprised me. I hadn't even known it was such a big deal to myself. I bawled my eyes out to God and told Him how much I wanted it.
"Give it to me," He told me. So, I did...but I did so selfishly, hoping that since I gave it to Him, He'd give me what I wanted.
"No," God said, "Give it UP to me. Let go of it." I fought with Him for a while--argued that He promises in His Word to give us the desires of His heart. Finally, though, I knew I had to trust Him, so I gave up the whole thing--my biggest desire.
"I just wanted to be a bride," I told God, as I cried for my loss.
"You are," He whispered to me. "You're my bride."
And it was in that moment that I realized the incredible love God has for me--more than my boyfriend can ever hope to give me. I am cherished and loved by God so much so that He calls me His. I am His Bride.
A few days later, I was sitting in chapel at school, praying, and God gave me a pictue of a ring. The ring was meant for me to wear as a reminder that I'm His. I went back to my dorm room later that day and made it--I wear it on my ring finger as a beautiful reminder.
About a week after that, I was looking back on my journal entries and praying about the whole thing, thanking God for it all. Then He showed me one more thing.
He had, absolutely, given me the desire of my heart--to be a bride--but moreso. My desire was not simply to be married, God showed me, but to be loved with the kind of devotion and passion that a bride is loved by her husband. God fulfilled that desire more completely than I would have if I'd married my boyfriend and looked for that kind of love there.
<3
Weddings were all around me in tv shows and movies--constant reminders of what I didn't have.
I would cry all the time and ask God why I couldn't get married. (I am old fashioned in this area and want to be proposed TO, so I didn't want to do the proposing.)
This took over my every thought so much that I was convinced my boyfriend was going to propose on our five-year anniversary. I saw clues where there were none. He didn't propose (and what he did was still really sweet), so I was devastated. I hid it, though, and moved on.
Finally after a year of this constant pain, I had my dorm room to myself and I thought, "Great--I'll do some prayer and worship". So, I got out my guitar and worshipped and read my Bible. Then I just started talking to God about everything.
When I told God about how much I wanted to be married, it all came pourring out in a rush that surprised me. I hadn't even known it was such a big deal to myself. I bawled my eyes out to God and told Him how much I wanted it.
"Give it to me," He told me. So, I did...but I did so selfishly, hoping that since I gave it to Him, He'd give me what I wanted.
"No," God said, "Give it UP to me. Let go of it." I fought with Him for a while--argued that He promises in His Word to give us the desires of His heart. Finally, though, I knew I had to trust Him, so I gave up the whole thing--my biggest desire.
"I just wanted to be a bride," I told God, as I cried for my loss.
"You are," He whispered to me. "You're my bride."
And it was in that moment that I realized the incredible love God has for me--more than my boyfriend can ever hope to give me. I am cherished and loved by God so much so that He calls me His. I am His Bride.
A few days later, I was sitting in chapel at school, praying, and God gave me a pictue of a ring. The ring was meant for me to wear as a reminder that I'm His. I went back to my dorm room later that day and made it--I wear it on my ring finger as a beautiful reminder.
About a week after that, I was looking back on my journal entries and praying about the whole thing, thanking God for it all. Then He showed me one more thing.
He had, absolutely, given me the desire of my heart--to be a bride--but moreso. My desire was not simply to be married, God showed me, but to be loved with the kind of devotion and passion that a bride is loved by her husband. God fulfilled that desire more completely than I would have if I'd married my boyfriend and looked for that kind of love there.
<3