broken

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is it wrong to get a divorce?

  • Total voters
    7
  • Poll closed .
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fool5053

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I found out in September that my husband of 6 years was talking and texting another woman. They talked for 8 months, he says they were just friends but, I saw the phone record, they talked all the time. Sometimes for hours and while I was asleep in the wee hours of the night. He also swears he has never met her, but I think he has, she even told me they were having an affair, he denies everything. I stayed, I tried to ignore the obvouis holes in all his stories about some very suspisious hunting trips and even a trip to a football game, where she lives. I don't think I can anymore. He says I drove him to what he did. I want to leave, he is not a good man, but we have three small children and I'm torn....
 
fool5053 said:
I found out in September that my husband of 6 years was talking and texting another woman. They talked for 8 months, he says they were just friends but, I saw the phone record, they talked all the time. Sometimes for hours and while I was asleep in the wee hours of the night. He also swears he has never met her, but I think he has, she even told me they were having an affair, he denies everything. I stayed, I tried to ignore the obvouis holes in all his stories about some very suspisious hunting trips and even a trip to a football game, where she lives. I don't think I can anymore. He says I drove him to what he did. I want to leave, he is not a good man, but we have three small children and I'm torn....
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Sister, there can be no easy answer to your hurt here. Your husband has broken covenant with you. It can be rebuilt, but only through your forgiveness and his seeking covenant with you once more.
While divorce is biblically viable in matters of marital infidelity, based on the exception clause (Matt 5:32; Mt 19:9) (some will disagree with me); I believe the Lord would rather reconciliation with your husband without any doubt. There is a premise (Matt 18:15-17a) which isn't contextual to divorce, but I think it's a good guideline if your marital problems are a secret to everyone but yourselves.
Do you have a church family you can call on? First thing should be first; try to communicate between yourself and your husband, of course. If that fails, or has already broken down, bringing in a wise elder to not only share wisdom and mediate, but to shed light on the situation so your husband can see how his actions are effecting his family more clearly.
The words you used... "He says I drove him to what he did", sounds so solidly of deception within himself. Whether self deceived or spiritual deception. Again, having someone strong in the Lord as mediator can only help.
Is there someone that can fill this role for you? Perhaps the pastor/minister who performed your marriage counseling, or at least married you?
 
I really don't have anyone that I could talked to, we did start counseling, but they are so few and in between it hardly helps. My husband is mean to me, cruel even, I've thought on this for a long time, prayed too. I just don't know if there is any hope. I know my God can move mountains and that is why I've stayed for so long. But, I wonder did he reveal this to me to get out of my toxic relationship. I do love him, but I just don't believe in hurting the person you love, so much. Watch their pain and do nothing. When is enough, enough??
 
I would push for counseling, hard. If he's treating you badly, and you are isolated in the situation, I would say there is definitely a correlation. My sister I don't know enough about your situation to advocate divorce. There is biblical grounds, but remember the Lord always wishes us to reconcile when we can. So as the one wronged, you seeking him for reconciliation is alot more impacting... But if he doesn't want to reconcile... well, then the effects on yourself, your husband, and your children within a covenantless marriage.. they should be considered in the light of a long term aspect.
I'm sorry my sister. My wisdom does not extend much beyond this without personal involvement. Are you sure there is no one; no one you can speak to that both you and your husband respects?... because i believe with dedication you can have that love again - just like your first love with him.
 
fool5053 said:
I really don't have anyone that I could talked to, we did start counseling, but they are so few and in between it hardly helps. My husband is mean to me, cruel even, I've thought on this for a long time, prayed too. I just don't know if there is any hope. I know my God can move mountains and that is why I've stayed for so long. But, I wonder did he reveal this to me to get out of my toxic relationship. I do love him, but I just don't believe in hurting the person you love, so much. Watch their pain and do nothing. When is enough, enough??
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There is absolutely hope for your marriage! Unless you are both set on getting a divorce, which it sounds like you have Biblical reason to if that's TRULY what you want, then there is still hope for you both.

There used to be times within my own marriage when I felt that my husband was being cruel to me, when I felt that he was not being the sort of spiritual head of the household that he should have been, or when I felt that he was getting to be a little too friendly with one of my girl friends. I used to tell myself that if I wanted to leave him, then that was a sign from God that I wasn't where He wanted me to be...and that was simply not true.

I feel fairly certain that the Lord would be pleased with you if you stuck it out and truly forgave your husband and learned to trust and love him again (given that he stops being sneaky with other women).

I hope that whatever you decide to do is done with love and compassion and the utmost consideration of your children. I'll be praying for you!
 
Lord I lift your child up to you...I know you feel her broken heart, Jesus give her Your councel, Your wisdom and Your Love!!!
Raise her up to be a confident woman, one that knows who she is in You Lord. Give grace where grace is needed, and accountability
on both side of this relationship...Show each person in thier heart and mind where they have fallen short. Reveal the truth in love and hope.
Make them a team that works together... bring them both back into to balance according to Your goodwill and purpose.
In Jesus name amen
 
fool5053 said:
I really don't have anyone that I could talked to, we did start counseling, but they are so few and in between it hardly helps. My husband is mean to me, cruel even, I've thought on this for a long time, prayed too. I just don't know if there is any hope. I know my God can move mountains and that is why I've stayed for so long. But, I wonder did he reveal this to me to get out of my toxic relationship. I do love him, but I just don't believe in hurting the person you love, so much. Watch their pain and do nothing. When is enough, enough??
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Dear friend,

There is a ministry that specializes in dealing with marriages that are dissolving due to infidelity. Their contact information is listed below. It is called Hope and healing Ministries; run by Mona and Gary Shriver. You might want to contact them for some advice and support.

God be with you as you sort out your issues. You can always turn to Him for help and support.

P.O. Box 309Denair, CA 95316(209) 667-5012Fax: (209) 668-7673Email: [email protected]
 
I think the poll at the top of this tread is ridiculously simplistic. It is not a yes/no type question. It is an generally no, but sometimes yes type question.
 
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