Changing churches

[irdc888]

Hello
I'm new on here and really looking for guidance and wisdom. We've been attending our small (30ish members) church for about 5 years and we love the congregation. We walk in and know everyone by name, we are missed when we're not there and I am very saddened by the thought of leaving. Sometimes, my children are the only 2 there so the kids/youth input is very limited. I have 2 children (9 and 15) and over the last 6 months my teen has been invited more to another church (that his friends go to and where he goes for club) and he's refused out of loyalty to our current church. A month ago he said he was feeling very disconnected from God and that our church felt more like a Sunday tradition than one where he was growing. We started discussing a split church situation where I would go with him twice a month to the newer church and my husband would stay with our younger child at the current one. After prayer and much discussion, we decided that we don't want that split in our family.
This is the main concern and driving force in our decision to move on. However, I have also been feeling quite disengaged in our current church for quite a while. Our newish minister is lovely, but we just haven't really connected and I don't get much spiritual input from his sermons. If my teen had been getting spiritual growth there, then I would have ignored my own. But the 2 together has made us think that it's time to move on.

This has been decided after much prayer and talking to wiser and more experienced people. They have all said that as parents, we owe it to our children to make sure their spiritual needs are being met and I agree of course.

I feel so sad at the idea of saying goodbye and not having the same connections in another church. Unfortunately, we had another family leave a couple of years ago and they were treated quite negatively (by a few) when they told the congregation and I'm worried that is leaving will break friendships in the long run.

Please can you help reassure that we are making the right decision for our family or share anything similar that you've been though (the good and the bad).

Sorry for the waffle!

 

[Lynx]

Howdy and welcome to the forum.

On an open internet forum, on a topic like this, you're going to get all kinds of opinions from all over. All the opinions will contradict each other and none of them will be very helpful.

Let the opinions commence!

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

Hello
I'm new on here and really looking for guidance and wisdom. We've been attending our small (30ish members) church for about 5 years and we love the congregation. We walk in and know everyone by name, we are missed when we're not there and I am very saddened by the thought of leaving. Sometimes, my children are the only 2 there so the kids/youth input is very limited. I have 2 children (9 and 15) and over the last 6 months my teen has been invited more to another church (that his friends go to and where he goes for club) and he's refused out of loyalty to our current church. A month ago he said he was feeling very disconnected from God and that our church felt more like a Sunday tradition than one where he was growing. We started discussing a split church situation where I would go with him twice a month to the newer church and my husband would stay with our younger child at the current one. After prayer and much discussion, we decided that we don't want that split in our family.
This is the main concern and driving force in our decision to move on. However, I have also been feeling quite disengaged in our current church for quite a while. Our newish minister is lovely, but we just haven't really connected and I don't get much spiritual input from his sermons. If my teen had been getting spiritual growth there, then I would have ignored my own. But the 2 together has made us think that it's time to move on.

This has been decided after much prayer and talking to wiser and more experienced people. They have all said that as parents, we owe it to our children to make sure their spiritual needs are being met and I agree of course.

I feel so sad at the idea of saying goodbye and not having the same connections in another church. Unfortunately, we had another family leave a couple of years ago and they were treated quite negatively (by a few) when they told the congregation and I'm worried that is leaving will break friendships in the long run.

Please can you help reassure that we are making the right decision for our family or share anything similar that you've been though (the good and the bad).

Sorry for the waffle!

Hello,

Church selection can be difficult, especially when it's hard to find a pastor who is clearly saved.
I attended a church for years where the pastor chose unbelievers who taught heresy on fou

Hello
I'm new on here and really looking for guidance and wisdom. We've been attending our small (30ish members) church for about 5 years and we love the congregation. We walk in and know everyone by name, we are missed when we're not there and I am very saddened by the thought of leaving. Sometimes, my children are the only 2 there so the kids/youth input is very limited. I have 2 children (9 and 15) and over the last 6 months my teen has been invited more to another church (that his friends go to and where he goes for club) and he's refused out of loyalty to our current church. A month ago he said he was feeling very disconnected from God and that our church felt more like a Sunday tradition than one where he was growing. We started discussing a split church situation where I would go with him twice a month to the newer church and my husband would stay with our younger child at the current one. After prayer and much discussion, we decided that we don't want that split in our family.
This is the main concern and driving force in our decision to move on. However, I have also been feeling quite disengaged in our current church for quite a while. Our newish minister is lovely, but we just haven't really connected and I don't get much spiritual input from his sermons. If my teen had been getting spiritual growth there, then I would have ignored my own. But the 2 together has made us think that it's time to move on.

This has been decided after much prayer and talking to wiser and more experienced people. They have all said that as parents, we owe it to our children to make sure their spiritual needs are being met and I agree of course.

I feel so sad at the idea of saying goodbye and not having the same connections in another church. Unfortunately, we had another family leave a couple of years ago and they were treated quite negatively (by a few) when they told the congregation and I'm worried that is leaving will break friendships in the long run.

Please can you help reassure that we are making the right decision for our family or share anything similar that you've been though (the good and the bad).

Sorry for the waffle!

Hello,

Church selection can be difficult, especially when it's hard to find a pastor who is clearly saved.
I attended a church for years where the pastor chose unbelievers who taught heresy and I wasn't fed spiritually by the pastors sermons. I stayed there because I had established ministries and friendships with the members. I finally decided that it was time to move forward for sake of my own spiritual growth and to share
> THIS FOUNDATIONAL TRUTH.
I talked to my pastor about this first and he told me that there were many gospels. He was wrong, so I had to stand with the Lord and separate from the church.

I recommend you and your husband stay unified before the children for sake of your family.
First person you all should put first and unified with is the Lord's will. It's against His will to attend churches who's pastor teaches a works based gospel. That narrows the options and probably answers your question.
If you have any other questions feel free to let me know.

 

[Gideon300]

Hello
I'm new on here and really looking for guidance and wisdom. We've been attending our small (30ish members) church for about 5 years and we love the congregation. We walk in and know everyone by name, we are missed when we're not there and I am very saddened by the thought of leaving. Sometimes, my children are the only 2 there so the kids/youth input is very limited. I have 2 children (9 and 15) and over the last 6 months my teen has been invited more to another church (that his friends go to and where he goes for club) and he's refused out of loyalty to our current church. A month ago he said he was feeling very disconnected from God and that our church felt more like a Sunday tradition than one where he was growing. We started discussing a split church situation where I would go with him twice a month to the newer church and my husband would stay with our younger child at the current one. After prayer and much discussion, we decided that we don't want that split in our family.
This is the main concern and driving force in our decision to move on. However, I have also been feeling quite disengaged in our current church for quite a while. Our newish minister is lovely, but we just haven't really connected and I don't get much spiritual input from his sermons. If my teen had been getting spiritual growth there, then I would have ignored my own. But the 2 together has made us think that it's time to move on.

This has been decided after much prayer and talking to wiser and more experienced people. They have all said that as parents, we owe it to our children to make sure their spiritual needs are being met and I agree of course.

I feel so sad at the idea of saying goodbye and not having the same connections in another church. Unfortunately, we had another family leave a couple of years ago and they were treated quite negatively (by a few) when they told the congregation and I'm worried that is leaving will break friendships in the long run.

Please can you help reassure that we are making the right decision for our family or share anything similar that you've been though (the good and the bad).

Sorry for the waffle!

It's a major decision. I can't advise on your situation. You needed to be sure that it is God's will for you to move and it seems that you've already decided.

Anyone who breaks fellowship with you over this is not showing you the love of God.

Somewhere about the time of Noah (I'm old, o.k.), I was a member of a church where I thought I'd remain for all my life. I had a massive falling out with the pastor. I had a dream that the church was going to implode. Eventually, after much soul searching, I decided to move on. It was a hard decision, but justified. The dream that I had came to pass.

I've met some of the former members over the years. A few have said that I made the right decision. No one has said it was the wrong move.

It took a while to adjust. The new church was rather larger and impersonal. But I settled in eventually.
​

 

[timf]

The purpose of church is to teach us how to mature in our faith and become like Jesus;

Eph 4:13 Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ:

In this almost every church is a failure.

If your going to church is to have fellowship, there is no reason this cannot continue with your friends outside of church. However, you may find that their "friendship" stops at the church door.

Most churches present Christ as a system of doctrinal bullet points with which you have to agree. If you can find one that actually helps you to be more like Christ, it should rank higher than one where you can just feel comfortable.

 

[passion84god]

in another church

The church is the body of Christ, which exists throughout the world, with Christ as its head, Colossians 1:18. If anybody stops being your friend because you choose to fellowship elsewhere, then they were never your friend to begin with, and I would personally question whether or not they truly are a part of Christ's body.​

 

[Anchorite]

Hello
I'm new on here and really looking for guidance and wisdom. We've been attending our small (30ish members) church for about 5 years and we love the congregation. We walk in and know everyone by name, we are missed when we're not there and I am very saddened by the thought of leaving. Sometimes, my children are the only 2 there so the kids/youth input is very limited. I have 2 children (9 and 15) and over the last 6 months my teen has been invited more to another church (that his friends go to and where he goes for club) and he's refused out of loyalty to our current church. A month ago he said he was feeling very disconnected from God and that our church felt more like a Sunday tradition than one where he was growing. We started discussing a split church situation where I would go with him twice a month to the newer church and my husband would stay with our younger child at the current one. After prayer and much discussion, we decided that we don't want that split in our family.
This is the main concern and driving force in our decision to move on. However, I have also been feeling quite disengaged in our current church for quite a while. Our newish minister is lovely, but we just haven't really connected and I don't get much spiritual input from his sermons. If my teen had been getting spiritual growth there, then I would have ignored my own. But the 2 together has made us think that it's time to move on.

Your dilemma is a tough one.

You have not described the churches aside from surface issues, feeling comfortable, being liked, fitting in. Those are important, but the beliefs of the church are vital.

I am assuming both churches are in the same unnamed denomination.

Your family could start attending the newer church for a while and see what happens. Or attend the old church one Sunday and the new church the next Sunday, back and forth, for a while. A winner should emerge.

You do not seem to know anything about the new church. The only way to find out is to experiment.

To me, the pastor is more important than the congregation, but I tend to be a recluse.

Pray for something to happen that will make the choice very clear.

 

[Billyd]

Make a commitment to attend and participate in all church activities for at least six weeks at one of the churches. If it doesn't meet your family's needs, try another church. The key is "attend and participate".

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

Hello
I'm new on here and really looking for guidance and wisdom. We've been attending our small (30ish members) church for about 5 years and we love the congregation. We walk in and know everyone by name, we are missed when we're not there and I am very saddened by the thought of leaving. Sometimes, my children are the only 2 there so the kids/youth input is very limited. I have 2 children (9 and 15) and over the last 6 months my teen has been invited more to another church (that his friends go to and where he goes for club) and he's refused out of loyalty to our current church. A month ago he said he was feeling very disconnected from God and that our church felt more like a Sunday tradition than one where he was growing. We started discussing a split church situation where I would go with him twice a month to the newer church and my husband would stay with our younger child at the current one. After prayer and much discussion, we decided that we don't want that split in our family.
This is the main concern and driving force in our decision to move on. However, I have also been feeling quite disengaged in our current church for quite a while. Our newish minister is lovely, but we just haven't really connected and I don't get much spiritual input from his sermons. If my teen had been getting spiritual growth there, then I would have ignored my own. But the 2 together has made us think that it's time to move on.

This has been decided after much prayer and talking to wiser and more experienced people. They have all said that as parents, we owe it to our children to make sure their spiritual needs are being met and I agree of course.

I feel so sad at the idea of saying goodbye and not having the same connections in another church. Unfortunately, we had another family leave a couple of years ago and they were treated quite negatively (by a few) when they told the congregation and I'm worried that is leaving will break friendships in the long run.

Please can you help reassure that we are making the right decision for our family or share anything similar that you've been though (the good and the bad).

Sorry for the waffle!

I see this is back up.
One more follow up that I don't think is addressed.

IF your pastor is saved, teaching sound doctrine, and meets qualifications for the position, THEN the church choice narrows to which is best in your area. That doesn't mean that the largest church or one which has the programs for the kids is the best choice. In fact, the father of the family has the spiritual authority to choose what is best as he consults God's Word.
He is under the Lord Jesus and you are under his authority. The children have their preferences, but should not be pulling any strings in the household.

Did you listen to the foundational truth?
That's where it all begins and IMHO is explained well.

 

[Suze]

Hello
I'm new on here and really looking for guidance and wisdom. We've been attending our small (30ish members) church for about 5 years and we love the congregation. We walk in and know everyone by name, we are missed when we're not there and I am very saddened by the thought of leaving. Sometimes, my children are the only 2 there so the kids/youth input is very limited. I have 2 children (9 and 15) and over the last 6 months my teen has been invited more to another church (that his friends go to and where he goes for club) and he's refused out of loyalty to our current church. A month ago he said he was feeling very disconnected from God and that our church felt more like a Sunday tradition than one where he was growing. We started discussing a split church situation where I would go with him twice a month to the newer church and my husband would stay with our younger child at the current one. After prayer and much discussion, we decided that we don't want that split in our family.
This is the main concern and driving force in our decision to move on. However, I have also been feeling quite disengaged in our current church for quite a while. Our newish minister is lovely, but we just haven't really connected and I don't get much spiritual input from his sermons. If my teen had been getting spiritual growth there, then I would have ignored my own. But the 2 together has made us think that it's time to move on.

This has been decided after much prayer and talking to wiser and more experienced people. They have all said that as parents, we owe it to our children to make sure their spiritual needs are being met and I agree of course.

I feel so sad at the idea of saying goodbye and not having the same connections in another church. Unfortunately, we had another family leave a couple of years ago and they were treated quite negatively (by a few) when they told the congregation and I'm worried that is leaving will break friendships in the long run.

Please can you help reassure that we are making the right decision for our family or share anything similar that you've been though (the good and the bad).

Sorry for the waffle!

Well , in my experience , it's not going to go down well . Sadly , a lot of people do take things very personally , especially rejection , and to the members of the congregation u r intending to leave , that's what u r doing , u r rejecting them . It won't matter how nicely u put it , the majority of them will b insulted and hurt . There really isn't much u can do about that except , make sure , absolutely , that it is the right move for u and your family .

 

[Anchorite]

Well , in my experience , it's not going to go down well . Sadly , a lot of people do take things very personally , especially rejection , and to the members of the congregation u r intending to leave , that's what u r doing , u r rejecting them . It won't matter how nicely u put it , the majority of them will b insulted and hurt . There really isn't much u can do about that except , make sure , absolutely , that it is the right move for u and your family .

I do not see why a church congregation would be insulted or hurt by a family switching to another church.

The members are not being personally rejected, it is just that another church is being tried out.

We should not attend a church to schmooze around with particular individuals. We should be blessed by each other, but not be inordinately attached to each other.

Like I said, the pastor and his teaching mean more to me than the church members.

I am seeing an exaltation of personal interactions that supersedes authentic spirituality.

It is normal to grow fond of church members, but our focus should be on Christ above all.

 

[Suze]

I do not see why a church congregation would be insulted or hurt by a family switching to another church.

The members are not being personally rejected, it is just that another church is being tried out.

We should not attend a church to schmooze around with particular individuals. We should be blessed by each other, but not be inordinately attached to each other.

Like I said, the pastor and his teaching mean more to me than the church members.

I am seeing an exaltation of personal interactions that supersedes authentic spirituality.

It is normal to grow fond of church members, but our focus should be on Christ above all.

If / when u change a church , of course u may not mean any personal insult to the members u leave behind but , human nature as it is , they may very well take it personally . Unless u r moving house / area , why would u leave a congregation that u r happy with ? They may conclude that u were not happy with them for some reason and as people don't usually talk openly about these things, they may draw negative conclusions and b hurt because of what they may imagine in their heads . So , if u r going to change churches , it's definitely a good idea , I think , to talk to the congregation u r leaving behind and reassure them on a personal level , that they r not to blame for your departure . Just my thoughts .

 

[Anchorite]

If / when u change a church , of course u may not mean any personal insult to the members u leave behind but , human nature as it is , they may very well take it personally . Unless u r moving house / area , why would u leave a congregation that u r happy with ? They may conclude that u were not happy with them for some reason and as people don't usually talk openly about these things, they may draw negative conclusions and b hurt because of what they may imagine in their heads . So , if u r going to change churches , it's definitely a good idea , I think , to talk to the congregation u r leaving behind and reassure them on a personal level , that they r not to blame for your departure . Just my thoughts .

You make perfect sense.

Unfortunately, people can be too focused on their own happiness and needs.

To me, it’s creepy to think that the members of a church would be personally insulted or upset that you left their church.

My wife and I met at a church. I was appointed as Sunday school teacher, and she was assigned to be my assistant. We fell in love and got married. But soon thereafter, the pastor started acting crazy. He tried to bully us into watching The Passion movie and other things. He became obsessed with his opposition to the gay agenda and projected unseemly images on the screen, including Madonna kissing Britney Spears, etc. Many other things happened that made us uncomfortable.

So we left that church. Friends in the church wrote us letters, trying to convince us how great the nutty pastor was, and asking us to return.

That just hardened our resolve to stay away from that church.

This is why I say that the quality of the pastor is more important to me than the friendship of church members.

If the pastor becomes bizarre and bullying, no friendships with church members can cause me to remain in that church.

 

[Suze]

You make perfect sense.

Unfortunately, people can be too focused on their own happiness and needs.

To me, it’s creepy to think that the members of a church would be personally insulted or upset that you left their church.

My wife and I met at a church. I was appointed as Sunday school teacher, and she was assigned to be my assistant. We fell in love and got married. But soon thereafter, the pastor started acting crazy. He tried to bully us into watching The Passion movie and other things. He became obsessed with his opposition to the gay agenda and projected unseemly images on the screen, including Madonna kissing Britney Spears, etc. Many other things happened that made us uncomfortable.

So we left that church. Friends in the church wrote us letters, trying to convince us how great the nutty pastor was, and asking us to return.

That just hardened our resolve to stay away from that church.

This is why I say that the quality of the pastor is more important to me than the friendship of church members.

If the pastor becomes bizarre and bullying, no friendships with church members can cause me to remain in that church.

Oh gosh yes , that sounds awful ! I don't think I would have been happy to stay there either . I think u did the right thing for sure .