Christian Advice and Opinions Please

[NewChristianBlossom11]

I have recently moved overseas, from New Zealand to Switzerland, so my fiance can continue to study and also be a part of our daughters life, my first child, who is due to be born in May.
My partner and his family are all atheist, and I was also raised by an atheist (my step-mum). I am a new christian, who decided to give my life to God but has not yet been baptized. I am finding it difficult to be the christian I want to be when, being raised by an atheist I have no knowledge of the bible etc and when I am surrounded by atheists who mock my Christianity and do everything they can to try and convince me that God does not exist. I have to read my bible in secret in order not offend anyone.
Also, in one month my fiance and I are due to be married, it is my first marriage. I was wondering how to be a good wife? Is it best to do everything in your power to change if there is something that your husband is not happy with about you? Or do you stay the way you are and tell him to accept you for who you are? I am not sure what to do with this as our cultures are so different.

I am afraid of changing who I am but I want to make my fiance happy?

Christian advice and opinions please?

 

[Avinu]

To put it bluntly and lovingly, you now belong to Messiah, you are a daughter of the most high God. Scripture says do not even yoke yourself with non-believers. To be honest, you should not marry this man, if you're having to hide to read your Bible, if you're continually being mocked and made fun of, do you think God wants you in this situation? Absolutely not, it's not easy, and it won't be pretty. But you need to walk away and go and build your walk and relationship with God, and pray that God will save your boyfriends heart. But God has to be first, and your walk with Him. Do you want your child to grow up with a mom who tells her about God and a dad who mocks and makes fun of God and you? The confusion and turmoil that would cause in the child would be great. You have alot to think about, but more importantly, pray about.

Father, lead your new born daughter in all she needs to do in serving You. Guide and direct her in wisdom and knowledge of You. Give her Your strength to make the right decisions and to stand bold for You and Your Son Jesus. Give her peace in her heart and spirit and let her not be afraid to do what You lead her to do. Protect her and keep her safe. Let not her fiance and others hound her, but give them a gentle spirit towards her. I ask this in Jesus Name, Amen

 

[Steve4U]

NewChristianBlossom, I totally agree with Avinu.

This may be hard enough for you to accept that I cannot say more, but I know from 23 years in Christ and much experience of relationships that your life in God must come first. With only a month to go I can imagine how this must sound to you.

But all is not lost. What would you really lose if your marriage is postponed? (The idea that your daughter will be born in a marriage only looks good to those looking on the surface of the issue. You need to look on things from how God builds a life in Him -- on sure foundations.)

Secondly, here is a testing of the feedom to be yourself, to be true to yourself, that you mentioned. As you stand in the faith you have, will your husband-to-be (and his family) allow you to be true to yourself? Your future is laid out before you.

No matter what culture you are being brought into, the freedom of women to be themselves is part of our culture and comes with you. They have to learn to accept you how you are. You shouldn't be too ready to cross over to their way of doing things as, at worst, it may cause resentment and bitterness in you. Afterall, you have already given them a lot because according to scripture "a husband should leave his mother and father and be joined to his wife.."

In all marriages, especially when some might think there is urgency, it is essential to have full discussions about what life will be like after marriage. You've got to be brought into unity, so all of your expectations need to be spelt out and his also. Otherwise there will be disappointment, contention and problems that could have been avoided before marriage. There will be enough (joys and other) stuff going on once you're married without starting with a handicap.

You also need to find Christian fellowship. This is very important. Is there an English-speaking fellowship near you? Missionaries? Bible college?

I do not like long posts, so I'll finish here, but may God bless you. I wish you well. It is well worth standing for Him. You will receive His best, which words fail me to recommend highly enough.

With love and thoughts for you,

Steve.

(Extra: You cannot lose the individuality God created you with and it should be your husband's job to bring it out and love you as you are, not change you for some reason, nor you for him. You may try to be better, but don't change. You're already awesome and loved.)

 

[NewChristianBlossom11]

The fact that my partner does not share the same beliefs as me should mean that I throw away 4 years of a relationship and not marry him? He has been an atheiest his whole life and I have only just become a christain, not even a month ago, should I not allow him time to adjust to this change? Is it not every persons right to an opinion, a choice?

You are right in that I shouldn't have to hide, but could it not be for more fear of what they will think or how they may react? My family, my own parents in fact make fun of my religious beliefs and play a strong part in trying to make me doubt myself, does this mean that I should dis-own them and never speak to them again?

No I do not want my child to grow up in that kind of confusion, and I pray that she won't. My partner and I have spoken about this and neither of us will expect her to be christain or atheist, it is a choice that she will be free to make when she is old enough to make it.

My partner is not a bad person, admittidly he needs more time to adjust to such big changes than others but is that a crime? Is it wrong to need a lot of time to adjust to the fact that the person you have loved for almost 5 years has just recently now become a christain?

There would be more to our marriage than just what it looks like on the surface, we love eachother deeply and despite the fact that for our entire relationship we were told to give it up because of how different we are, how far we live apart etc we still made it through...would it not be a waste to throw that away now?

I do not think my husband to be or his family would ever try and deny me the right to be myself, but there are things I need to change and there are again changes that they will need to adjust to. Plus my future is unwritten, it has not been laid out for me so is it not better to try than give up when anything could happen?

I have given them a lot by coming here but it was a choice that I made freely, for the benefit of my husband to bes future and our daughters future, his future is written.

I agree with your statement about us communicating fully before marriage, that is something that will definitely be done and I will look into churches etc here.

Thankyou for all your advice.

 

[pickles]

Hi newchristianblossom, I dont believe the others were saying your fiance was bad, they only sought to spare you alot of sorrow.
I know, when I married my husband, even though he was raised as a christian, he really had not given his life to Jesus.
He was a good man, and I figured all would work out because he was a good man.
But as time passed, the subtle differances becames obvious, for his chioces and actions were based in the world, although considered good, they were not in the truth and love of Jesus.
I found these choices effecting our marraige, and our children, simply because the intamacy one knows in Jesus, brings an even greater intamcy in the love two believers share.
So our intamacy suffered, and so did our choices for our children, it wasnt about religion, but the abuility to see the things that would bring love and joy in our lives and our childrens.
Eventually he made fun of me to our children, and used me to hurt them and our relationship.
I praise God that his eyes were opened, for I had to give my husband to Jesus, in hope he would recieve Jesus in faith.
It was several years ago, and I now see the love of Jesus growing in him, and he sees the hurt and pain he brought to our children and I.
He is forgiven, and we now share a love for Jesus that is bringing great love and works in our lives together.
But this is because he walks now in Jesus.
I cannot begin to say how much sorrow I went through, I only want you to heed this wisdom, for it is in living the sorrow that one understands and learns from thier choices.
I have seen marraiges work with unbelievers, but the believer will always tell you, their is sorrow in their love.
I hope and pray that you , your children and fiance will know only love in your marriage, I pray as well that you will consider this learned wisdom and speak to your fiance in hope of him knowing Jesus also.
Only because there is a price in our choices that do not recieve the wisdom God gives us, even if in the end there is joy.
Look to Jesus and ask his help in this, I know He will help you.
I wish you all that is good and blessed in Jesus in your life.

Hugs and God bless
pickles

 

[shekaniah]

Hi newchristianblossom, I dont believe the others were saying your fiance was bad, they only sought to spare you alot of sorrow.
I know, when I married my husband, even though he was raised as a christian, he really had not given his life to Jesus.
He was a good man, and I figured all would work out because he was a good man.
But as time passed, the subtle differances becames obvious, for his chioces and actions were based in the world, although considered good, they were not in the truth and love of Jesus.
I found these choices effecting our marraige, and our children, simply because the intamacy one knows in Jesus, brings an even greater intamcy in the love two believers share.
So our intamacy suffered, and so did our choices for our children, it wasnt about religion, but the abuility to see the things that would bring love and joy in our lives and our childrens.
Eventually he made fun of me to our children, and used me to hurt them and our relationship.
I praise God that his eyes were opened, for I had to give my husband to Jesus, in hope he would recieve Jesus in faith.
It was several years ago, and I now see the love of Jesus growing in him, and he sees the hurt and pain he brought to our children and I.
He is forgiven, and we now share a love for Jesus that is bringing great love and works in our lives together.
But this is because he walks now in Jesus.
I cannot begin to say how much sorrow I went through, I only want you to heed this wisdom, for it is in living the sorrow that one understands and learns from thier choices.
I have seen marraiges work with unbelievers, but the believer will always tell you, their is sorrow in their love.
I hope and pray that you , your children and fiance will know only love in your marriage, I pray as well that you will consider this learned wisdom and speak to your fiance in hope of him knowing Jesus also.
Only because there is a price in our choices that do not recieve the wisdom God gives us, even if in the end there is joy.
Look to Jesus and ask his help in this, I know He will help you.
I wish you all that is good and blessed in Jesus in your life.

Hugs and God bless
pickles

This is well said...
This is the best place to start...

James 1:5
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

 

[NewChristianBlossom11]

I am not going to give up my religious beliefs for anyone, I know that a lot of my problem is having the courage to publicly state my religious beliefs and not let anyone try and change that.

I also know that I can't and won't give up on over 4 years of love because my partner and I do not share the same religious beliefs. I will pray for him, but I do not see him finding The Lord, he is adamant and honest about his beliefs, I have to learn to do the same.

Thank you for all of your awesome advice.

 

[greatblue]

I am not going to give up my religious beliefs for anyone, I know that a lot of my problem is having the courage to publicly state my religious beliefs and not let anyone try and change that.

I also know that I can't and won't give up on over 4 years of love because my partner and I do not share the same religious beliefs. I will pray for him, but I do not see him finding The Lord, he is adamant and honest about his beliefs, I have to learn to do the same.

Thank you for all of your awesome advice.

NCB, in all things pray for a sober mind. This moment in your life is definitely calling for wisdom. If you honestly believe that you do not see him finding the Lord, then you really should, at the very least, postpone the wedding. Obviously, if your fiance is as genuine about the 4 years of loves as you are, he will accept your request, lovingly. If he doesn't, well that could be one way of God showing you something truthful.

I respond here because you asked for christian advice. When a christian man and woman are engaged (my wife and I are at 11 years) they go through pre-marriage counseling with their pastor. This is a very important time as it allows an approved man of God to oversee, pray, and guide a couple toward God's very best for them. Marriage itself is about honoring God, and when you study more of the bible you will find that believers are destined to an eternal marriage with Jesus. This is a call to pause.

Matt 22:36 "And he said to him, ’You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

God must come before this man. If He does not, then you aren't taking heed of what Jesus has said.

Luke 9:24 "For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it."

Your old life before Jesus Christ is not your future, but your past. Losing your life, denying self, not being accepted by your own household--these explain why so many fail to follow Jesus Christ.

Matt 10:22 "You will be hated by everyone because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved."

I know what it feels like to be so caught between two extremes. Read the word and pray...in the middle of the night, on your knees...pray. If commandment 1 is true in your heart, He will show you the path. I will pray for your guidance.

 

[CatWoman]

I really don't understand why you asked for advice when you already made up your mind to stay with him.

 

[Jullianna]

You say that your fiance wouldn't do anything to undermine your faith, yet you also say that he and his family mock your faith. If he is as respectful of your faith as you claim, why are you hiding when you read scripture? This doesn't sound like a mutually respectful relationship.

He may need time to adjust to your becoming a child of God, so why not give him that time BEFORE you make the LIFETIME commitment to marry him? Perhaps he will become a believer, perhaps not, but we are not to marry unbelievers. Can you imagine living your life wondering whether he will ever accept Christ?

I am hoping that you will read the testimonies of other believers who have married unbelievers in these forums and the pain that has resulted. I grew up in such a home. Please don't put your child through this. You are accountable to God to teach your child His ways.

 

[shekaniah]

You say that your fiance wouldn't do anything to undermine your faith, yet you also say that he and his family mock your faith. If he is as respectful of your faith as you claim, why are you hiding when you read scripture? This doesn't sound like a mutually respectful relationship.

He may need time to adjust to your becoming a child of God, so why not give him that time BEFORE you make the LIFETIME commitment to marry him? Perhaps he will become a believer, perhaps not, but we are not to marry unbelievers. Can you imagine living your life wondering whether he will ever accept Christ?

I am hoping that you will read the testimonies of other believers who have married unbelievers in these forums and the pain that has resulted. I grew up in such a home. Please don't put your child through this. You are accountable to God to teach your child His ways.

This is a very good point. I will be praying for God's wisdom to be with you.
In Jesus Loving Name, Amen

 

[NewChristianBlossom11]

GreatBlue: Thankyou for your advice and opinion. However our situation is much more complex than that and I cannot just postpone the wedding, and I do not see why I should just because my partner is an atheist.

CatWoman: I asked for ADVICE and OPINIONS, not for people to comment and tell me what to do and expect me to do it just because they said so. I think it is very unchristian to expect me to end a relationship with the man I love just because he does not share the same religious beliefs as me, what happened to accepting people for who they are? And please think before posting such unkind comments again.

Jullianna: My family mock my religious beliefs, not his and I hide while I read my bible because this is all new to me and I fear for how people will react. I grew up in a home where my father is a presbetarian and my stepmum is an atheist and it was a happy enough home, and they are still together and happily married after 19 years.

To everyone: I was still finding myself, and what it meant to be a christian. If this is what it means to be a christian, judging others because they do not share the same beliefs as you, trying to force them to have the same beliefs as you and pushing them out of your lives because they are their own person who has made their choice then I do not know if this is who I want to be. I believe that every person has a right to make the choice of what they believe and I am not taking that away from anyone.

Thankyou all for making me see the light.
Goodbye.

 

[Jullianna]

GreatBlue: Thankyou for your advice and opinion. However our situation is much more complex than that and I cannot just postpone the wedding, and I do not see why I should just because my partner is an atheist.

CatWoman: I asked for ADVICE and OPINIONS, not for people to comment and tell me what to do and expect me to do it just because they said so. I think it is very unchristian to expect me to end a relationship with the man I love just because he does not share the same religious beliefs as me, what happened to accepting people for who they are? And please think before posting such unkind comments again.

Jullianna: My family mock my religious beliefs, not his and I hide while I read my bible because this is all new to me and I fear for how people will react. I grew up in a home where my father is a presbetarian and my stepmum is an atheist and it was a happy enough home, and they are still together and happily married after 19 years.

To everyone: I was still finding myself, and what it meant to be a christian. If this is what it means to be a christian, judging others because they do not share the same beliefs as you, trying to force them to have the same beliefs as you and pushing them out of your lives because they are their own person who has made their choice then I do not know if this is who I want to be. I believe that every person has a right to make the choice of what they believe and I am not taking that away from anyone.

Thankyou all for making me see the light.
Goodbye.

Truth is accepted by those with godly ears. Sharing the Truth of the scriptures is not passing judgment. We are commanded to do so. Serving God is not about what we think or believe to be fair.

"There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death." Proverbs 14:12

"happy enough" is far from the blessings God has in store for us.

Our prayers go with you and your precious little one.

 

[Jullianna]

Father, we pray for our young sister and this precious little one you have entrusted to her. We lovingly ask that You will continue to deal with her heart by your Holy Spirit and lead her through Your scriptures so that her eyes would be open to the Truth; not the truth/fairness of man, but godly wisdom, grace and righteousness. We pray also for her family and the family of the child’s father, that they would come to know You through our sister in Christ. Lord, protect this child, even from the womb, and guide him/her by your Spirit every day of his/her life. In Jesus’ beloved Name we pray, Amen.

 

[greatblue]

Father, we pray for our young sister and this precious little one you have entrusted to her. We lovingly ask that You will continue to deal with her heart by your Holy Spirit and lead her through Your scriptures so that her eyes would be open to the Truth; not the truth/fairness of man, but godly wisdom, grace and righteousness. We pray also for her family and the family of the child’s father, that they would come to know You through our sister in Christ. Lord, protect this child, even from the womb, and guide him/her by your Spirit every day of his/her life. In Jesus’ beloved Name we pray, Amen.

Yes Lord. Thank you Julianna for this prayer.

 

[CatWoman]

I don't think I'm judging any body. I'm just calling things the way I see it.Before you get married I would sit down with him as soon as possible and explain to him you are practicing Christianity. Talk to him and see what he says.

 

[Emory]

NCB, I hope your "Good-bye" at the end of your last post does not mean that you have stopped checking here for what people who love your dearly in Christ are trying to honestly help you FOR YOUR OWN good. I'm not going to add anything more except to say that rather than to get advice from a venue like this (a number of people telling you what you should do - even if it is from a Bible's perspective) i would highly recommend that you go to a one-one-one chat room tht I am very familiar with. There is an excellent online Christian radio station which also has a counseling service done by means of a chat line where you can get really excellent biblical advice from a person with a solid doctrinal standpoint. He will help you in a one-on one basis and you do not need to reveal your identity. By the way, no matter what you decide to do listen to this radio station to get wonderful Christian music and sermons 24/7. They also have a Bible institute in enroll in many, many different Bible courses. The website address is bbnradio.org. One last thing, no matter what you do KEEP CLOsE TO THE LORD by reading your Bible, praying and, when possible, attending a Bible-believing church.

 

[kazphan]

there is nothing more powerful than a praying wife my sister. it is harder marrying a non believer but NOT impossible. You just have to find a good Christian support network and KEEP praying for your Husband (to be)
Dont loose heart my dear, I have SEEN this in action, a woman who was saved and a husband who was not and they husband is now saved!
I think people might warn you off simply because it will make you relationship hard - at times. But if you are persistant and keep praying and declaring your husband saved then things will work out. The Devil will fight you but our God is BIGGER and STRONGER!
Take heart my sister and do not be discouraged for GOD is with you HE strengthens YOU! Ask God for help.
Dont forget to get into a loving church cause you will need the support at times when things get tough but its worth it in the end! - Just like labour - you go through pain for a period then you get a miracle at the end of it all and it is worth it.
God Bless xxxx

 

[NewChristianBlossom11]

Thankyou all for your advice and opinions.

 

[spirit]

This is a really complex issue that needs to be solved before you get married. Believe me I learnt a lot after 21 years of marriage ( and still learning ) and one thing that is extremely important is that you must accept each other. Another words , just because his family is athiest does not mean that you can't go to church on your own and read the bible. That is absolutely absurd. You are to be yourself and accept yourself and make sure that your partners knows who you are before you tie the knot. If he cannot accept you or your family I can guarantee your relationship won't last before or after marriage. That is the fact of life. Religion is one topic which is an individual choice. If you have to change yourself or religion or whatever to suit him or his family I'm sorry but he is not for you. My brother went through a painful divorce because his ex-wife was a Christian and they did not break up because of religion. You need more than just that to make a relationship work. God Bless.