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missy2shoes
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missy2shoes
Guest
...hahaha I just made that up heh.....
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missy2shoes
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simplydivine
Guest
Ha ha ..I’m enjoying reading these jokes .Ok here’s one I heard a long time ago…..
One Sunday morning at church the pastor said whosoever gives the largest offering will be able to pick three hymns. The next Sunday the pastor called an old lady to pick her three hymns because she gave the largest amount…..So the old lady pointed excitedly and said “I’ll pick Him…Him…and Him….
One Sunday morning at church the pastor said whosoever gives the largest offering will be able to pick three hymns. The next Sunday the pastor called an old lady to pick her three hymns because she gave the largest amount…..So the old lady pointed excitedly and said “I’ll pick Him…Him…and Him….
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Nickey77
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The Bible According to KIDS
The cute statements below are said to have been written by actual students and are genuine, authentic and not retouched or corrected:
In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.
Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
The fifth commandment is to humor thy father and mother.
The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
Moses died before he ever reached Canada.
Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you.
He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone."
It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
A cheerful heart is good medicine... Prov 17:22a (NIV)
The cute statements below are said to have been written by actual students and are genuine, authentic and not retouched or corrected:
In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.
Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
The fifth commandment is to humor thy father and mother.
The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
Moses died before he ever reached Canada.
Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you.
He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone."
It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
A cheerful heart is good medicine... Prov 17:22a (NIV)
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Zoeboy
Guest
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missy2shoes
Guest
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Zoeboy
Guest
The Sunday School teacher asked her class of 4 to 7 year olds, "Why do we have to be quiet in church?" and one little boy answered," Cause people are sleeping"
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missy2shoes
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Zoeboy
Guest
Pastor: Isn't this a beautiful Church?Here is a plaque for the men who died in the service.
Visitor: Which one? Morning or evening?
Visitor: Which one? Morning or evening?
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sweetie36
Guest
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sweetie36
Guest
I hope no one has done this joke...
What was the Serect of Delilah getting into Samson's House?
She picked his locks.
What was the Serect of Delilah getting into Samson's House?
She picked his locks.
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Zoeboy
Guest
confess your your sins to the Lord, and you will be foregiven; confess them to men, and you will be laughed at.
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Zoeboy
Guest
this one is called Better Work:
"Daddy, did God make you"
"yes."
"Did He make me?"
"yes"
"I guess He's doing a better work now."
"Daddy, did God make you"
"yes."
"Did He make me?"
"yes"
"I guess He's doing a better work now."