~Chuckle for the Day~
- Thread starter Bingo
- Start date
-
Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.
If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!
To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
Donald Trump wanted to paint the White House. He called three contractors to ask for their quotes.
The Chinese man offered 3 million dollars. The European, 7 million. The Indian, 10 million.
Trump asked the Chinese man: "How did you quote 3 million dollars?" The Chinese man replied: "One million dollars for paint, one million dollars for labor, and one million dollars for profit."
Trump asked the European. He replied: "3 million dollars in paint, 2 million in labor, and 2 million dollars in profit."
Trump asked the Indian. He replied: "Four million for you. Three million for me. And we'll give three million to the Chinese guy and ask him to do the painting."
The Indian got the contract.
The Chinese man offered 3 million dollars. The European, 7 million. The Indian, 10 million.
Trump asked the Chinese man: "How did you quote 3 million dollars?" The Chinese man replied: "One million dollars for paint, one million dollars for labor, and one million dollars for profit."
Trump asked the European. He replied: "3 million dollars in paint, 2 million in labor, and 2 million dollars in profit."
Trump asked the Indian. He replied: "Four million for you. Three million for me. And we'll give three million to the Chinese guy and ask him to do the painting."
The Indian got the contract.
sophunnneee!!!Donald Trump wanted to paint the White House. He called three contractors to ask for their quotes.
The Chinese man offered 3 million dollars. The European, 7 million. The Indian, 10 million.
Trump asked the Chinese man: "How did you quote 3 million dollars?" The Chinese man replied: "One million dollars for paint, one million dollars for labor, and one million dollars for profit."
Trump asked the European. He replied: "3 million dollars in paint, 2 million in labor, and 2 million dollars in profit."
Trump asked the Indian. He replied: "Four million for you. Three million for me. And we'll give three million to the Chinese guy and ask him to do the painting."
The Indian got the contract.
View attachment 291422
The Wyoming Rancher The rancher went one day to fix a distant fence. The wind was cold and gusty and the clouds rolled, gray and dense, As he pounded the last staples in and gathered tools to go, The temperature had fallen and the snow began to blow. When he finally reached his pickup, he felt a heavy heart, From the sound of that ignition, he knew it wouldn't start. So Jake did what most of us would do, if only we'd been there. He humbly bowed his balding head and sent aloft a prayer. As he turned the key for the last time, he softly cursed his luck. They found him 3 days later, frozen stiff in that old truck. Now Jake had been around in life, and done his share of roaming. But when he saw Heaven, he was shocked -- it looked just like Wyoming. Of all the saints in Heaven, his favorite was St. Peter. [Now, this line, it ain't needed but it helps with rhyme and meter.] So they sat and talked a minute or 2, or maybe it was 3, Nobody was keepin' score -- in Heaven time is free. "I've always heard," Jake said to Pete, "that God will answer prayer, But one time I asked for help, and, well He just plain wasn't there. Does God answer prayers of some, and ignore the prayers of others? That don't seem exactly square -- I know all men are brothers. Or does he randomly reply, without good rhyme or reason? Maybe, it's the time of day, the weather or the season. Now I just ain't trying to act smart, it's just the way I feel, And I was wondering', could you tell me -- what the heck's the deal?" Peter listened very patiently and when Jake was done, There were smiles of recognition, and he said, "So, you're the one! That day your truck wouldn't start, and you sent your prayer a flying, You gave us all a real bad time, with hundreds of us a trying. A thousand angels rushed to check the status of your file, But you know, Jake - - - we hadn't heard from you in quite a while. And though all prayers are answered, and God ain't got no quota, He didn't recognize your voice, and started a truck in South Dakota." ***So remember to keep in touch.*** 
Love and Peace, Barefoot |
ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT?
(Senior Citizen Version)
Are you lonesome tonight?
Does your tummy feel tight?
Did you bring your Mylanta and tums?
Does your memory stray,
To that bright sunny day,
When you had all your teeth and your gums?
Is your hairline receding?
Your eyes growing dim?
Hysterectomy for her,
And its prostate for him.
Does your back give you pain?
Do your knees predict rain?
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
Is your blood pressure up?
Good cholesterol down?
Are you eating your low fat cuisine?
All that oat bran and fruit,
Metamucil to boot.
Helps you run like
A well oiled machine.
If it's football or baseball,
He sure knows the score.
Yes, he knows where it's at
But forgets what it's for.
So your gallbladder's gone,
But your gout lingers on,
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
When you're hungry, he's not,
When you're cold, he is hot,
Then you start that old thermostat war.
When you turn out the light,
He goes left and you go right,
Then you get his great symphonic snore.
He was once so romantic,
So witty and smart;
How did he turn out to be such
A cranky old fart?
So don't take any bets,
It's as good as it gets,
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the building
Author Unknown
(Senior Citizen Version)
Are you lonesome tonight?
Does your tummy feel tight?
Did you bring your Mylanta and tums?
Does your memory stray,
To that bright sunny day,
When you had all your teeth and your gums?
Is your hairline receding?
Your eyes growing dim?
Hysterectomy for her,
And its prostate for him.
Does your back give you pain?
Do your knees predict rain?
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
Is your blood pressure up?
Good cholesterol down?
Are you eating your low fat cuisine?
All that oat bran and fruit,
Metamucil to boot.
Helps you run like
A well oiled machine.
If it's football or baseball,
He sure knows the score.
Yes, he knows where it's at
But forgets what it's for.
So your gallbladder's gone,
But your gout lingers on,
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
When you're hungry, he's not,
When you're cold, he is hot,
Then you start that old thermostat war.
When you turn out the light,
He goes left and you go right,
Then you get his great symphonic snore.
He was once so romantic,
So witty and smart;
How did he turn out to be such
A cranky old fart?
So don't take any bets,
It's as good as it gets,
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the building
Author Unknown
A man dies in a car crash and arrives at the Pearly Gates. He sadly says to St. Peter, “But I can’t die now, my wife and three children will miss me.” Kindly, St. Peter replies, “Please don’t fear, sir, I have a solution for you, though it does come with one condition.” The man asks, “What kind of condition?”
“Well,” Peter replies, “I can send you back to Earth, but you will need to assume the form of something living nearby: the neighbor’s dog, a chicken in a nearby farmyard, or a mouse living in your house’s walls.”
The man muses for a moment. “Well, my children are afraid of the neighbor’s dog and my wife hates mice in the house, so I suppose I’ll choose to be the chicken. My family loves visiting the chickens at the farmyard and this way, I can still keep in touch with them.” Peter nods obligingly and, within moments, the man has returned to Earth, as a chicken.
At first this feels odd to the man, but he gradually begins to take the matter in stride and develops friendships with the other chickens. After a little while, the man begins feel some discomfort; one of the other chickens informs him that it’s time to lay an egg, upon which the man does, and feels much better. A short while later, the man begins feeling discomfort again, so he lays another egg, then gradually begins laying more and more eggs, upon which he suddenly begins hearing his wife’s voice.
“Honey, honey!” she exclaims, tapping his shoulder. “Wake up! You’re pooping in the bed again!”
“Well,” Peter replies, “I can send you back to Earth, but you will need to assume the form of something living nearby: the neighbor’s dog, a chicken in a nearby farmyard, or a mouse living in your house’s walls.”
The man muses for a moment. “Well, my children are afraid of the neighbor’s dog and my wife hates mice in the house, so I suppose I’ll choose to be the chicken. My family loves visiting the chickens at the farmyard and this way, I can still keep in touch with them.” Peter nods obligingly and, within moments, the man has returned to Earth, as a chicken.
At first this feels odd to the man, but he gradually begins to take the matter in stride and develops friendships with the other chickens. After a little while, the man begins feel some discomfort; one of the other chickens informs him that it’s time to lay an egg, upon which the man does, and feels much better. A short while later, the man begins feeling discomfort again, so he lays another egg, then gradually begins laying more and more eggs, upon which he suddenly begins hearing his wife’s voice.
“Honey, honey!” she exclaims, tapping his shoulder. “Wake up! You’re pooping in the bed again!”
Guaranteed you will never look at another can of Lrogresso the same way again. 
