Come on, it's so obvious I'm better than you!

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

Personally, if I end up in a relationship with a man who isn't a virgin, he has to get tested before we get married. Period. Even if he has been tested before, I'd make him get tested again.

Most importantly though, is premarital counseling. While I do believe every couple should get premarital counseling, couples where either one or both were not virgins should definitely get counseling. There the couples could discuss any issues that might arise because of the fornication. That way the couples would not have to deal with any sort of physical, spiritual, or emotional surprises because they would have discussed it before their marriage, and would have already prayed about and fixed the problems.

Of course, the premarital counseling could also reveal that the couple shouldn't get married, and that would be fortunate as well. It would save them from a rough marriage.

STD tests arent always accurate. Especially the AIDS one. By marrying a non virgin you are taking the risk of getting an STD that may be incurable.

A marriage would never work between a virgin and non virgin. The virgin wouldnt be able to get over what the non virgin did. And at some point in time the non virgin would get tired of having it hung over their head that they were not a virgin when they got married.

 

[zeroturbulence]

A marriage would never work between a virgin and non virgin. The virgin wouldnt be able to get over what the non virgin did. And at some point in time the non virgin would get tired of having it hung over their head that they were not a virgin when they got married.

Hmmmmm....idk about that, Nod. Im not saying thats wrong, and please dont take offense but I'd like to think that the virgin would be willing to forgive the other for his/her past before they got married.

In any case, as a christian, the virgin should not be bringing up the person's past to use it against them:

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
Ephesians 4:29

Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.
James 3:10

Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
Ephesians 4:31

 

[revTaco]

One thing comes to mind here, (scrounges around for more cents to add)...., I do not think this is a requirement here that all virgins should marry virgins only, or non-virgins marry non-virgins. Both sides of this issue should realize that forcing someone to fall in line with what you believe on this issue is judgemental, and not scriptural. Yes there is forgiveness and we can each live in forgiveness, both from our God and Savior Jesus as well as from our spouses. That being said. People that deterime a preference are not wrong for determining a preference, a standard to follow, We have to draw our lines somewhere. Just your lines may be different than others. Some choose these preferences based on what they believe, from out of the bible (to be a believer is a good standard so that you will be more equally yoked (for if they were from a different religion or no religion they may drag you away from your faith or hinder your growth, It is possible they may come to know the Lord and savior themselves but not guaranteed. Paul instructed those who became believers to remain with their lost spouses in hopes they may be saved but did not instruct them to marry non-believers). Some determine their prefence or standard from how they were raised, Sometimes this includes political ties and viewpoints, sometimes even over who their favorite football team is. Because they do this or do not do this does not make them a bad person, requiring someone else to do this or not do this may be bad.

What God does for one person is not necessarily a requirement in relationships to everyone. God required Hosea to marry a prostitute(wheter she was before or during the marriage I will let you go by the Spirits Guidance.) so should we all go and marry prostitutes? Like also Jacob married Leah and Rachel. Should we also go and marry 2 or more people? I again say that each side of the issue go before the Lord and determine in their own heart their personal submission to God's will for their own lives. I commend those who stand by their principles (on both sides) and do it for God and His glory. If you are doing it for your own desires and Love is not in it... then it will fail.. but with Love, remeber that Love never fails.

I heard a message on way fm last night about preparing for weddings. Most people spend more time on preparing for the wedding than preparing for the marriage. One comment that stuck with me from this was that Am I willing to wait for God's best for me? I could accept that which I got today or I could wait for something better. The illustration that was used involved a young boy who was told by his father that he would give the boy either a dime today or a dollar bill next week. So the boy had to decide if he would buy a bag of chips or later buy a ball. the chips would last him a short time the ball would last him longer (especially if taken care). Analogies often have a point where they break down but this one spoke volumes. Personally because I was engaged once already. I did not listen to the counsel from godly people in my life. I only listened to what I wanted to hear. I was not a virgin she was. Other issues came into the picture about a month or two from our wedding day. She started smoking. I personally did not care for smoking and this was something that she did not do the whole time we dated and were engaged up to that point she did. As a minister, I felt it would hinder the ministry God had called me too. She felt I should accept her for who she was. What would you do on this issue? This is of course a continual habit versus a previous decision that you are no longer engaging. Someone's past is their past. I did have a preference. I wanted someone who was healthy consicous. I had other preferences I looked for but was almost to the point of backing away from that preference because I cared for that person. Other issues besides this arose, and the engagement ended. I learned something from it, grew because of it. But I am thankful I did not get married to her because I beleive that It would have been devisive, and perhaps even leading to divorce (which would make it very difficult to minister, notice I did not say impossible).
I may be rambling here now. So to suffice it to say. Do not knock someone who has preferences or someone who does not (I think we all have preferences somewhere). Do not think that you can change someone, because only God can really do this. Seek first God's kingdom and His righteousness. Pray, and go as the Spirit guides you.

I think I am getting more and more change every day. I may have a dollar before too long.

 

[lil-rush]

STD tests arent always accurate. Especially the AIDS one. By marrying a non virgin you are taking the risk of getting an STD that may be incurable.

A marriage would never work between a virgin and non virgin. The virgin wouldnt be able to get over what the non virgin did. And at some point in time the non virgin would get tired of having it hung over their head that they were not a virgin when they got married.

I know the tests aren't always accurate, but I would still take whatever precautions possible. Tests, prayer, etc.

Any marriage can work if the couple has a God-centered marriage. Marriage isn't about ease. As the youth-pastor's wife at my church pointed out, Jesus is married to us and will never divorce us. Think of every way you have sinned, and every possible way you can sin, and yet Jesus will still be there (all else being equal). If Jesus can stay married to us, despite the sinful creatures that we are, then I am positive a virgin could stay married to a non-virgin and vice versa.

There is also the example of Hosea. Now I don't know if Hosea was a virgin when he got married, but even if he wasn't it is still pretty amazing that he stayed married to his wife, despite the fact that she was a prostitute and continually returned to her life of prostitution after they married. God told Hosea He wanted Hosea to marry the prostitute. He told Hosea she would cheat on him repeatedly once they were married, but Hosea obeyed God and married the woman. Hosea was not required to marry her, but he did. He legally had the grounds to divorce the woman once married, because she continued her life of prostitution, but he did not.

Hosea's marriage is an analogy of God's marriage to the children of Israel (or you could insert yourself in place of the children of Israel). Hosea was akin to God. You are akin to the prostitute wife. You, me, whoever. We're the prostitute, and every time we sin it is like we are selling our body to that sin. Yet God stays married to us. God is obviously a virgin, and yet He has not divorced us non-virgins.

It can work.

 

[Dread_Zeppelin]

A marriage would never work between a virgin and non virgin. The virgin wouldnt be able to get over what the non virgin did. And at some point in time the non virgin would get tired of having it hung over their head that they were not a virgin when they got married.

You're making a huge assumption about a LOT of relationships.

Maybe this situation would apply to you and some others (nothing wrong with that), but I can think of at least one married couple where this never happened. They're very happy, been together for 30 years, and love eachother very much.

This is my opinion and I dont mean any offense to you or anyone else. If couples are doomed just because one is a non virgin and another can't accept that then the virgin doesn't have the capibility to be married in the first place. The one who can't forgive is unable to forgive others for sins already forgiven by Christ, and that kind of mindset makes it impossible to make a marriage work. Forgiveness and grace are the two most important concepts in marriage. If one person isn't able to give it the marriage falls apart.

 

[Matthew]

A marriage would never work between a virgin and non virgin. The virgin wouldnt be able to get over what the non virgin did. And at some point in time the non virgin would get tired of having it hung over their head that they were not a virgin when they got married.

If it went that way it would be more an indication that both people were not not ready for marriage, when you marry you are going to have to be honest about your past and there will be things to accept and forgive aside from possible sexual relationship(s) so if you can't do it then you aren't ready.

The same applies to the non-virgin in your scenario becasue if they felt that way it would show they hadn't dealt with it before marrying and it might also point to the fact that they haven't fully dealt with their own feelings about their past.

I think as long as the neccesary work is done before getting married this wouldn't be at all divisive, I just don't understand why this is seen an impossible situation, the non-virgin is made new by God's forgiveness, if you love them then you accept that and accept them.
I am yet see a credible counter argument except the view that it's preference, which is fine but what if God's plan for you doesn't line up with your preference?, it's not impossible unless he says it is, and I think it's clear that's not what he says.

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

To matthew and Dread, i was just being as negative as lil rush. I wasnt being serious

 

[Matthew]

To matthew and Dread, i was just being as negative as lil rush. I wasnt being serious

fair enough so.

 

[Love009]

I've been reading a lot of threads about what a person must or must not do in order to qualify for a Christian marriage partner- and this is my beef with it.

There are some things in life we can't undo. To make a point-although it may be personal- I myself am not a virgin, have smoked, have done drugs, got a tattoo and a piercing, and done some other bad things I'd rather not remember. In theory, I'm pretty undesirable.

When people say things like "they must be a virgin" or "I can't date a person who has done ______" it's like saying "Those people are trash, they are not worthy of this"

They throw out the fact that Jesus Christ Himself has chosen to forgive those sins. Essentially, they choose to look at what are sometimes the most painful and vulnerable parts of an "undesirables" life and deny Jesus' message that we are worthy, loved, and charished no matter what we've done.

Get it through your head- we are NEW creatures in Christ!

By "undesirables" I'm not talking addicts- I'm talking about things we've done that cant be changed in a Christian's past. A forgiven Christian who loves Jesus and has moved on from that behavior.

I can't ever escape what I've done but I refuse to be labeled as an inferior product because of the sins of my past. I do know that I love God with all my heart and I'm open to date anyone who loves Jesus just as much as I do if I'm attracted to him.

I'm not saying dont have standards at all- I'm just saying give people a break when it comes to their pasts. You could be missing out on something you've been looking for all your life just because of your overwhelming pride.

I've come to realize, whats in the past is in the past. It can't be changed. Most of my most Godliest friends have done a lot of things in their past. That was only to get to the point where they are today. I know when I start dating I won't judge on what the person looks like or what they have already done. It only matters what they are doing now. No one's perfect.

 

[Dread_Zeppelin]

To matthew and Dread, i was just being as negative as lil rush. I wasnt being serious

Oh gotcha...believe me you never know. Haha!

 

[lil-rush]

To matthew and Dread, i was just being as negative as lil rush. I wasnt being serious

You confuse logic with negativity, or perhaps you purposefully misunderstood the point I was trying to make. Either way, my post was in no way meant to be negative, and that seems rather obvious to me. Perhaps you could point on what part of my post was negative.

It is only logical for me to ask a potential spouse to get tested before marriage if he has fornicated. It is also logical to get premarital counseling.

 

[Dread_Zeppelin]

You confuse logic with negativity, or perhaps you purposefully misunderstood the point I was trying to make. Either way, my post was in no way meant to be negative, and that seems rather obvious to me. Perhaps you could point on what part of my post was negative.

It is only logical for me to ask a potential spouse to get tested before marriage if he has fornicated. It is also logical to get premarital counseling.

I do agree with this. Not only is getting tested a good way to keep honest with each other, its a huge health risk if you were to have children or long term symptoms.

 

[juanddperez]

I don't care if the woman that God will give to me is a virgin or not. I myself am a virgin, I was born in a Christian household, my parents focused me on other things, and I took my decision of becoming a Christian by myself before the actual-society's-ready-for-sex age. If that wouldn't be the case, maybe right now I wouldn't be a virgin anymore; and if God told me that I am a new creature in Him, that all sins have passed and everything is made new, who dares to say the contrary?

In my case, what it does matter to me is her heart, if that heart is in tune with God, if she accepted Him in her heart and truly believes and follows Him, hey, what am I to reject her if He renewed her? God accepts us for what we are and what He sees are our hearts, now, since we are Christians our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit, but that’s something else, that’s future. Past is past, it cannot be undone, just closed in your mind, healed by Him.

 

[Sheye_Anne]

I've been reading a lot of threads about what a person must or must not do in order to qualify for a Christian marriage partner- and this is my beef with it.

There are some things in life we can't undo. To make a point-although it may be personal- I myself am not a virgin, have smoked, have done drugs, got a tattoo and a piercing, and done some other bad things I'd rather not remember. In theory, I'm pretty undesirable.

When people say things like "they must be a virgin" or "I can't date a person who has done ______" it's like saying "Those people are trash, they are not worthy of this"

They throw out the fact that Jesus Christ Himself has chosen to forgive those sins. Essentially, they choose to look at what are sometimes the most painful and vulnerable parts of an "undesirables" life and deny Jesus' message that we are worthy, loved, and charished no matter what we've done.

Get it through your head- we are NEW creatures in Christ!

By "undesirables" I'm not talking addicts- I'm talking about things we've done that cant be changed in a Christian's past. A forgiven Christian who loves Jesus and has moved on from that behavior.

I can't ever escape what I've done but I refuse to be labeled as an inferior product because of the sins of my past. I do know that I love God with all my heart and I'm open to date anyone who loves Jesus just as much as I do if I'm attracted to him.

I'm not saying dont have standards at all- I'm just saying give people a break when it comes to their pasts. You could be missing out on something you've been looking for all your life just because of your overwhelming pride.

a thread titled..."cmon...its so obvious I'm so much better than you"??????


hunh???


from a christian???

who wants to date another christian???


I don't get it???

 

[Jennifleur]

Shey_anne, with the title of this thread, Dread was referencing the apparent attitude of some people on the board, or at least the way they were coming across in their posts. She isn't saying of herself that she is better than everyone else.

 

[HowGreatIsOurGod]

The awesome thing is Gods love and grace. He has chose to forget our past wrongs and sins. You may have lost ur virginity before you where christian but God has forgiven that and He sees u as a virgin. Being a new creation is a 'new' creation.

If some Christians out there is saying that you are trash than they are not living by the truth or love of God. If God has forgiven you, other Christians have no right to judge you for your past. We need to pray for people who have a judgmental and condemning heart. As the bible say;
'So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. Romans 8:1-2.

Thank you Jesus for your forgiveness and your mercy. God is awesome

 

[MaRss]

I've been reading a lot of threads about what a person must or must not do in order to qualify for a Christian marriage partner- and this is my beef with it.

There are some things in life we can't undo. To make a point-although it may be personal- I myself am not a virgin, have smoked, have done drugs, got a tattoo and a piercing, and done some other bad things I'd rather not remember. In theory, I'm pretty undesirable.

When people say things like "they must be a virgin" or "I can't date a person who has done ______" it's like saying "Those people are trash, they are not worthy of this"

They throw out the fact that Jesus Christ Himself has chosen to forgive those sins. Essentially, they choose to look at what are sometimes the most painful and vulnerable parts of an "undesirables" life and deny Jesus' message that we are worthy, loved, and charished no matter what we've done.

Get it through your head- we are NEW creatures in Christ!

By "undesirables" I'm not talking addicts- I'm talking about things we've done that cant be changed in a Christian's past. A forgiven Christian who loves Jesus and has moved on from that behavior.

I can't ever escape what I've done but I refuse to be labeled as an inferior product because of the sins of my past. I do know that I love God with all my heart and I'm open to date anyone who loves Jesus just as much as I do if I'm attracted to him.

I'm not saying dont have standards at all- I'm just saying give people a break when it comes to their pasts. You could be missing out on something you've been looking for all your life just because of your overwhelming pride.

AMEN SIS!!!! Marry me? lol,,j.k