T
toinena
Guest
During my walk with Christ I have met some persons that needed to tell me I am not as holy, not as spiritual mature, not as gifted as they are. And some of them have really made me more insecure and confused than ever.
In one of the cases it was a man that kept telling me how to believe in what he experienced was the truth. I couldn't call myself a Christian, according to him, if I questioned the 6 day creation, the flood covering the whole world and so forth. He challenged me in many ways. And I grew in my understanding of the word. But I didn't really see the fruits of the Spirit in him. He was impatient and unkind. And full of hatred towards every person not thinking like himself. And he hated me as well, trying to change, or to make me hate, my taste in music, my passion for teaching and of course he told me to sell my bassoon. He also supported eutanacia, and was willing to help me end my life, because I didn't get healed, I didn't have a proper job (according to him) and I didn't have a family to care for. I wasn't worth being supported by the welfare state, in other words. He seemed to have the gift of knowledge and wisdom. And I adored that in him. But how wise was he, actually?
Another time it was a girlfriend of mine. She also saw it as a competition to be holier than most. She also put an emphasis on receiving the gifts. Because she earned her right to them. And most of her visions and prophecies backfired. She never had a focus on the fruits of the spirits, though. She was both vain and proud.
I have had some more encounters, too, but I rather leave them alone.
For me I think where is the proof lies is in the fruits of the spirit, not the gifts. I know God has worked with me hard and long to make me more loving, caring, patient and humble. And I am so far from where I should be in forebearance, joy and self-control. And as for the gifts... I am not sure if I have pushed into that. Some has come as just a gift. Unexpected and I am just grateful to that. How could I say that I deserve a gift? We all fall short of God's standards. All is mercy and grace.
I am sometimes thinking of Simon the sorcerer. How he craved for the gifts and really pushed into getting the power the Apostles had. Trying to pay himself the way to the gifts. Is that what happens when we take pride in "earning" the gifts? That we want to "show off" in our faith? I am not sure of this. But I pray I never will be boastfull of my works and claim I better than people just because I have got some gifts. Because that, for me, is not serving the Kindom of God. That is not being crucified in Christ.
In one of the cases it was a man that kept telling me how to believe in what he experienced was the truth. I couldn't call myself a Christian, according to him, if I questioned the 6 day creation, the flood covering the whole world and so forth. He challenged me in many ways. And I grew in my understanding of the word. But I didn't really see the fruits of the Spirit in him. He was impatient and unkind. And full of hatred towards every person not thinking like himself. And he hated me as well, trying to change, or to make me hate, my taste in music, my passion for teaching and of course he told me to sell my bassoon. He also supported eutanacia, and was willing to help me end my life, because I didn't get healed, I didn't have a proper job (according to him) and I didn't have a family to care for. I wasn't worth being supported by the welfare state, in other words. He seemed to have the gift of knowledge and wisdom. And I adored that in him. But how wise was he, actually?
Another time it was a girlfriend of mine. She also saw it as a competition to be holier than most. She also put an emphasis on receiving the gifts. Because she earned her right to them. And most of her visions and prophecies backfired. She never had a focus on the fruits of the spirits, though. She was both vain and proud.
I have had some more encounters, too, but I rather leave them alone.
For me I think where is the proof lies is in the fruits of the spirit, not the gifts. I know God has worked with me hard and long to make me more loving, caring, patient and humble. And I am so far from where I should be in forebearance, joy and self-control. And as for the gifts... I am not sure if I have pushed into that. Some has come as just a gift. Unexpected and I am just grateful to that. How could I say that I deserve a gift? We all fall short of God's standards. All is mercy and grace.
I am sometimes thinking of Simon the sorcerer. How he craved for the gifts and really pushed into getting the power the Apostles had. Trying to pay himself the way to the gifts. Is that what happens when we take pride in "earning" the gifts? That we want to "show off" in our faith? I am not sure of this. But I pray I never will be boastfull of my works and claim I better than people just because I have got some gifts. Because that, for me, is not serving the Kindom of God. That is not being crucified in Christ.
