Confidence

[Schwager]

Hey all I normally dont get on here to much but always use Christian Chat as a backbone when I feel my close friends are distant and I hope you do not find that insulting. I am thankful to have a group of Christians that I know will pray when they say they will and that they are up here to just show the heart of Jesus because it is hard to feel prideful on this type of website.

My prayer request is one of confidence. I have lead bible study all year as an RA at my university and through the holy spirit have seen many lives changed and many added to our kingdom. I have been bold with my evangelism and even worshiped downtown on street corners 2 or 3 times a week some weeks. But when it comes to my personal life I am weak. I have been in love with the same girl for 3 years and have never even made an attempt at pursuing her. She is so filled with the holy spirit that it attracts the heck out of me. I just do no feel of worth to be with her and that is my problem. I look at her and her old boyfriends and see that I just do not compare both physically and at times spiritually.

My prayer isn't to be with her but to find that self worth and confidence in who God made me to be that I actually feel worth something and not just tell myself God has a purpose. My problem is my head knows but my heart doesn't feel. Many times I can preach or give a lesson that is powerful but it has no meaning to my heart I just know it to be deep and true to what Gods heart shows. I strongly want his will in my life and that wont happen until I am confident in who I am and have confidence to move my personal life forward with not only her but with all of my friends around me.

 

[Keenen]

I will pray for you. Talk, pray, and have faith in God. That's all you got do.

 

[pickles]

Praying for all you ask in Jesus Christ is Lord.
I am certain, if this girl is what you say, she is waiting to get to know you also.
Every God filled woman's hope is for a man that seeks and loves Jesus as you do.
Ask her to coffee.

God bless
pickles

 

[Canadian36]

You're not alone. Lots of young people have the same issue. I did too at your age. You got to challenge yourself to get out of your shell. The same way when you went DT to preach on the street. Teh first time was scary right? Then it got easier over time. Now it's nothing. Same with women. they might seem intimidating at first, but you got to challenge yourself to start talkign to them whenever you get a chance. After you do enough approaches you're bound to get to the point where you can do it without any problems. In no time you'll feel comfortable the same way as when you preach on the street. Try meet that girl and get her number. Tahts' all you got to do. Then just start communication that way for a bit until you feel comfortable to take her on a date or something. Just keep telling yourself positive affirmations to build up your self image. Maybe..I like myself is a good start. But your young your exactly where you should be. No one knows all the answers at your age bud. Thats' life. Dear lord please help him to enjoy exactly where he is now in his evolution as a human and ebrass the wonder of being shy not knowing it all and having that amazement at everything still. And add to his confidence too. Thank you jesus amen.

 

[Schwager]

I talk to and hang out with her daily. She just doesn't show interest and even if she did I don't know if I would be the type of guy that would be healthy for her. I think thats satan just telling me that. I have no problem talking to women or meeting them I am pretty outgoing its just I do not feel adequate enough to pursue this woman.

 

[pickles]

I talk to and hang out with her daily. She just doesn't show interest and even if she did I don't know if I would be the type of guy that would be healthy for her. I think thats satan just telling me that. I have no problem talking to women or meeting them I am pretty outgoing its just I do not feel adequate enough to pursue this woman.

My husband was myfriend for almost five years, I was afraid to let him know how I felt, simply because I did not want to lose my friend.
Well finally he got the corage and well... weve now been married for 31 years.
I cannot say this is the same for you and her, but continue to bee a good freind, and Im sure God will set all in motion, just as He did for us, when the time is right.
You continue to be in my prayers in Jesus.
Also, you are very much worth it and Jesus is your healthy,He will bring you to compleation.

God bless
pickles

 

[Keenen]

That's just the devil talking to you ,Schwager. I suggest talking to her about it and BE HONEST. Just tell her that I like you and I like to go out with you somewhere. Keep it plain and simple. Women LOVE simplicity lol . You don't have to say much to tell her that you like her. You have help me to talk to this girl I like. And if you are still nervous about it talk to God and open your heart to his response. Do not think that you are below someone. You should feel strong in yourself and in the Lord. Don't let the devil feel you mind with lies. Trust in the Lord and he will keep your mind still. I believe that you will make the step out and tell her how you feel.

 

[jimsun]

Hi Schwager! How are you?!
It's a true old saying that faint heart never won fair maiden!
However, reading your post, it seems to me that your God is sitting on your shoulder. He has already instilled in you the confidence & competence to spread & work his word so I don't truly see a problem for you with this lady.
You're already acquainted & comfortable in one another's company as you're hanging around together. Are you going for coffees together? If not, why not? If so, make them more frequent. Movies? A meal @ a regular time each week?
Then just relax & talk to each other. You'd be amazed how much more comfortable - intimate - these times will become.
Our God invented a wonderful thing when he put a hole in the middle of our face & called it a mouth!!
Get familiar! Be a civilised nuisance! Don't forget her birthday & other occasions! Or at the beginning of next week, just send the lady a card & wish her 'Happy Monday'!
It will happen - Trust me; I'm Irish!
Let us know how you get on!
Regards as ever!
J+

 

[shekaniah]

Prayer sent for you to confidently know what you should do...

 

[Canadian36]

I talk to and hang out with her daily. She just doesn't show interest and even if she did I don't know if I would be the type of guy that would be healthy for her. I think thats satan just telling me that. I have no problem talking to women or meeting them I am pretty outgoing its just I do not feel adequate enough to pursue this woman.

I had the same situation happen when I was about your age actually. Hanging out with this hot girl. At first mostly just thought of her as a friend. But we spent a lot of time together so gradually I really started to love her and I was hoping she would somehow love me back or something. But the challenge that I found out later with women is that they'll end up attracting these guys who they have fun with apart from there reg BF. They don't realize the effect they might have on the guys. But not wanting anything more than a friendship. So then these guys who are just friends often end up getting hurt if there not careful.

I hate to be the barer of bad news but your biggest problem right now is that you're legitimately stuck in the friend zone with her. You've probably already gotten the vibe that she just wants to be friends and that she has other real love interests or BF. So I think all you can do is save face and bow out of this dead end rat race. Like if you express your love for her well she's already shown you via her actions that she just wants to be friends. I mean you might just ask her flat out something like "I'm just wondering how you feel about me?" and see what she says. But honestly I think most likely she's already branded you as a friend so for her to somehow turn that into a love interest would be rather difficult. I'd say find someone new to pursue. Then maybe when she see's you have a new GF she might see you in a whole new light. Like as a catch and maybe her feelings about you will change. But it's gonna take something like that to demonstrate that kind of value. But honestly if it were me I'd stay friends with her just not see her quite as much and start looking for a new legitimate GF rather than waste time on someone who might not have the same feelings for you. But I'd try and save face rather than putting your foot in your mouth at this stage of the game. Like if you express your love to her at this point it's probably way too late. Then that will ruine your friendship too. Like the other thing is it's not gonna help you're confidence to be strug along like this.

 

[Keenen]

Still praying for you. God bless.

 

[Schwager]

Thank you all for your prayers. This last week has been interesting with her and has actually lead me to feel bitter towards her and actually very unattracted. It really alot had to do with me not talking to her for a while and then when I did she was short. Then when her best friend came into town she acted like a brand new person filled with judgement and gossip and it really wasn't even close to attractive to me. She is now giving this really stand off vibe to me and I am sure im giving her the same. It is probably for the best though. I start work Monday full time so I wont have to much time to wrapped up in this. Thank you for all the prayers.

Self worth is still something I strongly struggle with.

 

[Canadian36]

Whether a situation like her, various friends, jobs, school, clubs, relationships, or any social situation, often you have to know when to call it quits. Like you need to learn to recognize when the person or situation is not longer serving you at all anymore, but just draining you and taking away from your quality of life. And if you've tried to turn things around but there's no sign of that happening then you have to be willing to say enough is enough and just completely move on. I have a bit problem with this actually too. Like the saying goes the most important thing you need to learn to do in life is to say "no" right. The more you do that when the situation seriously calls for it, the more you respect yourself and you cultivate a positive self esteem. So ya I'm taking my own advice here as I'm even writing this, I'm getting better at it, but people do have to learn to say no and move on if there no longer happy in a situation. Good luck.