Contentment in singlehood

[Lightbeamrider]

The whole relationship business is messy with mixed signals and i always went with females who demonstrated an interest, liked my company, over this type that expects pursuit by males. (Below) Children by other males are generally considered a liability. The ex-husband lingering in the background increases the likelihood they will hook up for a one-nighter. He is the father of her children. A woman in a mixed workplace increases the likelihood of affairs, which was a big deal to me back then, but now I do not care who she is with. A major personal victory. Would not admit I am bitter over her dumping me, but she can go to hell, and that is all the free rent she gets in my head. I am indifferent for the most part. Do not attempt to engage in conversation or approach. Have more money that ever had while married even though i made more back then. Can easily get by paying all my bills on 2K a month. Car payment included. Not so while married.

https://twitter.com/x/status/2074952146869686319

 

[Lovette]

After my last post on single and searching. and several discussion here. I have come to notice that Christian singles both male and female are very comfortable in Singlehood. Its like we device plans in staying single. The post of Register now and that of my brother ceph and many others... got me thinking...

If everyone is contented, the boys are contented, the girls are contented and we hope God may bring someone, if not we are contented.
My questions are;

Are we not too contented to see the one God may bring?

is this contentment not going to be a barrier to beautiful relationships if God brings the one? yeah we may be too contented to call, or pamper or receive pampering ( pamper sounds archaic, I don't know love talks/languages please bare with me)

Is too much contentment not a form of defense from hurt and pain?

This one may be me I can discuss for long with a man but if he says relationship or date fear creeps in, I start finding faults and reasons why it can't work. till the man leaves I don't find peace.

Is this contentment a healthy one?

just my reflection

Disclaimer: Every child of God has peace and feels happy in all situation. This post is not about this.

This all depends on how you frame it. Singlehood -

in a VERY negative sense, is a curse;
in a negative sense, is a misfortune;
in aneutral sense, is fate;
in a positive sense, is a choice (even when it's a choice made for you)
in a VERY positive sense, is a calling.

What happens to you is not in your control, how you react to it IS in your control, and also your responsibility.

 

[LifelongLearner]

Hmm, not sure singlehood is the right term for me, my little cat and i are very happy together. However, what drew me to this thread is it shows as Contentment in Sin... in the forums currently. That definitely grabbed the attention of my occasionally wayward mind.

It doesn't surprise me so many Christians are happy being single, think Christians are more likely to realise sharing your life with someone is a serious commitment. One which requires much effort. Some great comments, it's lovely to see people being practical and not soppy, i think the old saying: "Marry in haste, repent at leisure" contains wise words for sure.

 

[Lynx]

This all depends on how you frame it. Singlehood -

in a VERY negative sense, is a curse;
in a negative sense, is a misfortune;
in aneutral sense, is fate;
in a positive sense, is a choice (even when it's a choice made for you)
in a VERY positive sense, is a calling.

What happens to you is not in your control, how you react to it IS in your control, and also your responsibility.

Heeeeeeeey, Lovette's back! Let the good times roll!

*Lynx goes off to pop some popcorn.

 

[Lovette]

Hmm, not sure singlehood is the right term for me, my little cat and i are very happy together. However, what drew me to this thread is it shows as Contentment in Sin... in the forums currently. That definitely grabbed the attention of my occasionally wayward mind.

It doesn't surprise me so many Christians are happy being single, think Christians are more likely to realise sharing your life with someone is a serious commitment. One which requires much effort. Some great comments, it's lovely to see people being practical and not soppy, i think the old saying: "Marry in haste, repent at leisure" contains wise words for sure.

Lately there're videos like this popped up, in which "egali-TA-rianism" and "complemen-TA-rianism" are harshly condemned as corruption of modern feminism, male headship in the family is reasserted.

The only problem with this is the all-or-nothing perfectionism in this individualistic culture, it presumes every man is naturally leader material, you must live up to this standard, with the possible consequence of being labelled misogynistic even within church communities, or you're a failure in your marriage and family in the eyes of God. If so, the only solution is to stay single and not bother with any woman at all, since all the argument in this video is built upon the narrative of marriage.

 

[RodColeman]

Lately there're videos like this popped up, in which "egali-TA-rianism" and "complemen-TA-rianism" are harshly condemned as corruption of modern feminism, male headship in the family is reasserted.

The only problem with this is the all-or-nothing perfectionism in this individualistic culture, it presumes every man is naturally leader material, you must live up to this standard, with the possible consequence of being labelled misogynistic even within church communities, or you're a failure in your marriage and family in the eyes of God. If so, the only solution is to stay single and not bother with any woman at all, since all the argument in this video is built upon the narrative of marriage.

The "only" solution to problems like perfectionism, poor leadership, or unhealthy marriages is to stay single forever? Why is that the only solution? Why not work to become a more humble person, a more effective leader, and a more compassionate human being?

 

[Lovette]

The "only" solution to problems like perfectionism, poor leadership, or unhealthy marriages is to stay single forever? Why is that the only solution? Why not work to become a more humble person, a more effective leader, and a more compassionate human being?

Because beneath every antagonist is a disappointed idealist.

 

[RodColeman]

Because beneath every antagonist is a disappointed idealist.

Self-improvement is too idealistic?

 

[Lovette]

Self-improvement is too idealistic?

It's the rational conclusion when you weigh the benefit and the cost. If you stay single, it's accepted, even preferred, even if you're unhappy; if you marry, but fail to measure up to these impossible standards, then you're surely condemned according to the message in this video.

 

[Lightbeamrider]

Lately there're videos like this popped up, in which "egali-TA-rianism" and "complemen-TA-rianism" are harshly condemned as corruption of modern feminism, male headship in the family is reasserted.

Does not mean unequal.

The only problem with this is the all-or-nothing perfectionism in this individualistic culture,

Probably more of a general rule.

it presumes every man is naturally leader material, you must live up to this standard, with the possible consequence of being labelled misogynistic even within church communities, or you're a failure in your marriage and family in the eyes of God. If so, the only solution is to stay single and not bother with any woman at all, since all the argument in this video is built upon the narrative of marriage.

Committed couples can work it out. Perhaps the beta male has other qualities that compensate.

 

[Lovette]

Does not mean unequal.

Probably more of a general rule.

Committed couples can work it out. Perhaps the beta male has other qualities that compensate.

This is about neither commitment nor equality, but whether you can measure up to that high standard. I see it in the same nature of having six figure income and being six feet tall as hard requirement for marriage.

 

[JohnDB]

Studies have also shown that as a woman's body count rises her ability to have a successful marriage and her ability to pair bond diminishes.

https://twitter.com/x/status/2077512782430486720

 

[Lightbeamrider]

This is about neither commitment nor equality,

The equality part was brought up by you below. Modern feminism has no basis for equality, which is a Christian Theistic concept. Remove equality before God and there is inequality

Lately there're videos like this popped up, in which "egali-TA-rianism" and "complemen-TA-rianism" are harshly condemned as corruption of modern feminism, male headship in the family is reasserted.

but whether you can measure up to that high standard.

There are other high standards like refraining from sex before marriage, turning the other cheek, submitting to human authorities, loving the unlovable, etc. All these are not natural reactions. The natural reaction to being struck is to strike back.

I see it in the same nature of having six figure income and being six feet tall as hard requirement for marriage.

Valid analogy. Male headship is normally natural in my experience, although I have observed submissive males. Have also observed biological males with wigs using the women's bathrooms. Oh well. It is not the culture i grew up in.

 

[JohnDB]

Oh well. It is not the culture i grew up in.

And considering that we are headed for a complete societal collapse in 20 years with major, massive changes in 5 years....
Definitely not the society I want to live in either.

 

[Lovette]

The equality part was brought up by you below. Modern feminism has no basis for equality, which is a Christian Theistic concept. Remove equality before God and there is inequality

No, it's by the host in that video, I was just giving you a summary of it.

There are other high standards like refraining from sex before marriage, turning the other cheek, submitting to human authorities, loving the unlovable, etc. All these are not natural reactions. The natural reaction to being struck is to strike back.

Look, you're probably getting me wrong. I'm not arguing against the teaching of headship, all that I'm telling you is that these are impossibly high stardards that would disqualify most men from marriage. All these other "high standards" are more like normal standard in a bible teaching church, those mentioned in the video are not, as they could backfire on you by making you look more like Andrew Tate than Charlie Kirk, since most churches are corrupted by the feminist influence, as that video exposed.

Valid analogy. Male headship is normally natural in my experience, although I have observed submissive males. Have also observed biological males with wigs using the women's bathrooms. Oh well. It is not the culture i grew up in.

Neither is it mine. Again, I'm not arguing against the teaching of headship, I'm actually all for it, that's why it's better not to marry at all if you're not leader material. The fact of the matter is simply that your experience is wrong, you've probably mistaken arrogance for headship.

 

[Lynx]

Hmm, not sure singlehood is the right term for me, my little cat and i are very happy together. However, what drew me to this thread is it shows as Contentment in Sin... in the forums currently. That definitely grabbed the attention of my occasionally wayward mind.

It doesn't surprise me so many Christians are happy being single, think Christians are more likely to realise sharing your life with someone is a serious commitment. One which requires much effort. Some great comments, it's lovely to see people being practical and not soppy, i think the old saying: "Marry in haste, repent at leisure" contains wise words for sure.

Self-improvement is too idealistic?

Does not mean unequal.

Probably more of a general rule.

Committed couples can work it out. Perhaps the beta male has other qualities that compensate.

And considering that we are headed for a complete societal collapse in 20 years with major, massive changes in 5 years....
Definitely not the society I want to live in either.

To all who have been trying to reason with Lovette: Your goal is admirable and your tenacity, focus and energy are impressive, but Lovette is impervious to logic. Your efforts are ultimately, and sadly, futile.

I mean it IS entertaining, but in fairness I have to tell you that it is hopeless.

 

[Lovette]

To all who have been trying to reason with Lovette: Your goal is admirable and your tenacity, focus and energy are impressive, but Lovette is impervious to logic. Your efforts are ultimately, and sadly, futile.

I mean it IS entertaining, but in fairness I have to tell you that it is hopeless.

What's really hopeless is this idolatry of marriage and relationship, which would only backfire. You can either have low marriage rate with high quality, this headship principles strictly applied, or high marriage rate with low quality. You can't have a low marriage rate and complain about marriage decline, or a high marriage rate and complain about the lack of headship.

 

[Churchgoer]

Agree we shouldn't idolize marriage and relationship.
Idolize it really creates a lot of pain.

Seeking it, great, but don't worship it.

 

[Lynx]

What's really hopeless is this idolatry of marriage and relationship, which would only backfire. You can either have low marriage rate with high quality, this headship principles strictly applied, or high marriage rate with low quality. You can't have a low marriage rate and complain about marriage decline, or a high marriage rate and complain about the lack of headship.

It is a bad idea to idolize anything... including being single.

 

[Lovette]

It is a bad idea to idolize anything... including being single.

Singlehood is not being idolized, just being accepted. He who can accept it, let him accept it, saith the Lord.