Correcting the pastor

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Jordache

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My pastor and I are very close. I talk to him a lot, and he usually has good stuff to say. But he can be very sarcastic. Mostly, I'm ok with it since I have my sarcastic moments. Today I had the job of looking after a dying man. I held his hand, prayed for him, and sang to him; and he died about an hour ago.
I was asking my pastor an unrelated question and we started talking about my job and he sarcastically remarked via text, "You didn't kill him, did you?" I may not have known him, but I am not heartless. In fact, I am a very merciful and compassionate person. I felt it alright. I knew he was joking and I joked back. "You better be nice or I won't sin to your on your death bed." His response: "if your singing puts people in the grave,, I'd rather you hum.". To me that was too far especially since I'd warned him a text before that he should be careful. I knew I needed to tell him that his response was wrong, but how in the heck do you correct our pastor? He's well known for his sarcasm. He knows he goes too far, I think. One of his responses says: "you know I love your voice..." but it just bugs me me that he would go there. I know it wasnt a thoughful response, but if id felt like he was actually talking about my voice, i dont think i would have cared. To me it was an insult to my ministry. I responded: "...this may be a time when sarcasm isn't appropriate.".
Was I being disrespectful? Did I overreact?
 
Pastors are not lords over the church. You can talk and be open with them. If that is the way you feel you can tell him as long as you avoid insulting him. We are supposed to give pastors double honor, 1 Timothy 5:17.
 
I know. I want to respect and honor my pastor and my friend, but i just don't know the line. I'm new to boundaries, and every authority figure I had ignore my boundaries and told me I was being disrespectful by disagreeing with them. I'm just trying to not be disrespectful.
 
I think a good authority figure would not take offense at correction but welcome it. Just my 2 cents.
 
It doesn't look like you overreacted at all.
If your pastor and you are close, I don't think he would mind you telling him your feelings regarding the subject. I imagine he would understand and maybe even apologize. Perhaps you may even tell him that you're trying not to be disrespectful, too, if you somehow get into the conversation again.
 
You have to think about it this way. You have a chance to improve the relationship you have with your pastor/friend by going to him respectfully and sharing with him how his sarcasm can be hurtful to you at times. He may be a pastor, but he's still just another human as well. So don't stress. You did fine in your text, and it would not be inappropriate to speak to him in more detail about it and asking him to ease off on the comments. Just be respectful and approach it by alerting him to the problems, and not as a demand.
 
we recently had a study in our church about the spirit of offense and how harmful it is to the ministry..you neeed to go to your pastor and get that right
 
No, just because hes a pastor doesn't mean hes not a sinner like you or me. He shouldn't be the 'sarcasm' guy, he of all people should know that in his job, you can't afford to be sarcastic because you never know how it will affect people. Maybe it doesn't harm anyone obviously but there will come a day when he may say something sarcastically and as a result deeply hurt the person.

I suggest you share your concerns about this characteristic with another Elder or Pastor (if you have more than one). Sometimes gently warning or rebuking a pastor requires it be done by someone in authority so he understands the seriousness of the matter.

Qualifications for Overseers and Deacons (1 Timothy 3:1-10)

1 Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble task. 2 Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. 4 He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full[a] respect. 5 (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?) 6 He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. 7 He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil’s trap. 8 In the same way, deacons[b] are to be worthy of respect, sincere, not indulging in much wine, and not pursuing dishonest gain. 9 They must keep hold of the deep truths of the faith with a clear conscience. 10 They must first be tested; and then if there is nothing against them, let them serve as deacons.


I italicised aspects of requirements of pastors and deacons because those are the things that can be called into question if his habitual habit of using sarcasm in responding to people got out of hand.
 
How I interpreted your story is that you and your pastor have a humorous relationship. He knew that you were with someone in their passing on, and probably saw fit to continue your relationship; probably in hopes of bringing you up. If he failed at doing so, which it sounds like he did, let him know you are trouble more than his sarcasim can fix.
I think your comment was appropriate, but I was confused on why you continued to respond humorously if you were taking offense? Maybe you could explain that to him, so you do not feel like you over reacted. (I may be wrong, but I think that is where your insecurity with your response is coming from?)
 
I think he needed a word of correction and you were right to give it to him :)

Be careful about putting him on too high of a pedestal....he is still human like the rest of us.

Frankly, I am appalled that someone who calls himself a 'man of God' would display such lack of respect and sympathy for this person on his deathbed.

Listen to any cautionary voice when it comes to interacting with this (youth?) pastor :)

Sarcasm can be deadly to the Holy Spirit working in your life. It's actually a very strong weapon.
 
He sounds like he has a mean spirit. Sarcasm like that is passive aggressive. It's anger never expressed. My gut response was, move on, to another church. But, ask Lord.
 
Jordache said:
My pastor and I are very close. I talk to him a lot, and he usually has good stuff to say. But he can be very sarcastic. Mostly, I'm ok with it since I have my sarcastic moments. Today I had the job of looking after a dying man. I held his hand, prayed for him, and sang to him; and he died about an hour ago.
I was asking my pastor an unrelated question and we started talking about my job and he sarcastically remarked via text, "You didn't kill him, did you?" I may not have known him, but I am not heartless. In fact, I am a very merciful and compassionate person. I felt it alright. I knew he was joking and I joked back. "You better be nice or I won't sin to your on your death bed." His response: "if your singing puts people in the grave,, I'd rather you hum.". To me that was too far especially since I'd warned him a text before that he should be careful. I knew I needed to tell him that his response was wrong, but how in the heck do you correct our pastor? He's well known for his sarcasm. He knows he goes too far, I think. One of his responses says: "you know I love your voice..." but it just bugs me me that he would go there. I know it wasnt a thoughful response, but if id felt like he was actually talking about my voice, i dont think i would have cared. To me it was an insult to my ministry. I responded: "...this may be a time when sarcasm isn't appropriate.".
Was I being disrespectful? Did I overreact?
Click to expand...

I agree that you handle it very well. I for one believe that true Christians and sarcasm don't mix. Now I'm not saying that we should all be stiff-necked and serious all of the time. However, in my personal opinion, such sarcasm proves where a person's heart is spiritually and it's not pretty.

I truly believe that excessive sarcasm grieves the Holy Spirit. You show me an overly sarcastic ministry worker and I can show you how their ministry is usually void of any true spiritual fruit such as answered prayer and soul winning, the things that only God himself can do through us.
 
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How old is your pastor?...really


Send the following text message:

Ecc 3:4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

This is not undermining his authority, but showing him wisdom.
And in his position as pastor he needs a lot of wisdom.

Talk to him then openly, how you feel and ask him not to do that again so that he would understand.

Blessings


PS When you sing for God...He will be the judge of your singing, not people. So if that is your ministry,
let it be as if unto the Lord.
 
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