Could Jesus Have Owned the Donkey? (Luke 19:28-34)

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Thanks to me its just hard to open up to any one being I am use to being put down by others, even people in my own family and no I will not name names being I do not want to gossip and that's was never my intent.

To be Honest I have lots of question but I shut them inside my own heart and only hope I am right and yes I do go to God word, just like to be able to talk to others and ask questions, and instead of being told I am wrong and that's it. I like to hear why with (Scriptures) and the reason why they believe that.

I will be honest I struggle with suicidal feelings, I have ignored them being I do not want to go to hell, but when I get yelled at by those who say there Christians in real life it makes me want to give up, It is the Holy Spirit that Helps me to continue but i find myself just laying in bed for 12 or more in bed and I do pray some times during those times and that's is why I get the strength to get up earlier some times. I been told I am going to hell because I am doing nothing for GOD and because I am only playing only games or watch manhwa or manga.
 
I use to be a person that like talking to others, but I been trying just to keep to myself now and it hurts to actually talk to others or reach out to any one.