Courtship

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delive

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Hi everyone. This subject has been in my mind for a while. Does anyone here know what courtship is? If yes, what do you think about it?

I was searching for definitions on the internet but the best I could found about it was this site: Welcome to Courting.org!, it isn't that explanative, but you can have some idea of what I am talking about.

As for me, courtship is a profound friendship focusing marriage, where the couple can, during the relationship, get to know each other and get closer to God. They don't do anything they wouldn't do as friends (like kissing), but they are preparing to get married.

I hope I made myself understandable, my english doesn't help. haha sorry.

Anyway, I just wanted to know what you think about it and if someone would ever do that, because it's something I rearely hear about, mainly inside the churches, and when someone bring this up, CHRISTIAN people can react with weird and judging eyes.
 
It's a friendship. Like if you were going to get married with your best friend (but you certainly have feelings for her).

Like I said, there's no kissing before the wedding day. I guess that's what basically sets a difference between dating and courting. Usually (I said usually), what I see is couples kissing to get to know each other, instead of getting to know each other and then kiss. But that's not a rule, I've seen lots of relationships here on CC that can be great examples.
 
Well it is a good concept for a Christian. Most of today's couples do things only married couples are supposed to do. So this 'courtship' you are talking about should be the only way for a true Christian.
 
"Courtship is a relationship in the context of family life between a [young] man and a woman seeking a partner for marriage. The purpose of courtship is to discover if it is God’s will for them to enter the sacrament of marriage. Courtship presupposes that both the young man and woman are spiritually, emotionally, and financially ready for marriage." - COURTSHIP & RELATIONSHIPS

You will traditionally see this in the Amish way of living. I personally am a big fan of courtship relationships and believe it is the way to go. I was born in the 90's but I have to say that I love the old-fashioned and traditional manners of dating and marriage. Marriage is a unity between you, them [the spouse] and God; if it is not God's will that two people get married, they will not be able to maintain or have a successful life in marriage. I also agree with becoming friends first. I believe that if two people cannot succeed in having a friendship, they will not be able to have a meaningful relationship or spend the rest of their lives together, either.
 
CHCSurvivor, great definition, thanks!

I asked a friend once why he didn't want to kiss until marriage and he answered that if his girlfriend is not the right woman for him, then he would be kissing another man's wife.
I'm thinking like this since then. :)
 
That's a very good point, Delive! Your friend is very smart. I am thinking the same way, actually, and that's why I save my first kiss for marriage.
 
delive said:
CHCSurvivor, great definition, thanks!

I asked a friend once why he didn't want to kiss until marriage and he answered that if his girlfriend is not the right woman for him, then he would be kissing another man's wife.
I'm thinking like this since then. :)
Click to expand...

Thats true, and if it's true, then most men have done it already,lol.. or more...
 
CHCSurvivor said:
"Courtship is a relationship in the context of family life between a [young] man and a woman seeking a partner for marriage. The purpose of courtship is to discover if it is God’s will for them to enter the sacrament of marriage. Courtship presupposes that both the young man and woman are spiritually, emotionally, and financially ready for marriage." - COURTSHIP & RELATIONSHIPS

You will traditionally see this in the Amish way of living. I personally am a big fan of courtship relationships and believe it is the way to go. I was born in the 90's but I have to say that I love the old-fashioned and traditional manners of dating and marriage. Marriage is a unity between you, them [the spouse] and God; if it is not God's will that two people get married, they will not be able to maintain or have a successful life in marriage. I also agree with becoming friends first. I believe that if two people cannot succeed in having a friendship, they will not be able to have a meaningful relationship or spend the rest of their lives together, either.
Click to expand...

To add a little to CHC's definition, the main differences between what most people consider "dating" and courting follow:

With courting...
- Both families play a major role in the relationship. The intention is to rely on your parents, and other family members who are not emotionally involved in the relationship to kind of provide a perspective on the "fruit" being produced by the relationship.

- The intention for marriage. Courting starts with a much more developed relationship than much of dating does. As mentioned by CHC, the intention is to determine if it is God's will. Dating on the other hand is more about getting to know the person and kind of figure out if you're compatible. Courting presupposes that you know the person to a reasonable degree and know that you're compatible.

- Depth of feeling. As both people enter into courting, deep emotions are formed much more quickly than with dating. To me this seems to be a result of the level of commitment involved. It's almost to the level of marriage, so the level of trust begins very high. No need to break down walls and convince the person to open up.

- Focus on God. Again, as CHC mentioned, God plays a major role in a courtship. He really is the reason for the relationship to exist after all. He is the one that knows what is best for us. A marriage should be focused on Him, so by focusing on Him before marriage you can get a pretty good idea of if/how the marriage will be focused on Him.

- Alone time is an absolute no. For many people, this isn't always followed closely. From experience I can say that after courting for a significant period of time, any alone time is very likely to open the door to sex. To avoid this, and to avoid any appearances of impropriety, courting requires very public relationships, often involving family members or another courting couple.

I haven't read it personally, but I understand that the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris is a pretty good book on the subject. If you're wanting some more indepth information, maybe you can find it at a local library or order from a bookstore.
 
delive said:
CHCSurvivor, great definition, thanks!

I asked a friend once why he didn't want to kiss until marriage and he answered that if his girlfriend is not the right woman for him, then he would be kissing another man's wife.
I'm thinking like this since then. :)
Click to expand...

That's an excellent answer. :) I've never quite gotten the no kissing thing (but I'm old haha), but this is a very sweet answer and I can understand his heart. I can respect this.
 
I kissed dating goodbye is good but he has another book called Boy Meets Girl that is all about their courtship and journey to marriage once he found the right one. It's good. :)
 
I will have to look for those books, thanks for the suggestion! LightningClap, appreciate the elaboration on my definition; I knew there was more but couldn't word it correctly - you hit it on the nose, good show!
 
CHCSurvivor said:
"Courtship is a relationship in the context of family life between a [young] man and a woman seeking a partner for marriage. The purpose of courtship is to discover if it is God’s will for them to enter the sacrament of marriage. Courtship presupposes that both the young man and woman are spiritually, emotionally, and financially ready for marriage." - COURTSHIP & RELATIONSHIPS

You will traditionally see this in the Amish way of living. I personally am a big fan of courtship relationships and believe it is the way to go. I was born in the 90's but I have to say that I love the old-fashioned and traditional manners of dating and marriage. Marriage is a unity between you, them [the spouse] and God; if it is not God's will that two people get married, they will not be able to maintain or have a successful life in marriage. I also agree with becoming friends first. I believe that if two people cannot succeed in having a friendship, they will not be able to have a meaningful relationship or spend the rest of their lives together, either.
Click to expand...

I love the Amish. I've been to Pennsylvania Dutch Country when I was a child and always admired their simple way of life. A lot of christians could learn a lot from them! :)
 
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