Crush On My Pastor...

[Jullianna]

You're right, viola I misread that. Unless age was a factor, I couldn't see what difference it would make, that's why youth group popped into my head.

 

[zeroturbulence]

If he's the young adults pastor and you're in that group, he would probably get fired for dating you. Bigger churches often put up restrictions like that for people who work there to maintain accountability. You can go on believing that this "might not be the case" if you want, but you're setting yourself up to be hurt.

If it turns out he's interested, she can quit the group.

 

[RushBreeze]

Here's what I suggest...

Do some shopping either online or at a christian bookstore or wherever and find something thoughtful but inexpensive that you think he might like. Something tied to his role as a pastor or youth leader of course, then at your next meeting tell him you saw this while shopping _____ and it reminded you of how he (fill in the blank with something he mentioned or something he seems passionate about). Then hopefully he will accept it and reciprocate by offering to buy you a cup of coffee or dinner!

Actually, you can just get him a thank you card and write in it how much you enjoy his preaching. That should certainly show him that you care a lot about him.

^ I really like this idea^

lol Your idea to give a nonchalant gift totally happened by accident on Sunday! Our family had gone to Cuba for vacation a week or so ago and I had picked up a couple of gifts for my friends. I had picked up a trick box specifically for him but didn't want it to seem like I was singling him out and ended up giving one of the girls in the group (who is also crushing on said pastor) a bone ring I knew she would like. The gift went over really well and he was surprised and intrigued as he had never seen anything like it, and has since been adamant on solving the puzzle on his own, refusing to let me give him clues or show him the trick. Maybe down playing the gift by giving my friend a gift too was the wrong way to go, I just didn't want it to seem like it was a huge thing, but he didn't even seem to notice that I had done that so no harm?

I don't know if I could do the thing with the note now, though I think its a really good idea. Perhaps if I gave it some time? Like a month or two? I wouldn't want it to appear as though I'm bombarding him...

Is that being too cautious?

 

[AnandaHya]

if you and your friend are BOTH crushing on the pastor. I think you both should leave the poor man alone.

perhaps when if you joined another group or he asked you out or something.

Personally if a friend shows interest in a guy, he's automatically off limits because I value friendships more then romance. If they guy asked me out, I'd feel honor bound to ask the friend if it was ok. I personally would not pursue said guy.

having to compete for a man's affection when it should come naturally.......

also we are to freely give expecting NOTHING in return. ..

You might not like it but there is a reason why churches don't allow pastors or youth leaders to date their students or parishioners.

 

[RushBreeze]

if you and your friend are BOTH crushing on the pastor. I think you both should leave the poor man alone.

perhaps when if you joined another group or he asked you out or something.

Personally if a friend shows interest in a guy, he's automatically off limits because I value friendships more then romance. If they guy asked me out, I'd feel honor bound to ask the friend if it was ok. I personally would not pursue said guy.

having to compete for a man's affection when it should come naturally.......

also we are to freely give expecting NOTHING in return. ..

You might not like it but there is a reason why churches don't allow pastors or youth leaders to date their students or parishioners.

I hear what your saying, if I had started crushing after i found out my friend liked him I would have put an end to my crush, its something I have always done, its not fair to my friend. This is actually a reverse scenario, I began to like him and she popped up a few months later and said, oh wait me too. She has actually quit attending out YA group because she doesn't feel comfortable opening up in front of him any more. I figure I am there for the fellowship of more then just him, but for the other amazing group members as well, besides, if he cant seem me when I'm at my worst he doesn't deserve me at my best.

I also dont see it as a competition at all, he is first and foremost a friend and if God deems that it should develop into more then awesome. The gift was a gift for the sake of giving something amazing to a friend.

I can see the merit in maybe switching groups so that there is no conflict of interest, but we are a really small church and there is no second group. And again, i really cherish the relationships and conversation I get to have with the rest of the group.

Thank you for your advice, i appreciate and respect it.

 

[zeroturbulence]

lol Your idea to give a nonchalant gift totally happened by accident on Sunday! Our family had gone to Cuba for vacation a week or so ago and I had picked up a couple of gifts for my friends. I had picked up a trick box specifically for him but didn't want it to seem like I was singling him out and ended up giving one of the girls in the group (who is also crushing on said pastor) a bone ring I knew she would like. The gift went over really well and he was surprised and intrigued as he had never seen anything like it, and has since been adamant on solving the puzzle on his own, refusing to let me give him clues or show him the trick. Maybe down playing the gift by giving my friend a gift too was the wrong way to go, I just didn't want it to seem like it was a huge thing, but he didn't even seem to notice that I had done that so no harm?

I don't know if I could do the thing with the note now, though I think its a really good idea. Perhaps if I gave it some time? Like a month or two? I wouldn't want it to appear as though I'm bombarding him...

Is that being too cautious?

Thats interesting, I mean that my suggestion came to pass by accident. Unfortunately I think the meaningfulness of the gift was probably lost since you gave a gift to someone else too. It just looks like you are a very thoughtful person. I could be wrong of course. I mean about the meaningfulness being lost, not that you aren't a thoughtful person lol. Its sort of like you made the touchdown to tie the game, but you missed the extra point to win it.

I will have to think up a plan B for you. The card thing could still work but the dynamic is thrown a bit off by the gift. What you probably should have done was to give him the gift AND the card telling him how much you enjoy his preaching. Back to the drawing board...

 

[dordor]

@zeroturbulence you are really a genius!,can`t wait to read more of your ideas for @rushbreeze

 

[zeroturbulence]

LOL thanks Dordor! I can't guarantee that I can come up with another good one though.

 

[RushBreeze]

Thats interesting, I mean that my suggestion came to pass by accident. Unfortunately I think the meaningfulness of the gift was probably lost since you gave a gift to someone else too. It just looks like you are a very thoughtful person. I could be wrong of course. I mean about the meaningfulness being lost, not that you aren't a thoughtful person lol. Its sort of like you made the touchdown to tie the game, but you missed the extra point to win it.

I will have to think up a plan B for you. The card thing could still work but the dynamic is thrown a bit off by the gift. What you probably should have done was to give him the gift AND the card telling him how much you enjoy his preaching. Back to the drawing board...

lol I like your sports analogy, it makes sense. Too cautious on my part, but i felt so much more secure when I wasn't singling him out, and I know my friend liked her gift too, Though to be truthful I dont think he even noticed.

I appreciate all your help and ideas! You've been so awesome!

Any clues I should look for from his end to indicate interest?