Dad and Alcohol, Smoking, and Caffeine.

[Twistii]

Hi guys.
I don't want to come off as very accusing, but, my dad drinks alcohol (I'm not sure how much), smokes cigarettes, and consumes (too much) caffeine when he shouldn't (I think like some months back his uranologist wanted him to stop drinking beer or alcohol, maybe it was an issue of drinking too much or drinking at all, and they also wanted him to stop drinking coffee, I presume it's an issue of consuming too much caffeine). He's like 56 now, and, do you guys think there's anything I should say to him or is it better to leave it alone? Just in case this will affect your answer, he's a non-Christian.
Gos bless you.

 

[Gideon300]

Hi guys.
I don't want to come off as very accusing, but, my dad drinks alcohol (I'm not sure how much), smokes cigarettes, and consumes (too much) caffeine when he shouldn't (I think like some months back his uranologist wanted him to stop drinking beer or alcohol, maybe it was an issue of drinking too much or drinking at all, and they also wanted him to stop drinking coffee, I presume it's an issue of consuming too much caffeine). He's like 56 now, and, do you guys think there's anything I should say to him or is it better to leave it alone? Just in case this will affect your answer, he's a non-Christian.
Gos bless you.

Nagging people about their lifestyle is unlikely to help. And suppose they change? Will that save them? No. Plenty of non-smokers and health nuts are in hell. They may die healthier but they still die. He needs to come to know Jesus as Saviour and Lord. Then God can work in his life to change his desires. I used to drink at least 10 cups of coffee a day. One day I just lost the taste for it. Now I have one about once a month. I drink tea instead. Has my health improved? As far as I can tell, no. And I'll be 70 in less than a month.

 

[Genipher]

From my experience, you can't force other people to live healthier. It's gotta be something THEY want. If you have a good relationship with your dad and can talk to him about your concerns, go for it. But as Gideon said, being healthy or not has no impact on his salvation.
Is he open to talking about Jesus?

 

[Nehemiah6]

He's like 56 now, and, do you guys think there's anything I should say to him or is it better to leave it alone? Just in case this will affect your answer, he's a non-Christian.

Hi Twistii, and Welcome. You have answered yourself right here. You should simply focus on sharing Christ with your dad. Talk about why Jesus came to this earth, and how He was crucified, and rose again from the dead. That He came to save all mankind from their sins. If he will sit down with you daily and go through the Gospel of John, that will be better than saying anything about alcohol, cigarettes, and coffee. Even 15 or 20 minutes after supper should be sufficient.

 

[Bingo]

"Be loving, respectful, kind, patient and pray."

 

[Twistii]

From my experience, you can't force other people to live healthier. It's gotta be something THEY want. If you have a good relationship with your dad and can talk to him about your concerns, go for it. But as Gideon said, being healthy or not has no impact on his salvation.
Is he open to talking about Jesus?

Hmm, well, I think I did a pretty bad job about 2-3 years ago explaining the gospel. I think I didn’t talk about repentance of sin at all, and mostly focused on belief in Jesus. However, there was and is a sort of a language barrier but I still think I did a sucky job at talking to him about Jesus and salvation.

 

[GardenofWeeden]

It's not my job to change people. It's my job to teach people about the love of God and to show people Christ working in my life. Let him see Christ moving in your life through your humility, and let God handle him. Pray for God to bless him and change him in God's time.

 

[Genipher]

Hmm, well, I think I did a pretty bad job about 2-3 years ago explaining the gospel. I think I didn’t talk about repentance of sin at all, and mostly focused on belief in Jesus. However, there was and is a sort of a language barrier but I still think I did a sucky job at talking to him about Jesus and salvation.

I think many of us feel that way. I've never been able to witness to my grandma well. She still views me as a child and, in her opinion, how could a child teach her anything? My step-dad thinks the Bible is "just a bunch if stories" and will only believe "experts" with "degrees". Still, I try to share as the Spirit leads. You never know how that little seed will land.

So even if you feel like you messed up, there's always another chance to try again. ☺

 

[Billyd]

Hi guys.
I don't want to come off as very accusing, but, my dad drinks alcohol (I'm not sure how much), smokes cigarettes, and consumes (too much) caffeine when he shouldn't (I think like some months back his uranologist wanted him to stop drinking beer or alcohol, maybe it was an issue of drinking too much or drinking at all, and they also wanted him to stop drinking coffee, I presume it's an issue of consuming too much caffeine). He's like 56 now, and, do you guys think there's anything I should say to him or is it better to leave it alone? Just in case this will affect your answer, he's a non-Christian.
Gos bless you.

Let your dad see how Jesus has changed your life. As Bingo put it earlier in this thread "Be loving, respectful, kind, patient and pray."

 

[Live4Him]

Hi guys.
I don't want to come off as very accusing, but, my dad drinks alcohol (I'm not sure how much), smokes cigarettes, and consumes (too much) caffeine when he shouldn't (I think like some months back his uranologist wanted him to stop drinking beer or alcohol, maybe it was an issue of drinking too much or drinking at all, and they also wanted him to stop drinking coffee, I presume it's an issue of consuming too much caffeine). He's like 56 now, and, do you guys think there's anything I should say to him or is it better to leave it alone? Just in case this will affect your answer, he's a non-Christian.
Gos bless you.

You could lovingly talk to him and let him know that you're concerned about his health.

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with that at all.

I'm 59, and my three children (18, 15, and 13) always talk to me if/when they're concerned about me for any reason.

Makes me feel loved.

 

[Blackpowderduelist]

Hi guys.
I don't want to come off as very accusing, but, my dad drinks alcohol (I'm not sure how much), smokes cigarettes, and consumes (too much) caffeine when he shouldn't (I think like some months back his uranologist wanted him to stop drinking beer or alcohol, maybe it was an issue of drinking too much or drinking at all, and they also wanted him to stop drinking coffee, I presume it's an issue of consuming too much caffeine). He's like 56 now, and, do you guys think there's anything I should say to him or is it better to leave it alone? Just in case this will affect your answer, he's a non-Christian.
Gos bless you.

Best to leave him be about it.

 

[Tararose]

I think just show you love him as best you can. Express your concerns if you feel you need to, but let him know that most of all you are concerned for his eternal welfare, if you can. I messed up with my dad in lots of ways, trying to witness to him. Now I don't lecture or preach, I just say simply things when opportunity presents itself. After all these years he can see I love him and knows what I believe and that it is for real in my life.

A friend of mine is really into evangelism and believes tracts are prefect tools for those of us who might not be gifted in evangelism or who find it hard to explain the things of God sometimes. I have found them invaluable at certain times when I just didn't know how to start the conversation to begin with.

You can get little gospel tracts, there are plenty you can get even FOR FREE if you haven't much money, or small leaflets, that very simply explain the way salvation works. Nothing long or heavy.

It can be easier to use them and ask someone to "please just read this, it won't take you a few minutes". You can let them know you aren't expecting any feedback and won't pester them about it after. Just stress that it is very important to you, and you hope that they at least read it through and think about it. There are also plenty of gospel sermons online - you could sift through and find a short simple one that hits the nail on the head - and ask him to take a few mins to listen with you or on his own if you feel you can't do that together.

Your local Christian bookshop - if you have one - likely has some basic gospel literature that you could get very cheaply or even for free.

If you maybe want some more further advice on evangelising in difficult situations, or just feel you would like to try the free tracts idea (I believe that is with free delivery) in the UK you can try messaging someone like Nigel Willaims, or just requesting tracts directly from his site, https://www.xpandchristianity.co.uk/contact.

Obviously you can also search on google for similar free providers where you live. (I think Nigel does send abroad, but obviously it makes more sense to get things locally if you can, to save any ministry the extra cost of delivering further than needed.)

Maybe pop a request in over on the prayers thread too. We are all rooting for you, dont feel condemned you find it hard, it is great you have a heart to share the saving love of God with your dad, even though it is not easy to put that into words with him.

 

[MoonCresta]

Tell him your concerns - say "I'm concerned about you because I love you and want you around for as long as possible. "

Dads do these kind of things because they're stressed about life - when I worked it was two 24 oz cups of coffee (Speedway) in the morning, as many cigars as I could cram in the day, and alcohol with my buddies whenever we could. I was never much of a lone drinker.

But it's his heart with God that I'm most concerned about. His soul is eternal. For that, all you can do is to live uprightly before him and pray your knees to nubs about his heart. God will work with his heart, believe me. I've got several people in my family I pray for daily. To the layman, prayer doesn't sound like you're doing anything, but you are - big time. Keep us posted on his progress!

 

[Lanolin]

Other than say it kinda smells and you dont really like it just say you want your dad to live a long life and be happy.

Pray for him cos generally people drink because they are stressed out about something, and it could be something in the past they really want to forget. This is why christians in general dont NEED to drink alcohol or do drugs cos we know Gods forgiveness.

if theres a tract you can find about forgiveness that explains it that might be good to show him or leave where he might see it. If hes interested he'll read it.

 

[Mii]

Well, I presume you are at least in your 20s since your dad is 56.

What are your concerns exactly? Are you concerned about is physical health solely? Are you concerned about his spiritual health?

I strike up conversation often enough about addictions and whether a person considers it a vice or not (think vice-like grip not just a predictable chemical dependence). Do they feel in bondage or cruising along a pre-determined highway? Constricted?

There so many directions to go but either way it can serve to stregthen relationships with strangers for me as a sort of ice breaker and hopefully opening the door to other deeper conversations in the future.

Often enough though, if you can go pretty deep on addictions/vices it can touch on mortality and what lies beyond that which does present an open door sometimes.

Though sometimes you may plant a seed and not ever see the result of something like that.


Opening the discussion with a parent is unique and I pray for wisdom and insight for you in that.

 

[JohnDB]

Hi guys.
I don't want to come off as very accusing, but, my dad drinks alcohol (I'm not sure how much), smokes cigarettes, and consumes (too much) caffeine when he shouldn't (I think like some months back his uranologist wanted him to stop drinking beer or alcohol, maybe it was an issue of drinking too much or drinking at all, and they also wanted him to stop drinking coffee, I presume it's an issue of consuming too much caffeine). He's like 56 now, and, do you guys think there's anything I should say to him or is it better to leave it alone? Just in case this will affect your answer, he's a non-Christian.
Gos bless you.

Powdered Butt syndrome...ever heard of it?

It basically is a condition of everyone who has had the opportunity to change your diapers when you were a child. Meaning that they won't listen and take advice from you.

Then there's "White Knight" syndrome... saving others because you believe you can (and it's a good thing to do) so you try to save others and be a hero to them.

A little bit of both is firmly ensconced into every parent child relationship.

And all those things your father does are actually just a small part of him. Some of those things are wrapped up in his identity...so if you tell him to stop he's going to hear only that you don't like who he is as a person.
How well is that going to go?

My son has a somewhat warped sense of who he thinks I am. Now I love my son more than I can express here. I want the very best that life has to offer him. And since he turned 13 he thinks he knows everything...and now that he is a 20-something he is sure of it.
But I still love him.

The caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol that your dad enjoys...he knows what they are saying about them. Better than you do probably.
But he needs to come to his own conclusions as to whether he is going to continue to consume them or not. Your job is to just love him the way he is.
Sure we wish for better for everyone that we love. That's normal love. Accepting who they are in spite of their many faults is exceptional love. (One of God's gifts)

Think about what I've said...I'm sure that you can figure this stuff out for yourself if you want to.

 

[Twistii]

Well, I presume you are at least in your 20s since your dad is 56.

What are your concerns exactly? Are you concerned about is physical health solely? Are you concerned about his spiritual health?

I strike up conversation often enough about addictions and whether a person considers it a vice or not (think vice-like grip not just a predictable chemical dependence). Do they feel in bondage or cruising along a pre-determined highway? Constricted?

There so many directions to go but either way it can serve to stregthen relationships with strangers for me as a sort of ice breaker and hopefully opening the door to other deeper conversations in the future.

Often enough though, if you can go pretty deep on addictions/vices it can touch on mortality and what lies beyond that which does present an open door sometimes.

Though sometimes you may plant a seed and not ever see the result of something like that.


Opening the discussion with a parent is unique and I pray for wisdom and insight for you in that.

I’m a teen bro

 

[Twistii]

Other than say it kinda smells and you dont really like it just say you want your dad to live a long life and be happy.

Pray for him cos generally people drink because they are stressed out about something, and it could be something in the past they really want to forget. This is why christians in general dont NEED to drink alcohol or do drugs cos we know Gods forgiveness.

if theres a tract you can find about forgiveness that explains it that might be good to show him or leave where he might see it. If hes interested he'll read it.

I don’t know if it’s okay for me to say this, but stuff like alcohol seems to be an escapism of his from work and other issues.
Regarding the tract, that’d probably come off as me trying to convert him to a religion I feel like.

 

[Lanolin]

well...depends on what it says on tract.
its more for you though because you need to learn forgiveness too

Id rather have a tract that talks about forgiveness than a tract that says alcohol, smoking and caffeine are sinful and you going to hell if you continue partaking.

 

[Twistii]

well...depends on what it says on tract.
its more for you though because you need to learn forgiveness too

Id rather have a tract that talks about forgiveness than a tract that says alcohol, smoking and caffeine are sinful and you going to hell if you continue partaking.

Wdym by me needing to learn forgiveness? Not tryna provoke you or anything like that