Dating and Physical Intimacy

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What do you think is appropriate? (multiple choices)

  • Women - Holding hands and kissing are fine on the 1st date.

    Votes: 4 8.3%

  • Women - Holding hands and kissing are fine on the 2nd date.

    Votes: 3 6.3%

  • Women - Holding hands and kissing are fine on the 3rd date.

    Votes: 7 14.6%

  • Women - I think it's reserved for a relationship.

    Votes: 16 33.3%

  • Women - I won't do those before marriage.

    Votes: 7 14.6%

  • Men - Holding hands and kissing are fine on the 1st date.

    Votes: 4 8.3%

  • Men - Holding hands and kissing are fine on the 2nd date.

    Votes: 3 6.3%

  • Men - Holding hands and kissing are fine on the 3rd date.

    Votes: 2 4.2%

  • Men - I think it's reserved for a relationship.

    Votes: 11 22.9%

  • Men - I won't do those before marriage.

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Women - I prefer a guy to kiss me after a great date.

    Votes: 5 10.4%

  • Women - I prefer a guy to kiss my cheek/hand after a great date.

    Votes: 7 14.6%

  • Women - I prefer a guy to give me a hug after a great date.

    Votes: 11 22.9%

  • Men - I prefer to kiss her after a great date. (or during)

    Votes: 6 12.5%

  • Men - I prefer to kiss her cheek/hand after a great date.

    Votes: 4 8.3%

  • Men - I just give her a hug.

    Votes: 5 10.4%
  • Total voters
    48
1still_waters said:
This is a tough one because purity is THE issue.

On the other hand, some may feel you're rejecting them, or not affectionate if you don't do something to a certain extent.

I'd say hugs, holding hands, a kiss is relatively safe. Anything more before marriage or engagement is really walking on thin ice as far as temptation is concerned.

At a bare minimum, lips and hands shouldn't go anywhere normally covered by under garments. (And I sense the typical Internet contrarian aka nuance finder is trying to come up with an absurd hypothetical at this point. To them I say...pffft. You get the idea of what I'm getting at here.)
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Exactly, all people are different on it. I totally agree on the boundries you listed and share the same views myself. I consider ears and anything under the jawline off limits as well. Those areas can be quite dangerous!

One thing that I heard recently that made total sense to me, but I had never thought of it. When dating around, if you are kissing all these different people that really makes it kinda gross in a way. I mean, I would not want to kiss a girl that I know was making out with some dude the night before. She left me speechless when she said that because it really never crossed my mind!
 
To answer some of the questions GuyforChrist and nukreation had from a woman's perspective:

If a woman is genuinely interested in you, she just wants to spend time with you. Don't overspend on dates. That makes us feel guilty. Letting us treat YOU once in awhile wouldn't hurt either. Or at least make you dinner or or something. :)

While there have been a couple of times I have stupidly allowed myself to be pressured or "guilted" into going out with someone ONCE (or "giving them a chance" as a lot of guys will put it), if I couldn't see myself in a relationship with someone, I wouldn't go out with them. It's selfish and cruel to play with someone's heart.
 
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1still_waters said:
I sense the typical Internet contrarian aka nuance finder is trying to come up with an absurd hypothetical at this point. To them I say...pffft. You get the idea of what I'm getting at here.
Click to expand...
I'll be good. :(
:D
Jullianna said:
if I couldn't see myself in a relationship with someone, I wouldn't go out with them. It's selfish and cruel to play with someone's heart.
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Definitely. So-called "pity dates" just prolong the inevitable no. I find them to be crueler than an outright no.
 
I believe that if you and your partner have the same desire to glorify God in your relationship then you will allow God's words to dictates your boundry. You will be supportive of each other's desire to live a holy life as according to God's will. You both will have all the elements of the fruit of the Holy Spirit in your lives that will enable you to live life to the full. You will have love, faith, hope, patience, endurance and all that you both need to enjoy each other's company while at the same time maintaining the purity of your heart, mind and soul. In that way you will continue to honour God with your relationship until the day you are pronounced husband and wife.

There is no grey area!!!! when it comes to living a holy life!!! whether we are single, or in a relationship,whether we are in the dark or in the lifht, whether we are in public or in private for our lives in an open book to our maker.
 
Similar to what Once Fallen, and I think a few others, said, it all depends on the context. Seeing as how I don't normally date people who are strangers, I already have a friendship built, and kissing on the first date wouldn't be weird at all!

However, for those who date strangers or mere acquaintances, then it might be a little sudden (or not) depending on the person(s). So, I'd say, I believe physical intimacy more or less has to happen for a romantic relationship to even exist, but the timing, intensity, and results are left for each one's judgement.

I've never really had a problem with it*, but I know people who push boundaries. They usually can't stop once started, and thus, many people fail to wait until marriage. Anyway, if you're wanting a little more detail, than anything that involves an erogenous zone should be left for marriage, but things like kissing, cuddling, holding hands, ext...certainly fall within exceptable perameters.
 
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There's no "one formula" for this... i remembered for 26 years i have dated- the farthest point he (guys i dated) would get is holding my hand.
A kiss on the cheek is "a given" for even friends in my circle and so if I date and he's a friend that is acceptable ( no malice)...

I had a christian suitor that wanted to cuddle--- i hugged him thinking maybe he's sad... but i guess looking back it was bec. he wants a physical connection... sometimes diff. men (even christian men) need -i am not saying it is bad...at that time was not ready.. suffice to say we ended up not entering a relationship bec. I really was not ready to go beyond a peck on the cheek and a hug and him holding my hand...


I had my first kiss on the lips from my first boyfriend when i was 27. :)

What I meant is that once your in a relationship I guess a little physical touch.. a longer hug, a peck on the lips... these are fine. As long as you stay away from going any further by watching your actions and dating someone that is similar to what you believe in "in terms of how far you will go"... what I meant is for us not to feel as if we are shortchanging one another- we should both agree on how far we will go physically so we would end up supporting each other and saving each other's purity until we "say i do" before God and men... :)

God bless
 
I won't do those things any longer before marriage...
just how it is :)
 
the question is, if we call ourselves christian, (christlike or christ emphasis) people, then our foucs should be on the truth.......
is it right before the eyes of the Lord to start kissing in dating??
what could that lead into????
can you start when it drives you to do what you have not thought of doing????
and why would you enter the territory of your weakness??
 
nukreation said:
It would be interesting to hear from girls as to whether or not they will go out with a guy they aren't interested in.
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My answer would be absolutely not!! There is way too much of a chance that I would hurt the other person because he would be thinking something is there that isn't based upon my accepting.

Then again I can talk to a guy and within one conversation know whether there is a chance of something developing or not. It is surprising how much people reveal about themselves just in one conversation.
 
@GuyForChrist85,
I found it rather difficult to vote.

Are you asking how affectionate one must get on a date?
OR
How physical can one get on a date?

Also, I presume that the question is to Christians believers and not to non-believers.

Before attempting to vote, I would like to know what everyone thinks of the following:

1) What is the purpose of dating? (fun, fellowship, marriage, ministry, ....)
2) At what age can a person begin to date? 14, 16, 18?
3) What must be one's level of responsibility or status in order to be ready to date? student, working, jobless, widow (er), divorced...? (or it doesn't matter)
3) Whom should a Christian date? Christian, non-Christian?
4) Where is it OK to go for a date? (home alone, home with parents, restaurant, movies alone, movies with friends, park alone ...)
5) How late in the evening (or night) can a date last?
6) What is the level of commitment between the two? Just checking out if he or she is the right one, "going steady", to be married...)

(Not sure all the questions make perfect sense)
Thanks.
 
onlinebuddy said:
@GuyForChrist85,
I found it rather difficult to vote.

Are you asking how affectionate one must get on a date?
OR
How physical can one get on a date?

Also, I presume that the question is to Christians believers and not to non-believers.

Before attempting to vote, I would like to know what everyone thinks of the following:

1) What is the purpose of dating? (fun, fellowship, marriage, ministry, ....)
2) At what age can a person begin to date? 14, 16, 18?
3) What must be one's level of responsibility or status in order to be ready to date? student, working, jobless, widow (er), divorced...? (or it doesn't matter)
3) Whom should a Christian date? Christian, non-Christian?
4) Where is it OK to go for a date? (home alone, home with parents, restaurant, movies alone, movies with friends, park alone ...)
5) How late in the evening (or night) can a date last?
6) What is the level of commitment between the two? Just checking out if he or she is the right one, "going steady", to be married...)

(Not sure all the questions make perfect sense)
Thanks.
Click to expand...

1. Depends on the person
2. Depends on the person
3, Depends on the person
4. Preferably Christian, though I have more luck with non-christians
4. Depends o the person
5. Depends on the person
6. Depends on the couple

All these questions are very very subjective. THere isnt a hard and fast answer to any of them.
 
REPOSTING (with correct numbers)...because the number 3 was repeated.

onlinebuddy said:
@GuyForChrist85,
I found it rather difficult to vote.

Are you asking how affectionate one must get on a date?
OR
How physical can one get on a date?

Also, I presume that the question is to Christians believers and not to non-believers.

Before attempting to vote, I would like to know what everyone thinks of the following:

1) What is the purpose of dating? (fun, fellowship, marriage, ministry, ....)
2) At what age can a person begin to date? 14, 16, 18?
3) What must be one's level of responsibility or status in order to be ready to date? student, working, jobless, widow (er), divorced...? (or it doesn't matter)
4) Whom should a Christian date? Christian, non-Christian?
5) Where is it OK to go for a date? (home alone, home with parents, restaurant, movies alone, movies with friends, park alone ...)
6) How late in the evening (or night) can a date last?
7) What is the level of commitment between the two? Just checking out if he or she is the right one, "going steady", to be married...)

(Not sure all the questions make perfect sense)
Thanks.
Click to expand...
 
Nautilus said:
1. Depends on the person
2. Depends on the person
3, Depends on the person
4. Preferably Christian, though I have more luck with non-christians
4. Depends o the person
5. Depends on the person
6. Depends on the couple

All these questions are very very subjective. THere isnt a hard and fast answer to any of them.
Click to expand...

@Nautilus
I know that my questions are pretty subjective, and I'm not sure if I framed them well. However, I would like to know what is right from a Biblical point of view.
 
onlinebuddy said:
@Nautilus
I know that my questions are pretty subjective, and I'm not sure if I framed them well. However, I would like to know what is right from a Biblical point of view.
Click to expand...

I dont think the bible gives you answers for this. There arent listed curfews, or rules as to when you can date in the bible. Maybe the only thing the bible says on any of your questions would be to date a christian. personally i find them a little boring, but were you live may hav ebetter choices.

note: im not saying that christian women are boring, im saying the ones where i live are/
 
Nautilus said:
I dont think the bible gives you answers for this. There arent listed curfews, or rules as to when you can date in the bible. Maybe the only thing the bible says on any of your questions would be to date a christian. personally i find them a little boring, but were you live may hav ebetter choices.

note: im not saying that christian women are boring, im saying the ones where i live are/
Click to expand...

@Nautilus, I appreciate your frankness on this topic:)
The God they (the Christian women in your locality) believe in isn't boring, is He? :) I think Christian women are as normal and interesting as others, if not better.

Doesn't the Bible warn us about dating non believers? Yes, it doesn't directly use the word dating, but scripture is replete with versus that tell us not to mingle with non believers. It is our future after all that God is concerned about.

I agree that there is no point in dating someone you find boring. However, you may want to change your perspective about Christian women, I don't know. Maybe the Christian women you know are boring. That's a possibility. However, most aren't that way. And if you wait for God's timing, I'm sure He will put in your path the right one. But meanwhile, dating a non believer may lead to problems.

That's why I asked my first question: What is the purpose of dating?
 
onlinebuddy said:
@Nautilus, I appreciate your frankness on this topic:)
The God they (the Christian women in your locality) believe in isn't boring, is He? :) I think Christian women are as normal and interesting as others, if not better.

Doesn't the Bible warn us about dating non believers? Yes, it doesn't directly use the word dating, but scripture is replete with versus that tell us not to mingle with non believers. It is our future after all that God is concerned about.

I agree that there is no point in dating someone you find boring. However, you may want to change your perspective about Christian women, I don't know. Maybe the Christian women you know are boring. That's a possibility. However, most aren't that way. And if you wait for God's timing, I'm sure He will put in your path the right one. But meanwhile, dating a non believer may lead to problems.

That's why I asked my first question: What is the purpose of dating?
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Well it's the christian women I know who are boring I agree. As far as the purpose of dating some will tell you its only for when you are looking for a wife. Personally I just date for fun at the moment. Its something to do on some night during the week and have a good time going out with a cute girl and having dinner maybe sweing a movie or going to a concert.
 
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