Dating Divorced Singles- Your Thoughts?

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Crimson_Lark

Crimson_Lark

Senior Member
Apr 17, 2012
207
15
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What are important questions to ask a potential mate who is divorced?

For example:
My aunt (who is divorced) once told me to always find out who filed for the divorce from the last marriage.

From my friends, I have found it's important to make sure the divorce has been finalized.
Many people will start dating before they are legally divorced.

What have you learned?

 
dating someone who has not been divorced very long (a year or less) probably not a good idea.
 
Agreed, zaoman. There's a lot of healing that needs to take place all the way around, especially if children are involved. People don't seem to realize that many of the issues that come between children and stepparents occur because children had no say in situations that happened before they were prepared to deal with them.

Even if children are not involved, I've seen folks choose a new spouse just to show a former spouse a thing or two or have the mistaken belief that someone new will make them happy. It's jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire oftentimes.


I have watched family members make a hobby out of getting married for these reasons and the damage that has resulted for them and their spouses/exes/children is heartwrenching.

Loving marriages are built upon trust. Divorce plays havoc with trust. Healing has to take place before trust is possible. That's baggage you don't want to drag from marriage to marriage..to marriage...
 
zaoman32 said:
dating someone who has not been divorced very long (a year or less) probably not a good idea.
Click to expand...


Do you think the healing time needs to increase in proportion to the length of the marriage?

So for instance if you meet someone who was married for 20 years, do you think the healing time should be at least two years?

Jullianna I would be interested in knowing your response as well.
 
Crimson Lark, there are times when a couple sees a divorce coming years before it ever actually does, and so do a lot of other people. Then there are times when one spouse discovers something about the other that knocks them for a loop. The second of these understandably tends to need more healing time.

If I date someone who has been divorced, I don't need to know all of their business, but I do think it is important to know the general reason for the split, as it can have an impact on future relationships.

I think it's important to be friends for awhile first so you can get a better glimpse at their heart and state of mind prior to entering into a relationship.
 
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Crimson_Lark said:


Do you think the healing time needs to increase in proportion to the length of the marriage?

So for instance if you meet someone who was married for 20 years, do you think the healing time should be at least two years?

Jullianna I would be interested in knowing your response as well.
Click to expand...

I don't really know. I was married for about 6 years, so that's the only perspective I have. If I had to answer I would think it would just depend on the person. What I do know is that it's probably the most painful thing I've ever experienced emotionally, and there was and still is a lot of healing for me to go through.

I would think if a divorced person was truly ready to date they would be more selective and careful about who they're dating.

Not sure if that gives you any help, but there it is.
 
Crimson_Lark said:
What are important questions to ask a potential mate who is divorced?
Click to expand...

Did you dispose of the evidence?
Did the cops believe you?
How did you pass the lie detector test?

I think some biggies would be....

1. Did you cheat on them? If so why?
2. Are you over them?
3. Is the ex crazy/possessive/stalkerish, armed? <--Not somethin I wanna get entangled in.
4. Do you love Jesus?
 
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