Dating someone you aren't attracted to?

[Hethr]

It is so hard to be a Christian single. I really don't get asked out much but I wanted to pose a question about dating. If someone asks you out and you aren't attracted to that person, should you go out anyway? I mean assuming that person doesn't give you the creeps and seems normal. I know that you should give a person a chance and also attraction could grow but is it fair to that person who asked you? As far as going out with someone you really aren't interested in.. I wouldn't want that person to think I was interested when I'm not.
What do you think?

 

[greatkraw]

dunno, i suppose it is a philosophical question

are you saying you can only enjoy an activity with the opposite sex if you already find them attractive.

it reminds me of these christian dating sites.

some you can go looking for friends

others you must be marriage minded only

this comes back to the broad principle that some christians hold that men and women cn not be just friends

 

[FixYourWeave]

nah, i wouldnt go out with someone i wasnt attracted to. I mean sure that person might have a good personality, but what happens when their not talking. You gotta put up with lookin at their ugly mug till that person says something.

 

[greatkraw]

nah, i wouldnt go out with someone i wasnt attracted to. I mean sure that person might have a good personality, but what happens when their not talking. You gotta put up with lookin at their ugly mug till that person says something.

what makes you think that they will even get a chance to talk with you around being uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuumm ironic

 

[FixYourWeave]

lol so whats your point

 

[lil-rush]

It is so hard to be a Christian single. I really don't get asked out much but I wanted to pose a question about dating. If someone asks you out and you aren't attracted to that person, should you go out anyway? I mean assuming that person doesn't give you the creeps and seems normal. I know that you should give a person a chance and also attraction could grow but is it fair to that person who asked you? As far as going out with someone you really aren't interested in.. I wouldn't want that person to think I was interested when I'm not.
What do you think?

if you aren't attracted to someone physically, I think it is easier to work around that than if you are not attracted to someone personally. If your personalities don't click, you shouldn't try to force it. There has to be some level of personal attraction in order for a relationship to work.

Now, if you don't find someone physically attractive, over time if you grow to like that person's personality your view of his looks could change. You may never find him hansom, but you could learn to view him as decent.

I just don't think a relationship should be based solely on looks, because look can be taken away or fade away. One accident, and that person could become disfigured and homely. What will you do then, if all you had going with that person was your attraction to his looks?

 

[Hethr]

are you saying you can only enjoy an activity with the opposite sex if you already find them attractive.

How would you get that out of what I said? My post is about dating. I do have the ability to be around guys or be friends with guys attractive or not, without dating them.

 

[SeaGlass1111]

If someone was unattractive, but I liked their personality I would go out with him, but then the problem arises...what if he ends up developing romantic feelings for you and you are unable to reciprocate...then what? So...should we not go out with them, because in our minds we don't think that it could ever become romantic...or should we go out with them knowing it can't, but hoping that person will only want to stay friends? I know that you asked the question, but now you have me confused and asking questions! lol...

This is a tricky one...

 

[Matthew]

I think I would go on a date with someone if there was no physical attraction because that is something that can easily change and beauty isn't skin deep so that wouldn't be a big issue for me, but if I didn't find someone's personality attractive that would be a bigger issue but it would depend a lot on how well I knew that person, if it was someone I had known for a while I would have a good idea of how much she appealed to me, but if she was a new person in my life I'd use the date to determine if there was any common ground between us in terms of personality.

In general I say yes because until you give someone a chance to show you who they really are you can't say anything for certain, so I'd go on one date unless there was a major red flag, but if no potential showed up after one date I'd break it off because I wouldn't want to lead a person on based on the vague hope that an attraction might develop somewhere down the line.

 

[songster]

Because dating is simply an agreement to spend a specified period of time with a person for the purpose of getting to know one another, there should really be no difference between that, or striking up a conversation with someone next to you on a long flight. The circumstances leading up to the encounter are certainly different, but the safety net is, no one has committed to anything but conversation.

Building relationships is healthy. It prevents isolation, provides opportunities to witness, gives you a chance to practice socializing, and sometimes creates long lasting friendships. If you always begin dates with the expectation of meeting Mr. or Ms. right, you may continually set yourself up for disappointment because you fail to see the value of simply surrendering to the moment, enjoying the other person for who they are, appreciating the potential they may have, to make a significant contribution to your life. It's not necessary to instantly measure how close everyone comes to being your ideal mate.

I believe it's important to take the pressure off at the start. When someone finds a good mate it's often said 'he/she's a good catch'. This gives me the impression of someone with a net patrolling the waters in a boat only big enough for him/herself, until they reel in a prize fish. If you begin with a friendship, making that known from the start, there is little room for inappropriate or unwanted advances. This might also make it easier to simply part ways in the event you determine that neither a friendship or a romantic relationship is desired, but until then, it's just dinner!

 

[greatkraw]

fear or worry is never a valid reason not to do a valid activity

 

[MahogonySnail]

There's nothing that a brown paper bag worn over the head won't fix.

 

[Aimz]

Been there. It didn't work. The other person was highly attracted to me but the attraction was unbalanced. He became insecure and the relationship ended very messily. Don't ignore first impressions- they count!

 

[MahogonySnail]

I think it is best to let the other person know how ugly they are from the start so there is no misunderstandings, confusion or awkwardness. "honestly, you are ugly, but I think you have a great personality etc etc". That's much better than letting them or making them think they are attractive when they are not. That's what parents are for.

 

[jax]

I would go out with someone I wasn't necessarily attracted to but keep things relaxed and try to prevent any feelings from being developed until I know myself if I'm interested in anything serious.....I really don't think looks are a huge deal.Then again maybe that's because of my looks lol. I'm disabled so I sort of am on that "other" side, hoping to meet someone who can look beyond the skin...

 

[buckeyegirl700]

if you aren't attracted to someone physically, I think it is easier to work around that than if you are not attracted to someone personally. If your personalities don't click, you shouldn't try to force it. There has to be some level of personal attraction in order for a relationship to work.

Now, if you don't find someone physically attractive, over time if you grow to like that person's personality your view of his looks could change. You may never find him hansom, but you could learn to view him as decent.

I just don't think a relationship should be based solely on looks, because look can be taken away or fade away. One accident, and that person could become disfigured and homely. What will you do then, if all you had going with that person was your attraction to his looks?

I agree. I also think it is easier to work around someones personality. I would rather have a guy that treats me really good and has similar morals and values as me than to date a guy bases only on his physical appearance

 

[buckeyegirl700]

I think it is best to let the other person know how ugly they are from the start so there is no misunderstandings, confusion or awkwardness. "honestly, you are ugly, but I think you have a great personality etc etc". That's much better than letting them or making them think they are attractive when they are not. That's what parents are for.

So let me get this straight you would tell someone that they were ugly but they have a great personality. If you are going to do that then why bother because you would be offending someone and chances are they probably would not want to date you after you tell them that they are ugly. If a guy told me hey your ugly, to old, or fat but you have a wonderful personality I would not want to date them

 

[greatkraw]

yeah but it is all code

we all know what you have an interesting face means

 

[asamanthinketh]

be honest, simple solution, you are not dating someone else out of pity, in that case you could just be their friend. so if it is something you are 100% sure that you could not live with for the rest of your life, then don't do it.

 

[sportygirl]

I dont know, initial attraction and overall attraction are very different to me. There are some guys i like right of the bat then there are guys like my ex who took a while for me to start being attracted to, not that he was ugly he just wasnt my "type". I think if it came down to it I would definetly want some sort of attraction in the relationship Personality is definetly more important and if the person and I really clicked I may be over to get over looks, but i guess I want both, but tahts up to God not me.