daughter/son

[Christian2]

I admit, when my daughter was teenager (now grown) I was not a spiritual mother. I did things wrong as it relates to trial and error. Years later, I made my amends with them both and, Father God, but my daughter always... always brings the past back up. As of I refuse to be held in a place by her of my past anymore. We just do not have a relationship as mom and daughter (its more estranged) and I had accepted that. But when we do conversate? It's always the same.

I love her dearly and when we talk about the Bible (which we both love?) There are no issues there, but she closes up when we family is discussed. She refuses to allow my son and her grown kids now, to know that we at least talk and that there should be forgiveness on her part as it relates to the Lord. Again, we have talked about it, but to no avail, it always goes back to her manipulating the conversations to have it her way. My son tends to be on her side instead of telling her what she needs to here. I don't know, I have prayed, and I know Father God will deal with us all. But right now? I'm tired. I can't make anyone love me or have a relationship with me. So, I have decided to move on. There has always been gaps in years where we do not converse. It has been a pattern for her for many years. And now, it's the same repeated pattern again this year. I can't not and will not endure this type of treatment any longer. (Please forgive me you all for not displaying a lot of information, but I simply do not like a lot of typing).

Please, know this, I am in no way trying to bash my kids as my heart LOVES them all! Lord knows my heart. Maybe this is my consequences and I have even accepted that... but not true forgiveness. Because Christ died on the cross for that as well. Please keep me and my kids and their kids in prayer that the Lord given a spirit of understanding and forgiveness where we all can be a family. I love them so much. Amen. and thank you all. **edited to remove personal phone number**

 

[2ndTimothyGroup]

Christian 2 – I think that your post is absolutely beautiful. I love it, as I deeply feel your heart, emotions, and pain. If I might, please allow me to express an idea for you to consider.

Scenario: A man commits adultery and his Blessed wife finds out about it. If she’s a normal woman, she’s devastated.

If the man claims that he Truly loves his wife, at what point in their future does he decide that he no longer has to make amends for the damage that he has caused her? [He] hurt [her]. Therefore, it is not his choice to decide when enough time for emotional healing is sufficient. It was [her] heart that was broken, thus it is up to her to decide if her husband’s actions are sufficient enough that her heart might be healed.

In one last-ditch effort to resolve this conflict, what if you were to go to your daughter and tell her that you realize that it is your responsibility to make full amends for the damage that you have caused her. Ask her, “My Beloved daughter, I will do ALL things reasonable to change and mend your heart. Please tell me what it is that I need to do so that your heart would be healed me my former and wretched ways, and I will do all of them and more.”

In addition to this, I would find “things” that you could do, perhaps classes that you can take that are outside of her approval. Do what needs to be done so that you can prove, and show to her that you are serious. Don’t JUST do what she wants you to do, but do more! Become the absolute best person that you can be. And when she finds out that you are doing these things because you value her, perhaps her heart might melt for you but once again.

The man that cheated on his wife, if he were smart, he would remove himself from his own home. He would give her the time and space needed for her to feel her pain and emotions by herself. With the husband still in the home, it’s like a knife wound trying to heal while the knife is still buried deep within in. But if he realizes on his own that he should leave and get himself fixed and straightened out . . . so that he will finally be a good father and husband, these are the kinds of actions that cause a person to have honor and respect but once again.

In this same way, prove to her that she is valuable. Do you value her? If so, how valuable is she? You see, the value that we place into others is made evident by the level of effort that we put into the relationship. That value is made evident by what we are willing to endure. So, how do we define this sense of value that we have for others? Clearly, your daughter is saying that she does not value your relationship with her, proven by how she interacts with you. The damage done has changed her sense of value that she holds towards you. But what if you did things that proved her worth and value to you? What if you showed so much value in her that she just couldn’t believe what she is seeing in and hearing from you?

One thing that you don’t want to do is seek professional counseling. Why? Because the government has the power to confiscate those records should anything go bad, or “south” in your life. If one false allegation is placed against you, all things that your counselor has taken note about you will become legal evidence and used against you. In saying this, I believe in you. YOU can do this! You can take the proverbial bull by the horns and conquer it. You must make this circumstance the single most important issue in your life and begin to address each portion of it. You don’t need anyone to tell you what to do, you’re not stupid in the least. You must address each point and then follow your heart . . . let your heart do the talking for a little . . . and then get this problem resolved.

If you have put such incredible amounts of effort into showing your Blessed daughter how much you love her, and that you will do what SHE wants you to do in order to make full amends, and if she refuses to “come around” and accept . . . then you can walk away fully confident knowing that you did ALL that you could possibly do. And once you realized that you have done all that you could do within your power and ability, then the problem becomes solely hers.

You see, no one is perfect. Not one of us. My father has done me wrong and I have done my former step-children wrong. Therefore, who is worse? If my parents trained me to be a bad parent, and I can see this, then I should also be able to see that my parents were trained by their parents. There’s a reason for why my mother came after me and my brother with garden hose for beatings . . . it is because that’s what my mother’s father did to her. What am I saying? We’re ALL guilty. We have all done wrong, therefore, we need to get over ourselves, realize what is obvious, make amends and move onward with full and unabridged love!

You can do this. I totally believe in you.

 

[Lanolin]

prayers

she isnt ready yet or she didnt hear you the first time
The writer Amy tan had a difficult relationship with her mother..it became material for her novels. She went through a lot but it was when her mother who was by the. suffering from Alzheimers called her and said 'I dont rememeber what I did but I'm sorry I hurt you Amy'

She gave her daughter permission to write about the past and so in her stories they have some resolution, it might not have actually happened that way but you see when you rewrite the narrative you make amends and give it a happier ending.

If that makes sense...because it was too traumatic for Amy to process. I dont know what your relationship was like with your daughter as a teen but if there was divorce, abandonment, neglect, addiction or death it would have affected her.

The only example I can give is to show her you are willing to deal with any unfinished business in the past. So if she didnt get to go to the Prom or whatever, maybe you offer her that dress now. Tell her shes beautiful. Its not too late.