Dealing with desensitization and the loss of the fear of God

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Fubario

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I have apparently through the course of these last couple of days become a pervert, desensitized to the Gospel, totally lost in sin it feels like it, broken hearted, cheated, stolen, pilfered of everything I wanted, and tortured. I don't know what to write, what to say, and what to do, I got schizophrenia and I have become very self-centered, I never wanted it, I lost it all today and i feel flat out defeated and worst of all I am losing my God. I don't know what to do, I want my life squared straight with sincere honest effort, because all of a sudden I have become a criminal for trying to be right with God, and I wonder what to do. It feels tough, am I losing my humanity, what makes me human, what am I moving ahead towards? I want to figure these things out because surely at this moment, and I waste away. I write this because I want to set things right, and take time to mend, I got to keep walking forward even if my legs are messed up, and the devil's chasing and turning me into something wrong because of falsehood and lies I believed in.

I ask for your help as I rant, prayer for my life and future please, God is not near me because I am not truly right in the heart, false humility pride and things that are wrong.
 
GOD is very near. With arms open wide. Waiting for you.
The lie is thinking He is not.
HE is faithful and just to forgive. Just go to your GOD just as you are. Do it now
 
...I am not truly right in the heart...
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Are any of us?

am I losing my humanity, what makes me human, what am I moving ahead towards?
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These are things that only you may be able to answer, answers that will come in their own time if you're serious and diligent about them. Personally, I think you have all the more humanity/are human by reflecting on these things.
 
Fubario said:
I have apparently through the course of these last couple of days become a pervert, desensitized to the Gospel, totally lost in sin it feels like it, broken hearted, cheated, stolen, pilfered of everything I wanted, and tortured. I don't know what to write, what to say, and what to do, I got schizophrenia and I have become very self-centered, I never wanted it, I lost it all today and i feel flat out defeated and worst of all I am losing my God. I don't know what to do, I want my life squared straight with sincere honest effort, because all of a sudden I have become a criminal for trying to be right with God, and I wonder what to do. It feels tough, am I losing my humanity, what makes me human, what am I moving ahead towards? I want to figure these things out because surely at this moment, and I waste away. I write this because I want to set things right, and take time to mend, I got to keep walking forward even if my legs are messed up, and the devil's chasing and turning me into something wrong because of falsehood and lies I believed in.

I ask for your help as I rant, prayer for my life and future please, God is not near me because I am not truly right in the heart, false humility pride and things that are wrong.
Click to expand...
I couldnt get back to ccc sooner. But I would rant as you have, that's what my issue was also: false humility, thinking you were carved in the palm of His hand, but actually straying so. As jandian said, i'd sing and pray Just as I am, or I surrender all, but God knew my heart wasnt still right. It is a fearful situation to be in, pleading with God thinking you cannot get thru while your sin clouds your prayer still. May God deliver from this situation, so despairing when you're even unable to describe or express it, as you ask for the heart of flesh. Please help us pray for mercy, for that change of heart, and the transformation thru the renewed mind, the true agape to experience to be able to give or pass it on, the will to 'follow me' as Christ said, and carry our cross. Please.
 
I feel so much better today and my struggles have shifted from these to health related issues and I am glad for your responses, thanks for caring and also thanks for the encouraging words. I find myself now in a mix of again, falling into bad wills and evil spiritual warfare, but also I am struggling healthwise and lead me back to himself, I pray this all away in Jesus name and repent again from the stumblingblocks.
 
I love the tone and direction of the post. Your words are so true. Dealing with the lives of people each day means you hear and see the other side of people. The real side. The hurts and fears and disappointments. You still love them and its hard telling them what they do not want to hear. But that is the job of a Pastor and true Shepard to watch and look out for the sheep. One way to lessen the desensitizing is being true. Turn off vampire diaries, walking dead,sleepy hollow any evil show that gives a glimpse into spiritual things that many just can not handle, and give God back his place in our lives is one sure way to start.
 
I am still hurt, even more so now, I am too hurt at the moment to go back to God, I felt for a while adversity from God, now I am just deflated and I cannot talk about God much now lest my brain hurts and the scars grow deeper, I would continue but I might become leperous mentally because there is too much pain to deal with. What do I do? I am genuinely wondering what to do because I have really lost my way and I cannot follow Jesus now.

Before anyone insinuites prayer, I would need you to intercede for me because I am at a point where I cannot directly talk with God because of how I am right now mentally and physically, it's too much to bear and there is too much I have to deal with at the moment.
 
I am doing so much better, thanks to all who have prayed for me. I am now in the process of recovery and finding my future, and I am doing well at it, and its tough to overcome the fear of doing bad or wronging God at everything I do, but it will happen. I would ask for your continued support and prayer for my anhedonia which is distressing me and causing me some problems with concentration and with health, In Jesus name i claim healing and victory over it and declare I will get better! Amen.
 
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