Desperate

[vconfused]

Today is my 3rd wedding anniversary and we have a beautiful daughter. Two nights ago my husband told me the only way out is if one of us dies. I have loved him from the depths of my heart but since I am short and ugly, I have never been good enough for him. He so wants to be with someone else, whom he can love, though he cares for me. We have been faithful to each other as we are both believers. I cannot make him love me and he has never loved me. dont know why we got married. I have given him my all but perhaps it was not good enough. I have no place in his heart.

I so want to be with the Lord but i have a little daughter.

Can someone please pray for me. I have so much pain in my heart and i am crying out to the Lord to help me. I am lost.

 

[damombomb]

Lord bless her, let her know you love her Keep her strong . in you. He has plans for you and a purpose.

 

[vconfused]

i want to commit suicide but that is not an option. Its feels like all doors have been closed on me. Even the Lord does not see my tears for hear my cries. I so want to save my marriage but my husband is more interested in me dying so he can remarry...........


Why has this happened to me? All i wanted to was that me and my family serve the Lord.

I am the only bread winner in hte house. My husband as he is depressed being with me, does not work.

 

[killerrabbitrunaway]

Today is my 3rd wedding anniversary and we have a beautiful daughter. Two nights ago my husband told me the only way out is if one of us dies. I have loved him from the depths of my heart but since I am short and ugly, I have never been good enough for him. He so wants to be with someone else, whom he can love, though he cares for me. We have been faithful to each other as we are both believers. I cannot make him love me and he has never loved me. dont know why we got married. I have given him my all but perhaps it was not good enough. I have no place in his heart.

I so want to be with the Lord but i have a little daughter.

Can someone please pray for me. I have so much pain in my heart and i am crying out to the Lord to help me. I am lost.

First off, of course I'll pray for you (that should go without saying)...however, let me get this straight, he outright said: "the only way out is if one of us dies"???...so, he's threatening you, physically?...if that's the case, get out, take your daughter, and run like the Devil himself was on your tail, run right to the authorities.

If I misunderstood you, and you're thinking of hurting yourself, then I can tell you: suicide is permanent, and a waste of the beautiful life God gave you. You are NOT "short and ugly", and whoever told you that (even if it was just you saying it to yourself), was WRONG. You are beautiful and perfect, just the way God made you. I heard a statistic once, about a study done: every single one of the people who had jumped off a large bridge in the U.S., and survived--they all realized, about 2/3's of the way down, that all their problems in life were fixable, save for the fact that they had just jumped off that bridge...EVERY SINGLE ONE.

If you are assuming that this man doesn't love you, then you need to talk with him, and find out the truth (that is, unless he's threatening you, as I said). He may have something different to say than whatever you believe to be true.

Pray, then get professional & spiritual help for this, no matter what you meant by this post (get real help, not just on this post online--although, you were really brave to post it) ...God loves you, and I do, too, as Christ loves me. God bless you, beautiful!!!

 

[killerrabbitrunaway]

i want to commit suicide but that is not an option. Its feels like all doors have been closed on me. Even the Lord does not see my tears for hear my cries. I so want to save my marriage but my husband is more interested in me dying so he can remarry...........


Why has this happened to me? All i wanted to was that me and my family serve the Lord.

I am the only bread winner in hte house. My husband as he is depressed being with me, does not work.

...I saw this after I typed my response (you posted it, while I was typing)...the Lord does hear your cries, but the Lord helps those, who help themselves. If you don't take proactive steps to deal with this, then God can't help you. First step, is communication with your husband. You may want to watch a movie called "Fireproof" with your husband, as well (just saw it yesterday, and it's excellent). God bless you.

 

[vconfused]

No he is not at all physical kind. He is a gentle person but he says he is carrying so much pain in his heart. He made a mistake in marrying me and just cannot bring himself to love me and i deserve better.

We have watched the movie fireproof and it was really good but my husband says it was for those who at least loved each other to begin with but we never got on from the beginning.

He says we dont look good together, he is good looking and i am not.

 

[damombomb]

Sounds like your husband is more upset with himself , blaming it on you
Dont let that make you feel bad about yourself
God created you just the way you are

 

[Twinkle77]

Today is my 3rd wedding anniversary and we have a beautiful daughter. Two nights ago my husband told me the only way out is if one of us dies. I have loved him from the depths of my heart but since I am short and ugly, I have never been good enough for him. He so wants to be with someone else, whom he can love, though he cares for me. We have been faithful to each other as we are both believers. I cannot make him love me and he has never loved me. dont know why we got married. I have given him my all but perhaps it was not good enough. I have no place in his heart.

I so want to be with the Lord but i have a little daughter.

Can someone please pray for me. I have so much pain in my heart and i am crying out to the Lord to help me. I am lost.

Hello vconfused
I am sorry that you are going through such a painful situation.
Your husband can't see your beauty because he is not looking at you in a Godly way but rather from a worldly way.
God made you and in God's eyes you are wonderfully made. Don't ever doubt that!!
Beauty from the worldly view is only skin deep but real beauty in God's way is in the heart.

You are right, you can't force your husband to love you but God can turn things around.
Suicide is not the answer. God has a purpose for you in life. You are precious in God's eyes. Don't give up hope.

You are blessed to have a beautiful daughter. Concentrate on your daughter and yourself and devote yourself to prayer and reading of the word and let God handle your husband.

Lord I prayer that you fill this child of yours with love that she would not need any other. I pray you change her husbands heart and open his spiritual eyes to see the beauty of his wife he has in front of him. I pray that you comfort her and give her strength to lean on you & trust in you & to wait on you. Protect her & her family. In Jesus name, amen.

 

[vconfused]

I was v concerned posting my personal issues on a website even though it said christian as I am very old fashioned.Thank you so much for these blessed words of encouragement. You have no idea what it means to me. I just wanted to share my pain with someone who doesn't know me.

Thank you all for support. This really is a beautiful forum. May the Lord God bless you all.

 

[JerryJones]

Hmmmm it is rather unfortunate that he adheres to a wrong view of love. Love is an action, more so than just a romantic feeling. As he ought to demonstrate love to you whether he feels like doing so or not. Rather unfortunate that he is cruel to you in this manner. I wonder if you two belong to a Church, where perhaps the pastor or the elders could get involved and thus advise him accordingly. I shall pray for you both.

 

[kenisyes]

I felt like this during my marriage sometimes, too. Life just puts out so much potential for pain sometimes, that we think everything would be better, if.... And even if each of you is giving 100%, it may not seem like enough to meet all the challenges. JerryJones is right, your husband (in God's plan) will learn to love you because he is built to love, and you are loving him. From what I felt back then, I would say, keep praying, keep loving, and keep trusting God. The good side of "the only way out is for one of us to die" is "I'm not thinking of leaving you for someone else". Our commitment and God pulled us through such times, and I see no reason it won't work here.

The depression may be helped by praying over him at night. I don't know him, but if it were me, I would be depressed having to make my wife work when we have a baby. My wife counseled this many times with quite good success. While he is sleeping, hold him and pray for his depression; pray for a new beginning for him in Jesus.

And for everyone's sake, stop worrying about what you look like, or that he really thinks you are the cause of this. When I felt like this, Anna couldn't trust anything I said either. God's love goes way deeper than that. The counsel of the years Anna and I were married tells me that you become exactly good enough for each other, just because of all God's love you exchange in getting over times like this.

 

[killerrabbitrunaway]

Sounds like your husband is more upset with himself , blaming it on you
Dont let that make you feel bad about yourself
God created you just the way you are

EXACTLY! (I'd give you a standing ovation, but you wouldn't see it--so, **CLAP, CLAP, CLAP!!!**)

 

[Ugly]

cv, i think you have some things backwards. You call your husband 'gentle' yet he is actually quite cruel and mean spirited. He is not at all gentle. He has taken your emotions and your self esteem and stomped all over them. Truth is, he is quite a jerk, meanwhile you are the gentle and kind one. Despite him constantly putting you down, you still feel love and a desire to make things work. You are the rock, the love and the goodness in the relationship. You are the evidence of Gods work, while you husband is the one allowing satan to have a foothold in your marriage, and in your life.
It sounds to me like you are both quite depressed people, and that could be a major part of the problem. People who act in depression are often not behaving as themselves, but rather under the affliction of this disorder. I know, i suffered bad depression for a long, long time. It makes you miserable, miserable to be around, impatient, irritable, you tend to see things in extremes and have little balance, you see 'worst case scenarios' as your only option and things such as that. I suggest you both seek Christian counseling for your depression, separate from each other. Then, as you two begin to work through your depressions maybe begin some marital counseling. Personally, i'm not convinced your husband is sincere in what he says. I think that is the depression talking. And once he can get past that, he will be more free to think and feel for himself and hear God easier as well.

As stated by someone in another post, you are the way God created you to be. Don't let someone else, husband, family, friend, stranger, anyone tell you that you're less than what God wanted. And stop putting so much emphasis on looks. You seem to have a good heart, and that is what makes a person, not their looks. And before you ask about my name, in regards to what i just said, i picked 'Ugly' just to be funny and get laughs. Not because i think i'm ugly, so no, i'm not being a hypocrite haha.

Psalm 9:9 The LORD is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek you.

 

[chuinchoy]

Today is my 3rd wedding anniversary and we have a beautiful daughter. Two nights ago my husband told me the only way out is if one of us dies. I have loved him from the depths of my heart but since I am short and ugly, I have never been good enough for him. He so wants to be with someone else, whom he can love, though he cares for me. We have been faithful to each other as we are both believers. I cannot make him love me and he has never loved me. dont know why we got married. I have given him my all but perhaps it was not good enough. I have no place in his heart.

I so want to be with the Lord but i have a little daughter.

Can someone please pray for me. I have so much pain in my heart and i am crying out to the Lord to help me. I am lost.

YOU NEED THE HELP OF A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE COUNSELLOR OR CHURCH PASTOR TO HELP YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND TO BRING LIVE INTO YOUR MARRIAGE. WHILE I REALLY WANTED TO HELP, BUT IS PREVENTED BY OUR DISTANCE. I WILL PRAY THAT GOD WILL SENT SOMEONE TO YOU.

 

[Nest]

It seems like your getting attacked by the enemy, pray for your husband, that Gods eternal Love enters his heart, consistantly pray for him, and we'll continue to pray for you and your family, God feels your pain, just like he felt leahs pain, yeah suicide is definetly not an option, what about your children?, think about how they will grow up without you,go to youtube and watch heaven and hell testamonies. Focus on Jesus right now and how much he loves you, read the word to know God and to know when the enemy is attacking, any negative thoughts coming to you are demonic, when they come focus on Jesus and his love for you. We will pray for you sister. You are the righteousness of God in christ.

 

[Marcella]

Dear VC, I agree with Ugly. I know from my own experience that it is very difficult to move through marriage, even good ones, when dealing with depression. Please at least seek a female counselor for yourself, and look for one who has rock solid Biblical teaching, so you're not led into other problems with false Biblical teaching. You can't deal with anyone else, until you deal with yourself first. Also keep in mind that you can't change anyone else, or their bad behavior. You can only change the way you respond to it.

I can speak from experience that the Scriptures provide the best healing, not the standard new age style counseling from secular counseling. I was in secular counseling for a while, then started using the living Word to heal my hurts and renew my mind. At diferent periods in my treatment, 3 differenct docs asked me what it was that was bringing me such peace, because they were amazed at how well I was, and how much I'd changed. I kept telling them that I was applying Scripture, and they just kinda glazed over at that point.

I'd like to suggest you try one of the main things I was taught that has helped the most. Find a verse or verses that apply to the problem you're dealing with, write it down to keep it with you. Then take 2 minutes to read the scripture (over and over until the 2 min are done) and do that 10 times a day. This is a way to renew your mind with the living Word which is the best way to know God's will for your life.

"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2

Dear one, if you truly feel as if you are going to try taking your life, please call the suicide hotline so you can talk with someone: 1-800-273-TALK (8255), then get yourself to a female Christian counselor.

 

[marianna]

...I saw this after I typed my response (you posted it, while I was typing)...the Lord does hear your cries, but the Lord helps those, who help themselves. If you don't take proactive steps to deal with this, then God can't help you. First step, is communication with your husband. You may want to watch a movie called "Fireproof" with your husband, as well (just saw it yesterday, and it's excellent). God bless you.

"but the Lord helps those, who help themselves." - This is not a biblical saying.

"If you don't take proactive steps to deal with this, then God can't help you." - And I'm sorry but neither is this Biblical. God is not bound by what we do or don't do. God helps us everyday in ways we never even think about.

I don't mean to criticize, but this dear woman is suffering terribly.
Her refuge is in The Lord.



Vconfused, I understand what you are going through.
But we do not choose what our bodies or physical attributes will be. If your husband is so superficial that he doesn't love you exactly for who you are, I must ask why do you want to die over unrequited love. That is wrong.

Please read this story of inspiration (the girl is of the Sikh religion, but see what her focus is!)

Dignified student says: 'My face isn't important but the smile and the happiness that lie behind the face are'

Sikh student defends her facial hair after photo goes viral | Mail Online

Vconfused, why not go shopping and buy some upbeat modern clothes and get a pair of big pink sunglasses and have your hair cut and colored in an interesting, artistic way and smile every day everywhere you go.

It is wrong for us to grumble about these bodies we are given. And it is wrong for someone you married to not love you because of physical things. Take some writing or drawing or photography classes; get a dog and go to the dog park every day - you will meet others who love their pets, and you can make new friends.

Build your self confidence and let your husband cook his own dinner and wash his own dirty laundry. He does not really deserve anything more from you at this time. Ignore him. He sounds awful.

Focus on your daughter and the Lord and your church. GO HAVE SOME FUN!

Get strong.
God Bless you.
marianna.

 

[marianna]

No he is not at all physical kind. He is a gentle person but he says he is carrying so much pain in his heart. He made a mistake in marrying me and just cannot bring himself to love me and i deserve better.

We have watched the movie fireproof and it was really good but my husband says it was for those who at least loved each other to begin with but we never got on from the beginning.

He says we dont look good together, he is good looking and i am not.

Vconfused, he might be good looking on the outside, but he has much sin on the inside.

As for being of small stature, I would have loved to have been Zaccheus! (notice what the others said). See Zaccheus did not despair. He found a way!

3 Zaccheus was trying to see who Jesus was, and was unable because of the crowd, for he was small in stature. 4So he ran on ahead and climbed up into a sycamore tree in order to see Him, for He was about to pass through that way. 5When Jesus came to the place, He looked up and said to him, “Zaccheus, hurry and come down, for today I must stay at your house.” 6And he hurried and came down and received Him gladly. 7When they saw it, they all began to grumble, saying, “He has gone to be the guest of a man who is a sinner.” - Luke 19

I posted already, but your story upset me.
Your husband does not work and he has so much evil in his heart to demean you in this way.

Spend some of your hard earned money on yourself and get what my daughter calls funky clothes and hair and leave that man at home in his misery for awhile.

Go spend time with your friends and come home happy and go to bed in peace at night. He might start wondering what he missed - GOOD!

Jesus loves you, and so does The Body of Christ!
Love marianna

 

[FormerPooky]

You are not short and ugly! God made you in His image. The Lord has plans for you just as he has for me too. Don't say you want to go to the Lord. Be there for your daughter. I went through wo weeks of hell, but it is getting better! If suicide is your plan, don't do it!! Get on the phone right now to a crisis center. Better yet, go to the hospital. They will help you. You have alot to live for. I am praying for you!

 

[vconfused]

Dear all, thank you for encouraging me. I felt so much better and hopeful after reading your messages. I am feeling extremely depressed again as the next day after our anniversay husband said we are going to start again. I was so happy but this morning he expressed his desire to marry someone he is able to love.

I am praying for him but i need prayers myslef that the Lord gives me strength as my own streingth is failing me. Nothing, absoulely nothing is going right for me. I am the Lord's child, and i want to experince His peace and Love that i dont look up to my husband for anything.