Do Christian couples struggle more with consistency than intention?

[blueluna5]

One thing I've noticed is that many Christian couples genuinely want to pray together, do devotionals together, and stay spiritually connected.​

The challenge often isn't desire. It's consistency. Life gets busy. Work, children, responsibilities, exhaustion at the end of the day.

I'm curious:

What habits or routines have helped you and your spouse stay intentionally connected to both God and each other throughout the week?

Has it been:

• Prayer together?
• Date nights?
• Daily devotionals?
• Walks together?
• Something else?

I'd love to hear what has actually been sustainable in real life.

To read 1 verse a day. It's so small and takes almost no time so it's easy to be consistent. Been doing this for over a year and I've tried literally everything else that failed.

Everything else in my world would not be practical. I don't look at it as little bc it compounds. Humans tend to minimize things. Go big or go home attitude. But I've read almost the whole old testament just doing it this way. I went years and I mean years stuck in Genesis.

 

[JohnDB]

I always thought my husband and I would have the kind of relationship where we pray together, do devotions, etc but we don't. Coming up on our 23rd anniversary and it never became a "habit". He will occasionally pray for me when I'm sick but that's it.

We don't have date nights, even though we have older kids that can babysit the littles and baby. Husband says he's not creative enough to think of things for us to do and, honestly, I am in charge of so many things around the house, appointments, etc that planning a date just feels like more work...I selfishly want to be wooed. Never had that...being pursued or wooed by him.

We've gone on the occasional walk but nothing deep is ever discussed. I find myself trying to carry the conversation or bring up topics to talk about and it ends up feeling awkward. I think he'd be content to walk in silence.

If I push and try to ask about hopes, dreams, plans for the future, or anything serious that needs dealt with in house or home, it somehow turns into him thinking I'm blaming him for things we cant afford to do. It's almost like he takes those questions as an attack on his character or ability to provide. So I tend to not ask anymore and we talk about stupid, unimportant, or benign things like politics or funny things the kids say.

Yeah, we probably need to create a more godly foundation but I don't know how to implement that...it would be yet another thing on my plate to figure out.

Sorry to be so depressing. I'm one of the odd ones, I guess, that doesn't have the "connection" with my husband that would be beneficial for our marriage. I can see the benefit, I've tried talking to my husband about it a few times (causes a fight every time) but the only connection he really finds "necessary" is physical.

I guess the only habits we have are bad habits.

Oh goodness....

Let me speak on behalf of your husband for a minute and say what he cant or wont.


The bit above about Hope's and dreams where he gets upset.....
He wants to provide you with so much more....
he is giving you and the kids literally all he has within him....because you all mean literally everything to him. He literally worships you and his children.
That's why he gets angry. He believes he isnt enough for you....you all are his entire hope and wish basket....there is nothing more he wants than what he has with you and the kids....but for a lot of people that isn't enough and they break up marriages and families in searching for something more. (Biggest fear)

Tell him you love him, all he does, and that you have a perfect life because of him....warts and all.
Watch him strut around like a peacock afterwards....because THAT would be an awesome Father's Day gift.

 

[Genipher]

Oh goodness....

Let me speak on behalf of your husband for a minute and say what he cant or wont.


The bit above about Hope's and dreams where he gets upset.....
He wants to provide you with so much more....
he is giving you and the kids literally all he has within him....because you all mean literally everything to him. He literally worships you and his children.
That's why he gets angry. He believes he isnt enough for you....you all are his entire hope and wish basket....there is nothing more he wants than what he has with you and the kids....but for a lot of people that isn't enough and they break up marriages and families in searching for something more. (Biggest fear)

Tell him you love him, all he does, and that you have a perfect life because of him....warts and all.
Watch him strut around like a peacock afterwards....because THAT would be an awesome Father's Day gift.

Ah, okay.
So legit questions...should I just accept he and I cant communicate or that we will ever spend quality time together/with God because he's content/complacent with where we're at? Is communication not as important for marriage as I thought?

I'm not searching for "something more" in any crazy sense but I would like to be able to talk to him about, say, our water heater having issues without him getting offended. Or discuss the constantly changing needs of our growing family (10 kids) without it causing an argument. Is it an unreasonable expectation that we can talk about what we hope for in the future, retirement plans, etc without him getting annoyed and me getting emotional? Am i seriously asking too much?

 

[Lanolin]

Sounds like you need a nanny Genipher.
Do you have one? Children's grandparents? Aunties/Uncles to help out?

 

[Genipher]

Sounds like you need a nanny Genipher.
Do you have one? Children's grandparents? Aunties/Uncles to help out?

Nope. I have adult kids who can babysit on occasion. No extended family that lives close, though.

 

[Anchorite]

Listening to radio or YouTube sermons together every night.

 

[Lanolin]

Nope. I have adult kids who can babysit on occasion. No extended family that lives close, though.

ok.
Do your adult kids have babies...are they married with children as well? Just wondering. What will you do when you're a grandparent? Will you help look after them too?

Wow if all your children end up having 10 kids as well, you'd be a grandmother of ...100!

 

[JohnDB]

Ah, okay.
So legit questions...should I just accept he and I cant communicate or that we will ever spend quality time together/with God because he's content/complacent with where we're at? Is communication not as important for marriage as I thought?

I'm not searching for "something more" in any crazy sense but I would like to be able to talk to him about, say, our water heater having issues without him getting offended. Or discuss the constantly changing needs of our growing family (10 kids) without it causing an argument. Is it an unreasonable expectation that we can talk about what we hope for in the future, retirement plans, etc without him getting annoyed and me getting emotional? Am i seriously asking too much?

Us men are fairly simple creatures...
Start with telling him about how you are living the dream first.....no if's, buts, or anything else....see what happens....

Guys do communicate....women do it differently and much more quickly change topics and emotions than men can process.
SLOW....

One step at a time.

 

[JohnDB]

Men are sssslllllloooooooowwwwwwwww... emotionally.
We dont go through 20 different emotions just to climb out of bed in the morning.
We also are extremely capable of not thinking about anything....literally nothing.

So....ONE emotion at a time.
Subjects broken into slowly....
And just because your husband gets upset at a topic does not mean he is angry at you or with you or even with the kids....he is just angry.

And....if the water heater is having issues....and it's a real problem. Sure, who wouldn't yell? I'd yell all kinds of foul things just like I did over the tree branch in the grape arbor from the storm yesterday.
We just yell....let's off steam. And I really hate plumbing....not angry at you....just the thought of having to do plumbing.

And he might be angry over the family having to suffer through cold water....
Or that he wants a tankless system or a gas water heater and hasn't gotten around to doing whatever or having the money...or you don't and he isnt sure how to fix either one of those systems.

You two ARE TALKING....you are communicating. Just about two different subjects at the same time.
Sunday is Father's Day. Make sure EVERY child tells him something that they love that he does for them. It can be a craft of the day or some other means....but tomorrow he needs to hear that.....and he might get annoyed....that's smoke....he wont be able to fit inside his shirts because chest will grow too much. We dads get all the problems like house maintenance items and disruptions coming to our castle schedules......
Occasionally we just need to hear how much we are loved, needed, and just wanted over and above everyone and everything else. About how nobody ever could fill our shoes.

It's not what you are telling him....its likely just the manner of delivery and you getting more timid over his emotions. Dont be....you are the mother of his kids...dont become a shrinking violet just because he gets angry.
And

Most especially.....when you come to him with long term problems.....come with possible SOLUTIONS.....not just a dumping your worries session.
Saying something about how you want a trip to Hawaii for retirement one day is one thing....
Asking : "Where are we gonna go when we retire?" Isnt gonna work for him...,he will get upset.
Dont worry about how this is hugely different....it just is different. One gets "oh yeah babe?" and the other gets an annoyed look and "I dont #$&&!!! Know" Because truthfully all he cares about is spending time with you and the family. Stuff for himself? Nope....not in his registry.

 

[Genipher]

ok.
Do your adult kids have babies...are they married with children as well? Just wondering. What will you do when you're a grandparent? Will you help look after them too?

Wow if all your children end up having 10 kids as well, you'd be a grandmother of ...100!

Nope. The 2 that are adults aren't married yet, though my adult son is interested in a girl and has asked her dad if she'savailableto court. He just finished up his welding degree and is trying to set himself up to be able to provide for a family in the future. He's my kiddo who, when he was little, used to say he would never get married because he didn't think he could provide for a wife. He used to laugh and quote the movie Home Alone, "When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone!"
His tune has completely changed, as I knew it would. Lol.

I would love to be involved in my grandkids lives. Some of my best memories were if spending the night at my grandma's, watching movies with her, doing chores for money...I would also like to ve available for when my kids and their spouses feel "burned out", sick, or want a date night. But that would depend on where my kids end up living. If they move too far then I obviously couldn't help much. My son already has plans to move 4 hours away. If he marries the gal he's eyeballing, they would both be 4 hours away from me.

Yup, coupd end up with quite the family tree. Though so far most of my kids aren't interested in having a large family, which is okay. A big family was my dream, it doesn't have to be there's.

 

[Dinko9]

I recently built Anchored: Couples Devotional, a Christian app designed to help couples grow closer to each other and to Christ. It includes daily Scripture, reflections, questions for couples, and devotional journeys you can work through together. Maybe give it a try guys/gals

 

[Lanolin]

I recently built Anchored: Couples Devotional, a Christian app designed to help couples grow closer to each other and to Christ. It includes daily Scripture, reflections, questions for couples, and devotional journeys you can work through together. Maybe give it a try guys/gals

Are you married

Sorry but if a couple are married why would they both be on their phones to each other if they live together and can already share a scripture, just get one of those big large print Bibles and share it..read it together in bed.

 

[Genipher]

Are you married

Sorry but if a couple are married why would they both be on their phones to each other if they live together and can already share a scripture, just get one of those big large print Bibles and share it..read it together in bed.

Are you assuming married couples aren't sitting in bed going over the app together, on one phone? My husband and I do that, on occasion. Share what we've been reading, etc and read it on one or the other's phone. Or are you dismissing the idea of studying together on a phone vs holding a real book?

 

[Lanolin]

Are you assuming married couples aren't sitting in bed going over the app together, on one phone? My husband and I do that, on occasion. Share what we've been reading, etc and read it on one or the other's phone. Or are you dismissing the idea of studying together on a phone vs holding a real book?

You don't ever read real books together?

Did you ever read books to your children in bed or do you just call them on the phone.

 

[Lanolin]

It does remind me of 'how do we make church better?' pastors coming up with ideas...and the 'I know, lets film the service and put it on TV!!!'

I mean it's not a bad idea, but televangelists completely ruined Christianity for everyone. It became a show.

 

[Dinko9]

Are you married

Sorry but if a couple are married why would they both be on their phones to each other if they live together and can already share a scripture, just get one of those big large print Bibles and share it..read it together in bed.

Not at all I actually think sitting together with a Bible or devotional is wonderful, and my wife and I do things together too. The app isn’t intended to replace that. It’s simply another tool for couples, especially when life gets busy or they aren’t together at that moment, to stay intentional about reading Scripture, reflecting, and having meaningful conversations about their faith. If it encourages even a few couples to spend more time with God and with each other, then I think that’s a good thing.

 

[Lynx]

Are you assuming married couples aren't sitting in bed going over the app together, on one phone? My husband and I do that, on occasion. Share what we've been reading, etc and read it on one or the other's phone. Or are you dismissing the idea of studying together on a phone vs holding a real book?

Not at all I actually think sitting together with a Bible or devotional is wonderful, and my wife and I do things together too. The app isn’t intended to replace that. It’s simply another tool for couples, especially when life gets busy or they aren’t together at that moment, to stay intentional about reading Scripture, reflecting, and having meaningful conversations about their faith. If it encourages even a few couples to spend more time with God and with each other, then I think that’s a good thing.

If one of the pair travels a lot it could be useful.

I listen to a lot of stand-up comedians on youtube. One of them (Derrick Stroup) said that when people compliment him on a tight comedy set, he replies "If you see my wife, give her a hug for me." In other words he is so good at this because he's out on the road doing comedy sets so much that he doesn't see his family a lot.

Another comedian (Zoltan Kascas) said "I'm a Delta 'Diamond Medallion' member... No no, don't clap. All that means is, you see your family a lot more than I see mine. And when I come home, my phone doesn't remember the wifi password."

So yeah, I can see some couples really getting some use out of an app like that. You might tell Jeff Allen about it.

 

[Karlon]

One thing I've noticed is that many Christian couples genuinely want to pray together, do devotionals together, and stay spiritually connected.​

The challenge often isn't desire. It's consistency. Life gets busy. Work, children, responsibilities, exhaustion at the end of the day.

I'm curious:

What habits or routines have helped you and your spouse stay intentionally connected to both God and each other throughout the week?

Has it been:

• Prayer together?
• Date nights?
• Daily devotionals?
• Walks together?
• Something else?

I'd love to hear what has actually been sustainable in real life.

my wife & i pray together, watch pastors on tv, listen to them on the radio & converse on Bible issues from time to time. date nights: we are always out if the weather is appropriate. no daily devotionals. we bike ride together.

 

[OMC]

The wife and I have date night which usually ends up with me sitting on her chest , thumping her in the forehead with the bible yelling,
" git right with Jesus!"

I'm so teasing.. lol
We discuss my adventures on here daily. Its been a great way to study for us.

 

[Lanolin]

I think spending time together is good for a couple, I don't mean to say that couples can never be apart or there are marriages where they never see each other or can't keep in close contact.

I think the reality is for a lot of couples they are both working (at different jobs) and are too busy trying to afford the cost of living.

But yea app is a tool. I guess it's a thing now for everyone to be on their phones. Sigh.