Do Guys think their Girlfriends have too many unspoken rules/expectations?

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Suzie2family

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Ok recently, I started dating a guy who also happens to be a full-time mechanic. He seems to really, really like me but when my car broke down he didn't even offer to come look at it at first. Now, considering that we've only just started dating (one coffee date, so far), I thought he'd jump at the chance for any "excuse" to come see me, especially since I expressed my concern that I wasn't sure what I was going to do, might have to miss our scheduled date, etc (anyone seeing "damsel in distress calling out for a knight in shining armor here...? ;))

Ok, so I "hinted" around a bit more that I needed him to wish me luck on figuring out what was wrong with it, since all the garages I knew of were closed for the weekend and we had a date scheduled for the following Monday after work (which would probably have to be rescheduled too...) Since I would be stranded without a car, I was a bit discouraged.

I guess I kind of expected him to be more responsive to my distress signals. Was I too vague?

From you GUYS' perspective was I having unfair "expectations"? To the GUYS only, would you have picked up on that distress signal (and assuming you really, really liked the girl), would you have enjoyed the opportunity to help her out, or felt resentful that she was asking you to do more work on the weekend after you had already put in a full day fixing cars?

Would you do that for your potential love interest anyway, just because you wanted to help her out?

What are examples of times your girlfriend had unspoken rules or expectations of you that got you into hot water with her?

How do guys think? :confused:
 
I hate people that drop hints...if you want soemthing just ask for it. I mean you could have just said maybe youd like to look at it?
 
If I know I can be of assistance, I like to help people out. They don't even have to be women. They do, however, have to be able to actually ask me for help, for two main reasons. First, it's the surest way to indicate that my services would be appreciated - vagueness more often than not goes right over my head. Second, is that I don't want to insult someone by assuming that they need my help; they could be perfectly competant to deal with the problem on their own (eg. I work in a petrol station, and lots of our customers are elderly, but I only go out and help them if they ask me to; I wouldn't want to be prejudiced and assume 'oh they're old, they can't do it by themselves').

So he could be in a similar boat. It could well be that you were being too vague, or he didn't want to come across as too keen, or too demeaning, or simply that he had something on at the weekend. Also, since you've only been out with him once, he could have suspected that you were trying to take advantage of him, and no one likes the feeling that they're just being used; would you have paid him at all for his time and labour? In short, I don't know because I'm not him, but it could be a number of things.

But to rule out some of the possibilties, in future, I'd suggest that if you want help, then ask for it.
 
Megatron said:
I hate people that drop hints...if you want soemthing just ask for it. I mean you could have just said maybe youd like to look at it?
Click to expand...

I didn't want him to think I was trying to "use" him just because he was a mechanic. My sister is a nurse and she hates it when people ask her to do diagnosis for them when she's off-duty.

But if this is true for most guys Megatron, then I'll use the direct approach and not hint around anymore. Maybe he'll just say "no" but at least I won't have to wonder, right?

I was trying to let him volunteer assistance...? (not as a "test" mind you, but just because i didn't want to impose) But I really was stranded.
 
Suzie2family said:
How do guys think? :confused:
Click to expand...

Well if one could speak for all life would become two things, easy....and boring :D

Every guy is different, in the situation you had I think your hints were so obvious I'm surprised he didn't ask the question, I accept the notion that it can be insulting to offer a service on the assumption someone can't manage and many women might be offended if they consider themselves a 'modern woman' or highly independant or whatever you want to say, but offering assistance is not rude or offensive it's just courteous, and like you said, being a mechanic and dating you I can't see it would have been a gigantic leap to say 'hey, do you want me to take a look?'

But I would say that situations like this within the dating process are how you find out if the person is right for you, and clearly this is a small difference the two of you have, he may well be the kind of guy that responds to direct statements only, personally I find that takes a lot of the joy out of dating, but that's just me.

So I don't think you were too vague, but you were probably too vague for him
 
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