Do you know too many people to get close to any of them?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#1
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
48
#1
I feel like sometimes I know too many people in a Group Setting, and we all know each other from a group, which actually makes it difficult to get to know any of them personally. Everything feels officially lukewarm. As if even if I was seriously interested in someone, it would seem like a joke because everyone knows everyone. (kinda like the regulars from this thread)

I'm an active part of 2 Bible Study/Small Group/Cell type things and I know all of these people pretty well but, I feel like there is a wall. This wall is what separates me from being able to actually be in a relationship with any of them.

Coupled with the fact that I've never had a relationship with someone in my hometown, makes this even weirder for me. Perhaps I should just wait until I move again.

I'm not even sure where to begin. Which is why it is much easier to date when I'm on vacation for 3 months or Living in another city. I don't know why that is really. Maybe because foreign places seem more romantic than domestic ones.
 
F

farrahanne91

Guest
#2
#2
I know exactly how you feel. I have that same issue with the people I hang out with. But most of the guys in my group are like older brothers to me, and I would never have a desire to date the majority of them. I think maybe it's easier for you to date when you're in an unfamiliar place is because they don't know you. You can start fresh and begin with relationship potential instead of the automatic "friend zone", ya know? It's like if you were to meet someone in your hometown whom you'd never met before, you automatically assume they have connections with someone you know.
 
N

NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#3
#3
You can begin by ignoring everyone...... They'll all get mad, wont talk to you anymore. Then BAM! problems fixed, you wont know anyone and there for can start a relationship with whom every you choose.



That was great advice..... you really should pay me for that one!
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#4
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
48
#4
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
You can begin by ignoring everyone...... They'll all get mad, wont talk to you anymore. Then BAM! problems fixed, you wont know anyone and there for can start a relationship with whom every you choose.



That was great advice..... you really should pay me for that one!
Click to expand...
No kidding!

Do you have paypal?
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#5
May 23, 2009
15,018
4,615
113
#5
Liamson,

I'd have to say that your observation in this post is pretty accurate, at least in my experience. I am surrounded by tons of people at work most every day and yet, I have close relationships with only one of them. I guess this can also be related to personality as well--one thing I have learned about myself is that, while I can make acquaintances easily, making true friends is quite rare. And even then, it's very touch-and-go.

The few people I do feel I am close to are all involved in relationships/have kids/are heavily involved in so many things that they don't really have the time or energy to devote to a close, personal friendship. I often wonder if they feel as isolated and alone as I do, but in a different way.

I've had experience with long distances in the past during relationships, and I would be open to that again, but sometimes I wonder how close I could really be to someone I only saw a few times a month or year!!

And yet... we never know what God is preparing us for--perhaps a spouse who joins the military and is gone for long intervals of time, or has to travel for work or family reasons... I've known several people who found themselves in this situation but would have never guessed it was going to happen when they were dating and planning for marriage. I try to see these difficult times as preparation for the future... or maybe just the life God has planned for me, I don't know.

I do feel very fortunate, however, that even though people I genuinely feel close to are few and far in between, I've always had at least one or two people whom I could say were my friends.

I'd love to try Nod's advice as far as ignoring everyone but it would only come in handy if I could selectively ignore my bosses, coworkers, and customers when they want something... which, unfortunately, is all the time. *Plunks down her 2 cents worth as payment to Nod.* :p
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#6
#6
Since some of us are not comfortable dating people we haven't known for a time as friends first, most of the people we date we likely met in group settings. Once in awhile there will be that one who stands out to us in ways no others do, no matter where we meet them.
 
TheJesusfreak1990

TheJesusfreak1990

Senior Member
#7
Oct 31, 2009
114
2
18
#7
Dude thats the problem of knowing everyone but not having the time to talk to someone particular cus u have so many other people to talk to. Maybe pick someone and have an one to one convo. Which would help u to know them better? Rather than always being inside the group pick someone to be outside the group temporarily. :) hope that helps.
 
G

GreenNnice

Guest
#8
#8
Yes, being in this know-everyone situation is common, but just keep being yourself and USUALLY something will happen at some point. It really is God's timing , but making yourself available will let God know you are ready. Let God know the desires of your heart and just keep going to small groups, bible studies (men's bible studies too cuz that's good for accountability and girls like to see guys devotion in that way too) , and, new people are always coming into singles groups . Make sure you go on 3-day singles retreats your church has and that is a OPPORTUNITY to spend time in a different way with these people you know and one of those knowed may SEE you different outside a regular 2-hour bible study or singles night environment and they may suddenly standout from your other knowables. :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.