Expressing Sexuality in a Healthy Way

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ROSSELLA said:

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[TD="class: postcell"]Hi,

I'm new here. I'm a Christian single. Lately, I've been struggling with how to express sexual desires in a healthy way. I know adultery is wrong and lusting is wrong, but I also don't believe sexual desire only starts the moment people say "I do." Otherwise people wouldn't get married. It stands to reason that, if God made us with sexual desires, He had to make a healthy way for both single and married people to express them. However, I don't know what that way is. Just ignoring them and hoping they'll go away doesn't do anything but make sure they come back later, sometimes stronger than before. Yet, focusing too much on them can lead to lust. There has to be some middle-ground. I know answers are going to differ, but any thoughts?


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You are supposed to be intimate with only one man in your lifetime and that's what a monogamous marriage is for. Sex is not supposed to be expressed with any other person than your husband.
 
We are programmed by nature to want to reproduce.

God defines the way to do that as within marriage - but common sense also shows it so.

You want to reproduce, it is normal. Think about where you might find a nice husband.
 
Spurgeoncy said:
We are programmed by nature to want to reproduce.

God defines the way to do that as within marriage - but common sense also shows it so.

You want to reproduce, it is normal. Think about where you might find a nice husband.
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Nit picking here, but I think she wants to find a single guy to turn into a husband. I've known women who are looking for a husband - someone else's! :)
 
RickyZ said:
Nit picking here, but I think she wants to find a single guy to turn into a husband. I've known women who are looking for a husband - someone else's! :)
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She is not looking for a husband, she is looking for a way to justify premarital sex.
 
I'm not looking for a way to justify premarital sex. I'm a virgin and I'm not looking to change that right now. I'm trying to understand the difference between natural sexual desire and lust. I know God created sex for marriage, only sexual desire doesn't start the moment the vows are said. I'm trying to understand what the line between that is. I'm glad for you if you have figured that out already, but please don't assume everyone has and anyone posting questions about it is looking for a way to justify sin.
 
ROSSELLA said:
I'm not looking for a way to justify premarital sex. I'm a virgin and I'm not looking to change that right now. I'm trying to understand the difference between natural sexual desire and lust. I know God created sex for marriage, only sexual desire doesn't start the moment the vows are said. I'm trying to understand what the line between that is. I'm glad for you if you have figured that out already, but please don't assume everyone has and anyone posting questions about it is looking for a way to justify sin.
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First off, you're best off ignoring Pete, just read some of his threads on dating mistakes Christian women make to understand why (and for the entertainment value). None of the rest of us thought you were looking for an excuse to sin. I've asked the same question and generally found most of Christendom to lack a good answer. The best answer I can give at this moment is that sexual lust (because you can lust after many things) is sexual desire without the desire for relationship and commitment that should properly and righteously accompany it. Which would look an awful lot like the focus being on sex as a product to be consumed rather than the focus being on the person you're in relationship with. Hope that helps, but I can't say I've got really good definitions and distinctions yet either.
 
ROSSELLA said:
I'm trying to understand the difference between natural sexual desire and lust.
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Natural sexual desire is a physiological and psychological "longing" for sexual 'activity' - "in general"; lust is a mental "fixation" for sexual 'activity' - "with regard to a particular person"...

I hope this helps...

:)
 
cinder said:
The best answer I can give at this moment is that sexual lust (because you can lust after many things) is sexual desire without the desire for relationship and commitment that should properly and righteously accompany it. Which would look an awful lot like the focus being on sex as a product to be consumed rather than the focus being on the person you're in relationship with. Hope that helps, but I can't say I've got really good definitions and distinctions yet either.
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This is what you might call "an application of the principle"...

Yet -- it is still a good answer. :cool:

:)
 
cinder said:
First off, you're best off ignoring Pete, just read some of his threads on dating mistakes Christian women make to understand why (and for the entertainment value). None of the rest of us thought you were looking for an excuse to sin. I've asked the same question and generally found most of Christendom to lack a good answer. The best answer I can give at this moment is that sexual lust (because you can lust after many things) is sexual desire without the desire for relationship and commitment that should properly and righteously accompany it. Which would look an awful lot like the focus being on sex as a product to be consumed rather than the focus being on the person you're in relationship with. Hope that helps, but I can't say I've got really good definitions and distinctions yet either.
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Thank you so much!
 
GaryA said:
Natural sexual desire is a physiological and psychological "longing" for sexual 'activity' - "in general"; lust is a mental "fixation" for sexual 'activity' - "with regard to a particular person"...

I hope this helps...

:)
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Thank you!
 
cinder said:
First off, you're best off ignoring Pete, just read some of his threads on dating mistakes Christian women make to understand why (and for the entertainment value). None of the rest of us thought you were looking for an excuse to sin. I've asked the same question and generally found most of Christendom to lack a good answer. The best answer I can give at this moment is that sexual lust (because you can lust after many things) is sexual desire without the desire for relationship and commitment that should properly and righteously accompany it. Which would look an awful lot like the focus being on sex as a product to be consumed rather than the focus being on the person you're in relationship with. Hope that helps, but I can't say I've got really good definitions and distinctions yet either.
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So a driver sees the red traffic light and instead of obeying the instruction of the red light which means stop, the driver asks to know if there is a healthy way of breaking the red light in a natural way.
The question implies that the driver is considering breaking the law and similarly her question raises suspicions that she is considering premarital sex.
Come on, what other way can be used to express sex other than having sex. Well, maybe she wants to know if she can write a sexual poem so that she can express her sexual desires in it. lol.
I guessed she is considering pre marital sex but maybe she is only considering masturbation.
 
pete13 said:
So a driver sees the red traffic light and instead of obeying the instruction of the red light which means stop, the driver asks to know if there is a healthy way of breaking the red light in a natural way.
The question implies that the driver is considering breaking the law and similarly her question raises suspicions that she is considering premarital sex.
Come on, what other way can be used to express sex other than having sex. Well, maybe she wants to know if she can write a sexual poem so that she can express her sexual desires in it. lol.
I guessed she is considering pre marital sex but maybe she is only considering masturbation.
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I don't see how you can "lol" this.. It's not life and death, and I try to see the humor in situations. Still, she is trying to work through this in a way which she can be at peace and content.. Also in a way to please God, I strongly suspect. My daughter is 33. I think she now wishes that when she was in her mid twenties she had given this type of thing more though.

I think your being insensitive.
 
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Whether as married or as single, Why do we want sex in the first place? what prompt the sex feeling in the second place? In the third place how do you feel after the exercise especially when wrongly done? Guilty, empty, or regrets? If we answer these questions genuinely, I think we can, to a good degree control our sexual desires especially when we don't need it. Like someone said "take a nap" lol..... Yea, take a nap, or still change your thoughts or go to a public place and let other things fill your mind.
Just my opinion. Love y'all
 
Asekhaen said:
Whether as married or as single, Why do we want sex in the first place? what prompt the sex feeling in the second place? In the third place how do you feel after the exercise especially when wrongly done? Guilty, empty, or regrets? If we answer these questions genuinely, I think we can, to a good degree control our sexual desires especially when we don't need it. Like someone said "take a nap" lol..... Yea, take a nap, or still change your thoughts or go to a public place and let other things fill your mind.
Just my opinion. Love y'all
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Thank you!
 
mystdancer50 said:
beware leading people astray in your anger
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Meh. I'm not angry, just sad that these types of organizations and methods of abuse exist. And that's real, some people can't get married due to stalkers and government and things like that. They might even have difficulty finding girlfriends and such.

But again, I'm giving my perspective on things. That's a burden I bear, that It's very difficult to live my life according to biblical standards. No matter what I do I'm wrong because I chose to speak out about family and social issues relating to... Well. The truth is out there. It's REALLY out there.

I would say that the Bible is right. If you can get married so as not to fall into sin, do. If you can go without getting married and can keep your flesh in check, that's even better. All things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial. God can teach us to be stronger to be able to resist sin, but if we do sin we have an advocate who will plead our case before Dad - Jesus Christ. It takes time to be perfected - God works on us a bit at a time. A righteous man falls seven (any number of) times and rises again.

I don't know about leading people astray, that's how scripture reads.

Do your best. Keep the faith.

These are dark times but God is good!
 
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