L
LittleBit1987
Guest
So, most of you all know about my family... If you haven't seen it on a thread on here, then you have seen it on my blogs. I don't like to complain but I do like to share testimonies and show you how far I have come since I have lost loved ones in my life. I am only 27 (about to turn 28) I am happily married to my husband for about 2 1/2 years, he was the main reason I joined this site so I could get encouragement and get prayers for us, as things weren't going so well... I do have my older brother, my in-laws, my aunts from my dad's side, grandpa that is my dad's step-father... and of course my mom and her whole side of the family. She is who I am going to be telling you about this morning.
My mom is a lovely woman (when she wants to be) she is sweet at times, and encouraging when she's feeling ok.... It's when she isn't feeling ok and goes off the deep end that worries me... every single Spring. Springtime seems to be her worst time, I don't know why but my boss told me people who have Bi-Polar don't deal with Spring very well, and that makes sense cause this is the time frame every year that she does something stupid.... I mean REAL STUPID. Like trying to commit suicide, putting herself through the mental hospital, fighting with her whole family, but Now that I am much older she told me it's more than her problems... It's cause she has lost 5 loved ones her whole life and she's never dealt with them, she's never grieved for them, she doesn't feel at peace that everything is gonna be "okay".
Monday night (Memorial Day) my mom texts me that she wants me to call her, so I did.... not really sure what to expect but what I got to hear wasn't very... Good. She sounded very loopy, very out of touch with what was going on... Like she was messed up on something and I wasn't sure what it was. She was mad with God for taking her brother last month, I told her I was mad at God for taking my dad 9 months ago.... BUT I know my dad isn't in pain anymore, my dad is up there with his family, building our house and waiting for us to join him. I told her she has to go through the grieving process or else she will never get past this. She has 5 different people to do this for.... and something tells me she won't be able to do this for her brother. My mom is the baby of 7. I don't understand what significance my uncle had on her but i do know that I feel bad, I wish I could take the pain away from her, but there is only so much I personally can do, and all GOD can do for her. She wanted to meet up with me last night to have "dinner" and talk.... I wasn't sure what to do.... I wasn't ready to deal with her and her manipulation.... So I called the people I trust and asked them to pray for me, and they gave me their word they would, not 2 hours later my mom texts me after making this meeting at a place and time, she cancels on me and tells me she got sick on the way to town and had to turn back and go home. She lives 2 hours north of me, so it's not like she and I can make a quick trip and see each other, we have to plan things in advance.
My mom lives with a roommate, and this person just happens to be her boss where she works, and I am afraid she isn't aware of all the the things my mom has done in her past, I know what's in the past stays in the past but my mother seems to rotate the same cycle every single Spring. she is depressed, she is Bi-polar, she is mentally ill, she is my mom... I love her to pieces, but she has hurt me so much in the past, that I am not ready for that kind of pain again. I love her and want the best for her, but I can't do things to help her. she has to want to change before it can actually happen.
I know God is capable of working miracles, he took my dad for a reason and left my mom here for a reason, I have to make the best of things and I know this. I really want to work things out with my mom, but I refuse to put my life on the line for her and or my marriage. My husband is very leery of her and her ways and he has every right, I run things by him to be sure he is ok with something I am about to do. He may not agree with me, but he is the most supportive husband, most caring and loving person I have ever met. If God wants me to reconnect with my mom, then so be it. I just don't want to get hurt again... I love my family very much, but I refuse to let the enemy steal, kill and destroy what I have worked so hard for.
My mom is a lovely woman (when she wants to be) she is sweet at times, and encouraging when she's feeling ok.... It's when she isn't feeling ok and goes off the deep end that worries me... every single Spring. Springtime seems to be her worst time, I don't know why but my boss told me people who have Bi-Polar don't deal with Spring very well, and that makes sense cause this is the time frame every year that she does something stupid.... I mean REAL STUPID. Like trying to commit suicide, putting herself through the mental hospital, fighting with her whole family, but Now that I am much older she told me it's more than her problems... It's cause she has lost 5 loved ones her whole life and she's never dealt with them, she's never grieved for them, she doesn't feel at peace that everything is gonna be "okay".
Monday night (Memorial Day) my mom texts me that she wants me to call her, so I did.... not really sure what to expect but what I got to hear wasn't very... Good. She sounded very loopy, very out of touch with what was going on... Like she was messed up on something and I wasn't sure what it was. She was mad with God for taking her brother last month, I told her I was mad at God for taking my dad 9 months ago.... BUT I know my dad isn't in pain anymore, my dad is up there with his family, building our house and waiting for us to join him. I told her she has to go through the grieving process or else she will never get past this. She has 5 different people to do this for.... and something tells me she won't be able to do this for her brother. My mom is the baby of 7. I don't understand what significance my uncle had on her but i do know that I feel bad, I wish I could take the pain away from her, but there is only so much I personally can do, and all GOD can do for her. She wanted to meet up with me last night to have "dinner" and talk.... I wasn't sure what to do.... I wasn't ready to deal with her and her manipulation.... So I called the people I trust and asked them to pray for me, and they gave me their word they would, not 2 hours later my mom texts me after making this meeting at a place and time, she cancels on me and tells me she got sick on the way to town and had to turn back and go home. She lives 2 hours north of me, so it's not like she and I can make a quick trip and see each other, we have to plan things in advance.
My mom lives with a roommate, and this person just happens to be her boss where she works, and I am afraid she isn't aware of all the the things my mom has done in her past, I know what's in the past stays in the past but my mother seems to rotate the same cycle every single Spring. she is depressed, she is Bi-polar, she is mentally ill, she is my mom... I love her to pieces, but she has hurt me so much in the past, that I am not ready for that kind of pain again. I love her and want the best for her, but I can't do things to help her. she has to want to change before it can actually happen.
I know God is capable of working miracles, he took my dad for a reason and left my mom here for a reason, I have to make the best of things and I know this. I really want to work things out with my mom, but I refuse to put my life on the line for her and or my marriage. My husband is very leery of her and her ways and he has every right, I run things by him to be sure he is ok with something I am about to do. He may not agree with me, but he is the most supportive husband, most caring and loving person I have ever met. If God wants me to reconnect with my mom, then so be it. I just don't want to get hurt again... I love my family very much, but I refuse to let the enemy steal, kill and destroy what I have worked so hard for.
