Father's Role in Giving in Marriage

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presidente

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May 29, 2013
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In the Old Testament, if a man wanted to marry a virgin, he had to give her father the bride price for virgins. If a man raped or seduced a virgin and she was betrothed, he was to be executed in the case of rape, and both of them executed in the case of seduction. If she was not betrothed, he was required to marry her if the potential father-in-law agreed. The Old Testament puts the right to give a virgin woman in marriage in the hands of her father.

We may hear how evil the Canaanites where, but at least Hamor, father of Shechem or committed sexual immorality, whether it was wilful on her part or not, with Dinah, did not just have some wedding ceremony performed. At least he knew enough to respect the rights of Israel to give her in marriage or not. That may be something superior about the evil Canaanite culture when compared to modern American culture, and even the thinking of some western Christians on the matter.

Samson's parents were involved in his getting married. But we see cases where David negotiated for his own marriage dealings. Even so, even for sons, as Israel was preparing to go into captivity, we read:

Jeremiah 29:6
Take wives and beget sons and daughters; and take wives for your sons and give your daughters to husbands, so that they may bear sons and daughters—that you may be increased there, and not diminished. (NKJV)

We have a terrible dating culture in the US. There is a lot of fornication going on in dating and quick hook-ups, not to mention the wicked redefinition of marriage and the often adulterous 'serial monogamy.' A lot of singles, even Christians who do not believe in premarital sex, will date aimlessly without a very clear goal to marry, wasting other people's youth and resources. People who want to marry fall through the cracks and take a long time to find a spouse. Would we do well to follow Jeremiah 29:6 and try to get our children matched up, especially if they do not find one on their own? I have lived in two countries where this was a culture, and they seem to be pretty good about finding someone for just about everyone who wants to marry.

Fathers giving in marriage did not and will not end at 33 AD.

Matthew 24
38 For as in the days before the flood, they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noah entered the ark, 39 and did not know until the flood came and took them all away, so also will the coming of the Son of Man be.
(NKJV, bold emphasis mine).

There are different interpretations of this, whether it refers to one's betrothed or one's virgin daughter, but we read this in I Corinthians 7.

36 But if any man thinks he is behaving improperly toward his virgin, if she is past the flower of youth, and thus it must be, let him do what he wishes. He does not sin; let them marry. 37 Nevertheless he who stands steadfast in his heart, having no necessity, but has power over his own will, and has so determined in his heart that he will keep his virgin, does well. 38 So then he who gives her in marriage does well, but he who does not give her in marriage does better.
(NKJV)





I do notice the Old Testament commanded the Israelites to take wives for their sons and give your daughters to husbands. Jesus spoke of giving in marriage occurring until the eschatological events occurred that he mentioned in the Gospel. One way of interpreting some of Paul's teaching sin I Corinthians 7 is as referring to a father giving a virgin daughter in marriage. Lack of parental involvement... and recognition for the need for their approval (at least the father of a non-widowed bride if he is still alive) may be part of the reason for marriages breaking down and one of many reasons why it is so hard for some to find a spouse.
 
There's a way to make it work; but there's more ways to screw it up. Also, this would probably be vigorously attacked wherever it was done. I think it's God's ideal. He didn't create Adam a harem and say "okay, Adam: pick one that you like, and that likes you!" Adam's chest would have collapsed, because he wouldn't have any ribs left! Jokes aside- there's a reason why it was done that way from the beginning.
I think as a man- you should definitely try to be on good terms with the father of the bride you would like, and seek his approval. I can't say what the approval or disapproval of a non-christian parent is worth.
Should parents have hard-authority on the matter? I don't think so. Reason being that, I wouldn't trust them not to marry their kids off for the wrong reasons, or before they are even saved (which I think would be irresponsible). But... I don't think I've asked and knocked about this enough.
 
Fathers giving in marriage did not and will not end at 33 AD.

That's for sure. All Christian marriages should be blessed by our Heavenly Father.

Psalms 127:1
"Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.”

If a single Christian wants to get married, should the parents match him/her up?

We should allow our Heavenly Father to match us up. That is what the OT is trying to teach us.
 
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There's a way to make it work; but there's more ways to screw it up. Also, this would probably be vigorously attacked wherever it was done. I think it's God's ideal. He didn't create Adam a harem and say "okay, Adam: pick one that you like, and that likes you!" Adam's chest would have collapsed, because he wouldn't have any ribs left! Jokes aside- there's a reason why it was done that way from the beginning.
I think as a man- you should definitely try to be on good terms with the father of the bride you would like, and seek his approval. I can't say what the approval or disapproval of a non-christian parent is worth.
Should parents have hard-authority on the matter? I don't think so. Reason being that, I wouldn't trust them not to marry their kids off for the wrong reasons, or before they are even saved (which I think would be irresponsible). But... I don't think I've asked and knocked about this enough.

I just noticed your post title consider this

“The kingdom of heaven is like unto a certain king, which made a marriage for his son, and sent forth his servants to call them that were bidden to the wedding: and they would not come.

Again, he sent forth other servants, saying, Tell them which are bidden, Behold, I have prepared my dinner: my oxen and my fatlings are killed, and all things are ready: come unto the marriage.

But they made light of it, and went their ways, one to his farm, another to his merchandise: and the remnant took his servants, and entreated them spitefully, and slew them.

But when the king heard thereof, he was wroth: and he sent forth his armies, and destroyed those murderers, and burned up their city.

Then saith he to his servants, The wedding is ready, but they which were bidden were not worthy.

Go ye therefore into the highways, and as many as ye shall find, bid to the marriage. So those servants went out into the highways, and gathered together all as many as they found, both bad and good: and the wedding was furnished with guests.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭22:2-10‬ ‭KJV‬‬

and then

“Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready.

And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints.

And he saith unto me, Write, Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb. And he saith unto me, These are the true sayings of God.

And I fell at his feet to worship him. And he said unto me, See thou do it not: I am thy fellowservant, and of thy brethren that have the testimony of Jesus: worship God: for the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.”
‭‭Revelation‬ ‭19:7-10‬ ‭KJV‬‬