It's amazing how quickly we can get into a tailspin of depression as life's little things seems to start coming down around us. I too struggle with this. Some days I am really great and can be like a duck with it's protectant coating on it's feathers and just let life's problems roll right off my back and keep going in my journey. And yet other days, those very same issues seem to stay with me, get sucked in and I cannot shake them. There's no rolling anywhere on those days. Those days I'm glad I'm not a duck, cuz I would not get near any water or you would find my feet up in the shallow end of the pond. Now, since you know you already struggle with depression, then you also probably have a list of "coping skills" you use to help get thru those moods and times you just can't shake. Are you using them? Are you talking to those people on the list that you trust to open up to and be honest with? Really, are you using the tools you already have in front of you? God gave you those very tools to help you get through moments like these. He may want and need you to go thru this time in order to teach you something and his comfort may rest in him and those tools. Maybe it's time to go see that doctor and see if you need to up the meds. I just recently did that when I realized that it had been a few years since I had adjusted my meds and I was starting in to a nasty tailspin that I couldn't control. Then at least I was able to deceifer my emotions from the irrational ones that were at that point driving my mind. Still had to go thru the uncomfortableness (of losing a friend, actually) but was able to do it with a more rational mind. Keep praying about it of course, that is always important but God may want to show you something thru this time. I realized quite a bit, being a able to look back on the episode now. And the fact that you know something seems off, is a great testament that you are getting to know your depression cycles. So use this uncomfortable feeling and do something with it. Use the tools you were given for these moments, journal them, do art, go get active, let your doctor know something is up, let those people who you can trust know that you feeling "off" and need to be checked up on. Don't let this monster take over and rule your life this time. Don't let Satan start to tell you lies and bring up any insecuritites that make you second guess your worth in this world. You know he is just waiting for the right time to do it....he knows our weaknesses. And he is GOOD at it. Fight the good fight.
