Feeling so apathetic and cold

[M1chaeL]

(Sorry this appears disorganized and bad. Some stuff I’ve talked about from some of my last posts are here, I just want to try to piece everything together because I have been so confused.)

Apart of me has always been so eager to give up.
I keep saying to myself I just don’t feel like “that person”.
“The can, but I can’t, because I am just not like them.” Is what words keep going through my mind. I’m just not someone who gets better, I’m someone who dies has been the mindset I’m stuck with.
When people know to run away from a dangerous fire, my apathy keeps me frozen in place. The world plays out while I stand around like a mindless fool.

I desperately wanted purpose in school with friends before I met God but things never went well.
I did very small amounts of self harm more then than ever. The apathy, felt so annoying and suffocating it made me crazy.
It just felt so difficult to care, and it made me angry because I wanted to care.
The apathy got me suicidal.

Things changed when sophomore year (two years ago?) God started coming into my life. I wasn’t perfect staying with him, I was still a sinner but I wanted to try. I wasn’t so apathetic as before because with God there is purpose!

I just feel so ashamed and disappointed in myself because now I have been so apathetic when there is purpose with God and I shouldn’t be so apathetic!
I should care, I should try, but instead I let myself get so distracted and lost in sins just giving up.

I hate myself for this. I don’t want to exist at times but God wants me to exist and it has me confused in an emotional roller coaster, where I later to try to forget everything in sins.

I became apathetic before when I didn’t know God because I felt to weak to where trying to do anything beneficial was meaningless.
Now I don’t know why I’m so apathetic. Do I just not rely on God enough and by relying on myself I just want to give up because of how weak I am?

I have been so distracted and stuck giving up in sin, I feel so ashamed and it has felt so difficult to get apathy. Ever since summer after sophomore year, when I got used to old addictions and sins, I started getting worse.

What should I do with myself?

 

[Rosemaryx]

1 Peter 5:6
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.

Hi...
Are you reading the bible daily , to feed your spirit , to know how God wants you to walk ? , or are you starving your spirit ?...
Lay all what you have posted here at our Lords feet , remember He said " Come to Me all those who are weary and heavy burdened , and I will give you rest "...

God is not a God of confusion , maybe you are feeling confused because you are thinking in your mind , your own ways...

God wants us to renew our mind by hearing His word , this is really important...

 

[EliBeth]

My dear friend, I have been stuck in apathy before. I mean it! I remember writing questions in my journal, "Why is there such apathy in me?" "What am I doing wrong?" "How do I get out of this mess?" It is an aggravating place to be when you just feel like you're going in circles.

I wish I could give you a quick-fix, a simple key to unlock the lock to freedom from this place of desperation. Frankly, I don't know all of the answers. But I know the One who does! (And I am praying to Him as I write this!)

I think perhaps the first thing we need to establish and remember is the goodness of God and how He is to be our focal point and reference for every thought we allow to persist in our minds. The thoughts we think have HUGE consequences. And while we can't prevent the initial ones, we do have a say in shutting those initial ones down. The Bible teaches us on this:

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26:3

"Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." Psalm 42:11

This truth has helped me GREATLY in my own life, that I am responsible for what I dwell on, and WITH God's grace I can root out destructive thoughts and plant holy ones in their place. So instead of focusing on myself and what a "hopeless" case I am, or on others and how awesome they are in comparison to me, or on my situation and how scary or unpleasant it is, I will practice catching those thoughts when I realize them, tossing them out the door, and replacing them with thoughts of my glorious God and what He says. Mind on God and what He says=Peace. Know the truth and the truth will set you free. We know what God says by studying the Bible deeply and regularly and asking God questions about it.

So who is God? God is your ever-present help in trouble. God is your hope! He IS Good and He loves YOU. He is not an ogre out to get you or bop you every time you sin. The Bible literally describes God as love and light and the bread of life (1 John 4:8, 1 John 1:5, John 6:35). He is slow to anger and full of mercy.

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1

"The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love." Psalm 103:8

Dwell. On. God. 🙂 Ask for His help to be victorious in your thought life.

I wasn’t perfect staying with him, I was still a sinner but I wanted to try.

Michael, nobody is! We all fall. We all get distracted and veer away from our Father- sometimes it may be for years, sometimes it's just for a moment before we realize and repent. But the important thing after sinning is that we DO turn back-- we DO get back up and keep following hard after Him. We shouldn't excuse sin in our life, because it is offensive to God and grievous to Him. But if we are truly sorry, and want to de better, and do turn from it, asking for His help, He will forgive and He will come to our aid!

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9

I hate myself for this.

God commands to love others, and to me, it's really hard to love others when I don't love myself. Now. When I say "love myself" I don't mean to be totally infatuated with myself. I don't mean we should be prideful or overindulgent, etc. ...I've noticed that, in my own life, I have a tendency to accuse myself a lot and this spills over to my relationships with others. When we aren't at peace with ourselves, we are on edge. At least it seems to be true for me. But when we realize how much God loves us it frees us to love oursleves- to take a gentler approach and stop being mean to ourselves, and reach out to others. I honestly don't think God wants us to be brutal to ourselves.

"For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church," Ephesians 5:29

Gently I say to you, Brother, let's not be our own worst enemies. 🙂

As an aside, sometimes we become comfortable in our languishing. We can get to the point to where we have been so negative for so long that it becomes the norm and, literally, our comfort zone. A sign of this is that we don't even try to fight the depression. I'm glad you asked this, because I think it shows you want to do what you can to get out of the pit.>

What should I do with myself?

This is the last thing I'll suggest for now and maybe you're already doing it. But that is to serve. Prioritizing serving others and being God's light and love to others helps us get our focus off of our own sorrow and struggles. My own Grandmother lost her son in a drunk-driving accident when he was 16. (He wasn't the one drunk.) I can't imagine the pain, though my Dad has opened up about it before. My Uncle was driving his motorcycle to the store to get some grocery item he had forgotten to pick up for my Grandmother. My Gma had gotten upset with him that he'd forgotten. Little did she know that that was the last encounter she would have with her son. Needless to say it was devastating for all involved. But! I say all of that to say, my Grandmother was a servant. After the accident, she threw herself into loving others because, I think, it became especially and keenly apparent to her how life is short, how valuable life is, and she wanted to be the most positive influence she could for those around her.

"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8


I'm sorry if this post was too long. I truly hope it is helpful. Do not fret, Michael. Your Savior and Deliverer loves you. Lean on Him for strength and trust He DOES have a purpose for YOU. ❤️

 

[M1chaeL]

My dear friend, I have been stuck in apathy before. I mean it! I remember writing questions in my journal, "Why is there such apathy in me?" "What am I doing wrong?" "How do I get out of this mess?" It is an aggravating place to be when you just feel like you're going in circles.

I wish I could give you a quick-fix, a simple key to unlock the lock to freedom from this place of desperation. Frankly, I don't know all of the answers. But I know the One who does! (And I am praying to Him as I write this!)

I think perhaps the first thing we need to establish and remember is the goodness of God and how He is to be our focal point and reference for every thought we allow to persist in our minds. The thoughts we think have HUGE consequences. And while we can't prevent the initial ones, we do have a say in shutting those initial ones down. The Bible teaches us on this:

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26:3

"Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." Psalm 42:11

This truth has helped me GREATLY in my own life, that I am responsible for what I dwell on, and WITH God's grace I can root out destructive thoughts and plant holy ones in their place. So instead of focusing on myself and what a "hopeless" case I am, or on others and how awesome they are in comparison to me, or on my situation and how scary or unpleasant it is, I will practice catching those thoughts when I realize them, tossing them out the door, and replacing them with thoughts of my glorious God and what He says. Mind on God and what He says=Peace. Know the truth and the truth will set you free. We know what God says by studying the Bible deeply and regularly and asking God questions about it.

So who is God? God is your ever-present help in trouble. God is your hope! He IS Good and He loves YOU. He is not an ogre out to get you or bop you every time you sin. The Bible literally describes God as love and light and the bread of life (1 John 4:8, 1 John 1:5, John 6:35). He is slow to anger and full of mercy.

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1

"The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love." Psalm 103:8

Dwell. On. God. 🙂 Ask for His help to be victorious in your thought life.



Michael, nobody is! We all fall. We all get distracted and veer away from our Father- sometimes it may be for years, sometimes it's just for a moment before we realize and repent. But the important thing after sinning is that we DO turn back-- we DO get back up and keep following hard after Him. We shouldn't excuse sin in our life, because it is offensive to God and grievous to Him. But if we are truly sorry, and want to de better, and do turn from it, asking for His help, He will forgive and He will come to our aid!

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9




God commands to love others, and to me, it's really hard to love others when I don't love myself. Now. When I say "love myself" I don't mean to be totally infatuated with myself. I don't mean we should be prideful or overindulgent, etc. ...I've noticed that, in my own life, I have a tendency to accuse myself a lot and this spills over to my relationships with others. When we aren't at peace with ourselves, we are on edge. At least it seems to be true for me. But when we realize how much God loves us it frees us to love oursleves- to take a gentler approach and stop being mean to ourselves, and reach out to others. I honestly don't think God wants us to be brutal to ourselves.

"For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church," Ephesians 5:29

Gently I say to you, Brother, let's not be our own worst enemies. 🙂

As an aside, sometimes we become comfortable in our languishing. We can get to the point to where we have been so negative for so long that it becomes the norm and, literally, our comfort zone. A sign of this is that we don't even try to fight the depression. I'm glad you asked this, because I think it shows you want to do what you can to get out of the pit.>

This is the last thing I'll suggest for now and maybe you're already doing it. But that is to serve. Prioritizing serving others and being God's light and love to others helps us get our focus off of our own sorrow and struggles. My own Grandmother lost her son in a drunk-driving accident when he was 16. (He wasn't the one drunk.) I can't imagine the pain, though my Dad has opened up about it before. My Uncle was driving his motorcycle to the store to get some grocery item he had forgotten to pick up for my Grandmother. My Gma had gotten upset with him that he'd forgotten. Little did she know that that was the last encounter she would have with her son. Needless to say it was devastating for all involved. But! I say all of that to say, my Grandmother was a servant. After the accident, she threw herself into loving others because, I think, it became especially and keenly apparent to her how life is short, how valuable life is, and she wanted to be the most positive influence she could for those around her.

"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8


I'm sorry if this post was too long. I truly hope it is helpful. Do not fret, Michael. Your Savior and Deliverer loves you. Lean on Him for strength and trust He DOES have a purpose for YOU. ❤️

Thank you so much for the reply! I’ve been confused for awhile and you helped answer some questions I’ve been stuck with and I felt like I could relate!

 

[EliBeth]

Thank you so much for the reply! I’ve been confused for awhile and you helped answer some questions I’ve been stuck with and I felt like I could relate!

You are very welcome, Brother!