Finding out if date is a virgin, married, has children
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How old are you? 
I was thinking this guy must be Nicolas Flamel!-
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For a second I thought me meant he got married before 1900. I was thinking this guy must be Nicolas Flamel!
I was thinking this guy must be Nicolas Flamel!
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If I went out with a male co-worker, I wouldn't call it a 'date', and chances are, whether he is a virgin or not wouldn't come up either. If I went out with a group of friends, I wouldn't call that a 'date.'
But when I was single, asking a single woman to have lunch or dinner with me could be perceived as a 'date.' I don't know how we got from the topic of dating to the topic of only being _friends_ with virgins.
But when I was single, asking a single woman to have lunch or dinner with me could be perceived as a 'date.' I don't know how we got from the topic of dating to the topic of only being _friends_ with virgins.
Because dating is first and foremost about being a friend...because you want your spouse to be your best friend and confidant. She can and will speak and represent you when you are not there to speak for yourself.
That's the part you and most of the world misses out on.
Not every friend is someone you want to marry either....and nobody ever has too many friends.
Let's put it this way, you can't put unreasonable expectations upon people. Which is what a romantic date based on very little information is based upon.
The secular world dates because of physical attraction. Where we date based upon their heart.
We need to get to know someone and let the feelings of romance grow organically. You flat out should never ask someone if they are a virgin on the first date or even the second. You can get around to previous relationships at another time....be their friend. Can you play together? Can you work together? Having a conversation with someone with a half masticated cow in their mouth is not exactly ideal....neither is sitting in silence watching a movie or play. You learn nothing of value about the other one.
Playing a round of mini golf? Possibly...
helping With a community service project? Possibly...
Going out with a group of friends for an evening of whatever? Possibly. This way you can see the good, bad and indifferent about someone and they can see the same in you.
The secular world dates because of physical attraction. Where we date based upon their heart.
We need to get to know someone and let the feelings of romance grow organically. You flat out should never ask someone if they are a virgin on the first date or even the second. You can get around to previous relationships at another time....be their friend. Can you play together? Can you work together? Having a conversation with someone with a half masticated cow in their mouth is not exactly ideal....neither is sitting in silence watching a movie or play. You learn nothing of value about the other one.
Playing a round of mini golf? Possibly...
helping With a community service project? Possibly...
Going out with a group of friends for an evening of whatever? Possibly. This way you can see the good, bad and indifferent about someone and they can see the same in you.
Again, it's okay for men and women to be friends, but there are certain social contexts in which social interactions may be perceived as 'a date', and a single man who invites a woman to these types of social interactions, leading her to believe it is a date could be stringing her along if he isn't interested.
But you can be friends with someone without doing that.
I hear young people talking about 'hanging out.' The young man asks the young woman if she wants to 'hang out' and leaves it really nebulous as to whether he is interested in her in a romantic sense these days. That can lead to hurt feelings if he isn't clear.
When I was single, I did go eat or go to a coffee shop with a single woman where the expectation was friendship. In a couple of cases, this was made very explicit.
As a married man, I avoid situations where I would be sitting down one-on-one in a restaurant, etc. with a woman who is not my wife or a family member.
The following comment comes off as a bit obnoxious,
As if I am not friends with my wife of 20+ years and as if I do not understand the need for friendship within a romantic relationship, or the need for friendship otherwise.
But you can be friends with someone without doing that.
I hear young people talking about 'hanging out.' The young man asks the young woman if she wants to 'hang out' and leaves it really nebulous as to whether he is interested in her in a romantic sense these days. That can lead to hurt feelings if he isn't clear.
When I was single, I did go eat or go to a coffee shop with a single woman where the expectation was friendship. In a couple of cases, this was made very explicit.
As a married man, I avoid situations where I would be sitting down one-on-one in a restaurant, etc. with a woman who is not my wife or a family member.
The following comment comes off as a bit obnoxious,
As if I am not friends with my wife of 20+ years and as if I do not understand the need for friendship within a romantic relationship, or the need for friendship otherwise.
Well from your reply it sounded as if romance should be forced upon two singles going out together and the friendship being put as secondary.
And you then even referred to this happening as someone's feelings getting hurt when initial romantic overtures are not reciprocated when it's just a "hanging out" type situation where they are supposed to be getting to know one another. And I made no aspersions towards your relationship with your wife. Again NOT what I was referring to. I'm talking about those "dating" and expecting a "magic romance" to happen on the first few dates.
Kinda talking out both sides of your mouth there eh?
And you then even referred to this happening as someone's feelings getting hurt when initial romantic overtures are not reciprocated when it's just a "hanging out" type situation where they are supposed to be getting to know one another. And I made no aspersions towards your relationship with your wife. Again NOT what I was referring to. I'm talking about those "dating" and expecting a "magic romance" to happen on the first few dates.
Kinda talking out both sides of your mouth there eh?
What? Where did I say anything about forcing romance on two singles?
If a young single man asks a young single girl to 'hang out', these days, it __might be__ a date... depending on how he asks her. Usually 'hang out' keeps in vague, which might be a soft way of getting her to agree to an unclear situation, an attempt at less pressure, etc. But if she likes him and he really just wans to hang out, he can hurt her feelings. That's what I was talking about, not 'forcing romance' on the two of them.
If the man asks her 'to go out on a date' with him, and he keeps asking her out when he knows he isn't interested, that's leading her on and can hurt her feelings more.
And of course women can lead men on also.
Women aren't men, and a man asking a single girl to 'hang out' can stir up emotions, etc. if she's attracted to him in a way it wouldn't normally do with a man. (Not talking about gays, fluids, binaries or whatever, but people with normal inclinations.)
A man and woman can make it clear that they are friends, as opposed to dating, but it can still stir up emotions. . I actually did that initially with my wife.
How would I be talking out of both sides of my mouth? Were do you get that? How so? You are making assumptions that make no sense to me.
If a young single man asks a young single girl to 'hang out', these days, it __might be__ a date... depending on how he asks her. Usually 'hang out' keeps in vague, which might be a soft way of getting her to agree to an unclear situation, an attempt at less pressure, etc. But if she likes him and he really just wans to hang out, he can hurt her feelings. That's what I was talking about, not 'forcing romance' on the two of them.
If the man asks her 'to go out on a date' with him, and he keeps asking her out when he knows he isn't interested, that's leading her on and can hurt her feelings more.
And of course women can lead men on also.
Women aren't men, and a man asking a single girl to 'hang out' can stir up emotions, etc. if she's attracted to him in a way it wouldn't normally do with a man. (Not talking about gays, fluids, binaries or whatever, but people with normal inclinations.)
A man and woman can make it clear that they are friends, as opposed to dating, but it can still stir up emotions. . I actually did that initially with my wife.
How would I be talking out of both sides of my mouth? Were do you get that? How so? You are making assumptions that make no sense to me.
It's one thing to wait to disclose potential deal-breakers; but a whole-nother thing to wait AFTER someone buys a plane ticket. A desperate move, indeed. I'd probably feel bad for her, but also blame myself for not asking before I bought the ticket. Can't be too mad.
It's a reasonable desire, for certain. Whether or not it's a reasonable expectation these days, I cannot determine.
You can generally ask people about their family/relationships when you meet them; unless they indicate that family is not a good topic to discuss with them. it's not like your asking HEY, DO YOU HAVE AIDS???
Virginity probably isn't the topic you want to open with. Maybe spend time getting to know the person in a more casual way; and wait for them to volunteer that information to you. In fact, if you're overtly data-digging that comes off as creepy... because it kinda is.
No, because you shouldn't be even "trying to make a deal" until you already know that you want to make a deal with that person.
IDK why anyone would dedicate time specifically for this purpose.
If "musician with red hair" is your criteria, and that criteria doesn't come by revelation from God, then you probably need to have less superficial criteria.
It's highly dependent on how it comes up in conversation... it's not the topic that is the problem. If I am a virgin, and a woman asks "HEY, ARE YOU A VIRGIN, I WANT A VIRGIN MAN, YOU'RE A VIRGIN, OH!! I WANT YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE A VIRGIN!!!" That's creepy as hell.
It's a reasonable desire, for certain. Whether or not it's a reasonable expectation these days, I cannot determine.
You can generally ask people about their family/relationships when you meet them; unless they indicate that family is not a good topic to discuss with them. it's not like your asking HEY, DO YOU HAVE AIDS???
Virginity probably isn't the topic you want to open with. Maybe spend time getting to know the person in a more casual way; and wait for them to volunteer that information to you. In fact, if you're overtly data-digging that comes off as creepy... because it kinda is.
No, because you shouldn't be even "trying to make a deal" until you already know that you want to make a deal with that person.
IDK why anyone would dedicate time specifically for this purpose.
If "musician with red hair" is your criteria, and that criteria doesn't come by revelation from God, then you probably need to have less superficial criteria.
It's highly dependent on how it comes up in conversation... it's not the topic that is the problem. If I am a virgin, and a woman asks "HEY, ARE YOU A VIRGIN, I WANT A VIRGIN MAN, YOU'RE A VIRGIN, OH!! I WANT YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE A VIRGIN!!!" That's creepy as hell.
My cousin became a born-again Christian at a very young age. His classmates were all aware that he was very determined to remain a virgin until his wedding night. Many looked up to him as a role model and many also mocked and made fun of him, but he did remain a virgin until his wedding night.
His bride was an unmarried mother of a child, so she could not have been a virgin. He said he knew she was Gods will for his life as well as it was Gods will to become the childs step father.
You can let people know it’s your intention to remain a virgin until your wedding night, that you would like to honor God in that way, but you can also remain open to what God may have planned for you. Especially since it may or may not have been the other persons choice to lose their virginity and also people make mistakes and need forgiveness.
If you can't offer that, then let everyone know right away first thing that you are a virgin and you expect your future wife to be a virgin and that you don't want to begin a relationship with anyone who is not a virgin. You don't need to ask people their virginity status, just state your status and what you want if it's that rigid, so they are aware and they will let you know if they are then interested and qualify.
His bride was an unmarried mother of a child, so she could not have been a virgin. He said he knew she was Gods will for his life as well as it was Gods will to become the childs step father.
You can let people know it’s your intention to remain a virgin until your wedding night, that you would like to honor God in that way, but you can also remain open to what God may have planned for you. Especially since it may or may not have been the other persons choice to lose their virginity and also people make mistakes and need forgiveness.
If you can't offer that, then let everyone know right away first thing that you are a virgin and you expect your future wife to be a virgin and that you don't want to begin a relationship with anyone who is not a virgin. You don't need to ask people their virginity status, just state your status and what you want if it's that rigid, so they are aware and they will let you know if they are then interested and qualify.
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after dating a couple of women with kids back in the 80's, i decided it isn't for me. ( i do not have kids ). so after that, when a prospective date arrived, i would always ask if she had kids. a "yes"' answer resulted in no date & almost all of those girls didn't like hearing that. i'm the type to ask questions directly, like the old days. i do not sugar coat life's questions. in other words, i don't play the "soft" game. telling a girl you want to marry a virgin, to me, is too much of an unrealistic expectation, to personal & private. fornication just may be the biggest sin ever. & since i'm a born again Christian, i wouldn't touch a girl til marriage. ( just saying, i'm married now ). but if i was single & wanted to date, this question i would ask immediately upon meeting her: "are you a born again Christian"? if she said no, i would tell her, "i only will date a born again Christian". so if i was to date a Christian girl, 1st i would get some 'dealbreakers" out of the way 1st.
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Not that anyone cares, but for me, her virginity status is hardly important. What matters to me is, is she born again and taking it seriously now?
Would I worry about her comparing me to others she's been with? I'm not sure I'd really care as long as I knew she was satisfied with that aspect of our relationship.
Narrowing down your choices too much narrows down your chances too much.
Would I worry about her comparing me to others she's been with? I'm not sure I'd really care as long as I knew she was satisfied with that aspect of our relationship.
Narrowing down your choices too much narrows down your chances too much.
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The lot falls in the lap, but the decision is from the Lord.
The Old Testament indicates that marrying a virgin is both desirable and to be expected (in most cases.) The New Testament even speaks of marrying virgins.
It is not strange for a Christian man who wants to marry to seek to marry a woman who has not become one flesh already with another man, especially if he has abstained from fornication himself.
The Old Testament indicates that marrying a virgin is both desirable and to be expected (in most cases.) The New Testament even speaks of marrying virgins.
It is not strange for a Christian man who wants to marry to seek to marry a woman who has not become one flesh already with another man, especially if he has abstained from fornication himself.
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