First Contact

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Matthew

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There is no shortage of threads here in Singles about men leading relationships and gender roles from dating right through to married life, I am interested in thoughts about where this should actually begin.

A few years ago I tried online dating at the prompting of a CC member who shall remain SeoulSearch.......oops.

Anyhoo, I remember reading several profiles of young women who stated that they would not contact any guy even if they were interested because among other things it was 'how they had been rasied'.

I am a big believer in men being men and so forth but I am unsure how saying hello first is something only we can do.

Are there are any women here who feel that no matter how strong their interest it is not appropriate to approach a man, whether online by use of a PM or anything else or in person by simply introducing themself and saying 'so hey, how are you today?'.

I ask because I have never encountered this view among non-Christian women, unsuprisingly, but this one 'wordly' standard I don't see any problem with by a Christian standard and I wonder how widespread it is among Christian women, seems to me an overly conservative attitude.
 
I have no problem with this in theory but I am really shy about dating and such so I probably wouldn't do it only because of that and I suppose the fear of rejection.
 
I kinda agree with leelee, the fear of rejection is my problem. I have never started a chat/conversation with a guy, even if I kinda like him. I feel it is his job to start it. But at the same time...that means I could lose out on the getting to know a great guy. Maybe just because he wouldn't notice me unless I spoke up. Kinda between both.
 
Matthew said:
There is no shortage of threads here in Singles about men leading relationships and gender roles from dating right through to married life, I am interested in thoughts about where this should actually begin.

A few years ago I tried online dating at the prompting of a CC member who shall remain SeoulSearch.......oops.

Anyhoo, I remember reading several profiles of young women who stated that they would not contact any guy even if they were interested because among other things it was 'how they had been rasied'.

I am a big believer in men being men and so forth but I am unsure how saying hello first is something only we can do.

Are there are any women here who feel that no matter how strong their interest it is not appropriate to approach a man, whether online by use of a PM or anything else or in person by simply introducing themself and saying 'so hey, how are you today?'.

I ask because I have never encountered this view among non-Christian women, unsuprisingly, but this one 'wordly' standard I don't see any problem with by a Christian standard and I wonder how widespread it is among Christian women, seems to me an overly conservative attitude.
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If there were a guy i was really interested in i'd be all over that. Rejection schmection...sometimes you just gotta go for it and see what happens
 
I don't have a problem with initiating a conversation with a guy, but I couldn't see myself aggressively pursuing a guy or asking him out. Once I've let him know I'm interested, it's up to him to take the lead.
 
Matthew said:
There is no shortage of threads here in Singles about men leading relationships and gender roles from dating right through to married life, I am interested in thoughts about where this should actually begin.

A few years ago I tried online dating at the prompting of a CC member who shall remain SeoulSearch.......oops.

Anyhoo, I remember reading several profiles of young women who stated that they would not contact any guy even if they were interested because among other things it was 'how they had been rasied'.

I am a big believer in men being men and so forth but I am unsure how saying hello first is something only we can do.

Are there are any women here who feel that no matter how strong their interest it is not appropriate to approach a man, whether online by use of a PM or anything else or in person by simply introducing themself and saying 'so hey, how are you today?'.

I ask because I have never encountered this view among non-Christian women, unsuprisingly, but this one 'wordly' standard I don't see any problem with by a Christian standard and I wonder how widespread it is among Christian women, seems to me an overly conservative attitude.
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Ahh..so thats why girls won't talk to me. Thanks!
 
I agree with Julianna...I see nothing wrong with a hello, or even starting a conversation. I don't think I'd be the one to do the asking out though.
 
Matthew said:
A few years ago I tried online dating at the prompting of a CC member who shall remain SeoulSearch.......oops.
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So much for remaining anonymous... :)

If it's any consolation, Mr. Matty, I've had about as much success (and probably less) when it comes to the online dating scene, so don't feel too bad!!

I agree that rejection is a major fear factor as well, but I also agree with Nod that sometimes, you just have to go for it. In the past, I've had no problems initiating a conversation or letting someone know I liked him... But things have kind of dragged to a halt these past few years.

Maybe I'm just getting old. :p
 
LOL...seriously??
Yes I want a man to lead, BUT, I have taken the opportunity to intiate conversation. How else do you get to know him? I mean seriously girls, if we sit back waiting we will be corpses before some guys talk to us! There is fear of rejection for both sides so either one just needs to take the 'bull by the horns' in my opinion. hahaha.
 
Thanks for the responses all........

Zero - Yes this is why!
It took me a good few years before I realised that it's all on us, so we both shall live and die alone. :(

I understand the issue with fear or rejection, but take a moment and think about us!
If as a woman you find it hard to deal with just once when you like a guy, imagine having to fight through it again and again and trying to recover your soul one rejection after another........we'll do our part, but we need a bit of help, just a little bit. :)

Give us hello and one conversation, you'll find most guys are more than happy to do the rest.....for the rest of their lives in many cases.
 
seoulsearch said:
So much for remaining anonymous... :)
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I'll admit the thought did occur, but then your past crimes came to mind and I decided against it......

seoulsearch said:
If it's any consolation, Mr. Matty, I've had about as much success (and probably less) when it comes to the online dating scene, so don't feel too bad!!.
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Well I am officially retired, being a play thing for other people is not my idea of fun. :(

BTW......Mr Matty is officially an unacceptable way to refer to me!
 
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Aww Matthew....
have you noticed just how many women replied to your thread?!?!?!
There you have it right there!
The ball is rolling bro ;-)
hehe.
 
Matthew said:
I'll admit the thought did occur, but then your past crimes came to mind and I decided against it......



Well I am officially retired, being a play thing for other people is not my idea of fun. :(

BTW......Mr Matty is officially an unacceptable way to refer to me!
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Hmmm...so Mr Matty it is then, right? ;) hahaha
 
seoulsearch said:
So much for remaining anonymous... :)

If it's any consolation, Mr. Matty, I've had about as much success (and probably less) when it comes to the online dating scene, so don't feel too bad!!

I agree that rejection is a major fear factor as well, but I also agree with Nod that sometimes, you just have to go for it. In the past, I've had no problems initiating a conversation or letting someone know I liked him... But things have kind of dragged to a halt these past few years.

Maybe I'm just getting old. :p
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Great to see your gorgeous face in here, lady :)
 
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