The following are my thoughts on forgiveness and unforgivness.
i hope it makes some sense.
Matthew 18:21-22
The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant
21 Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.
The Bible has plenty to say about forgiveness. Where the Old Testament focuses mainly on God's forgiveness of individuals or groups, the teachings of Jesus in the Gospels also address how human beings can and should forgive each other.
The word forgive in the bible can be translated as follows.
To send away
to send forth, yield up, to expire, to let go, let alone, let be, to disregard, give up a debt,
forgive, to remit to give up, keep no longer.
In certain contexts, forgiveness is a legal term for absolving or giving up all claims on account of debt, loan, obligation or other claims.
Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.
What is forgiveness?
It is a conscious choice that we make. Whether the person who hurt us apologises or not.
It is a shift in thinking towards someone who has hurt you.
It is letting go of the need for revenge and ill will.
It is choosing to remember no more what has been done to you.
It is acknowledging the pain and hurt you feel and walk in.
It is giving it up to God allowing him the right to take care of justice, his perfect justice.
What forgiveness is not.
It is not reconciliation.
It does not mean you have to restore a relationship.
It is not waiting for an apology before forgiving.
It is not always having to tell someone that we have forgiven them.
It is not just merely forgetting.
Is is not condoning or excusing what has been done.
It's not allowing the offence to recur again and again.
It does not replace justice. If an act against you is criminal you are free to instigate legal justice.
Consequences of unforgiveness.
Unforgiveness is a chain that will wrap itself around you. It will pull tighter and tighter. It will sap the very life out of you. It will make you miserable, angry, resentful. It will affect you health, cause anxiety, which leads to high blood pressure, release chemicals in your body that further increases anxiety, depression along with with physical symptoms of heart palpitations, breathing problems, tingling in your fingers and feet, not being able to sleep, not being able to function. These physical symptoms bring fear that further compound the physical and emotional symptoms.
MORE IMPORTANTLY IT AFFECTS YOUR RELATIONSHIPS, with other people that we have no need to forgive. We can withdraw or guard against friendships, be grumpy, irritable, mistrust and so on.
If it affects our relationships with other people you can guarantee it will affect our relationship with God.
The fact is, in the eyes of God unforgiveness is a sin. It can hinder our prayers, it will hinder our spiritual growth and it will hinder our witness.
Consequences of forgiveness.
First of all it helps with all the health issues mentioned above.
We see relationships with those around us in a different light.
We may see relationships restored.
The above are tangible benefits.
When we repent (make a conscious decision to forgive) of unforgiveness then we feel better about our relationship with God, we feel closer to God, we find it easier to come before him, speak to him, spend time him.
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Forgiveness is a one time event (what I mean is that at some point you choose to give it up) yet dealing with the consequences can be a process.
When we acknowledge the hurt and pain and any other negative emotion, the act of merely forgiving does not necessarily heal the negative aspects that we suffer.
This is where we are to bring it before God and ask him to heal us. These chains God wants to break, to heal, restore to you an inner peace, replace anger with love.
If we have allowed chains to wrap themselves around us they start to loosen when we allow God to work. When our chains are gone then we have FREEDOM.
This is the ultimate consequence and priceless benefit of forgiveness. Forgiveness is not just about better health and life satisfaction. It’s not just an aid for reducing stress and fighting depression. It is about becoming by grace what God is by nature: a person who loves, a person who forgives, a person who cares for the salvation of the entire world, one soul at a time.
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Theologian Lewis Smedes writes, "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. (Martin Luther King, Jr)
Never forget the three powerful resources you always have available to you: love, prayer, and forgiveness. (H. Jackson Brown, Jr.)
When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future. (Bernard Meltzer)
To err is human; to forgive, divine. (Alexander Pope)
Footnote:
Secular psychology in the 1980's started to incorporate the principle of forgiveness into counselling. Even in the secular world there is a realisation that forgiveness plays a major part in the lives of those they counsel. So a biblical principle is slowly working its way into the non religious world around us.
They do however focus on the aspect of letting go, it's health benefits and coping mechanisms for anger etc. There are even documented steps to forgiveness programs that they follow.
Where they stop though is the fact then we have a Father who wants to heal pain an hurt. Our Father does not want to give us coping mechanisms he wants to dig it right out of us and replace it pure unadulterated love.
When I have talked to non Christians who struggle with hurt and pain I talk about forgiveness in the secular sense but then say, "Why cope with it when God wants to heal it?
The majority accept the concept of forgiveness but not God healing it (that comes down to faith)
Nevertheless revealing the need to forgive in the first place is the right thing to do.
