Freaking/Grinding

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rakattack

Guest
#1
#1
I'm going to be a senior in high school and I know more non-Christians than Christians that go to dances who are not okay with freaking. Personally, I feel that freaking/grinding is a fornication, something that God definitely would not be pleased with and I think it's pretty self-explanatory as to why. The majority of baptized kids and and small group leaders (who are around my age) at my church are okay with freaking. I talked to my small group/mentor who went to my high school ~10 years ago about it and he said if he were in high school today he wouldn't be okay with it either. Is this one of those things that as people get older, they'll realize that it wasn't right?

I guess I'm asking because there's this girl I like who's Christian but she freaks and that's what's keeping me back from really liking her. I tried to justify it by thinking that she'll change when we get older but I still have that nagging feeling in the back of my brain that there's just something fundamentally different with our beliefs, that she's okay with something I consider a fornication.

What about you guys? Are you guys okay with freaking/grinding? I'm not trying to judge, I'm just wondering if I'm one of the few left wishing for the bygone age of dances without freaking/grinding.
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#2
Jan 15, 2011
6,032
3,291
113
#2
Although I left my teens in the distant past, I aw well aware of this trend in modern dance. All I'm gonna say, is that it sure looks like simulated sex to me....just people happen to have their clothes on. The last time I checked, scripture is clear that as christians we are to maintain sexual purity, and I would gander to say that few, if any, teenage males could engage in this style of "dancing" without their minds being drawn to the desire for the real thing.
 
R

rakattack

Guest
#3
#3
Oncefallen said:
Although I left my teens in the distant past, I aw well aware of this trend in modern dance. All I'm gonna say, is that it sure looks like simulated sex to me....just people happen to have their clothes on. The last time I checked, scripture is clear that as christians we are to maintain sexual purity, and I would gander to say that few, if any, teenage males could engage in this style of "dancing" without their minds being drawn to the desire for the real thing.
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Thanks Oncefallen, that is exactly my line of thinking as well. It's sad really what they call "dancing" these days in high school.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#4
#4
Its pretty obvious the concept is to get your partner aroused, and also to show them your wanting to be with them sexually. Course this often happens in people looking for one night stands as well, increasing the wrongness of it.

Far as teens who find it acceptable at your church, yes, some will grow out of it. I know as a teen there were some things i excused because i wanted to be involved in them but now i kick myself. But some people never grow out of it and will maintain a liberal view of things. There's no way to predict who.

In regards to the girl you like, i would not try to date her. If shes dancing like that, there are a few things you have to consider about her as possibilities to her heart and behavior..
*she is having sex, so she has no problem dancing like that
*she increases her chances of giving in to having sex
*she isn't have sex, but is more concerned about having fun than doing right
*she is not following the biblical mandate to 'avoid all appearances of evil'. even if she isn't having sex, many people are likely to assume she is.
*she dances like that with other guys while dating, increasing her chance to cheat.
*she isn't having sex, so shes just teasing guys she dances with. some guys don't like being told no, especially if they feel lead on. so she increases her risk of being raped.

These are just a few thoughts i had off the top of my head. Sure, its not all true, but its all possible. And is that the kind of risk you want in your life with someone you choose to date? And what if she never changes? When people that age ride the fence there's no telling what direction they'll go. They may leave their faith all together just for the party scene.

Let me give you a piece of good advice. Do not date someone and think you can 'fix' some problem with them. I have some natural abilities in advice, counseling, etc.. People tell me i should be a psychologist. But no matter what skills i have, i've yet to date someone and 'fix' the issues that bothered me. It doesn't work that way. You pick someone you love them for who they are. If there's something about them you can't reconcile yourself with, then don't bother. But bear in mind no ones perfect. Its not a matter of finding someone who doesn't bother you at all, but who's 'bothers' you can handle.
 
R

rakattack

Guest
#5
#5
Thanks Ugly. Those were my sentiments as well, no one will ever be perfect but some fundamental differences I cannot tolerate, this being one of them. Eh, oh well. I'll wait until college or after.
 
P

Peter321

Guest
#6
#6
I'm only 19 myself, but yea.
I really do not feel comfortable with most of these kinda activities people my age do and feel out of place somewhat.
I Think it's good you're doubting wether it's good or not because that means deep inside you know to differ good from bad :)
But yea, if the girl thinks she's christian, and still doing this kind of stuff, you will have to ask yourself, how serious is she about it all?
And would you want to date a girl that's not serious about her faith or wouldn't you mind? Which in that case leaves the question, are you serious about it?
 
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rakattack

Guest
#7
#7
Peter321 said:
But yea, if the girl thinks she's christian, and still doing this kind of stuff, you will have to ask yourself, how serious is she about it all?
And would you want to date a girl that's not serious about her faith or wouldn't you mind? Which in that case leaves the question, are you serious about it?
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The thing is even the "serious" Christians in this area, save a few including myself and some others, are completely okay with it and act like it's no big deal. Even the small group leaders in the youth group who are high school-ers are all okay with it, and they're all baptized which supposedly "proclaims their faith". The funny thing is that all of two of three Christians guys I know who don't freak are not baptized, and neither am I.

But after you guys confirmed my worries, I'll take all y'all's advice and just stay where I am in terms of friendship with the girl.
 
S

surrender2God

Guest
#8
#8
I can't believe that this is posted on a "Christian site".
 
R

rakattack

Guest
#9
#9
surrender2God said:
I can't believe that this is posted on a "Christian site".
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??? Is there something wrong with what I posted? Sorry if I offended anyone or broke any rules.....just an honest question.
 
lil_christian

lil_christian

Senior Member
#11
Mar 14, 2010
7,489
73
48
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#11
When I read the title, I honestly thought I was gonna read a post about someone panicking over schooling. Like freaking out over graduating and you're grinding away at your schoolwork and worried that you wouldn't get accepted into the college you want to go to or something like that. ...This definitely was not it.

but from what I've been hearing...just stay away from it. If you're questioning it then it's probably God telling you something.
 
BigFriendlyApologist

BigFriendlyApologist

Banned [Reason: ongoing "gay Christian" agenda and
#12
May 8, 2012
193
0
0
#12
Not to mention the other stuff posted I find it to be a ugly form of dancing. But that's my opinion lol :)
 
A

AnandaHya

Guest
#13
#13
lil_christian said:
When I read the title, I honestly thought I was gonna read a post about someone panicking over schooling. Like freaking out over graduating and you're grinding away at your schoolwork and worried that you wouldn't get accepted into the college you want to go to or something like that. ...This definitely was not it.

but from what I've been hearing...just stay away from it. If you're questioning it then it's probably God telling you something.
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:) i love the innocent purity of your first thoughts :J) I'm glad there are still others who don't jump an R rating :) Which i think that freaking/grinding is definitely R rated sometimes bordering on X. I would not like my kids dancing like that and never felt comfortable on the dance floor if guys got that close. there is a reason its called "dirty dance"
 
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rakattack

Guest
#14
#14
Thanks for all the responses guys. Sorry if this topic offends anyone, but I think it's an extremely relevant topic that is plaguing the church's youth (at least in my area).
 
lil_christian

lil_christian

Senior Member
#15
Mar 14, 2010
7,489
73
48
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#15
AnandaHya said:
:) i love the innocent purity of your first thoughts :J) I'm glad there are still others who don't jump an R rating :) Which i think that freaking/grinding is definitely R rated sometimes bordering on X. I would not like my kids dancing like that and never felt comfortable on the dance floor if guys got that close. there is a reason its called "dirty dance"
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haha yeah and honestly till today I never heard about all of this but even now that I know about it I doubt that when I hear the words freaking and grinding I'm not gonna be thinking of all this
 
A

AnandaHya

Guest
#16
#16
rakattack said:
Thanks for all the responses guys. Sorry if this topic offends anyone, but I think it's an extremely relevant topic that is plaguing the church's youth (at least in my area).
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I think its relevant to discuss and look at scripture and how God views it, not just how we would like to believe. Personally it makes me uncomfortable having guys rub things up against me. part of the reason I never felt comfortable at parties and clubs. I think as you get older you realize there is more to life then parties and dances and you see that you care about more than just having fun. that is why some of the other young people will learn that fitting in is not as important as doing right. it all comes down to what do you value more? what the world thinks or what God thinks of you and your actions?

anyway I don't see why your question wouldn't be posted in a Christian site....its not like you are telling people to go out and learn to grind/freak dance...
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#17
#17
rakattack said:
??? Is there something wrong with what I posted? Sorry if I offended anyone or broke any rules.....just an honest question.
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No, nothing wrong. You had a legitimate question. Ignore the critics.
 
J

Jon49522

Guest
#18
#18
rakattack said:
The thing is even the "serious" Christians in this area, save a few including myself and some others, are completely okay with it and act like it's no big deal. Even the small group leaders in the youth group who are high school-ers are all okay with it, and they're all baptized which supposedly "proclaims their faith". The funny thing is that all of two of three Christians guys I know who don't freak are not baptized, and neither am I.

But after you guys confirmed my worries, I'll take all y'all's advice and just stay where I am in terms of friendship with the girl.
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Good point there. Water baptism was done away with on the day of Pentecost, and it basically shows that most Christians either are ignorant of God's Word, or they don't believe it.

"Then remembered I the word of the Lord, how that he said, John indeed baptized with water; but ye shall be baptized with the Holy Ghost." - Acts 11:16 (emphasis mine)
 
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becausehefirstlovedme

Guest
#19
#19
God never liked it when I danced like that and therefore I stopped before I did it very much...I know it's hard to not be swept into the non-christian life-style, but please consider the fact that if you keep pure it will be much better when God gives you a woman who equally did the same and has the same morals....Just think if Jesus were on that dance floor would he be dancing like that? Probably not...especially when you know that that type of dancing really is a motive for flirting and foreplay of sexual things...it causes lust too. I don't know where you live, but where I live some people even have sex on the dance floor as they dance like that...and it is sad but true. It is much more pleasing to God and keeps your spirit pure and lovely when you stay away from things like that. I personally as a girl find it much more lovely when a man stays more pure for God and when he separates himself from the world (being holy for the Lord). I am attracted to someone's spirit much faster than their body. Anyhow just trying to give you some perspective here. I respect your concerns.
 
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