That time Jesus called two of his disciples "Sons of Thunder" because they were ready to strike all the non-believers down.
Funny stories in the Bible
- Thread starter Lanolin
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my mistake here, he was from Judah. i don't know why i put this; i must have misread while i was skimming 2 Kings 23
whoops!
you could put it this way:
Josiah, acting as the 'destroying' messenger of God, sees the sign of the man of God's blood and passes over him.
it's interesting here that in 2 Kings 23 Josiah, after going through and tearing down all the places of idolatry, commands all the people to keep the Lord's passover -- and the Bible points out that 'no such Passover' had been celebrated in all the days of the judges or the kings before him. ((vv. 21-23))
so the passover is especially emphasized here.
this man of God from Judah had prophesied that Josiah would be born and tear down Bethel's altar, even prophesying Josiah by name. that's very unusual in scripture.
his interaction with Jeroboam was very unusual -- he proclaimed that Josiah would be born ((350 years later)) and destroy the altar, and gave as a sign that the altar would be cracked and its ashes pour out -- which happened immediately. Jeroboam stretched out his had to command that the man of God be seized and immediately Jeroboam's arm withered ((like the sign of Moses' hand, Exodus 4:6)). Jeroboam asks the man of God for mercy, saying pray for me that my arm be restored -- and the man of God does so! and his arm is restored!
that's weird, to me. this evil king had just tried to kill him, yet he prayed for him, and he was healed from the judgement against his arm.
it seems to me, here this man of God from Judah is prefiguring Christ, and Jeroboam prefiguring Israel in their rejection of Him. Israel tried to seize and kill our Lord, but could not, until Jesus gave Himself willingly -- and Israel was destroyed as a nation for almost 2,000 years, vis-à-vis the withered arm. but He will restore her, and forgive her, and they will look on Him whom they pierced, and with mourning return and acknowledge Him. vis-à-vis the healing of the wicked, idolatrous king's arm.
as Christ also, 'the Lion of the tribe of Judah' -- what's the deal with the lion tearing the man's body, and standing guard over it? what does this mean? and the man's donkey, unharmed, standing there with the torn body and the lion. what is this a picture of?
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Poinsetta
Guest
It wasn't really a massacre, was it, as only one man died?
And he was a man of God, who did a foolish thing, and listened to a false prophet. So he was bad, I guess, but only as bad as we all are, surely? Or do you think he was especially bad?
1 Kings 13.
i'm not so sure that the man of God was fooled by the lying prophet. by far the most prevalent preaching on this is about what an idiot he was and making an object lesson out of this chapter about *partially* following God's will but not really following through, but i really think the events in this chapter ((and 2 Kings 23 -- which you really also need to know to understand it)) have a much deeper significance. i have heard dozens of sermons on the topic and very few seem to have even the slightest notion that it could possibly be testifying of Christ through types and symbols and signs; they're all about the 'this man of God was a complete moron, don't be like him' -- which to me is really superficial.
But if you're wise enough to listen to God to go where He tells, I doubt you're going to stupid enough to disobey him out of willfullness. I'd say it was more likely the man of God was deceived, same as Eve was deceived. If Eve really believed she was going to die, she wouldn't have taken the fruit. But she took it, not because she was a complete moron, but because she listened to the devil.
Being lied to isnt fun.
Most people are trusting and not initially skeptical that anyone would lie to them, though eve had to be persuaded a bit at first. Like children will believe whatever adults tell them and wont always question it. Thats why children can easily be taken advantage of. Its not because children are stupid but they just havent learned right from wrong yet. Cos they dont have the experience.
If someone comes to you and says they are a prophet and is quite convincing, they can decieve you easily if you dont test the spirits.
I hope this one's not too gross for people, but I was reading 1 Samuel 18 as part of another thread, and I find that passage amusing. King Saul is trying to kill David, so asks him to go and kill 100 Philistines, and Saul will let David marry his daughter. As proof, David is to bring back Philistine foreskins (I know, gross, but unlike most of the nations at the time, the Philistines were infamous for uncircumcision, so this was seen as good evidence the slain were those dirty Philistines). So David goes out, kills 200 Philistines, brings back their foreskins (so double the number the king asked!), and gets his bride. But I wonder how bad the poor girl would have felt, being traded by her dad for a sackful of disgusting foreskins...
The cartoon below makes me smile, because for all the grossness, it is treated matter-of-factly in the bible, and the ewwww-factor, nor Michal's thoughts/comments/feelings, are not even mentioned.
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Locoponydirtman
Guest
My wife and I have discussed this a few times. How weird of a request and knowing this had to be done in a bit of a gruesome rush, how much of a hack job those circumcisions must have been, and how gross it had to be for the guy who carried the sack. And then who counted them? I wonder if they cast lots to see who had to carry the sack? Could you imagine being the guy the King ordered, count those? Horrific.
I wonder what he did with them all...
Do foreskins actually have any use?
Or they a bit like a baby's placenta? In some cultures the placenta is cooked and eaten...or its buried in the garden and a tree planted over it.
Do foreskins actually have any use?
Or they a bit like a baby's placenta? In some cultures the placenta is cooked and eaten...or its buried in the garden and a tree planted over it.
Lol. Maybe it was a safer job carrying and counting the foreskins, than smiting the Philistines. Who knows? I think I'd have taken my chances with the latter, tho'. I just feel sorry for the poor girl. Other princesses are worth quantities of gold, or measures of silver, but poor Michal was sold for a sackful of foreskins. Ewwww. People pay just to get rid of those!
When I first read this passage when I was younger, I actually thought the Israelites must have used foreskins as some type of currency. I remember thinking at the time I would rather be broke.
Nope. That's why we still have circumcision today. Foreskins can be a breeding ground for bacteria, not only affecting the health of uncircumcised males, but even their wives. That's why circumcision is quite routine in a number of Western nations, and is recommended by the World Health Organisation. I did read once that they can be used in lady's skincare products (but who really would want to use a skincare product where "foreskin" is listed as an ingredient). Likewise, they can be used for skingrafting in burn victims, but I think I'd rather use skin from my rear than one of "those" things.
This is probably the most hygienic way to dispose of them. One thing is for sure - you can't buy princesses with them anymore!
I think Elijah mocking the priests of Baal is the funniest part of the bible.
But also when Gideon was hiding from the Midianites and the Angel of the Lord addresses him as 'Gideon, you mighty man of valor'
But also when Gideon was hiding from the Midianites and the Angel of the Lord addresses him as 'Gideon, you mighty man of valor'
You don't believe a man can walk on water?
28 And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water. 29 And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.
Matt 14:28-29
Don't have to explain anything to me, but remember what Peter said to Ananias in Acts 5:4
"...why hast thou conceived this thing in thine heart? thou hast not lied unto men, but unto God."
And what happened when Ananias turned to see who was behind him?
Now that's funny.
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pottersclay
Guest
I was going to post this also....this is so funny. Of all the things that the Lord could of done, who would of thought?
have you done it? Just wondering.
I dont know how many steps Peter took before sinking.