I grew up in church, in my early 20's I was taught to preach and praise, prayed regularly, led people in
prayer, etc. The whole time, having this war raging inside me that I could not get past. I was (and had
been since I could remember) sexually attracted to men.
In my early 20's I also was put in counseling. I was assured that I was gay, that I was acceptable, and that
I would find a church that would accept me 'for who I really am'. I bought the lie. Yeah, I went back and
forth, I fought with it, even went back to a Bible believing church that preached against it, but
eventually, my desires overruled the truth and I left behind my hope and salvation. I walked away from
God.
For many years I walked in utter depravity. The darkness so thick most times, I wanted nothing but
to die. I had held the truth.I knew the outcome.yet I did it anyway. I was filled with hatred, bitterness,
anger, fury, rage, disgust, in a word..insanity. I hated God, His people, His word, anything to do with
light. I sought darkness, I tried new age stuff, I attempted to gain my will and desire by means outside
of the natural and seen, I needed absolute control and would stop at nothing to gain it. Words are not
enough to describe the utter horrors in my mind and body. I was walking as if in hell itself. Yet, there
were times in the night, laying next to someone I would be awake and think, 'what if'. .what if this
really isn't right?.....what if I am wrong and God is right?
January 31st, 2012 changed everything. Now, maybe I was already born again, maybe not, I don't care when it actually happened...I just know that it did happen. Maybe it was that night when I cried out to Him to repent from the gay lifestyle, maybe it was years ago as a teenager plagued with doubts and ready to kill myself because of the things I was doing and the thoughts in my head. I don't know...He knows...what I do know, I tell you now. I am in Him, He is in me.
All I know is, it is more important than ever for me....no...ALL believers to be on guard. It would be completely possible for me to seek a church that is ok with being gay. i could find peace there in their comforting words. BUT THEY ARE DECEIVED!. The world also says it's ok. Even family members who I know serve God with all their hearts never made any opposition to my choice to stay in that junk. God's word alone takes its stand against all manner of evil desire in man's heart. And by His Holy Spirit, He sought me...a stranger and sinner....and redeemed me from the chains and darkness I had held onto for so long.
I hope.
I love.
I live.
Because of Jesus Christ.
I had twisted love into something totally deformed...unnatural. Now He is teaching me how to really love....to love as He loves. To put others before myself, to reach out to others. And very important here....to not seek any other gods but Him....for that's what it's really all about....Idolatry. Worshipping and serving the created things as opposed to the ONE TRUE GOD.
That's the long and short of it. Thanks for listening.
In Him
-Michael-
prayer, etc. The whole time, having this war raging inside me that I could not get past. I was (and had
been since I could remember) sexually attracted to men.
In my early 20's I also was put in counseling. I was assured that I was gay, that I was acceptable, and that
I would find a church that would accept me 'for who I really am'. I bought the lie. Yeah, I went back and
forth, I fought with it, even went back to a Bible believing church that preached against it, but
eventually, my desires overruled the truth and I left behind my hope and salvation. I walked away from
God.
For many years I walked in utter depravity. The darkness so thick most times, I wanted nothing but
to die. I had held the truth.I knew the outcome.yet I did it anyway. I was filled with hatred, bitterness,
anger, fury, rage, disgust, in a word..insanity. I hated God, His people, His word, anything to do with
light. I sought darkness, I tried new age stuff, I attempted to gain my will and desire by means outside
of the natural and seen, I needed absolute control and would stop at nothing to gain it. Words are not
enough to describe the utter horrors in my mind and body. I was walking as if in hell itself. Yet, there
were times in the night, laying next to someone I would be awake and think, 'what if'. .what if this
really isn't right?.....what if I am wrong and God is right?
January 31st, 2012 changed everything. Now, maybe I was already born again, maybe not, I don't care when it actually happened...I just know that it did happen. Maybe it was that night when I cried out to Him to repent from the gay lifestyle, maybe it was years ago as a teenager plagued with doubts and ready to kill myself because of the things I was doing and the thoughts in my head. I don't know...He knows...what I do know, I tell you now. I am in Him, He is in me.
All I know is, it is more important than ever for me....no...ALL believers to be on guard. It would be completely possible for me to seek a church that is ok with being gay. i could find peace there in their comforting words. BUT THEY ARE DECEIVED!. The world also says it's ok. Even family members who I know serve God with all their hearts never made any opposition to my choice to stay in that junk. God's word alone takes its stand against all manner of evil desire in man's heart. And by His Holy Spirit, He sought me...a stranger and sinner....and redeemed me from the chains and darkness I had held onto for so long.
I hope.
I love.
I live.
Because of Jesus Christ.
I had twisted love into something totally deformed...unnatural. Now He is teaching me how to really love....to love as He loves. To put others before myself, to reach out to others. And very important here....to not seek any other gods but Him....for that's what it's really all about....Idolatry. Worshipping and serving the created things as opposed to the ONE TRUE GOD.
That's the long and short of it. Thanks for listening.
In Him
-Michael-